Calling Out the Professor (ORIGINAL)

“And that, class…” the professor concluded, “…is why humanity is believed to be the most peaceful, reasonable, cooperative, and overall, docile known species in the cosmos. Any questions?” You, the only human in the class, raised your hand.

WRITING PROMPT FROM Writing Promps RE

https://writing-prompts-re.tumblr.com/post/673407440742645761/and-that-class-the-professor-concluded

“...I’m quitting,” I announced. “I recomend all of the rest of you students quit too. This class is frankly bullshit.”

“What do you mean?” The Professor smiled.

Patronizingly.

Really, what is it with classes about Peace that bring me to such violence. Always espousing non-violence and washing away the violence of ‘peaceful’ leaders who brought about change. Equality is something you have to fight for, and despite what we want, violence is part and parcel of achieving an equitable peace with a superior force.

“If you think humans are the most peaceful and “docile” species to join the Cosmic Union, you don’t know shit.”

“But it’s true!” the professor clacked their claws, “Your species is young and integrated with ours so nicely! In under half a century, you’ve risen through the ranks to become on of the Speaking 100! You are a model to all other rising civilizations!”

Just listening him espouse us made me want to puke. I was a hundred and fifty years old, but I felt as if I was fifteen again and listening to my teacher espouse MLK’s peaceful ways, ignoring all the violence after listening to this arsehole of a professor espouse humanity’s peaceful ways.

I... There were so many things wrong with this damn professor’s thought process and beliefs that I didn’t even know where to begin.

“How old are your civilizations?” I asked. “Not just you, prof, but everybody. I want answers.”

My students, a mish mash of species from across the galaxy began muttering answers. Most of them were long-lived and would outlive me by millenia. I couldn’t help but wonder how short their memories were.

“Older than mine by a couple millenia. I bet your recorded history’s are longer too. Next question, what’s the average lifespan for yours?”

Their answers just confirmed my earlier thoughts. Most of these sentients were part of the original 100 and were long-lived.

“So you will live and see several generations of mine. Interesting,” I nodded, “Final question before I get to my point. How many World Wars have you had?”

Silence. Then a felinoid species hesistantly whispered, “Do you mean the Cosmic War?”

“The one where all the civilizations of the Original 100 fought with one another before unifying?”

“Uh, yes?”

“I’d call that more War of the Worlds,” I chuckled, “No, when I say World War, I mean one war, contained into one world, fought amongst yourselves by yourselves against yourselves.”

The Professor asked, “That’s nonsense.”

“We didn’t have contact with other species until a century ago, professor,” I smiled, glaring at the prof, “And I’ll remind you that we fought a war for fifty years to join your Cosmic Union with full rights instead of a ‘tutored’ civilization.”

“...That was a simple misunderstanding.”

“Was it? Was it really?” I scowled, “Because I fought in that war, and I’d say your education camps remind me a lot of re-education camps that we’ve had, your settlements so very like the colonies of imperialism. The ‘request’ that we abandon our barbaric ways to become properly Union. Oh yes, I may not have lived through the injustice of my ancestors, but I damn well fought against it.”

“Oh, you were a... veteran,” the professor scowled, four eyelids blinking rapidly.

“I was a veteran of the Milky Way War, or as you Cosmics like to call it, the... Disagreement between the Hundred and the One.”

He gulped. I smiled. AT this point, the next classes had already begun, but none of the students had left. In fact, based on the reptilian holding up their comm-pad in the far corner, they were recording this to post later. Good.

“You mentioned World Wars,” the felinoid ask, her meek voice gaining a predatory edge now, “How many has your species had?”

Looking her up and down, I saw the red band on her arm that denoted her as a member of a “tutored” civilization. I made a note to chat with her later. Maybe we could learn about one another’s cultures and then practice some... courtship later after plotting some good old fashioned rebellion.

“How many we’ve had?” I smiled, one brow raised in what I really hope was sexy, “Let me butcher a quote about the man who discovered the equation for energy in our world.” “I do not know how World War 3 will be fought, but world war four will be fought with sticks and stones. Knowing that, how many wars do you think we’ve had?”

“Three,” the felinoid grinned, smiling with her eyes to me but leaving her fangs bared to the professor.

“Close, love,” I shook my head, “We’ve had five. Before that, we had wars to free slaves.”

“Slaves?” another student asked.

“Oh, absolutely,” I leaned my chin on my fist, “Most times we pretended it was to uplift people though. We’d capture them and civilize them, erase their language, erase their culture, dress them up all pretty-like and camp out on their lands, all that jazz. Colonialism and imperialism. Supposedly one came before the other, but the effect’s much the same, don’t you think? I think the Cosmic Union would call it Tutoring though.”

“Now that’s a bit too far!” the Professor shouted, fumbling to recover control of the classroom, “I’ll admit you humans were a bit violent, but you became much better now.”

You have no idea how much I wanted to continue this argument. But the way the felinoid was looking at me and the fact that I needed to report to my officer about this travesty that was the Cosmic Union at sanitizing our history made me decide to give him mercy.

“Sure, sure,” I waved a hand, picking up my bag and made to leave, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe making all those mistakes helped us see the errors of our ways. Maybe we are the most peaceful and docile of our species now.”

The professor grinned in self-righteous satisfaction. I almost made to stop and correct him. Then I saw the disappointed look of the felinoid. Then I noticed her friends comforting her. Saw all the redbands on their arms, and I realized that all the “tutored” kids from the “tutored” civilizations had clumped together.

I paused at the doorway and continued my little thought.

“But you’re still fucking wrong, you sanctimonious piece of shit.”

The chorus of gasps felt like a standing ovation. Leaning one shoulder against the doorway, I smirked, “We are not your model minority. We are not your pet colonies. We are human, for good or for ill. In our couple millenia of living and our two millenia of recorded memory, we have sinned against ourselves in every way. We were our own gods, our own devils, our own masters and our own masters, and our own slaves. We know when we’re getting fucked over because we have fucked ourselves in so many ways and are still discovering more. Our history is a blink of an eye compared to most of yours, but what a blink it was.”

“Your Cosmic Union is a good start, but it’s a macrocosm of what’s happened in our history. We’ve seen the tropes, we’ve seen the setups, and we want to help,” I said, looking right at the felinoid and the rest of her “tutored” friends, “This whole thing is rotten, but it’s still good.”

“You little--” the professor scowled, “I am a tenured professor of half a millenia! You will respect me!”

“I have shown you as much respect as you did my species, culture, and civilization.”

“You were right, your kind is nothing but violent cretins, and you and yours should never have been allowed into the 100!”

I snapped my fingers before finger-gunning the professor, “One Hundred and One, prof. Unless you want Milky Way War 2?”

He snapped his jaw shut. Good to know that he knows what he said is bullshit. What kinda bullshit propaganda is this? Trying to push this idea that humans were peaceful and docile and... What even was the point of this?

“I’m just joking. We don’t like war,” I smiled as I left, having proven my point decisively to my audience, “We just don’t like injustice even more. You were right in a way, prof. We are trying to be the most peaceful species right now. Just don’t piss us off.”

“How can you call yourself peaceful!?” a new voice cried out, “You just told us all that you did! You sounded almost proud! How can you call you and yours peaceful after all of that!?”

I paused. Tilting my head side to side, I turned around and sighed with closed eyes, “There’s a saying. No one will know the violence it took to become this gentle.”

Opening them, I stared at each of them. Tutored redbands, high Speaking 100s, the professor, even myself in the reflection of the glass. I stared at every person in this room and murmured.

"Studying history and our past, I can only begin to guess at the violence needed for humanity as a whole to become this gentle. Most days, I know we are not gentle enough. But I still strive to believe that we can become gentle.”

Then, focusing my attention on the little island of redbands, I clenched my fist and nodded, “But gentle does not mean apathetic peaceability.”

Then I pointed at the felinoid and mouthed at her to call me before leaving.

A gal’s got to get some pleasure somehow!

AN:
That was fun. I wrote this in calc class! It meanders a bit, and I definitely did not put enough description in, but I hope it was fun. Dialogue is one of my stronger suits!

Not a true patreon exclusive since this story is on my tumblr, but since nobody really follows my tumblr, I figured I'd move it here for a bit. I'll release it in a week to my one shots page later.

Hope you guys had fun reading it as I did writing it.