sadness - quiero olvidar

if you don't know already, I'm in the process of compiling old music from 2015 and releasing it as an album. some of these songs were already finished back then, but most of them were not. these songs have been left incomplete until 2021. by incomplete it could mean that I never recorded vocals or wrote lyrics, or it could mean that I only had half of the song recorded until now, or it could mean that I still needed bass, or drums, or both. in the case of this song, everything up until aroudn 3:47 was recorded in 2015 with the exception of live drums , vocals and bass. in my previous post about "short hair heartthrobbing" i mention that in late 2015 I had this idea of starting a new project that would be somewhat of "atmospheric nu metal". that song, and this one were the onyl two things I ended up doing for that. in order to complete the song I completely made up the second half of the song, recorded drums, recorded bass, and vocals. when I started this song in 2015 I never had a real concept, all I knew is that it sounded like winter to me. as of december 2021 that I finally revist this song (I think it was december 15? or 16? I don't remember because I have not been feeling well), I'm still inspired by how wintery it sounds, but the subject matter is entirely personal and current. i decided to work on this conveniently as I'm particularly going through a really heavy time with my own personal mental health  and trauma. if I was going to do anything with this it was to scream it in my songs. the song title means "I want to forget". I don't scream lyrics in spanish because I don't like the way it sounds. I won't go into detail about what it is I want to forget, but I'm sure you guys can relate to what it feels like, to want to completely erase the past. I took some lyrics from a compilation of things I  had written in august of 2015, some of them ended up on the song "mid-august", and some of them I decided to use here, I decided to do this because I wanted the fact that this is "old songs 2015" to be relevant as well in the words I'm singing. I found a passage in this august 2015 words that resonates really well with this triggered feeling, and I felt it was relevenant. after that, I'm just screaming "I want to forget " for the probably the second half of the song. I have nothing else to say. I feel so broken recently. I could barely even record the drums here and I think that the song sounds terrible. it's terribly recorded, it's terribly mixed, the drums are played terribly, even my voice sounded terrible. I hated how incomplete and limited my voice is when it comes to expresshing how I feel. in some ways I hate this song. but I think the actual song is prettu could and I would like to rerecord it one day, professionally even, and actually perform it well





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I watched the movie "el oscuro objeto del deseo" and I laughed uncontrollably during some parts, but everything else reminded me of burning except I´m a girl? It reminded me of what I have to do to survive How not to hurt from words like that, form ideas like that, how not to hurt when I can´t stop thinking... But I´m right here cold and alone I don´t desire to move from this winter ground although I could... nowhere to leave my paranoia behind I say that I know you don´t love me but who knows I could have been moving 

but I can´t..

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I could explain exactly what every word here means but that would be way too much oversharing. taken out of context this makes no sense at all, and that's fine. no one needs to know what this means