Big Fiasco For Little China

Oh, this was a problem. Why hadn’t Meiling sensed the Feline invasion!? Maybe she would have to stop relying solely on her Qi sense, but… it was so much easier to just use it! Maybe she would have to find a different way of detecting things. Patrolling every so often or asking Madame Patchouli to help set up a warding thing. What were those things called in the Outside World? Security Cameras or something? Yeah, that sounded good. See everything around the Mansion without actually having to move around the Mansion.

Shoving that thought aside for later examination, Meiling focused on getting to the center of the problem.

The Bakaneko responsible for the feline invasion and the Ni-Yousei followed Meiling as she darted down the hall. Now that she was loosening her awareness, Meiling cursed herself for not paying closer attention to the Fool’s Transmission as he narrated the actions of the Feline.

The trail of feline fury was clear to see with the scratched walls, tattered paintings, and large number of broken vases upon the ground. Bursting into the Library proper, Meiling blinked twice as feline destruction changed into… feline distraction?

For all the damage incurred in the hallways, there was none of that to be found in the Unmoving Great Library. Well, aside from the few Fairy Maids attempting to evict the cats and being scratched for their efforts. And Sakuya being tended to by a few Nurse Fairy Maids who had gotten a bit overzealous with bandages.

Meiling idly wondered how Sakuya managed to exude elegance even as she resembled a mummy.

Koakuma was tending to Madame Patchouli who was wheezing for air even as she fought against the Little Devil’s Assistants to carry her away from the dandruff causing her near-lethal asthma attack. She was putting up a remarkably good fight.

The patrons were in various states of surrender against the feline menace. Some human, some youkai, most of them mad such as Marisa and Rikako, the patrons had by and large accepted their lot as furniture and playtoys for the feline quietly. There were a few crying in silent panic, but they must have some use if such weakness had not culled them yet.

There were, indeed, a lot of cats though as the Bakaneko had mentioned.

Licking her lips, Meiling couldn’t help but smile at the surprisingly calm disaster. It wasn’t a happy smile, more the smile you gave when you realized that a catastrophe happened under your watch and there was no way to hide the aftermath. She very carefully did not turn her head to glare at the Bakaneko chewing at her tails in nervous guilt and panic. The poor thing already felt guilty enough, and, in Meiling’s experience, one didn’t need to scold a guilty child.

Self-hatred was an excellent teacher already.

On the bright side, Meiling finally remembered where she had seen Chen. She was the servant of the servant of the Gap Youkai. Meiling didn’t remember the exact power hierarchy since she was sleeping when Mistress Remillia was negotiating with Lady Yukari.

Doubly good that Meiling had been respectful to Chen then. Doubly annoying in that this meant more of the efficient ways of getting rid of these stray cats were right out. Pity that. Meiling knew a few recipes from Guangdong and if she could get snake and chicken, she could’ve made a tasty Dragon/Tiger/Phoenix dish.

Meiling had to come up with a plan. Which kind of sucked since she was a woman of action and didn’t really think of the big picture.

…What was that one technique that the Village of Women Warriors invented? The one with the chestnuts? It was an exercise that helped enhance striking speed, but if she could adapt that with a bit of acupuncture…

“All right!” Meiling announced to the residents, “I’ve got this! Nobody panic!”

A human cowering in the corner shouted, “That’s what the maid said and she’s trapped under that pile of cats! WE’RE ALL TRAPPED!”

“Speak for yourself, I like cats.” The speaker probably did like cats seeing as all could be seen was the hands flipping pages. The rest of their body was hidden by cats.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” somebody weak screamed. Immediately, they were muffled by a large number of cats pouncing.

“I do too, but not this many!”

The pile of cats shrugged, “Fair enough.”

“Is that you, Luna?” Star Sapphire asked.

The pile of cats nodded. “Join us. It’s fluffy.”

Sunny Milk and Star Sapphire looked at one another, shrugged, and then joined the third of their trio, Ni-Yousei reuniting to make San-Yousei.

“We have a problem to solve,” Chen scolded.

“You have a problem to solve,” Star Sapphire said, shoving her face into a tabbies underbelly and huffing. “We’re just here to help.”

“And we’re helping by keeping cats calm!” Sunny nodded, giggling as the cats chewed on her blond hair.

Chen stomped her foot and hissed. While Meiling could sympathize about having disobedient lackeys, see past experiences with the sects of Ancient China, Meiling also thought the kitten deserved it for starting this whole catastrophe in the first place.

Before Meiling could enact her plan, one of Mistress Remilia’s new favorite humans rushed in front of Meiling to shout,  “Flandre! Check how many cats I can juggle!”

Dressed in a white labcoat and wearing spectacles with lenses so circular that it made the purple haired maverick’s aura go from scholarly to maverick, Rikako Asakura was one of the few constant human patrons to the Unmoving Great Library to Madame Patchouli’s great consternation.

Meiling watched as the self-proclaimed scientist attempted to pick up a few cats to show off her juggling skills to Flandre. The little red vampire stood patiently as did the rest of the people in the library. Despite herself, Meiling was just as curious as to what would happen.

“It looks more like they’re juggling you?” Flandre raised an eyebrow.

Flipping in the air and never losing her grin, Rikako cackled, “Isn’t it amazing!? The coordination! And their paws are so soft every time they hit me!”

Blinking twice, Flandre’s smile widened as she hopped in place, “I want to be juggled too!”

Far be it from Meiling to judge, but… Actually, Meiling didn’t know what to say to this whole… scene. At least Falndre was playing nicely which was an amazing change of place from her past… “playful escapes.” Gensokyo really was amazing. No wonder Mistress Remilia had wanted to move here.

“That’s hilarious! Let me in on this, ze~!” Marisa shouted from above.

Descending into view, Marisa made to join when she spotted Meiling. Quickly doing an about-turn on her broom, Marisa flitted away. “Nope, wait, I think I’m in trouble now. Hey, Meiling! I’m going to be ditching now! Tell Patchie I hope she gets better! Also, tell her I borrowed Trigrams to Octagrams: A Guide to the Geometrics of Barriers!”

“You shouldn’t be stealing books!” Meiling called out, restraining herself from leaping over to crack Marisa’s neck. She had to remind herself that she liked Marisa, and that Marisa was only borrowing the books and would return them. It was a bit harder than usual to choke back her draconic nature, but she did it.

Meiling had helped create and destroy many civilizations and dynasties. The trick to making them last was controlling inner natures.

…Ugh, why couldn’t guarding be simple? Just friend or foe. Invite people or kill them. None of this wishy washy stuff where it was in between.

“I borrow them!” Marisa shot back, blissfully unaware of how close Meiling was to snapping, in a metaphorical and literal sense.

“You shouldn’t be borrowing books!” Meiling scowled, letting the routine of banter soothe away the stress.

Marisa huffed, “Just tell Patchie which book I borrowed! Remember! Trigrams to Octagrams: A Guide to the Geometrics in Barriers!”

“Fine! I will!” Meiling promised. She had other things to deal with. No more distractions, no matter how much she wished she could take a picture of Flandre being juggled by cats. She had a job to do.

Addressing everybody, Meiling prepared herself, casting out her Qi senses to grasp the point of every feline, “All rightt, nobody move! I’m going to--” A loud explosion disrupted Meiling’s move. Fists on hips, Meiling shouted, “Did you have to blow up the wall!, Marisa? Madame Patchouli isn’t even well enough to chase you today!”

“Oh, right, sorry!” Marisa’s voice trailed off as she fled.

Huffing, Meiling breathed in and out, letting go of her anger. Falling into the Four-Six stance, Meiling made sure the heels of her foot was perpendicular to one another even as she kept them shoulder-width apart while having her knees slightly bent and coiled to be ready for action. It was an excellent neutral stance that gave her many options for mobility while being an excellent defensive standpoint.

Then, palms up-turned and at her hips,, Meiling took in one long inhalations. As she inhaled, she also took in the world. The scent, the smell, the feel of where every feline was, Meiling took in the knowledge of the world as it was as she breathed in. Her eyes took on a light sheen as she saw everything.

Holding it just for a moment, Meiling gathered her Qi to her center, pooling it in her stomach, guiding it to her chest to be tempered in time with her heart, and then raising ito to the crown of her head to be sharpened by her mind.

The exhaling steadily, Meiling moved throughout the library. Every movement assured, no movement wasted, Meiling moved throughout the entirety of the library in the span of a single exhalation, returning to her original starting position.

[Chestnuts Roasting on An Open Fire Fist Revised: Lazy Cat Acupuncture]

Blinking a few times, Chen felt as if something had happened, but didn’t understand what had happened. “Wha--”

“Shh…” Meiling placed a finger on her lips even as she stood up from her stance to stretch leisurely. A few cracks from her spine and one long roll of the neck, Meiling found herself comfortable once more. Then she snapped her fingers.

Immediately, the yowls and screeches changed to the soft rumble of contented purrs. The cats juggling Rikako and Flandre fell limp and the two found themselves sitting properly on chairs with cats on their lamps. The San-Youseistill found themselves buried in felines, but less actively and more passively by the felines in question.

The various patrons still cowered though, but a few of the new fairy maids were proving their worth when they saw and took the opportunity to begin lightly and gingerly gathering the cats to one side.

Meiling almost yelped when an elegant “What happened?” was whispered beside her, but gathered herself quickly.

“I simply scratched and petted every single cat. Bit of Qi manipulation here and there to extend my reach and to help hit a few acupuncture points to leave them docile,” Meiling answered, turning to her side to smile at Sakuya. If her smile was a bit frigid at the sight of the mass of bandages that was the Perfect and Elegant Maid, Sakuya was polite enough to not comment on that.

“Good job,” Sakuya nodded before glaring with her icy-blue eyes, “Why’d you let the cats in?”

Meiling sucked in her breath and looked up at the ceiling. It was a very nice ceiling, very cat free, “I didn’t sense them.”

“Meiling. Were you sleeping again?”

“I can sense intruders in my sleep!” Meiling scowled, crossing her arms with a huff. “I did it all the time back in Europe! In my defense, I’m just one guard! The only reason we got away with having only one guard in the past was that I could sense ill intent! And I’m great at destroying armies, never mind small raiding parties! It was so much easier when everybody just wanted to kill us! Vampire hunter? Bam! Pow! Straight into the grave! Tax collector? Bam! Pow! Take all their money! Slaver! BAM! POW! CHUNKY SALSA WITH EXTRA BONE! Excellent fertilizer for the Garden!” “Now it’s a lot… weirder? I don’t know! Marisa keeps on sneaking past my senses because she doesn’t want to kill or even hurt anyone! She just wants to borrow books! That’s your job! You deal with the thieves! I can’t kill thieves! That’s just overboard! Same with every single patron that Madame Koakuma wants me to lightly maim! Can’t do that since A. they’re just visiting, and B. Mistress Remillia likes having visitors! So I sign them in, but it gets a lot harder when there’s a lot of them at once and-- I don’t know. Gensokyo’s a lot nicer than the outside world, but it’s also a lot weirder.”

At the end of her rant, Sakuya seemed almost taken back by the explosion. Meiling could sympathize. The Master Martial Artist was also taken back by her own sudden diatribe.

“...Huh, I’ve been bottling up a lot more stress than I thought.”

“...Do you want to hire assistants? Extra guards?”

Meiling shrugged, “I don’t know!? Should I?”

Sakuya shrugged also, discarding the last lingering bit of perfection and elegance gone. “We are hiring fairies, and they do seem to be doing a better job at keeping things on hand”

“Regardless, you’ve done well in cleaning up the kitten’s mess, Meiling.”

Sakuya and Meiling turned around and bowed, greeting Mistress Remilia. Descending in with flaps of her batlike wings, Remilia was the very picture of vampire nobility.

“Apologies, Mistress Remilia,” Meiling said, still holding her right fist in her left palm in a low bow at 90 degrees, deeper than usual. While Sakuya had already relaxed from her curtsy, Meiling kept her body bowed to show penance and guilt.

She had… really messed up.

Remilia waved her hand, “Oh, get up, Meiling. I’m not angry. You’ve given us an unexpected opportunity.”

“It was still through my failure that this disaster happened.”

“And you fixed it yourself,” Remilia huffed, “Do get up, I’m planning to give you a bonus for this.”

Meiling sorely wanted to lift her head up to stare in shock and glee, but settled for resolutely shaking her head. As much as she liked Bonuses, and she did, in fact, love Bonuses, Meiling really had messed up here, “No. I--”

“Ugh, that old humility of yours is annoying,” Remilia snapped her fingers, “I am the Master of the Mansion, you shall get your Bonus as will you, Sakuya. Expect an extra bit of money at the end of the month.”

While Meiling was overjoyed to hear that Sakuya, who had borne the brunt of the feline attack, would be awarded, Meiling still felt unsure, “Mistress, are you--”

“Yes, I”m sure. WHile the felines are unfortunate, you have placed us into the position where we can say that the Yakumo Family now owes us a-- Ooh, what’s the word?”

“Boon? Debt? Concessions?” Luna Child interrupted.

“Concession! Yes. The Yakumo Family now owes us a concession for this feline fiasco,” Remilia, “Thank you, Luna! Your lexicon is growing quite well.”

As Luna giggled in minor embarrassment, Meiling stood up and asked, “So it’s fine?”

“Yes, but do try not to make a habit of it.”

Meiling bowed lightly, right fist in left palm. “I won’t!”

That turned out better than expected. Solved a problem that Meiling… didn’t quite cause but also didn’t quite stop and she still got a Bonus. That was nice. Ooh! She could use the bonus to get specialty Koi for the new Koi pond! Ones that were themed around the residents of the Mansion. One of the craters were still unfilled from Madame Patchouli’s and Mistress Remilia’s fight and she was working on tiling it, but if she saved the bonus, Meiling could get some really nice fish.

“Uh, quick question! That’s not lethal right?” Star Sapphire asked, nudging a limp bakaneko’s body, “Because, Chen’s dead.”

“She’s purring!” Sunny Milk corrected.

“Okay, not lethal! How permanent is it then? Because she’s the one who’s leading this mess and now that we’ve caught up to the cats, she’s the only one who knows what to actually do with the cats.”

…Damn it. Just as Meiling got used to the idea of the bonus. Meiling looked at her boss beseechingly. Hopefully, this wouldn’t affect the bonus? Sure, it was bad to knock out the youngest of the Yakumo Family, but… it was acceptable collateral?

Rolling her eyes, Mistress Remilia sighed, “Yes. Yes. You’ll still have your bonus, Meiling. Whatever happened to the recalcitrance from earlier? Sakuya, please take the kitten and her coterie to the Velvet Room and prepare some lemonade please.”

“Are you sure you want lemonade, Mistress?” Sakuya asked, elegantly not complaining about her scratched hands even as she lifted up the bandaged appendages into full view, “Would milk, nice, cold milk not do better for our guest?”

“...Ah, yes, a bit of milk would do just fine, actually,” Remilia did not apologize, “You may take a break after setting up our tea party.”

Studiously, Meiling carefully did not smile at Mistress’s faux pas. She wasn’t happy at all that somebody else had redirected Sakuya’s ire.

And if she was smiling, it was only because Meiling had done a good job of guarding just now and would be rewarding herself with a nice nap later.