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Male Friendship: Myth or Reality?

Most of you here are men, so I want to ask: How do you define friendship?

I always thought the definition was universal: friendship is about closeness, sharing joys, silly moments, pains, and fears. It’s like love—just without the need to impress or have sex. It’s being yourself, being open, being honest with another person.

We women talk about everything. From what color we painted our nails to the meaning of life, from shopping to business, from pimples to crypto, from the color of a recent lover’s eyes to the properties of cosmic dust. There are no “taboo” topics. Sometimes we’ll even share the most private stories with someone we’ve just met—if there’s trust.

I always thought men had something similar, just with different topics—football, money, family, relationships… maybe even the occasional chat about wrinkle cream or hair dye for greys. The stuff that concerns everyone.

And then I saw a scene from Friends (I’ve never watched it, but I’ve seen plenty of clips). It was about a first date and a kiss. The women gathered and one described the kiss in painstaking detail: how he approached, how he took her hand, what she felt, the length of the kiss… Meanwhile, the men’s version was: “Was there a kiss?” “Yes.” The end.

I thought—no, surely that’s just exaggerated writing for TV. A hyperbole to show our differences.

But the question came back to me after my ex passed away. At his funeral, I spoke with his army brothers—his “closest” friends. On the battlefield, people put immense value into brotherhood. Yet none of them knew anything about each other’s private lives. No fears, no intimate truths. Their “real” friendship was built on a common enemy and mutual teasing. They couldn’t even cry in front of each other.

I could say it’s “just war” and not a fair example… but I’ve noticed this again and again.

One of my closest friends is a man I’ve known since school. I know about his exes, his work problems, even bits of his sex life. He opens up far more to me than to his male friends—but still not completely.

For a while, I thought maybe it’s a Ukrainian/post-Soviet thing—where boys are taught to be strong, not cry, not have problems. “Men don’t cry.” But even now, surrounded by more and more foreign friends, I see the same pattern.

So I wonder—does “male friendship” really exist in the same sense we think of it?
Could it be that men bond so deeply with women in relationships because it’s the only place they can feel accepted and free? Where they can be as vulnerable and open as friendship should allow? Is that why men fall in love more often—because they feel seen and heard?

So tell me—what does male friendship actually rest on? At what moment does someone stop being “just an acquaintance” and become “a best friend”? How many beers or football matches does it take? (I know I’m being a bit sexist here—but it’s just a joke).

Honestly though, I’d love to hear from you—especially since most of my audience is male.
How do you know the person in front of you is your closest friend? What changes in the dynamic?