Why I was away yesterday and why I might not code as fast as I'm used to.

I was away basically a whole day. 

What happened. On monday my wife had a huge fight with me, she was really mad and broke most of my pc and musical instruments 

I didnt respond the aggression(its never a good idea) 

And after a couple of hours she wanted to talk to me, but I was extremmelly mad becuse of what she did to my things, and because of the how angry she was, and I just didnt understand the reason.

I just complained for an expense she did that she said she wouldnt do.

As I didnt want to talk, I went outside, to the garden and kept thinking on what happened.

She sent me a message on whatsapp that I saw 20 minutes later.

the message said: "goodbye"

than I saw a letter she wrote explaning why I would not see her again in the future. In that moment my world crashed. Yeah she was commiting sucide.

I went to our room and the door was locked, I had to put down the door and when I got to the room I saw her body there, 

she was not awake and her body was cold, but still had life.

She didnt physically injured herself, but took overdose of meds (she has a cronical health condition and have to take daily piils of strong medicine, so she has easy access to things that can easily kill her)

Then my desparation went really high. I called the police, because I couldnt remember what was the number of Brazilian ambulance (called SAMU, which the number is 192 here in Brazil), 

the doctor on the phone said that I should not try to make her vomit and to take care to keep her laid on her side, to avoid suffocation.

the ambulance took about 1 hour to get in my home, and they took her to the hospital to wash her stomach. Those next 3 hours were really scary. 

Would I loose her?

I didnt. After 4 hours since this terrible part of my life begun, I could see her again, awake a looking well.

We went home and yesterday I took all day off, I didnt use the computer and almost no cellphone. 

I spent most of the time with her and talking about the present and the future.

In resume, I almost lost my wife because I was working too hard.

I have a full time job, and on the spared time I was almost full time coding.

Not only because I love and would like to live from coding in Blender, but also because the money I make helps a lot to pay the bills, and I had to move from my own house (didnt pay rent) to live on a house where it takes more than 65% of my salary from my fulltime job. 

So I also have to code to be able to keep living here, the best place we lived in tha last 14 years of our marriage (I need a nice place for her to live because of her medical condition), and to pay for her meds (that costs 20% of my salary)

Yeah, from my fulltime job, I already have 85% spent on the minimal things to keep us here.

And thats why I focus myself so much on coding, becuse with the money I get from the things I do for Blender, helps a lot to pay the other part of the bill.

But because of so much work I almost lost my wife.

So I made an important decision. I cant and wont focus so much on coding on my free time, but will try to be more with here every single day.

And I'm not here to ask for money, because what I'll do is take a good look on my spendings to remove as much as possible, because working less, my income from work with blender will decrease.

I'm sorry for everything, because it means I might take longer to answer and update addons or to create new ones. But I wont stop coding or doing things in Blender, because I sure indeed love my wife, but I also love doing things in Blender. 

I just have to give more time to my wife and less to Blender.

Hope you all have an amazing day and reflect on the people you might not give the attention they need. 

Spend more time with them.

Have a great life 🙏