Chapter 5.5 Fate: False Farce (FSN SI)

Sitting down with composure and elegance as was only proper of a Tohsaka, Rin sipped at her tea delicately as she waited with only the slight desire of murder in her heart. Sitting at the table across from Saber, Rin ignored the glare from the enemy Servant, nursing only the desire for her.

Saber. Oh, lovely Saber. She had tried for a Saber in the Summoning Ritual, so it was infuria-- irritating to find out somebody else had gotten her. No matter. Rin would get Saber.

It was strange for Rin to realize that this was the first time that she had set foot in Emiya’s house.

Stranger still to have the Saber Servant invite them into her domain which made Rin worrie-- reconsider about Shiho’s intelligence and common sense yet again. Emiya had literally died to Lancer and forced Rin to spend 10 years of mana on saving her. This was the only reason that Rin wasn’t having Archer attack an enemy master. She did not waste all that mana on saving someone only to have them die on her later.

…Not that she wasn’t regretting it. If she knew Emiya was going to become an enemy Master, she’d have… she’d have totally let Shiho die. Gah! Stupid, past Rin. Stupid, nice Emiya. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Still. This was a hidden boon in disguise. Shiho was nice. Too nice. Emiya Shiho was the sort of gal to give somebody an umbrella even if they needed it themselves. The sort to go hungry if it meant somebody else could have lunch. If Rin asked in the right way, that being, just asking, Shiho was sure to give Rin Saber. Then Rin would have Saber and Archer. Long range combined with short range and she’d absolutely dominate this Holy Grail War.

All that remained was waiting for Emiya Shiho to come out and begin extorti-- negotiations. She’d have walked in and dragged Emiya out, but… food was food, and Emiya did make good food.

If only her Servant stop snapping incessantly now, please and thank you very much. It took all of Rin’s will to not burn a Command Seal and order Archer to break his own hands. Instead, she opened up the spiritual connection and growled psychically at her Servant.

“What is it, Actually Satan?”

The snapping finally paused as her Servant heaved an overly dramatic sigh. Rin was the one who did that, not stupid, annoying Not-Saber Servants.

“First off, still not Satan. Second, are we killing Shiro Emiya?”

Pursing her lips, Rin substituted embarrassment with anger. That was originally the plan, yes, but then Emiya did the weird thing of changing the topic and being polite and there had to be some sort of magecraft going on because now it felt weird to try and kill Emiya Shiho. Not that Rin was going to admit that.

“No, Actually Satan. We were invited in. I am a polite young lady, I’ll have you know.”

There. Obscure the idea that she herself didn’t know why she was sitting at the table waiting for food with the fact that she was a polite young lady.

“First off, no,” Archer scoffed, “No, you’re not.”

Yeah, Archer was right about that. The real reason wasn’t something Rin really wanted to admit though, so she’d go with biding her time. That was her story and she’d burn in hell before admitting otherwise.

“Second,” Archer didn’t quite whine, “can you stop calling me Actually Satan?”

Taking a sip of her tea, Rin hid her smirk with the cup, “I will stop calling you ‘Actually Satan’ the moment you tell me who you are.”

“And I told you. I don’t remember!”

“And I told you. I don’t believe you,” Rin reminded Archer. Honestly, the Grai lmay have been strange and weird, but it was not defective. Her family had been one of the Great Three to design it and thus it was perfect. Any and all imperfections came from the Einzberns and the stupid Matous clearly, but this was her family’s summoning ritual with her father’s notes and jewel, and thus everything had gone perfectly. Therefore, her Servant knew his own identity and was a filthy liar. Rin therefore had to establish dominance, “So until such time as you deem to finally surrender your identity to me, you will be called ‘Actually Satan’.”

“Oh, come on! Just call me, Archer.”

“No,” Rin didn’t have to think about that response.

Archer groaned before pleading, “We’re at least killing Emiya, right?”

Setting her cup down and gripping it tightly, Rin stared at Saber. Perfect, beautiful Saber. [LIST OF STATS] Elegance and power exemplified. Rin didn’t like to admit it, but just this once, she thought it was fine to say that she was honestly jealous of another.

Damn it. She wanted Saber. Why did stupid Emiya have to summon her!?

Finishing off her tea less like a cup and more of a shot, Rin calmly slammed it down and glared with hunger at Saber, vowing, “Only if she doesn’t give me Saber.”

Saber noticed Rin’s gaze and simply glared back stoically. The only exception was when the sounds of cooking finally ended and they both turned to face Emiya Shiho bringing out her food.

Best Magus persona, Rin. She had practiced for this. She’d be the baddest bitch here and she’d be the baddest bitch at the Clocktower, and she would crush her enemies, beginning with Shiho. So what if Emiya had spent half a decade making sure Rin had a free lunch. Culinary gratitude had no place in affecting the actions and duties of a magus.

Looking Emiya Shiho was an enigma. One that provided excellent, delicious daily lunches, but an enigma nevertheless. Unofficial janitor of Homurahara Academy, Ace of the Archery team, Secret Weapon of the Kendo club, manager of the mechanics club, Shiho Emiya was so easily forgettable for how many things she had melded herself into.

And apparently, a secret magus if her lack of surprise was anything to go by. Even if she truly was ignorant, Rin fully planned to intimidate Shiho into giving her Saber.

“Emi--”

Shiho set down the pot of rice and returned to the kitchen and ignored her.

…Taking a deep breath, Rin did not begin blasting. Control was key. No more, no less, each act measured and equal. Letting out a deep breath, she waited for Shiho to come out and scowled, “Emiya--”

And she was gone. If she did it a third time, RIn felt perfectly justified in burning everything down. How dare she just come in and leave after setting down… was that pork katsu? Rin loved pork katsu. It was greasy and fattening, but delicious and-- Focus, Rin. She had to intimidate Shiho into giving her Saber. With Archer (Who may or may not be Actually Satan) and Saber, Rin would be primed to win this War easily, prove herself as a magus, and finally redeem the Tohsaka family name.

So when Shiho came back out for the third time, Rin waited patiently. She waited for Shiho to finish passing out the plates and utensils. She waited for Shiho to refill everybody’s cups. She even waited for Shiho to finish praying over the food before she began.

“Emiya Shiho,” Rin lightly drummed her fingers once.

“Tohsaka Rin,” Shiho returned, bowl raised halfway to her face.

Silence reigned. Tapping her fingers, Rin waited patiently. Whoever spoke first would yield to the other, and Rin never yielded.

“...Was I… was I not supposed to do that?” Shiho asked eventually, slowly placing her bowl back down. “You just said my full name out loud, so it seemed like I should say your name out loud.”

…Why did Emiya always make every victory taste like ash? And could she, for once in her life, read the fucking room for once? This was just like that time where Shiho walked into Shinji being a creepy stalker.  At the time,  was hilarious seeing Shinji completely fail at explaining his actions with Shiho’s blunt obliviousness, but it was infuriating being on the other side.

“No, you were supposed to shut up and be intimidated, Emiya,” Rin growled.

“Oh! Well, sorry for the confusion,” Shiho nodded before smiling like somebody trying to pretend for happiness. ‘Trying to pretend’ were the keywords since what actually came through was two degrees off of that.

The worst part was that she wasn’t even being sarcastic about being sorry. Rin had once seen Shiho apologize for breaking a mugger’s knife after said mugger had tried to stab her. And then Shiho had brought that mugger some dinner, gotten him a job at a local Izakaya, and the point was, Shiho Emiya was irritatingly genuine about this sort of thing.

Before Rin could lay into Shiho’s stupidity, Saber coughed twice and politely asked, “Master, may we eat?”

“Sure.” Shiho smiled, this one much more real. Stupid goody two-shoes Shiho, always happy to help.

“No!” Rin did not shout. She was in control. In full control. She was not angry. Just coldly disappointed. Also coldly glaring at Shiho.

“You can eat, I think Rin wants to talk,” Shiho sighed.

Damned right, RIn wanted to talk. The self-taught prodigy of the distinguished Tohsaka lineage (self-proclaimed) had demands and questions, and Shiho fucking Emiya best be prepared to answer both if she knew what was good for her!

“It would be impolite of me to eat whilst you two had negotiations,” Saber stoically sighed.

Shiho frowned in thought before turning to Rin, clasping two hands together, “...Can we please eat first, Rin?”

Rin took a deep breath to steel herself and prepared to yel-- Damn, why’d the katsu have to smell so good? Rin didn’t really enjoy spice, stupid Kirei and stupid Mapo Tofu, but the sauce was melting into and mingling with the fragrance of the pork and just… No. Rin had to be strong. She had to show she was in charge.

If they ate now, Shiho would have the advantage since she’d be setting the tone of the talks… but she did ask to begin which meant that Shiho saw Rin as the superior right now. If she were to give permission to begin dinner, then it’d be just as if Rin Tohsaka was hosting the dinner. And then Shiho would be the one subservient since she was the one who had to make the food and all.

Basically, Rin was the honored guest in this scenario which meant…

Which meant it was perfectly okay if she ate this since it’d be the powerful and polite move. The best move to establish that Rin was in charge of dinner. Since Shiho was the one to cook for them.

“Fine,” Rin growled, picking up her bowl, “I suppose we can eat first before talking.”

Copying Rin, Shiho paused, “Does your Servant want to come in?”

Rin. What happened to killing Emiya?

“He doesn’t want to,” Rin paraphrased, beginning to dig in.

That is not what I meant, Rin.

“Ah,” Emiya sighed, “Well, I’ll just leave a bowl outside for him.”

Archer growled angrily as Emiya placed a covered bowl of katsudon on the veranda, “Tell him that he sucks.”

“He’s honored that you’re thinking of him though,” Rin twisted her Servant’s words 180 degrees of their intended meaning. That’d show her stupid Servant for trying to boss her around. Again.

“You are impossible.”

Yes, well, she wasn’t the  one being needlessly rude by refusing good hospitality and food. Shoveling a sinfully moist and juicy piece of katsu into her mouth, “This is very good.”

“Thank you,” Shiho bowed bashfully, rubbing the back of her head.

Emiya Shiho didn’t smile often, but when she did, it was something to behold. As it was, her beaming smile was almost enough to make Rin feel bad about wanting to demand Saber. Not enough to actually stop her, but it kind of hurt her kokoro just a bit, but damn it. She wanted the Grail, damn it. Her pride was on it! And also her family’s honor, maybe. Seeing as her family was herself though, same thing really.

“Rin. I thought the plan was killing Emiya?”

Rin ignored Archer. The more he whined about killing Emiya, the less she felt like killing Emiya. Also, this katsudon was good, better than the lunches Shiho usually brought. The difference between a cold bento and fresh food. Damn. Rin regretted not accepting Emiya’s invitations earlier now.

Also, wow, this was good. Emiya better have made enough for seconds.

“…Master. Why haven’t you killed Emiya yet? Actually, why are you eating his food!?”

“Emiya hasn’t said no to giving me Saber yet,” Rin explained, rolling her eyes. She didn’t care if Archer couldn’t see it, she needed to vent that emotion to him.

“Rin. You are eating the food. How does this lead into Emiya giving you Saber?”

Handing her empty bowl to Emiya for a refill, Rin sighed in her mind, “This is the first step in establishing dominance, Archer.”

“By… eating katsudon.”

“Katsudon is the meal of victories,” Rin declared and began eating anew, “and I will be victorious in acquiring Saber.”

“Which… includes killing Shiro Emiya?”

Archer was really turning down his Servant value every moment he spoke, wasn’t he? He got some points for fighting Lancer, Mano y Mano, but Rin was seriously considering researching a way for refunds. First, he’s not Actually Satan. Second, he has brain damage if he can’t tell gender apart. And Third, he wasn’t Saber.

Feeling merciful, Rin decided to correct his misconception, “Okay, that’s like… the third time you’ve made this mistake. Her name is Shiho. Not Shiro. Also, he is her. Are you sure you’re an Archer? I thought they’d have better eyes than this.”

“Wait. Shiho? Wait, Her!?”

Frowning, Rin realized that huh, maybe it wasn’t that hard of a mistake to make. Most people weren’t as astute and observant as Tohsaka Rin, so somebody meeting Shiho for the first time at school might make a mistake what with the crossdressing. She’d hold off on trying to get a Servant refund for now.

“…Huh, guess the Devil is blind in some aspects. Anyways, I’m done with the food. I”m going to go dominate Shiho now and get Saber.”

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AN: Sorry for going on an unannounced break for the holidays. Here's half of chapter 5 to make up for the fact that I didn't announce it!

EDIT: TO BE CLEAR, this is the half that I finished. I still have to finish the other half.