i will always remember

i wasn't going to talk about this yet because as part of life demo five I actually rerecorded one of these songs, but since you asked...

I will always remember was a small side project of mine born in the summer of 2015 (july). it only saw one release and that's all it needed. part of what created this project was being nostalgic about "close" which was recorded one year before exactly. considering the way I was feeling again during this time I felt like I wanted to make more music with that same ethic, where there is no focus on really making it sound "good" but rather just being honest and emotional. it started with track two, which is the only track on there that really sounds like it could have been sadness, but the other tracks were straight up "emo" songs. emo kind of like the kind of "emo" I listened to when I was 13, with a little bit of "true" emo influence here and there. this album truly feels lucid to me. I don;t know what other word to use to describe what I mean, but what I'm referring to is that it's so genuine and the timing is perfect, because during this time I was feeling a lot of things personally, and my general mental state was absolutely burning, so naturally when something so potent finds its way to be captured in music that piece of music forever becomes something really special and potent as well. I don't know how to describe the way I was feeling without being way too descriptive and oversharing, but I was genuinely on fire inside my head. I spent a lot of time in my room as well because it was summer and I hate hot weather so I didn't want to go outnside, and this also let me fall into cycles and behavioral/thought patterns inside myself, isolated inside my own head. I was very expressive on my personal facebook and with this music and other forms of creating on the internet and that's really outlet I had to channel anything going on my head externally. I will never truly capture exactly what goes on in my head, much less what was going on during this time. it was a huge mess of different things, but I feel like the surface picture is painted, the surface fire and surface colors. the album cover for "demo" is something I drew at that time. it was like a mental-catharsis drawing. almost everything I would draw as a teenage was this exact same way, literally scratching and having no talent, but at least it was expressive. I couldn't tell you what I drew that day, but I see everything I need to see. I see all the fire and colors and desperation from myself. I genuienly don't know what words to use to describe any of this because the words don't exist. the piano on the last track sums up the distant feelings I felt all through out my body. I always felt like I was in a seperated place. I felt like I was dreaming always. the dreams I had at thistime were extremely vivid and strange as well. I was on fire. and also sad