Episode 2: The Scarlet Devil Mansion

!Episode 2: Scarlet Devil Mansion

Close your eyes. Listen to the silence. Open them. Prepare to run when the screams begin.

Gensokyo Welcomes You.

The Scarlet Devil Mansion has finally moved! No longer is it an island in the middle of the lake and is now located along a ridge overlooking our beautiful Misty Lake. If you’re brave enough, feel free to bring housewarming gifts to their new location.

It should be noted that house invasion is NOT part of housewarming protocol. Unless you are Yukari Yakumo. Then it is fine, so long as the housewarming gift is good.

Housewarming gifts should involve human blood, preferably Type O-Negative, books, preferably informative or the trashiest of romances, and absolutely no garlic, holy water, and/or other things that would instigate vampiric allergies. Please leave all gifts with the Chinese Girl, Hong Meiling and ignore whatever sounds you hear. She is on high alert at all times and certainly not sleeping at all.

Trespassers will be taken out by the Perfect and Elegant Maid, Sakuya Izayoi.

A new shop has opened up called MahoTech! Run by Yumemi Okazaki and Chiyuri Kitashirakawa, it is located in the Forest of Magic right by Rinnonosuke’s Kourindou. It sells… It sells…

I appear to be holding a one dimensional piece of paper. Not two dimensions. One dimension as there is, quite literally, no backside to this sheet of paper. I just attempted to read the rest of this note that the owners have sent me and am now crying blood. I am putting it away now in a box and calling Cirno ovr to freeze and bury the box and its content at the bottom of the Misty Lake.

Pardon me as I go get a cup of jasmine.

Kettle’s on the stove and it’ll whistle when it’s done. Thank you for waiting, Dreamers. Just one small thing before we continue.

Daiyousei, could you be a dear and please send some fairies to investigate MahoTech and inform them that their advertising slip appears to have somehow become one dimensional. Tell them that from now on that all submissions must be turned in via conventional geometry. Preferably non-blood tear inducing. Also inform them that if my head implodes and/or explodes within the next 24 hours that I shall be very cross and will ask the miko to punish them. Thank you.

There, that’s done. It’s a very good thing that I’m a Fool and thus a bit harder to kill than usual. Otherwise, dear Dreamers, where would you be without my voice to soothe your worries?

All joking aside, it is now time to speak of the preparations for the start of the harvest season. Remember to stock up on firewood and extra provisions. For those yokai who are preparing to hibernate and need supplies or space, please remember that there is such a thing as discussion and negotiation.

You do not need to steal, threaten, nor kill to get your necessities. If nothing else, trust in a human’s desire and greed to bring about a beneficial outcome for both sides.  If you need a mediator, Hieda no Akyuu, Rinnosuke Morichika, and myself are willing to judge over any disputes. Hieda no Akyuu can be reached at the Hieda Mansion in the Human Village, Rinnosuke can be reached at his Kourindou in the Forest of Magic, and I will be there should the other two not be free.

Do not worry. I’ll know when to come. Do not ask how.

Minoriko Aki, Goddess of Harvest and Soft Joys, and Shizuka Aki, Goddess of Fall’s Changing Leaves and Simple Beauties, will be helping with the finishing touches on everybody’s harvests. Make sure to thank them kindly and support them with your faith!

After the harvest is done, winter will come along with its dangers and delights. Be sure to keep in touch with one another and to use your kotatsus cautiously and respectfully. Please do not fornicate under a Kotatsu. Should they become tsukumogami, they will remember.

All things have memories and while change brings forgetting, somethings stick true. Sometimes literally.

This has been a reminder from the Tsukumogami Trauma Center.

Small aside, Dreamers, can we talk about the moon for a bit? It’s been a lovely companion every night and a moon-viewing party is always a great excuse to get drunk, but… it’s weird, you know you know?

I mean, it’s just there. Watching over us. I very much like it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s really just always there. Sometimes it’s just a black empty night up there, but I assume that it’s taking its break off on those days. I assume. I truly hope it’s taking a break.

We all need breaks. Please take a break, moon. I want to go to an outdoor onsen sometime without feeling like an exhibitionist.

It’s kind of freaky when you think about it. This huge piece of rock, just floating around us in orbit, is always present. Some people say that it crashed into the Earth millions and billions and trillions of years ago. These people are strange. And possibly, most definitely, maybe, perhaps, actually just wrong about it. It is, in fact, merely another land that we cannot visit just yet.

Actually, these two things are not mutually exclusive, so they might be right about that actually.

Do you think there’s something living on it? In the Outside World, they apparently loaded people up on a rocket and got people up there and back and they found nothing. These are the people who say that the moon crashed into the Earth all long ago, so I’d take that with a grain of salt. Or a pinch. Or a handful.

Anyways, the moon. It’s big, it’s up there, and sometimes it’s missing out of sight. But it’s always watching us and we all know it. This does not scream trustworthiness, but this is Gensokyo! What’s a few eccentricities between neighbors? Trust begins with faith and faith is what keeps Gensokyo alive.

But make sure to not be blind. Trust with suspicion. Smile at the moon as you walk out from view to do what must be unseen. Wash your hands after, clean yourself, and make sure everything is pure before you step back out again under its watching gaze.

Trust the moon with suspicion.

But trust it. It’s our neighbor!

Dreamers, it appears that a local rainstorm has enveloped the Scarlet Devil  Mansion, discouraging any and all housewarming gifts. While it is a bit rude to make it harder for visitors to come with gifts. It’s very understandable. They’re just shy about being the new faces in town.

I suggest bringing gifts over anyways! For those brave enough to do it! Reimu Hakurei, you know, the miko? Is already en route and helping carry the tired Mistress of the Mansion, Remilia Scarlet. Aren’t they cute?

Hm? What’s this?

…Daiyousei has just informed me that Luna Child, Fairy of Silent Moonlight, has been crushed in a… Hm… Metaphorically literal sense. She was reading one of Patchouli Knowledge’s grimoires in the mansion’s library and was suddenly and irrevocably popped according to witnesses on the scene.

I do not know what metaphorically literal means in this case, but that seems disturbing. I’ll have to ask Luna Child how it felt later.

Oh? That’s not a polite thing to ask? Good to know. Thank you, Daiyousei.

Today’s lesson. Do not ask someone about how they died. It may be traumatizing. To who? Who knows. Not you, hopefully.

Anyways, it seems like this is an incident that I am more than happy to leave in the capable hands of our local Miko! If you enjoy existence without the threat of spontaneous cessation, please consider donating to the Hakurei Shrine.

Marisa Kirisame, who owes Mima a visit, is also en route to investigate the stormy mansion.

Daily Danmaku Design Tip.

Pick a theme and stick to it. What theme? Something important to you, I guess. I wouldn’t presume to suggest a theme for you. I am not you. You should not be me. Do not be me. Be you.

Or be devoured.

Try looking at graphs. We suggest trigonometric based designs. Circles and triangles with round and pointy sides. Lose yourself in the madness of numbers. Hope that helps.

Failing that, flowers have good patterns in them. Nature has designed many good patterns to copy for Danmaku.

Do not TOUCH the flowers. Merely look, perhaps smell, but do not TOUCH the flowers.

We understand that it is difficult to create Danmaku if you are a human that is not a miko nor Marisa Kirisame, who owes Cirno a dozen frogs, to create Spellcards, we suggest that you get in the habit of practicing the art of dodging. Also learning how to create Spellcards, but dodging comes first.

Remember, Danmaku is not about defeating your opponent. Well, it is, but it is mostly about being better than your opponent. Which involves much dodging.

Dreamers, I have yet again received many queries about myself. Questions that wonder why I do what I do, how I know what I know, and why I am so familiar yet so alien. As always, the Message Box is open for questions and information on and for Gensokyo, not about myself. It is located at the foot of the Dragon God Statue.

Still, today is a slow day, so I’ll answer one of these most unprofessional questions. I am familiar because I am a part of Gensokyo. I am alien because I am a part of Gensokyo. Gensokyo is not me, to be clear, but I am a part of Gensokyo.

A hopefully useful, but most likely useless, part, but a part nevertheless.

Apologies for the unprofessionalism. I’m still attempting to get into the swing of things. It is surprisingly difficult starting up a radio--

What was that sound? It sounds as if a crack was reversed? As if something was destroyed into existence. Dreamers there--

THERE APPEARS TO BE A PROBLEM, DREAMERS. IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING THE FEELING OF HAVING YOUR LIFE IN THE PALM OF A CHILD’S HAND THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE. METAPHORICALLY AT ALL TIMES, BUT JUST THIS ONCE, POSSIBLY LITERALLY.

FEEL FREE TO PANIC AS THERE IS LITTLE YOU CAN DO. ATTEMPT TO PANIC AS STILL AS YOU CAN TO REFRAIN FROM HARMING YOURSELF. CURL UP INTO A FETAL POSITION AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE BEHIND YOUR TEETH. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, REMEMBER THAT WE ARE IN GENSOKYO AND DEATH IS MORE OF A SUGGESTION FOR ALL. THANK YOU.

THIS MOMENT OF METAPHORICALLY LITERAL EXISTENTIAL DREAD SHALL PASS AS ALL THINGS DO.

FOR NOW, THE FORTUNE.

How was the Fortune, Dreamers?

I hope it was pleasurable as we all wallowed through that bout of extreme existential ennui. While a constant in all our lives, I believe we can all agree that was a bit more… literal than usual, wouldn’t you say?

Part and parcel of living in Gensokyo, I’m afraid. With wonders abound comes horrors unbound sadly. Tis the price we pay for being mad enough to live here.

If you’ll recall, the Scarlet Devil Mansion has five residents; The Colorful Rainbow Gatekeeper: Hong Meiling, The Perfect and Elegant Maid: Sakuya Izayoi, The Unmoving Great Librarian: Patchouli Knowledge and her Little Devil Assistant: Koakuma, and the Scarlet Devil: Remilia Scarlet.

Or so we thought! Apparently, the Mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion has a little sister! An adorable vampire with wings of wrought iron and hanging jewels named Flandre Scarlet! How scandalous of them to hide away such an adorable creature.

She appears to have been blessed and cursed with the ability of destruction, capable of moving “eyes” to her hand and simply squeezing. Absolutely terrifying, wouldn’t you say? Ah well, perhaps this is my own strange view of the world, but what is one more way to die?

We live in a realm where one can have tea with the embodiment of darkness, visit the Sanzu River if one follows the proper protocols, and have the good fortune to have faith rewarded with miracles and horrors known only to we who live here.

For all the nightmares we live amongst, we are given the opportunity to make miracles. What is one more way to die when we are given yet another opportunity to make something more of ourselves?

Flandre Scarlet is a young youkai, yes. Should we fear her? Absolutely. But fear is but one facet of our aspects, we can let it guide us, but we cannot let it control us. I am sure that the residents of the Scarlet Mansion are already taking steps to help train her in her amazing ability.

...I will admit, I am stepping out of my comfort zone with this and I know that I have not been broadcasting long. None of you trust me and I understand that with how new I am around these parts, but… if I may offer my thoughts on the nature of youth and coexistence

Gensokyo is young, a scant century of history and tradition being recorded here. We are an isolated realm, but one where fantasy still lives and thrives. We are a haven for youkai and before all the humans groan and grow angry, I need all of you to understand what it would mean for youkai to die, truly die.

It would mean that miracles will have ceased. That there is nothing left to explore. That we would go about our lives, following patterns over and over. Youkai need us, but we need youkai just as much. They are the manifestation of our imagination and they challenge us to be better.

It is not a zero sum game where only one side can survive. With a bit of trickery, a bit of bravery, and just a bit of luck, we can build up a rapport with them. We can have a truce with them. We can become friends with them.

...

Ah, I grow maudlin with my hopes and dreams. Embrace them, spit on them, they are but idle musings of a Fool with a Voice.

Gensokyo welcomes the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Keep disturbances beneath Incident levels please and enjoy your stay. Do try and be friendly.

Coming up next, the loud silence of your own thoughts screaming inside your head. Do not listen for longer than three hours and seek companionship should you begin to cry.

Come now, dreamer.

It is time to go.

Till next we dream.

Today’s Proverb:

Familiarity breeds contempt… but it also breeds comfort. Trim it carefully and grow it well. Familiarity can be a delicious mushroom dinner with friends or a poisonous herbal tea. Breed familiarity carefully.