life - subject

this song concludes "coma garden", the new life album I've been posting songs about. this is the track that I finished in october but wanted a certain guest vocal appearance. it's finally done as of today, december 18. my girlfriend sings with me at the very end. I wrote all the guitar parts for this song and drum parts in january of 2019, when I had a full band for life and was writing new songs for us to play. I was not going through a good time at all when I was writing this. it wouldn't be long after writing this song that the entire band would fall apart. instrumentally there was not concept for this song beyond just what I was feeling, but in 2021, finally getting around to recording them, I wrote about things relevant to right now, october 2021.
here's a recording of me when I first wrote the guitar parts on january 1st 2019

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jUe5ONAY1edX1XtANzC99rtOdY8HL1g9/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/19ErTlLhMG6gEUnxqK0TipkLe42zvLOr6/view?usp=sharing

the synth ending was made when I rerecorded this song in october

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i cant think about a delicate subject without the links in my head dissolving crying breathing patterns. breathing like it hurts so much to think. watching a figment of your body pulsing and breathing. i want to be the entire cycle of your pulse patterns. every fire you touch with your hands. every thought, every ecstasy, every one of your tears. self patterns. burning. burning. burning… burning subject, as delicate as the whimper leaving your voice, as delicate as your skin… i cant think . i can’t think unless it’s me.

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I won't go into detail about the lyrics. I'm going to release this on bandcamp imedeately, beause I'm too impatient to wait for it to get to spotify, and also I think it's a coincidence that it's december 18, because decemeber 18 2018 was a relevant date during this entire coma garden thing

something I forgot to mention about this album is that the reason it's taken me so long to record it is because I always knew I wanted to record the drums first. in most of my music I record the guitars or synths first, and that's because I'm making up the song as I'm reording it, but preferably, if i had songs fully written before recording them, I would start with the drums, because i believe in recording without a click track. if I record the guitars first, I'm basically forced to using a metronome. but I knew that these life songs I wanted them to be recorded with no click, and for many years I imagined this being professionally recorded, or at least with better sounding drums. for one I never had a drumset until early 2020, and when I did I was recording in a storage unit. even in 2021 when I have my own drum studio the recordings are all pretty ameteur, which is fine but I always imagined some who knows what theyre doing to engineer these songs. at some point I just stopped caring. I also thought I wanted to practice the songs before tracking them so I could perform them better. I stopped caring about that too. I just wanted to record the songs already. so all of these songs had a reverse recording process to what I usually do. all the drums were recorded first, free time with no click track, in a lot of ways improvising them, and then I recorded everything else on top of that. for the song "I want to go home", i had only written the first part on guitar, so for that song I just made up a new song on the spot with the drums, that song was essentially an accident.
the sadness song "capturing" was recorded this way too