Machinist of Mana Chapter 103 Distractions

“OOF!” I flew across the arena skidding along the ground painfully.

This wasn't the first time I'd missed a strike today, in fact there'd been several now. It was however the roughest one I'd taken, as it seemed Sir Kendrick was getting quite tired of correcting me.

“You're distracted again,” he said with clear irritation on his face.

“Apologies sir,” I replied.

“Don't apologize, fix it. In battle not paying proper attention will get you killed.”

“Yes sir.”

“Again!”

For the next few minutes I was back on my game, then my mind wandered again. It was barely a moment after that that once more I was thrown, shaking into the ground. He'd seen it, the very instant I lost my concentration and he'd hit me.

“I would appreciate it if you didn't waste my time. What is going on?” he asked.

“Family trouble,” I told him, not wanting to elaborate.

“Luckily they are not here to see this, once more.”

Once more was enough, and the unhappy knight put up a hand when I rose, showing me that we were done wasting time with this for now.

“I don't suppose you'll tell me why you can't keep your head where you are?” he asked.

“It's rather personal sir.”

And it was, all I could think about was what my father might do. He could retaliate now that I wasn't there, he could even do so with extreme moves. That seemed unlikely, but it wasn't impossible. I needed to be there, for Kaylee, keeping an eye on her.

“Well if you're like that on a battlefield you'll get yourself killed. How will that do for your 'family issues' boy?”

“Not good.”

Sir Kendrick heaved a sigh. “Is this something you can solve if you went home now?”

“Honestly? I kind of doubt it.” I wouldn't always be there regardless of what I did.

“So if your immediate presence doesn't help, is there a long term step you can take to do so?”

I thought on that for a few moments. In my head I ran through possibility after possibility, and came up sort of blank. There was no real concrete thing I could do at this very moment.

“No sir.”

“Then you need to put this from your mind.”

“That is far easier said then done.”

He laughed. “Well that's true enough, but every soldier has to do it.” I blinked at him and he continued. “Do you think we don't worry about children, wives, parents? Everyone does, and there are good and bad ways to deal with that.”

“Good and bad ways?”

“Certainly, you can try to ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist, and that works for some people, for awhile. Some it works for even for a long time, but personally I don't think that's the best solution.”

“Do you have a suggestion then?”

“The questions I asked you. I always ask if there's anything I can or need to do, and if the answer is no then I just accept that it is. I can't change the weather, I can't fight an army, but there are things I can do, and doing what I can is what is important. Worrying about things I can't change doesn't help, it only makes it worse.”

“What?”

“What if a beast comes to my home and ravages it? Well, that would be bad, terrible even, but can I take steps to prevent this? Certainly, and I have. Would more steps be helpful? Maybe, but they would stop me from doing other things that are more important. So I must accept what is and what I can do nothing about.”

“So you just want me to give up on things I can't do anything about?”

“Not give up, accept. Do you battle the rain or simple accept it's happening? No, naturally you cannot change some things, and as for how you deal with it; that is something you need to figure out. However today is wasted, go and work yourself out doing, whatever helps you concentrate I honestly don't care so long as you don't bring this nonsense back tomorrow.”

“Yes sir, thank you.”

“Get out of my sight.” He said it roughly, but with how he'd spoken and the things he'd told me I could tell he meant me to consider, not just go away.

So I did, I gathered up some papers and went to the school's machine shop. This world had a few advantages for me over my previous one. One, our school decidedly cared less about weapons than any on Earth probably had in decades. That made sense since we were all being trained in combat and most of the student body had ready access to arms of some form. They also didn't really know much about what my designs were because they were just that new.

These facts allowed me to make the last few parts I needed for one of my longer term personal projects. The majority of it was at home, so there would be no way to know if I got it all perfect until I returned, but I was really good at what I did, so adjustments would probably be minor. That was also why we had testing. Making ammunition and all the various bits and bobs I'd need for this had been something I'd had working for quite some time now, and by the time for my actual break it should be done.

As I worked I fell into an almost meditative state, referencing and cross-referencing my measurements, holes drilled and pieces shaped. My hands worked, almost without effort, knowing these machines as they did. It wasn't mindless, but it allowed me to consider, so consider I did.

Stressing wouldn't help my family, not one bit, on that Sir Kendrick was right. I couldn't change the way of the world right now, or force anything that I wanted to be true. I could however build my power, prepare, plan, and wait. I'd need more information, but my inventions were worthwhile, and what I was doing now productive towards those ends. He was also very right in that if I didn't get my head in the game I'd suffer for it, and put them all in more danger. I needed to trust, trust that those things I'd already done would function as well they could and in others to do what they needed to. That alone brought me some measure of peace.