Depression

Actually you are that friend standing by for him to reach out. Just realize he has to meet you half to pull him up. If he doesn't want help don't force it. Given time he will come around. Tough love for now. Hang in there Song.

Danny Provencio

Thank you very much. I will take the advice and be there for him. Right now he's pretty much in his shell. He doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want us to visit. But maybe one days he will get tired of it. I have my finger crossed. Best to you as well. :D

SONG Inkollo

Calm down. Guys in depression don't remember much. The idea that you cared they pick up on.

Danny Provencio

Thanks a lot again. That's a great advice, making me think back of the things I said to Nico. Probably I shouldn't say things like "You worry me " or "I see you are not doing well". Too late to take back what I said, but I will try to talk less about his condition. Care less, care less and finger crossed for him. All the best to you as well.

SONG Inkollo

Thank you very much, Danny. What you said is what concerns me as well. I talked to Nico and he seemed very holding back. He didn't wanna talk, he didn't want to do... basically anything. I don't really know how to help but will be there when he needs our help. I wish I could be that friend, like yours in your story, but I can't if he doesn't want me too. And he's also having lo elf esteem issues, that's why the blind date with Billie didn't go anywhere after the diner.

SONG Inkollo

No problem, Song. Don't know how to reply under your answer, so I'll post a new one. I read some articles and searched some informations about mental illness before. I got to know sometimes the whole idea of helping someone with a mental condition is to keep them accompanied but with less care. Yes, it's not wrong, less care. That means judge less, talk less about the condition, push less, think less about cure or make them back to normal. By looking at the statistics of the recovery rate with this kind of companionship, it actually works better than when the patient stayed with the family with critical ideas or holding ideas like "we would do anything to make him better". There is a podcast talking about the whole research and the situation: <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/de/podcast/invisibilia/id953290300?mt=2&amp;i=1000371731457" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://itunes.apple.com/de/podcast/invisibilia/id953290300?mt=2&amp;i=1000371731457</a> Even though I believe your friend Nico's condition might be not that bad. This podcast might still shows a new aspect of what to do or how can you help, since you are so worried and don't really know what to do. Maybe the "care less" way can make Nico himself lose the target to fight with and getting tired of his current behavior patterns. Wish you, Joe and him all the best.

Thanks a lot, Jeff. Depression sucks, I agree whole heartedly, I once suffered from depression as well. However, Nico is not a sociable person. Evertime me and Joe offered our help or ask if we could visit him, he refused. He doesn't want to go out, he doesn't want to tell us certain things and he even lied about certain things. It's not easy to get him to trust us completely. That being said, we will keep on helping him. Let's see if we could visit him this weekend. :D

SONG Inkollo

I also believe a trip will do him good, but he doesn't listen at all. He continues to eat junk food and stay at home with his pets. And you're right, the cold winter here in Nantes doesn't help either. I wish I could do something for him but I don't know what.

SONG Inkollo

Thank you very Tristan. That's a really good advice. But to be honest, me and joe have been telling him the same thing over and over again: go out, meet people, go to the museum, do sport, take a trip... etc. Only if he listened to us... He's a grown up and I respect his decision, but he chose to do nothing. I guess the medicines he takes make him sleepy and tired all the time, he might not wanna do anything physical.

SONG Inkollo

He was in therapy last year, I believe, but it doesn't seem to help much according to what I see now. It's very nice of you to want to help him, but to be frank, I'm his friend, and I don't even know how to help him. But at least I will try to talk more with him and make him less lonely.

SONG Inkollo

His parents came to visit him not long ago. I heard they didn't stay very long and something happened but I have no details. I need to talk more with him to find out why.

SONG Inkollo

Thank you very much, Vasiliy. I totally agree with you. He needs to escape from his routine. Right now he stays in his house and sees no human being. It's not healthy to his mental state at all. However, I doubt he's capable of doing any work, even a part-time one. Financially, he's a mess. He's thinking about selling his house. In short, he's not in a good condition at the moment.

SONG Inkollo

Sounds like he has great friends, Song 😊 Just keep being there for him. We can all suggest what he SHOULD do, BUT he's got to decide what's best for himself. Just keep those lines of communication open and if it seems like he's exhibiting concerning behavior, don't be afraid to call him out on it, but it sounds like you've got that covered 😉 💚💚 sending my love to all of you!!

Jecofish

Well, here is my 2 cents. Be careful in getting depressed about helping your friend he can drag you into his depression. Been there myself. Understand why freinds can't sometimes help but make worse with all the pointing out of issues. The biggest help my friends did was lead me to friendly semi professional social workers. Mine was a very secure gay assistant dean at my old college FIT in 1979 because he had no idea what the issues were. I was able to be honest and bring up what I was having trouble with first on my own. He was able to immediately saw I was insecure with being gay, had a drinking problem and had extremely low self esteem issues. The rest is history. I changed my life dramatically twice in a year then finally things got better. Been a few depressions since but nothing like that when all my friends banded together for me. Lost touch with them but am forever grateful to their concern and love that got me help. Have a nephew who is suffering and needs to get this help.

Danny Provencio

I would say "Hot Redhead, send him my way," but it seems he needs more than a trip to the grey sodden winter that is Seattle. Depression sucks and it gets no easier the further along it gets. I don't know how far away he is, but if you can find a way to break the habits he is forming now, then you might be able to get him to look at things in a new light, one not quite so forlorn. If he is just letting everything just pile up on him, then he will have a hard time digging out, so if you two have a weekend or something to help him get things under control that can also help (at least my sister said it helped when my step-father was wallowing in paperwork and things he just couldn't deal with). Unfortunately, there is no easy answer, but getting him to move on would be a start, though it isn't as easy as it sounds (even without factoring in previous comments).

Jeff T D

Traveling definitely helps a lot in my case. My depression and similar behaviors got much better after I took a 7 days trip. Don't really need to be somewhere really different from where he lives. Actually a short city trip would make some difference already. Living in hotel and wandering in the city means you have to deal with strangers for just right amount but not too much and some nice viewing or museum make a good place to contemplate. Doesn't really needs to cost much also. Airbnb or somebody's couch might be even better for the communication part. I just feel the need to somehow offer some ideas since I suffer from same condition. Pardon me for being a hard seller about it. 😅 But this depression thing doesn't go well by itself, and the winter weather in Central Europe doesn't really help also. The worst part is that if you nag him a lot, sometimes it might not help the condition, instead you create an opposite side he will fight with. Sometimes it just makes people feel powerless in all parts. All in all, wish your friend and you all the best. Hope the situation will gets better soon.

Oh gosh, that's really bad for him 😟 He needs to escape from his routine somehow for a while. Maybe, some sort of active group traveling for a few weeks could help him. To visit new places, meet with new people. But this demands some $$$ and will.. He should get new job. Even temporary job for a part-time will help him. But again, not in his depressed condition.. Maybe, he has relatives to whom you can contact to ask for a help? Not every family is a good supporter but he should try. Have you any social service for such cases? I believe there are volunteer organizations that can help people with their mental issues. I understand that it's only a comic strip but I have some fillings that we might help Nico. But how?.. 😥😥😥

Vasiliy L.