I want to be there deep dive part 2

I want to be there technically started being made in january of 2017 with the instrumental side of the songs "in the distant travels" and "somewhere", however the true essence of the album was born in early 2018. just like anyone else can experience, every year and every month and every moment of my life is as specific as the last, in color/feeling/any other aspect of life and the human experience. the entire essence that was put in the album is a product of this lifeessence from winter-spring of 2018. as indescribable as these abstract feelings are I can do my best to explain them. the tonality of the number "2018" alone is very red/pink to me. this would have been the case even if I hadn't coincidentally felt these feelings in those times, as I have a strong color association to numbers ever since i was very young. in 2018, from being astutely connected to myself and recognizing singularities in my impulses and hyperfixations, I felt something truly magical. which isn't to say that any other moment of life isn't magical but like I said, ever individual moment in time is unique and special. and for whatever reason, the first half of 2018 was absolutely special. so many magical details coincided to create an amazing moment in my timelife. the magic in the number "2018" definitely did, and the steeping selfconnections of 2017 that for that past year only brought me closer and closer to true undivided attention towards myself. 2018 was like an even more saturated magic of 2017, when in spring 2017 I had become so aware of the magic in springtime and lifecurrents. the album "I want to be there" is a yearning towards these magicspores that fluttered deep within my body. the burning colors and dreamscapes. so many wonderful things and feelings that were churning in my soul and somehow in a distant part of myself that I just wanted to hold in my hands, in the most perfect and complete way. I felt like I was somewhere on the otherside of a dreamveil, looking at an unclear image of my deepest and purest desires, and wanting nothing more than to reach my hand and touch the most perfect and distilled magic. the magic that is wholely of me. there was truly an unrivaled purity in those moments, and the music I made reflected that. I had become so fixated on a perfect singular angle that tended only towards the most perfect of all emotional stimulus. at that point I rejected anything that didn't supply only beautiful and topbrimming sensations and impulse. the music i listened to were only the most energyspiking songs. in my own music I only wanted to create pure moments and perfect melodies. I was actually completely disinterested in harsh vocals and entirely interested in pretty melodies and singing. during these times I was also making music for "sadness - _____" and "life - demo four" which I believe capture this 2018 essence that I'm talking about as well. in the end I want to be there didn't truly turn out the way I would have wanted, since it took me too long to finish it, but the essence is undoubtedly there, and despite it's excruciating flaws (that only matter to me) it's still an extremely important album.

"in the distant travels" . project created Monday, February 6, 2017 at 5:55 PM. at this time I had recorded all of the guitars and bass and programmed drums. it wouldn't have been until later in 2018 when I added all of the synths and vocals and live drums (there's a blend of live and programmed drums). I made this song because I was actually supposed to have a project with a friend of mine, which he wanted to be in the vein of something like "woods of desolation". of course I'm always excited to make music, so I made  like 7 songs (which all ended up being sadness songs) because the project never ended up happening and I was also too happy with what I created to let someone else touch it. the song didn't start out being called "in the distant travels". it original had the scratch title "japanese sign" (scratch title means that when I start a song session I save it under a file name that most likely is not what the song truly ends up being called, just for the purposes of not having an untitled session). this was actually a visual and musical idea I had in december 2016, where I recorded an unused unfinished song idea https://damianantonojeda.bandcamp.com/track/japanese-sign-december-30-2016-2 (this bandcamp contains every song session that I never finished). in february of 2017 I repurposed this idea and made the chord progression more simple. the idea behind "japanese sign" is I imagined a billboardlike sign with japanese words and the sign is illuminated by warm LED lights, specifically oragnes and pinks. these colors are extremely magiacl to me (I could talk for ages on just orange lights) and this would still somehow tie into the rest of the album a year later in 2018. I imagined this sign illuminating on a dark pitch black humid night, the lights refracting innumerably in the little sparse miniscule rain. truly a beautiful sight. I wanted to capture this burning magic in the orange lights somehow. after "japanese sign" I titled the session "Road", not sure why I felt like I Wanted to change it (I was never going to be the one writing lyrics for this failed project anyway) but at the same time the magic empty roads at night burning in me and I felt that the song could capture that imagery as well. I sat on this song for basically a whole year until I decided I was just going to use it for my own thing. some time in 2018, I repurposed the music with a new theme. "in the distant travels" and its lyrics talk about a very specific magic and a nostalgic one. when I was young, and ever since I was young, I completely fell in love with a certain magic that permeated the space around me. when this magic would appear, though so distant and unreachable, I couldn't help but feel itburning through every vein in my body. this is the beautiful sound of a highway in the distance. when motorvehicles and machinery are operating close by it's a pretty obnoxious sound, but when that sound is placed somewhere in the distance, and can only faintly be heard, I truly do not have a single word to describe this. I have not a single word to describe how this made me feel as a young boy. I used to walk up the hill in my backyard and stand there for hours and hours just being mesmerized by this beaitiful sound. it wasn't just the sound, but something in the inherent distance too. I have always been so eluded by things that are intrinsicly distant. such mysterious magic never failed ot make me feel something profound, and so interconnected with the equally innerdistant parts of myself. these distances literally pulled me towards them, and nothing has ever surmounted thatimpulse to go towards this magic. this concept has permeated my entire life and so much of my music, and of course, in the distant travels. this is what the song is about. in the lyrics "I hear you somehow, in the distant travels
Like I always have
How they pass so beautifully
The sound is so harmonious" I'm very overtly talking about this. the second part of the lyrics is "Radiating the dreaming eye
Of orange linelights and the black sky" and this actually has to do with that 2017 orange light magic that I was capturing in "japanese sign". although I'm no longer talking about a japanese sign, but just pure orange light. orange line. the perfect contrast of warm orange lights and the pitch black sky. the "emptyness" in a pitch black sky is not truly emptyness but rather the entire expanse of everything and anything all at once. there's something about it that I do not have a single word to describe.

"I want to be with you" created Tuesday, January 9, 2018 at 1:36 AM.  truly a very special song to me. the song was actually entirely recorded in B minor, but as I always have done, I like to change the keys of songs I really like and obviously my own songs to see how they sound in different colors and feelings. when I heard "I want to be with you" in d minor I knew I had to keep it that way. so the oficial recording is really the entire song recorded in B minor but piutched up 3 semitones. I did this before I had recorded the vocals. this song is more in tune with the overall theme of "i want to be there" than the previous one. like I said before "I want to be there' is aboutwanted to live in perfect purity. I wanted to feel like the purest form of myself, living in the purest space, and being purely and perfectly in touch and connected with myself, formlessly, in the same perfect way that you float in dreams. when I'm dreaming I don't have a body. my form is purely the absolute feelings in my heart. I wanted live in this magic always. I wanted to be this discarnate always. I wanted to return to this feeling that I had especially felt so strongly in a different specific time in my life earlier. in 2018 I did feel very magical as I said, butI wanted more, I wanted more to leave my body and live in a perfect magical dreamscape. I wanted to live in this perfect pink june moment, a moment that passes by forever.
"You dance like the June sky
You magical pink rain
And I burn orange
Watching you resplend
Like the words “I love you”
Pink like you
Pink burning in me
You dance like the June sky
You magical pink rain
And I burn orange
Watching you resplend
Like the words “I love you”
Pink like you"
I imagined and longed for someone. someone so perfect. whose name I never knew. I longed for the most perfect simple moments we could share. that's who the "you" is. sometthing so complete and insurmountably beautiful. something even more precious than any june in my life.I i imagined this perfect person, dancing, in a single moment, sharing this together and being in absolute paradise. I truly imagined this june sky as this burning feeling and pink colors in the clouds. "a pure juvenscent dream". I don't have the words to describe this song, it truly is very personal. also the lyrics "you resplend like the words 'I love you'" were actually used in a song of mine from 2014 called "river of her orchid dream", which is pretty much about the same thing. the chorus has more vocal layers than anything else I've recorded with 67 total.

"moments" - Monday, March 11, 2019 at 7:12 PM. although I made this in 2019 it has the same intention as 2018 because i had planned on making this song since 2018. I always knew I wanted a song on the album caled "moments" and it would be more more minimalistic than the others with no lyrics. the "moments" I'm describing are the innumerable magical moments that exist in this perfect dreamscape zweisamkeit. all the unaware moments that nurture my heart in insurmountable ways. the most precious moments you could ever have, and the most burning nostalgia to remember.


"I want to be there" - Wednesday, January 10, 2018 at 12:02 AM. this song encompases all the things I mentioned previously about magicspores, timemagic, dreammagic, timeless discarnate moments, and yearning for a distant place that somehow is so close to my heart. the clean section in this song is more than enough to capturethis. there's somrething truly magical in that sound and it is literally perfect. it sounds just like the little lights. the orange magic. the orange cascading trickles and trinkets. the spotlights in the rain. the formlessness. everything I could have wanted in that moment. I want to be there. that is where I want to be.
you saw me mention that I wans't interested in screaming vocals, especially not for this album. the reason I ended up screaming on this song is because I took so long to get around to finishing and by thetime I addedthe vocals I was in a different midset unfortunately.

"you dance like the june sky" Thursday, March 22, 2018 at 1:12 PM. this album is about what I envisioned with "i want tobe with you" and was directly inspired by the album over. the album cover was an image I found somewhere, taken by some mysterious person. it was nearly exactly the same I just made the colors a little more pink. I found this imagein january 2018 and I knew so instantly that this had to be the album cover. I do not believe there exists a moreperfect image for this album. the image almost perfectly describes exactly what I see and feel with these songs. the warm pink sky, an unforgettable moment, and the formlessness of a girl dancing. watching her resplend as I burn in love. this song was extremely special to me and [robably would've been my favorite on the album if i hadn't ruined it with the bad mixing and the screaming vocals. I recorded the vocals in 2019 when i was in a completely different mindset so I ruined it. it should not have had any vocals at all. other than that, everything i so perfect. It has the same lyrics as "I want to be with you" and the sounds are so pure and magical. I was using this toy piano I had for the beginning. the tonality of the rest of the song "F# minor" is the most pink tonality in music ever. it sounds just like the magical pink flowers of falling in young love. this song was also partly inspired by a song by a mexican pop rock band (in the melody and chords). themstically this song is basicaclly the same as "I want tobe with you" just with a different sound.

"somewhere" - Monday, January 16, 2017 at 11:18 PM. this is another song that II made for that project that I never ended up finishing. the vocal melody in the begining was actually written by the other person who was going to do vocals,a nd for some reason when I repurosed this song for my own project I decided to reuse that melody, even though i kind of regret it now because this song is truly personal to me. this song also should not have had screaming but of course I HAD to finish it in 2019.
"[Chorus]
Somewhere, I remember you
As the orange flame upon spring
I want to be there
The night we have meet

[Verse]
I hear the spring in your voice
As deep in my longing
Longing of a distance
I see the spring in your eyes
In your tears
As in this first April moments
You sleep like a soundside august night
I held in your promise
In your soft, warm arms
The august night, smiling
Smiling by the hiding places
Smiling by the passing travels
Your smile is the most beautiful
I still remember the 13th rose
And I haven't fully criеd
I've hardly cried at all"

the first part of the lyrics are about a beautiful time and place. every time in my life I have been in a perfect magicseed, in deep twilight and perfect night, watching the orange lights entrance me, how the illuminate the ground and the signs and the plants. there is nothing I could do to describe such beauty. I wanted to be exactly there, in exactly the company that is mine but feels so distant. I wanted to be with "you".

the rest of the lyrics are too personal to talk about but it's basically about smething of mine that has permeated my heart and my desires ever since it touched me many years ago. but in some unified way, every song on this album is about the exact same thing. I want to be with you. I want to be there.