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But isn't a common side effect of antidepressants water retention/weight gain? I know depression makes you turn to comfort foods, which also makes you gain weight, but if the meds are making him retain water, the weight may be partly beyond his control.

Tammy Dasti Fisher

It seems Nico is "acting out" to get attention. He had plenty of attention, I'm sure, when he was buff and hunky. But, now that he has let himself go, gained weight, stopped going to the gym, and is depressed, he still craves attention. He's getting it by being uncouth and trying to shock people with his behavior. As it has been said before, "Any publicity (attention) is better than no publicity (attention)."

Wiliam Kibler

that is to say, he is punishing himself by forcing people away with increasingly bad behavior. its a complex situation where they shove people away, while screaming for help. you can either weather it trough if you can control your toughs enough not to be dragged down, or you can live your life and check on him every now and again (this is tricky, because he is likely to be more and more rude, ut depends on the person). the real red flag is when he is flat. when he does not care one way or the other.

Igor Markovic

from personal experience, just let him know that he is acting really dark and that you want to help him, but you also don't want to force yourself on him. let him know you are open for communication, on his terms. still try calling him every once in a while, but let him steer. the other way that worked out for me was to to share with him a hoorible trauma that happened t me, but i hope you dont have a horrible trauma to shock him out of his funk.

Igor Markovic

Only thing I could say, you are being a really good friend

ROBBIEDOUGGIE

Wow! Didn’t recognize you with new haircut. Yes, keep a distance for now. Don’t let him drag you down. Don’t give in to his negativity and let it drag you down. I know it’s hard and you miss him.

Danny Provencio

I’ll just send hugs and kisses to you and Nico ... May you have the patience with your friend even in the most trying of time; and I pray that he’ll come out of his condition quickly !

Hoho Chan

I like your haircut BTW and when you get home with your joe ?

C.Amaury

I think you have it, it’s exactly how to behave when you have someone with depression. Let go the bad moment and when he’s i good mood cheer him up the best you can.

C.Amaury

Just asked and chat with him. Never said about past. Talk like everything ok. And each time he tried to pull u back to talk about what hurt him, just make it to positive talk. I ever in nico situation and i know what it felt. And my bestfriend help me alot.

Michaelicious

You are doing the right thing and I believe the sweet part is going to be there soon.

James Lin

As a therapist myself, I first want to applaud you for being concerned for Nico. Your caring feelings for him is evident. Depression is not something one deals with by themselves. It affects lots of people around them which is why it is not easy. Nico could obviously benefit from professional help, but that’s not your responsibility to be that or to point him to that. He needs his space to reflect on his feelings. When he’s ready to communicate with you, he will. And you will each have a much better conversation about it. Practice patience and just continue to be there for him when he needs you. Most importantly, protect and be kind to yourself! Lots of love. ❤️

Jonathan

You are a friend, not a therapist. To be honest nico doesn't seem that great of a person, some of his actions are downright manipulative regardless of depression. But it is not your responsibility to cure him. Be there for him if he behaves, but he needs professional help from someone qualified to deal with depression.

Brandon

I'm no psychologist, but I'm fairly intuitive. For the most part, Nico wants to be different than who and what he has turned out to be - he's told you he's tired of being a faggot, but he can't change that, so subconsciously, he's trying out different tendencies in consequence to his depression in reaction to the world and people around him, like if he HAS to wear a certain type of clothing, I compare it to him trying on outrageously different outfits(metaphorically), and lashing out from an inverted psyche in an attempts to try and find a behavioral solution and at the same time distract himself entirely from his pain with vulgar jokes. On the whole, yes, he IS trying too hard with the humor; I do it all the time, and half the time I fail epically - at least Nico's bad jokes make sense by any means, while I'm just a random person. He's lonely and miserable, and since you're a friend trying to help, he's obligated to respond; with as little control over his life as he feels he has, he responds in a way he's able to control in converse of how he feels. I can sense that you almost want to roll your eyes and shut him out and off as to avoid being inflicted upon by the increasingly questionable humor. In other words, I'm thinking you almost want to give up on him after considering the circumstances. The cure? I'm afraid that's a nearly impossible one... Speaking from personal experience, what Nico truly needs are a few people who are on the exact same wavelength with him - somebody who GETS him, and by that, I mean people who understand him on a very thin and fine line. It's not enough to just 'be there' for a friend when you can't even connect with them; it's not hard to completely understand someone, it's impossible. And that's what people like Nico, and me for that matter, need: impossible people, people who aren't normal and are JUST broken enough to function in a way that is as rejected as we feel. I see myself as a living breathing paradox in a few ways. I suspect Nico is trying to figure himself out in a complicated way, which is not easy when you're as hurt and cast-out as he is. What he really needs is to be around people who are on his wavelength, and to be honest, I see you as more of a criticizing element; you do not truly understand the hurt and the impossibility of his sense of self. So when you force him to communicate, he feels he needs to talk to you when you pester him with your method of interaction; if he HAS to talk to you, then he will talk to you HIS way. Of course, all of this is mere speculation, really. If you can make sense out of all that, good on you, because I can barely understand myself at all @_@ I'm half asleep right now, and my analytical skills as well as my word input are all over the place. I don't even know where I'm going with this...

Oddballs

You just need to give him space. Check in on him once in a while and he'll come to you when he's ready. What he needs is a good counsellor but that can't be you at the moment, you're not impartial enough because you're too close as friends. He'll come through this but it could be years so you need to decide what you can handle too. All the best Song, it's a hard place to be in. ❤️

Absolutely. Right thing to do. And yeah: great haircut.

You are absolutely right all you can do is just be there for whenever he is ready for you. Great hair cut, by the way!

Jude Tibay