sadness - redroom autumn tensions

this is my inclusion to a split album with another "post black metal" whatever you want to call it band (who are pretty big in the scene, this should be kinda huge). I don't think the split has been announced yet so I'm not going to mention the other project's name. each of us is contributing one long track and the label wanted us to represent a certain color. I'm not entirely sure if when I started making this song I had the color red intention in mind because of this or I chose to use this song for the split because of the stark color association. I completely lost this song when my files got erased. the only thing I had left to work with was an mp3 draft bounce of the song when it was hardly even close to being done at all. if you're curious to what it sounded like I'll leave a link to the mp3. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1C4pqUuxG7gBHUCSAoMkN9wnPsTyQssjW/view?usp=sharing

noe the song was already too far into it's progress that there was no way I was just going to start over from scratch. especially since the majority of it was very specific synth textures that I wouldn't even know how to recreate. in general I don't like having to start anything over at all. and I definitely didn't want this recording to go to waste. so what I ended up doing was having to continue tracking the rest of the song OVER this mp3 file I linked. so what you hear in that drive link is the official song just stripped of a lot of sounds I would end up adding later. I can't remember exactly when I started making this track but it was definitely in 2020, maybe around like may. the problem with having to continue the song with only a draft mp3 is that I can't change anything at all. the guitars at the end could have been recorded better, but I would end up having to keep the takes I have. but most significantly the programmed drums are stuck as they are. normally if I add programmed drums to a track it's just so I can hear the song with drums before I get a chance to actually record them (I prefer recording live drums on my music). in the case of this song even if I was going to end up using programmed drums (which I think I was, considering I didn't want to be too much more lo-fi than the other band), I still wouldn't just leave the drums as they are here. I would have layered real drums over it, and in the performance I would have come up with drum fills and little intricacies and things to make the drums more alive and interesting. then of course afterwards I could reprogram the difference in the sample drums. but since all I had then was this mp3 I was stuck with having no drum fills and no way to change the drum patterns if I wanted to. when you listen to the final version you'll hear that I still added little fills but they sound like 2 different drummers playing on the same track, I still think it sounds cool this way though. as a matter of fact the entire song I think still sounds really interesting precisely because of the sacrifices I had to make. the fact that I was limited to only being able to produce something as good as this kind of defines a certain characteristic to how it sounds, in the same way that music recorded in the 1940's has a certain charm because of the limitations musicians and audio engineers were faced with. I actually think that atmosphericly this song sounds exactly like the liminal space in my head that makes this song's home and it's thanks mostly to the synth work but also because of the way the production was kind of "forced" to sound. the entire first half of the song was jus synths until I added guitars for the final version. none of the song had any actual bass so I ended up adding that too, and obviously the live drums, and then all of the vocals. as of now that I'm publishing this august 23, I feel like there's still more I could fix with the mix, and maybe even add more layers to the high feminine voices at the end. I tried that but my voice is totally shot from recording screaming earlier, and honestly I'm tired of this song not being done yet, so in any case I'm going to share it now becuase I've been very excited about it for a while and working on old music gets tedious and annoying. "redroom autumn tensions" is yet again another thing i had written on facebook a long time ago, as one of my thought diaries and things I think about/feel. the meaning behind this is kind of deeply personal, so I will only share a fraction of all of the written lyrics. the entire song is a story I'm telling that I came up with in my head. almost like a dream, a deep "fantasy" that feels so ripe and burning. in a very inexplicable way the same feeling of connecting to a deep rooted space/fulfillment in my head that the words in the song evoke is the same distant liminal fire that i feel from the actual sound of the music (especially the synths). the time in which I recorded this has a lot to do with it too. anyway, redroom autumn tensions is a turn of events that I imagined in my head, connecting to and eluding to a certain memory deep in a part of my past that will always feel on fire.

----------------- (parenthesis means parts of the lyrics that were omitted due to not wanted to overshare them, very personal )

on an early november morning arriving to routine spaces

saturating adolescent dreamfield

liminal spaces between curving roads splitting between lifecircles

somehow wading in a distant life

raining red light on novemberred moments

and fitting in a perfect space

(___________________________________) redroom

absolute energy in the corner of the room

iridescent veil to lucid dreams

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.... .... .... ..... .... .. ....... (x26) ____________)

i feel like july nights in 2011

i feel the entire world in this one room

and in a single moment i see your entire life deep within your eyes

as time swims through the raining red light above us

every moment is a new story in our bodies

(_________________)

from everything and every inch of you i know how eternal you will be

i come closer and watch your eyes widen

letting light spill and deeper dimensions

the closer i get the more lucid your inner dimensions appear

suddenly i see mirrors on your sparkling tears

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the flight of my entire life

i am blessed by your lavender rivers

your orchid flowers

your innumerable words

my heart is stimming for you

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this november date will permeate your life forever

in your dreams and daydreams

red light rains upon us

blessing our rivers with the most magical potent waters

and this abundant moment

our two souls and bodies in a perfect flame