Bear's Beauties: Existential Crisis 24

[center]<<Rhonda Weasley>>[/center]

I wasn’t quite as impatient for the Sorting to finish as I normally was, I’d made some progress in inwardly directing my magic after talking to Lana and Nikhol, and even gotten a foam covered muggle device meant to strengthen your grip when Harley brought us to America. Explaining what I wanted from it to Fred and George made it so that it was always just a bit more than the person squeezing it could easily handle.

“Will you stop squeezing that thing?” Mione hissed under her breath as the firsties were herded into the Great Hall.

“It’s not like they can hear it from over there,” I pointed out, but tucked the exercise tool into a pocket anyway.

The Sorting Hat’s seam opened as the last of the firsties filed in and the doors to the Great Hall shut, time to see what song it came up with…

“Love, love, love. Love, love, love. Love, love, love.”

Throughout the Great Hall, several students started chuckling, including Harry while Mione’s forehead connected with the table. Glancing across the table at Neville, who looked equally confused as the song continued, I turned to Harry and asked, “What’s going on, mate?”

“The Sorting Hat’s singing a muggle song by a group called The Beatles, ‘All You Need Is Love’. I think we can guess how it learned it,” Harry said while subtly moving her hair so it fell over either shoulder.

“Harley?”

“Harley.”

I wasn’t sure I cared for the song, but a big part of that was probably the fact that the Sorting Hat can’t carry a tune to save its stitching. I’d hold judgement until I heard it as it was supposed to be heard. Still, finally the last firstie was sorted, and Professor Dumbledore stood up.

“Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. There are several announcements to make, but for now, tuck in,” he declared before sitting down as the tables filled with food. There were the usuals, but also several that I didn’t recognize. Shrugging, I added some of a flat, layered pasta dish onto my plate before ladeling a dark red stew into a bowl.

“I have no idea what this is, but it smells pretty good,” I said as I took a bite of the stew. From what I could tell… lamb or mutton was the meat, and I was pretty sure those were beets.

“The label says it's called tuh’u, I have no idea what that is or where it’s from, but I’m guessing a certain family gave the house elves some new recipes,” Harry said as she tried some kind of crab with a yellow sauce.

Conversation was mostly reserved to small talk, as most people (at Gryffindor table anyway) seemed more interested in trying out the various new foods. In my opinion, the tuh’u was the best, though a small round loaf of black bread was also pretty good, and scooped up the last of the stew quite nicely. Eventually, the feast came to a close, and Professor Dumbledore stood to make his announcements.

“Now that we have been fed and watered, with a delightful surprise of several new dishes gifted to the house elves over the summer, allow me to introduce our new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor, Madame Umbridge,” Professor Dumbledore announced while motioning to a woman that looked like a toad swaddled in far too much pink.

“Hem, hem.”

And I thought Fred and George were rude, the new professor just topped both of them. She stood, and started droning on about something, but honestly I just got out my grip exerciser and focused on that while catching up with Neville and congratulating him on being made Prefect. Mione’d tell me the important stuff later tonight after we got back to the dorm. Eventually the toad finished and sat back down, at which point Professor Dumbledore clapped, something a few of the students but not the majority joined in with.

“Thank you for those words, Madame Umbridge,” Professor Dumbledore said with his usual politeness.

There were the standard warnings about banned items (a crap ton invented by the twins) and the Forbidden Forest, then we were sent off to bed. Mione and Neville led the firsties, while Harry and I made our own way along with several of the other older years. Part way to Gryffindor tower, the two of us broke off from the group to head to the Room of Requirement. Dobby had told us about it last year when we were looking for a better place for our coven to meet.

Luna was already there, waiting outside the already formed door, “Hello Rhonda, Harry. Will Hermione be joining us tonight?”

“Hey, Luna,” I said as I gave her a hug. We’d shared a cabin on the train ride to Hogwarts, but with her housemates Luna needed all the comfort and affection she could get.

“Hermione was made Prefect, so she’ll probably join us after she’s done providing orientation for the first years,” Harry said, giving Luna a hug after I pulled back. The three of us entered the Room of Requirement, Luna having already set it up in our usual arrangement. A warm, homey cabin that had a crackling fire in a hearth, a set of stairs leading up to a bedroom with a bed large enough to fit all four of us. We sat by the fire and drank some butterbeer while we waited for Mione, but eventually she showed up.

“Good to see you Luna,” Mione greeted our soon to be covenmate with a hug as she came in, throwing off her heavy outer robe almost as soon as Luna broke the hug.

“So what was it that you didn’t want to talk about on the Express?” Luna asked us as Mione pulled on a sweater. Right, we’d indirectly mentioned the ritual with Bear, but left out the details on account of not knowing who’d be listening.

“Well, over the summer, Mione found a coven ritual. We wanted to talk to you about it before going through with it, but if you don’t want to partake, you don’t have to,” I said while scratching at the back of my neck.

We explained the ritual to Luna, stating over and over that if she didn’t want to participate, she didn’t have to. But, in the end, she seemed all for it. Well, we had about two months to decide on another spell to be immune to, although if it works on potions too…

“Hey Mione, would the ritual work on potions too, or just spells?”

“I think so, why?” Mione asked.

“I think I know what we can use for Luna’s immunity: Veritaserum. I don’t know about you, but I have a really bad feeling about… what was her name? Oh the toad in pink.”

“Professor Umbridge. I could have sworn I remember hearing about her…” Mione mumbled.

“I think Bear might have mentioned her, and not in a pleasant way,” Harry said, before shrugging. “Regardless, there’s nothing we can do about her tonight. Who knows, maybe she’ll just be incompetent like Lockhart instead of Crouch.”

[center]<<Bear Sandosen>>[/center]

Hedwig landed on the table at Grimmauld Place a week after the term started, carrying a letter. Lisa took the letter while Taylor gave the owl some bacon, the white fluffball preening under the attention. Lisa’s eyes danced as she sped read, Cameron standing up to read over her shoulder, before she handed the letter over to Lana.

“We might have to do something about the Defense Professor before it’s time to finish off Snake-face,” Lisa mused, her eyes dancing as she thought through the contents of the letter.

“Almost certainly,” I agreed. “What’s it say?”

“Well, Harry’s not pushing Snake-face as a threat. So there’s one butterfly, but there’s another ‘threat’ that she’s able to use instead,” Lisa explained before turning and pointedly looking at Taylor.

“So she’s not allowing anything practical?”

“It would seem not,” Lana said as she finished reading. “But, it seems that one Luna agreed to partake in some ritual.”

“Ah,” I said, still unable to believe what Harry, Rhonda, and Hermione had asked from me. I was honored by Taylor asking me to her first, but she was already part of the Family. The Trio weren’t, though I had noticed each of the Trio bonding with different members of the Family. Rhonda and Cameron were the biggest surprise to me, I hadn’t expected the redhead to be drawn to the former killing machine.

“What ritual is this?” Sirius asked, entering the dining room.

“A coven ritual, I believe. Hermione was quite enthused about a discovery she’d made in the Black Library over the summer,” Nikhol said, an amused smirk on her face as her golden eyes glanced my way. Well, that clearly meant that Nikhol knew all about it. The fact that she hadn’t delivered any threats made me inclined to believe she approved, but I should probably have brought this up with the rest of the Family before I’d agreed.

“Do you know which coven ritual? There’s a lot of bloody fucked up magic in that library,” Siruis said, looking borderline terrified.

"Calm yourself, I looked over the ritual. It is a purely protective one. Though, addressing another part of the letter, who are ‘Lee Jordan’ and ‘Abbott and Costello’ and why would introducing the latter to the former be noteworthy?”

It took me a moment, but I snorted in amusement when I made the connection, “Lee Jordan’s a fellow student a few years older who serves as the announcer at the school’s sporting events, while Abbott and Costello were a comedy duo in the first half of the century famous for a particular sports relates skit.”

“What skit’s that?” Tonks asked, visibly fighting a smirk. Clearly, she was already familiar with the routine, and was asking for those who didn’t. Probably to get me to start it.

“For reference, the sport in question, baseball, has positions called first, second, and third. The skit is called Who’s on First. I suspect that when Harley took the Trio to the states, she showed them a modern version,” a glance at a nodding Cameron confirmed my suspicion. “If I’m right, Harry told Lee Jordan about the skit in hopes that he and the twins would come up with a Quidditch version.”

“What, Who’s the Seeker?” Sirius asked, looking a little confused.

Glad that the smartphone that Tara Q gave me still had wireless internet, I pulled up a video of the original routine, and within two minutes most of the dining room were engaged in uproarious laughter, myself included. It had been years since I’d thought about this skit, and now I really wanted to hear what Jordan and the twins came up with. At a guess, it would be either Who’s the Seeker or Who’s the Keeper, but it was sure to be hilarious either way.

[center]<<Nikhol Diomedes>>[/center]

I entered the old house I’d procured as a laboratory with a jaunty hum. It had been so long since I’d been able to really experiment with alchemy, and there were so many fascinating creatures on this world.

“Did anything happen since my last departure?” I asked the horribly deformed and hunchbacked ‘assistant’ I’d made to take care of the lab.

“No… Miss… tress…” the warped and twisted form of Kragnus wheezed.

“Good. Continue to serve well, and I’ll release you from that shell when we leave this world.”

“Thank… you… Miss… tress…”

Mentally dismissing the creature, I made my way over to the cage filled with the furry winged pests. Upon seeing my approach, they all scrambled to the far end of the cage, climbing over each other as I reached in and grabbed one. Making sure to close the cage (it wouldn’t do for any to escape before I’d finished) before taking my test subject over to a table and using the Force to paralyze it.

“Tegu mus zinot kair jatgija merga tu'iea mesinis,” I muttered before reaching out with the Dark Side and infusing it into the tiny creature.

Bones cracked, flesh tore, muscles bulged, and tiny lungs screamed for all they could from the terrible agony it was feeling as my Alchemy shifted and manipulated its flesh like clay. It was so small that the entire process didn’t take long, and when I was finished I held out an arm for the improved doxy to climb onto as I examined it.

From the way it rubbed its head against my shoulder like a cat, the obedience and subservience took hold well enough. Reaching up, I opened its mouth to examine the now six rows of needle-sharp teeth, all capable of injecting venom.

“Bite that,” I ordered, pointing to Kragnus.

Immediately it flew over and bit down on the deformed goblin, Kragnus's body going limp as the now paralytic venom coursed through his veins. Feeling his agony through the Force, I smiled as the venom worked just as I'd intended.

“I really must remember to thank Taylor for telling me about that Australia place,” I mused as the doxy returned to my arm.

Continuing my examination, the fur that covered it had taken the modifications well. Some were long, stiff, and barbed like that waddling rodent that Lisa had pointed out on one of our excursions, while others were more like those covering the large spiders called tarantulas. The fins on the end of its tail had been modified to serve as another hand, now that the smaller pair of arms ended in obsidian sharp, sickle-shaped blades. All in all, a rather successful experiment. Now to name the creature…

“I’ll go speak with Lana, she was always better at naming things than I was,” I decided, leaving my lab and leaving the still paralyxed Kragnus on the floor where he fell.