WISH #1 STRESS FREE "WORKIE"

davidsp01 asked:

I wish I could become a young dumb chavy worikie who has a far more stress free life

You want that? Damn most lads that get this is a revenge or a punishment, stress free? Ok then. done deal, I know just what you need mate for that “stress free” life you always wanted init.

You woke up after making your wish, instantly you felt different. Sitting up slowly you looked around only to see you’d fallen asleep in your clothes…or…. someone’s clothes anyway. Grey joggers and white designer shirt, as you rubbed your eyes and came to looking around more and seeing it wasn’t even your room. It had a hole in the wall that meant he could see into the bathroom, which too, had holes a cracks in the tiles. Not to mention the general mess of fag ends, beer cans and dirty clothes. For some reason there was even an engine from something in hundreds of oily pieces, nuts and bolts and bits of metal scattered across the torn stained carpet. Finally you staggered to your feet only to stumble clumsily forwards, tripping over a wrench and orange and black boots to smash into the floor next to a phone. Your phone!

You scrambled to grab it, it now had a huge crack and looked as if it had been thrown around a bit, but otherwise it was the same. You slowly stood, much larger feet slapping into the floor, before you lined it up for selfie in a small mirror.

Staring back was a scally lad, with huge ears that stuck out comically, lanky body and even as your fumbled for the buttons on the phone you knew you were always going to be clumsy as fuck. This was you now. But we aren’t done, not by a long shot. You tried to speak but your phone rang in your hand.

BOSS: CALLING

You didn’t even have time to think about who this was, your right hand smashed answer and your body took over. “Alright fam, whats up?” you shout. Internally shocked at your own voice, you sounded like a wannabe gangsta.

“---Alright mate, got some work for ya today down the site. Get ya ass down here. Need my Crane Guy”

“No problEMS BoSS. I GOT ya *cough cough* I’LL BE THERE” Mid sentence your voice snaps and drops an octave. Boss hangs up, instantly you feel weird, like your thoughts are slowing down. Hard to think when all you do is drink, eat, sleep and drive a crane. You push your phone into one pocket, pull a cigarette from your other one and go to find those boots and get your work gear on. It didn’t take long, and soon you’d pulled a high vis vest over a grey jumper, thrown on some jeans and yanked on the size 15 orange boots. They smelt bad, it all did. Even the jumper had thick sweat stains and mud that matched the boots and jeans giving the impression you’d never washed them. Which you never had, probably never will do either.

Without being able to see yourself, you couldn’t have known, but under the jumper your old six pack was starting to fade, along with your hairline and smooth skin. But don’t you worry, we’ll get you that true stress free life you asked for.

You walked on auto pilot, unable to look around and only catching the odd sight of yourself in shop windows. It only confirmed your fears, you looked how you felt, a good 5 years older. By the time you got to work, you were starting to notice the new weight of your body. Walking wider and heavier, your arms rubbed your sides so you ended up putting them into your pockets, held firmly as you filled out the baggy clothes. Not all muscle or fat, but a thuggish dad bod from years of bad food and hard labor. Just as you felt like it was too much to take in, your boss grabbed you. He’d come met you at the site entrance, how you knew where it was you had no idea, but here you were.

You worked hard all day, still unable to reply or control your own body, you’d smoked, joked and pissed about with the lads on the site like you’d know them for years. It was only hours later, when you saw a group photo from lunch, that you realized the extent of the changes. You looked like you were 30, with thick arms and wide stomach. All those clothes that seemed too big that morning were snug and starting to ride up uncomfortably around new muscles. Worse, your hairline was now halfway back, your goofy ears had been forced forwards from years of wearing a hard hat and even your nose looked like it had been broken a few times.

But let’s be honest, this isn’t good enough, your still working like this, and you said “stress free” so lets make this a part time job.

It was about 5 when you finished, throwing the crane keys back to your mate you worked for when he needed you. Making your way out from the work site your phone buzzes several times. You look to see texts come in from people who want some smoke “Hey you got 50? Im after if your out of work”, “Yo dude, still after that oz fam” You crack your neck and rub your shaved head, “Naw fuck that” you say to yourself as your make a bulk reply.

DEALER: Na lads, been at work all day init. Fuckin shattered.

Your main job may be dealing drugs now but it pays damn well, plus no one messes with you, so you can just head home and do whatever you want. Wank, smoke, whatever it is I know it wont be stressing out.

You walk home again and strip off your wet with sweat clothes. Throwing them down where you found them. Your musk now unleashed it was almost visible as you kicked off your boots. But newly huge feet and massive body aren’t easy to handle, you stumble over and slam into a wall. “FUCKS SAKE!” Your anger boils from nowhere and you slam your fist into it, denting the plaster as pieces crumble to the floor as your remove your cut knuckles. “Fuckin matches the other walls now” you jeer. Who gives a fuck. You pull out your phone and ignore the new messages. Snapping a picture, you watch horrified, trapped in your own body as you flex thick beefy arms and hairy chest and gut. “God man, I stink so god” you take a long sniff as you lift an arm behind your head for a pic. Your shoulders pinch up, you make a thug face, and admire the tattoos that start to appear on your skin as you snap the photo.

Stress free scally life check.

Enjoy it because your a drug dealing thug now.