damianojeda

sadness - I want to feel like me

Added 2023-07-23 00:23:18 +0000 UTC

aturday, April 22, 2023 at 9:45 PM

in april of 2019 my life started to go steeply downhill real fast. I would spend the next two years of my life living in constant depersonalizing abuse and even when it ended I have still had to live every day with the trauma and the effects of it. anyone who has experienced trauma of any sort or severity knows that it truly does corrupt you as an individual and can very easily leave you depersonalized and unrecognizable. I think that only recently (and I mean as recent as since a month ago) I have finally begun to recollect the shattered pieces of my being and am BARELY beginning to recognize again the essence of what it means to be me, in my pure and innocent form, uncorrupted and unmanipulated and in complete hold of my own autonomy and individuality. especially ever since the events of 2019-2021 my constant thoughts and desires have always centered on wishing I could feel like the version or versions of myself from 1997-2018. at the time that I made this (april of this year) obviously I was feeling very empty, depressed, unrecognizable, helplessly desperate to find even a shred of myself anywhere within me and surrounding me. all I truly want is to feel the way I did before when I was innocent and connected and ME.

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springflowers hanging in may rain

resounding monthcolor

and knowing that you’re somewhere with me

even if it’s so far away

springflowers and nightwater

april blue

2018 springred

2014 springhome wandering

2015 abendfarben

2011 true love

i want to feel like me