Divide & Conquer 1

“Well, looks like it's the end of the line for me, Dyke,” I mused to my roommate as the doctor left.

“So I'll be getting a new roommate? Maybe this time it'll be someone worth looking at instead of Jack Skellington's son if he fell out of a tree and hit the ugly stick the whole way down,” the woman my age in the other bed groused.

With a shaking hand, I dragged the mini television screen that was next to my bed in front of me and turned it on. Hopefully there'd be something good on and not…

Turning the TV off I shoved the swinging arm away, pushing as hard as I could barely letting it hit the curtain that served as a divider between us. Much as I enjoyed the stupid comedy that was the Dragonball franchise, right now it was the last thing I wanted to see. My cancer and chemo treatments had already destroyed anything approaching muscle mass I might have had, and the doc had just told me that they’d found tumors in even more places.

“You okay? You shut the TV off almost as soon as you turned it on,” my roommate asked.

“First thing on was something I want to watch about as much as you want to watch a romcom right now,” I explained.

“I dunno, I’d probably be able to put up with Deadpool. There at least the comedy and action’re the focus, not those stupid fucking cliches that assholes use to manipulate stupid girls.”

Despite hearing the self loathing as she said those last words, I didn’t say anything. When she got like this, attempting to comfort her would only result in her lashing out. So, we lay there in our hospital beds; two terminally ill people with no family, no big bank accounts to afford the expensive treatment that might have a chance at curing us, hell, not even any friends except for the other.

“Hey twiggy,” she called out after nearly fifteen minutes of silence.

“What is it, carpet muncher?” I responded.

“If by some chance you had the opportunity to get out of this bed, get a body better than you had before the myeloma fucked up your life, but you’d never come back to this world again… would you take it?”

I rolled my head over to look at the curtain dividing us, a curious expression on my face despite the fact that she couldn’t see it, “You mean like some isekai story? I don’t have anything keeping me here, and if it meant ditching the shitty body I’ve got now I’d shake hands with the fucking Devil.”

There was a creepy, echoing laughter that resonated throughout the room, before a raspy man’s voice spoke up, “It’s ironic you say that…”

The curtain was pulled aside, letting me see the stra… okay, I don’t know what this guy is, but he’s definitely not human. Humans don’t have skin that shade of red, curling ram horns, or a tail that split in two halfway down!

“Allow me to introduce myself… again. I am Field Recruitment Officer Vroknorm, feel free to call me Vrokkie. I represent an omniversal conglomerate that deals in virtually every commodity you can imagine and then a few million more. For simplicity’s sake, we are called The Company.

“Now, your compatriot here was fortunate enough to have been chosen at random to become a Field Agent, also known as a Contractor. She was given rather generous terms for her signing bonus, but, rather unusually I might add, she refused unless you were given the opportunity to become a Contractor as well. Now, some Field Recruitment Officers would take offense at the recruitee trying to change the terms.

“I, however, see opportunity. You see, there is a service we offer that has been terribly underutilized. In addition to the resources that our Contractors obtain, we also record and release the adventures of Contractors as entertainment. The service that has been underutilized involves pitting Contractors against each other. You might call it ‘PVP’ if you’d like.

“I’m willing to pull some strings, get the two of you set up as a Contractor Team. But in return, you must compete in a minimum of twenty rounds of Contractor PVP. I’ll leave the full details here, and give you a day to think about it. See you this time tomorrow.”

As the demon in a fancy suit finished speaking, I blinked and there was suddenly what looked like an old SEARS catalog on my lap while he himself was gone. Looking down at the catalog, I turned to look at the other bed, its occupant pointedly not looking in my direction.

“The fuck did you get me into, you crazy bitch?”

[hr][/hr]

Sure enough, twenty four hours later, that same demonic figure reappeared in our room. Confident smirk on his smug face, dapper white suit, his whole aura radiated surety that he'd already won.

He was right.

“So have you made a decision?”

“Yeah, we'll do it,” I told him.

“So how's this work?” my best friend asked.

“Oh there are a myriad of methods, but in your cases, I'll just yoink your souls out of your bodies, which will die, and take you to an extradimensional location so the two of you can choose how to spend your signing bonus. Off we go!”

What happened next… I don't have the words to describe it. One minute I was lying in a hospital bed barely able to shuffle over to the bathroom in time to take a shit, the next we were in a colorless void. I don’t mean a white or black void, but there was just… nothing.

“Now then, since we are out of a hospital room that smells of shit and old bodies, shall we get to business?”

“Right, we looked through that catalog, but you didn’t mention how much we’d be starting with,” I said, thinking back to some of the things that had been in the catalog as well as the rules and regulations.

“Well, normally, there’d be a specific list of worlds you could choose from. However, because of the fact that you are participating in the Contractor PVP, you don’t get that choice. Instead, you get a specific amount, and if you want more you’ll have to select additional challenges. By default, you’ll start with 119 Company Credits.”

We talked, we argued, and in the end, we compromised. We were going to be a team, we were going to be pit against other teams of Contractors, but we wanted more points so we needed to up the difficulty in some way. I was all for increasing the number of rounds, but in the end we settled on increasing the number of teams we faced in each round. More than that, we eliminated the easiest option for the teams we’d be facing.

So, with our budget boosted, we started to design the new us. Thinking back to that mindlessly stupid show from the ninties, about how weak my human body had become… I didn’t want that, I never wanted to be that weak again. And there was an option that would make that a reality.

I didn't want to just, POOF, have all the power. Not only did I not have the budget for it, but it wouldn't feel right to have all that power without having earned it. But for a fraction of the cost I would have the potential to reach those same heights, even without the other options in the Catalog. Speaking of which, it turns out they offer the opportunity to fulfill a classic internet meme, definitely taking that.

We talked about our builds, coordinating so we didn’t overlap, and it became readily apparent that we had different planned focuses. I was going for a much more physically oriented build while she, other than taking the body of a character she remembered from an MMO, was going much more mystically inclined.

“So while I’m doing the smart thing and staying out of harm’s way, you’ll be right up there in the thick of it like a good little meathead. I thought you said you were a nerd, not a jock.”

“Well if that’s how you feel then I’ll just let you handle all the heavy lifting when it comes to the furniture, ya snobby bitch.”

In the end, while there were a lot of things I’d have preferred to have gotten, the realities of our budget meant we had to make do with what we could and get the good stuff later down the line. Such as the fact that between the two of us, we only purchased one person to help us out, and their primary job was going to be as a martial arts instructor for me.

“Finished? This is your last chance to change your minds.”

“I'm done with the build, but there is one thing…”

“What?” I asked, looking at her.

“Well, we're going to have entirely new lives and more power than we could have dreamed of before we got this opportunity. A new name seems appropriate. Plus… I don't want to be who I was anymore.”

I understood the feeling. I had already cast away my very humanity, what was a name on top of that? And I had an idea for what I wanted.

“I agree with you; from here on out, call me Draugur,” I said, feeling a resonance through my soul at the declaration, as if I had changed a formerly immutable fact about myself.

“Really? You're going with some monster from an overhyped, overrated video game? You're such a dweeb.”

“The draugur was basically the viking version of a vampire, and seeing as my old life is dead, it seemed appropriate.”

“Oh fine. Call me Revy.”

I gave her a look, “That's short for Revenant, isn't it?”

“No! It's like ‘rev your engines’.”

“Says the bitch who spent five hours arguing about the Irish folklore behind Sleepy Hollow. I'd be more inclined to believe you if you'd picked the tech tree instead of the magic tree.”

“… shut the hell up, gorilla dick.”

“As entertaining as this is, if you’re both ready?”

“Yup.”

“Yes.”

“Splendid. You'll have a week to get yourselves situated, at which point your first rivals will arrive. Additionally your Company Smartphone or equivalent will have a list of assignments for you to complete while in that world. Do have fun.”

[hr][/hr]

Just like when we were pulled into the void from our hospital beds, we found ourselves in a cold forested area. The only people in sight being myself, Revy, and the woman I'd, well, purchased: Talia al-Ghul.

“Master, how may I serve?” Talia asked me as Revy looked over her new body.

“Goddamn I'm hot,” I heard Revy mutter to herself before she looked up and got a good look at the third member of our group. She immediately turned back to level a glare at me over the red bandana her new body came with, “I can't believe I'm saying this about a monkey-brained, oversized lizard, but I am so fucking jealous of you right now.”

I'd address the jealousy bit later, but for now there was something I needed to make clear,  “Right, Talia, this is Revy, my best friend. Unless I give specific orders to the contrary, her words are as good as my own. Understood?”

“Perfectly, Master,” Talia agreed.

“Wonderful,” turning to Revy, I opened my mouth to speak, only to pause as I felt something really weird. A glance behind me showed that the weird feeling was a new tail. Right, that. Controlling it was like suddenly having another arm, so I had it wrap around my waist like a belt.

“If you’re done playing with yourself, we need to figure out what world we were dropped into,” Revy said with a sardonic tone.

“Much as I'd like to just fly straight up to get a bird's-eye view of the surrounding area, there were two main reasons I'm not going to,” I snarked. “First and most importantly: we don't yet know what sort of magic or other long range viewing the locals have.”

“Second reason is you don’t know how yet, isn't it?”

I didn't say a word, because that was exactly it. I was saved from further embarrassment by a series of chimes and beeps from our belts. Both of us reached down to the pouches we had instead of pockets, Revy pulling out a typical smartphone while I on the other hand…

“I'm thinking someone's having too much fun with the whole saiyan thing,” I mused as I attached the green screened scouter to my ear.

Pushing the button on the side of the scouter, I read the text that appeared on the screen.

[Center] [B]NEW COMPANY MISSION

New Mission Title:[/B] Divide & Conquer

[B]Scope:[/b] Standard

[B]Objective:[/b] Conquer the continent of Westeros, one kingdom at a time.

[I]Sub-Objective #1:[/i] Add at least one member of each ruling house to your retinue.

[I]Sub-Objective #2:[/i] Orchestrate the death/disappearance of King Robert Baratheon.

[I]Sub-Objective #3:[/i] ???

[B]Condition #1:[/b] You may not leave Planetos until the end of the Long Night or until ten years have passed (whichever comes last).

[B]Condition #2:[/b] Your Rival Contractors will be given this same mission. You must either kill/bind them or have them swear allegiance to you.

[B]Mission Reward:[/b] 500 Company Credits divided amongst the members of the victorious team

[I]Sub-Objective #1 Reward:[/i] One free Tier 5 waifu from our Catalog.

[I]Sub-Objective #2 Reward:[/I] Covert/Communication Talent for free.

[I]Sub-Objective #3 Reward:[/I] ???

[B][Accept][s][Decline][/s][/b][/center]

“Well, at least we now know what world we're in, and I suddenly feel a lot better,” I said as I accepted the mission (not that I really had any other choice).

“Of course you do, you're a monkey from a franchise where blowing up planets is a regular pastime," Revy grumbled as she hit a button on her phone. “Well, seeing as it's cold out but there isn't a foot of snow around, I think it's safe to say we're in the North but south of The Wall. Now the only question is if we're in the show or book continuity.”

“We'll find out as soon as we get a look at the Starks,” I pointed out, before turning to Talia. “Your primary role in the immediate future will be instructing me in close combat. I have the potential to destroy entire planets and beyond, but in order to reach that potential I need a solid basis. Unarmed only, as my strength grows weapons won't be able to take the force I'll be putting out.”

“Of course, Master,” Talia agreed, moments before I caught the fist she threw at my face. With that the spar was on.