Stuck in Development 01: Serious LARP Fragments

Hi all. I know every single post I make is about finals week, but that's because I've finally cleared the hump. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I'm free. I promise we will resume our regular content on Friday, along with some Solomon factions and the rules I've been working on for Promethean (I think you'll really enjoy those). In the meantime, here's some completely serious statements about the structural nature of games that I encourage you all to contemplate with complete deadpan honesty. 

(Note: I'm fairly sure I don't agree with any of these bullet points.)

1. Candyland is a game, and chess isn't. There's an optimal way to play chess (theoretically), which means there's no skill or chance involved. Events simply occur. Meanwhile, it is always uncertain from the start of a game of Candyland who will win. (relative determinist)

    1.a. There are no real games, because there is no free will. Everything is determined for us, therefore there is always an optimal path, and no skill or chance involved. (objective determinist)

2. (anti-thesis) Candyland is not a board game (failing to be a game, because there's no choice involved), but it is a roleplaying game, because in order to enjoy Candyland you must opt-in to the fiction that it is a game, which means that in order to play Candyland you must roleplay the concept that it's fun. (rpg lockean) 

    2.a. By extension, all games with rules are actually roleplaying games, because in order to play these games you must roleplay the idea that the rules are sensible things to follow. If the goal in Monopoly is to get all the money, the only thing stopping you from reaching over and taking that money is the fact that you're roleplaying. (rpg hobbesian)

3. (synthesis) All of life is a role-playing game because we are pretending to possess free will although we don't actually. (counter-determinist)

4. When immersion is broken, you stop LARPing, and instead are merely pretending. (hyper-immersionist) 

     4.a. You are only LARPing in the moments when you're so immersed in the LARP that you forget you're LARPing. Any moment in which you have any sense of self, you have failed to LARP. (uber-immersionist)

          4.a.i. Assuming 3, life is a LARP as long as we are not aware of the fact that life is a LARP. The moment someone points out to us that life is about LARPing, we cease LARPing and are instead slaves to our own super-ego preventing us from full immersion. (material immersionist) 

5. Assuming 4.a.i, life is a constant quest to avoid LARPing. We study LARP and write about it, in order to escape the constant threat of accidentally actually LARPing. (epistomological cynicist) 

    5.a. Following this, the only morally ethical game ever written is The Vengeful Demon of the Ring. (unwilling epidemiologist)

6. As The Tragedy of GJ237b has shown us, a role-playing game doesn't need players in order to be played - in fact, all that's necessary is for a space to be built which facilitates LARPing. Therefore, the moment someone is aware that LARPing exists, the universe becomes composed entirely of objects lacking self awareness, engaging in LARP that we cannot fathom. (object-oriented ontologist)

    6.a. The only thing we can be sure is LARPing is our own mind. All other people involved in a LARP are, like the Vengeful Demon of the Ring, unwilling diagetic randomness tools. (slot machine solipsist) 

7. LARPing is a word we use to justify actions we take. To an unknowing alien observer, there is no reason why our behavior during a LARP is any different than our behavior at work or in bed. (anti-narrativist) 

    7.a. When we're LARPing, we're taking the next steps in a script. We imagine it to be a conscious choice because it makes us feel good to justify spending money on diagetic stuff, but really our internal logic had no effect here (historical materialist).

         7.a.i. All of LARP is the story of class struggle between people who can afford cool big swords (the boffergie) and people who can't (prolarpteriate). (larp marxist (larpxist) ) 

    7.b. Same as above, but the reason we did it was because God wanted us to. (larp calvinist) 

    7.c. Counterpoint to 4, when we are unaware we are LARPing, then we are merely passive consumers. LARP forces us to be self-aware, making us agents in our own destiny. The ultimate LARP is completely unconvincing, and everyone who participates cannot forget it's a LARP. (brechtian anti-immersionist) 

8. We are constantly LARPing an outer shell which is blocking us from obtaining a deeper, inner truth. We need to derole and debrief in order to stop the bleed. (magic circle platonist) 

9. Every LARP (including life) is a competition with the same rules - hit as many people with a fake sword, as hard and as often as possible. (boffer neitzschian) 

10. Tabletop is just LARP where everyone is sitting down. (impressionist)

11. LARP is a tabletop game where people got up and started moving around. (expressionist)

12. All diagetic objects are tables for my game of Dungeons & Dragons (gygaxian dadaist)