[Blog] WTH IS GOING ON

I'm pretty sure no one has noticed, but I've been WAY more absent than usual (and the bar was quite high already).

Just wanted to give a little update as to why, specially for subscribers and supporters.

I have been having SEVERAL health issues. Some of them are old and are kicking back, some are new. Some are just physical, other are mental, some are both.

Lets see...

On one hand, earlier this year I started having issues with blood flow in my legs. Apparently it wasn't anything too worrying but it meant I had to exercise (ART TIME -) and avoid being sitting down for too long without having my leg raised somehow (ART TIME-). Got the meds, started doing the thing... Meh. But now it's hitting me harder than before somehow and that's worrying AF (ANXIETY +).

I also have some unknown issue that causese me eventual vertigo and general dizzyness (ANXIETY +++). Apparently it might be related to some neck issues that could be soft (ANXIETY -) or very much not soft (ANXIETY +) but, at any rate, is gonna take A WHILE to figure out, not to mention to treat (ANXIETY +).

Anxiety + bruxism + bad back means I'm usually in different levels of headace/migraines, rangin from mild to FML, when things get bad I'm as useful as a wet rag (ART TIME -).

All this also means I'm taking a lot of meds, which helps me cope somehow, but are a bit of a ticking time bomb...? Like, I can't be on so many meds for too long before that becomes its own issue damaging other organs (mostly liver and kidneys) (ANXIETY +).

And meeeeeanwhile I have to move. Not exactly sure where, definitely not sure when (it's been "soon" for a couple months already so we're at the "any moment now" stage... For who knows how long). (ANXIETY +++). Also, when that happens I won't be able to do shit for a while (ART TIME -, ANXIETY +).

All of this while being about 2000km away from all my friends and family (ANXIETY +, DEPRESSION +)

And I worry A LOT about not being able to create shit, because making art is basically the only thing keeping me "sane?" and also because subscribers and supporters and other people expect due stuff and they're perfectly right to do so. (ANXIETY ++++++++++++++++, DEPRESSION +++)

So... All in all, very little time, VERY BIG ANXIETY and I'm pretty sure falling into full out depression!

After moving I should be able to start hunting for a good therapist (ART TIME-, ANXIETY ---). I hope that'll help. So in the good news, I'm still motivated to try and get better and be able to do stuff. Just... It'll take some time I guess.

What I think I'm trying to say is: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the lack of content. I mean it I'm really really sorry. But I literally can't do better right now. I'm sorry for the lack of interaction (I love engaging with the arts and artists I like and that also have been missing). And I'm generally sorry for not being half that "out there" I would like.

I'M SORRY.

I hope you gentlepeople would understand given the situation.

On the other hand, what little time I can scratch I'm devoting to really fun project I'm delighted to be a part of. More news about that soon.

And I'm pretty sure I can work on some world building and other stuff that aren't so art-time-consuming.

I'm really sorry.

Lord Black