IGS #4, Chapter 55

Naomi

The world moved beneath her, elastic and mobile, such that her body undulated atop the pebbled ground. Head lolling, hair strewn across her face, mouth parched, she blinked and tried to understand what had happened.

Visions, flickerflashes of memory: tenebrites around her, the pit, Nox’s steadfast refusal to leave her alone.

The memory of his unquestioning loyalty clove her heart, filled her with broken gratitude and wonder. But…?

Rising to one elbow she realized that she lay atop his back. The huge toad was making his was across a watery marsh of bright flowers and trickling streams of emerald waters.

But more.

Oh, so much more—she was—she was alone.

Naomi clapped her hands to her mouth as she sat up, Nox stopping his progress as he sensed her movement. Tears prickled in her eyes, brimmed, ran down her cheeks. Inside, within her depths, from the corners of her mind to the expanse of her soul—she was alone.

The Nightmare Lady was gone.

“Naomi lazy,” groused Nox. “Sleep sleep sleep.”

She swung her legs about to slide down his flank. Cool water splashed about her shins, and she managed three steps before she fell to her knees, hands still cupping her mouth and nose.

Solitude. Echoing freedom. Gone was that constant pressure, only noticeable in its absence. That weight of judgment and scorn, the endless, restless coiling, the impatience, the frustration. It felt as if a great mass had been scooped out of her very essence, and without it, she was—what was she?

“Best friend Naomi?” Nox edged around to face her, his feet making sucking sounds as he plucked them out of the mire.

“I’m all right,” she heard herself say, hand reaching out to pat his foreleg, but she didn’t know if she was, what she was. She felt like an egg shell, a bubble, an idea, a concept labelled ‘Naomi’ but without substance. Hollowed out, cleansed, reduced.

“She’s gone,” she whispered.

“Good,” said Nox. “Naomi better. Naomi now Naomi.”

She laughed, the sound half-despairing, half panicked. Why was this so frightening? Shouldn’t she be relieved? Wasn’t this the answer to every prayer she hadn’t even know she’d had to make? But that dark essence, that malevolence had formed her spiritual spine for so long, had lent her its strength, malevolent as it had been. Without it, she felt weak, defenseless… alone.

She looked up at the huge toad. Nox waited patiently by her side, as obdurate and unyielding in his way as a boulder. She wasn’t alone. Her thoughts turned to Scorio, to Leonis and Lianshi, and—could she—did this mean…?

“Tenebrites nasty. Not tasty.”

“No,” agreed Naomi. “Not tasty at all.” But wait. Her breath caught. Without the Nightmare Lady, what was she, who was she? Could she even Ignite?

For a moment her very soul quailed and drew back. What would happen if she reached for Heart and it… simply wasn’t there? What if she was no longer a Great Soul?

Don’t be a coward. The thought sounded just like the Nightmare Lady, but… but she was gone, wasn’t she?

Naomi took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and placed one hand over her chest, right over her heart. It was done. Whether or not she could Ignite was already decided. All she needed do was reveal the truth.

She reached out with her Heart senses, and there, hovering in the darkness before her, perfectly clear in her mind’s eye, hung her Heart. Oval, great sections of it smoothed to a mirror sheen, other parts still rough and ridged. Her Heart.

Naomi couldn’t help it—she gasped, half-laugh, half-sob, and extended her senses to the environs. Gold mana oozed by, shoot through with seams of Bronze. A carpet of Coal lay in the depths beneath the trickling green waters. Unable to resist the urge to smile, she drew the mana into her reservoir, then willed her Heart to Ignite.

Bright flames burst forth, pure white, blazing and somehow right. This was her Heart. Hers. Nobody else’s, and somehow it felt not just conceptually cleansed, but spiritually pure as well. Only now could she dimly sense how the Nightmare Lady’s influence had guided her Ignition, had amplified her burn, had influenced and tinted everything.

But that was darkness was gone. Truly gone.

This Heart and its fire was her own, her own alone.

But… what did that mean for her Powers?

Forcing her shuddery breath under control, her whole body feeling tremulous, she rose to her feet. Sweet, beautiful power flowed into her, elevating her, making anything seem possible.

Reluctant, unsure, she tried to manifest the Nightmare Lady form. Thought of the thick mane of dark tentacular hair, the gaunt frame, the jet-black skin. The horrific visage, the tail and with its great triangular blade. Her refuge, her damnation, her home, her salvation against the injustices of the world.

She prepared herself for that power, that lethality, that disappointment… and nothing happened.

Her eyes snapped open. “I can’t do it.”

Nox quirked his head inquisitively.

“I can’t become the Nightmare Lady.”

Nox snorted. “Naomi slow. Very sad.”

“Right, of course, but if I can’t shift into that form, then my other powers…” Heart still blazing, she reached for the shadows. Sought that kinship. Before they’d called to her, made her yearn to step in to their depths, to drown in their velvety luxury. But no longer.

Nothing.

Her heart began to pound. Had she retained her Heart but lost all her powers? That made sense, but where did that leave her? What could she do?

Thoughts spinning, she closed her eyes again and fought for calm. Silence but for the different call of strange fiends, the chuckling of the waters around her picking their paths around the tussocks and verdant mounds.

Calm, she commanded herself. Being nothing is better than being… her.

Naomi stilled and raised her face to the warm light. It felt so good up her cheeks, her brow. She felt herself relax, moment by moment, and allowed herself to just enjoy the moment. To enjoy this alien sunlight as if it were a blessing. No longer did she have to be a creature of darkness. Now she could embrace the light, the warmth, the blessings of the day.

Instinct stirred within her. Some kind of long suppressed memory. The sun didn’t just feel good, it felt… right.

The more she concentrated on its warmth, its golden radiance, the better she felt. Was it supplementing her Heart’s Ignition? She felt more confident, more solid, more everything.

Not knowing what she did she reached up with one hand, as if seeking to take the sunlight by the hand, reaching for the center of that light. Yearning arose within her. For how many years had she turned away from this light, from this benediction? For how many years had she lurked, scurried, and hid her face?

No longer.

She reached, fingers extended, and something… began to manifest.

Eyes opening once more, she saw a staff of golden light coalesce in her grip, thousands of bright motes swirling swiftly to become a rod of red-gold that fit perfectly in her hand. Its top was ornate, splitting into two wings that spiraled about each other only to swell out and nearly come back together at the top, forming a perfect circle. In the center of that space, hovering by itself, appeared a golden sphere.

Naomi’s breath caught. The rod was pleasingly heavy, but more than that, she felt a connection to it that felt primal, otherworldly, that transcended reason and time. She knew this staff. She couldn’t place it, had no memories, but perhaps in certain dreams…? Regardless, it was hers. Had always been hers. Would always be her symbol, her power…

Instinct guided again. Muscle memory. She thrust the staff up into the air and willed power to flow into it from her Heart.

The floating sphere blazed like a miniature sun and unleashed a blast of light. A thick stream of blazing gold so bright it burned white, and which flashed through the air, not diminishing as it flew over the colorful marshland to hit a small hill a good four or five hundred yards away.

The hill detonated.

Massive clods of dirt and coral simply fragmented and flew up and away, scattering and splashing across the waterways behind it, to leave a wound in the land, a shallow crater that immediately began to fill with emerald waters.

Nox startled and croaked in alarm.

Naomi snatched the staff back down and stared at it, horrified at the power, then, just as quickly, amazed and delighted.

“That new,” observed Nox. “Naomi not do that before.”

“I… no. I mean… I think I have. Somewhere. Perhaps long ago, in another world.” She raised the staff again, not to unleash a blast, but more to marvel at its gleaming length. She could sense now, the potential for the sun to blaze through its top. Biting her lower lip, she turned to another distant hillock and considered it. Yes. The knowledge of how to angle the staff, how to target the hill was natural, simple.

But what range. Could she…?

In the far distance, barely visible in the light haze that rose from the marshland, was an massive, dead tree. She couldn’t even tell how far away it was—a thousand yards? More? She could barely make it out against the faded backdrop of cliffs that lay beyond it.

Naomi narrowed her eyes, chose it as her target, and willed her power into her staff.

The miniature sun blazed bright and a flash of sunlight flew forth as before. A second later, maybe less, the distant tree exploded.

“Oh damn,” she whispered, and then laughed, frightened and exhilarated both.

The destruction had been near instantaneous.

A wild thought seized her—what else could she do? Clearly she had changed on a fundamental level—everyone knew that a Cinder’s first Trial determined whether they earned hand-to-hand combat powers or ranged attacks, with emotional, impatient people gaining close quarters powers, while more detached, calculating, and strategic types were given powers that allowed them to fight from a distance.

Had she changed so much? She’d exchanged the Nightmare Lady’s tail for her golden staff. Had she always been more thoughtful, more discerning, but made impatient and fierce by the Nightmare Lady’s presence?

The Emberling trial resulted in powers that bestowed mastery over others or the ability to hide or obfuscate one’s self in some manner. The Nightmare Lady had given her the ability to disappear into shadows and pass through them. Now?

Naomi stilled, focused on herself. Was there some new manifestation she could understand? Her mind wrestled with intangibles, but one truth remained salient: the heat, the warmth of the sun, maintained its primacy.

And she could feel that primacy within her, a presence, a power. All she need do was release it.

“Nox,” she whispered. “Could you… could you jump away? Very far?”

“Far?” Confusion, some measure of indignation. “How far?”

“Very.” The pressure within her was growing. It was hers, she knew she could master it, but she didn’t want to.

Nox grumbled, edged around, gathered himself, then leaped. Water splashed her as he soared up and away, landing a good thirty or forty yards in a burst of mud and more water.

That… that should be enough.

Naomi brought her staff in close, allowed that power to burgeon, to rise and rise within her, and then, with a cry, she released it.

A corona of gold appeared around her, a great ring some three yards in height, which burst outward in every direction. Pure gold, pure light, it flood forth, an expanding wall that flashed forth some twenty, thirty yards, perhaps more.

Nox’s croak of alarm was abrupt and he tried to turn and leap away but the light moved too fast. Its farthest extremity washed over him—but had no effect.

Nox frozen, then turned back in her direction.

Naomi lowered her staff. The pressure in her chest was gone, in her soul, but she could sense it building again. Again she studied her staff, and then closed her eyes, grinning, overwhelmed, thrilled.

Had that been an attack? It must have been, right? But what scope. It had washed over the landscape without damaging anything. Did it only affect the living?

Nox landed heavily beside her, splattering her with mud and water. She let out a shocked cry and leaped back herself, but then laughed. “You monster!”

Nox sniffed. “Accident. Nox too mighty. Humble apologies.”

“Ha! Sure, Nox, sure. Suddenly you don’t know where to pick your landing spot!” She wiped mud off her face, peeled the largest gobbets off her filthy robe, but she didn’t really care. “So? What did you feel?”

Nox turned his broad head away.

“Oh, come on, Nox! Tell me! Please? I’m learning how this all works, just… what was it like?”

“Was…” Nox considered. “Nice.”

“Nice?”

“Little nice.”

“Well, at least it doesn’t hurt my allies, at any rate. Huh.” But one truth was no undeniable. Her Nightmare Lady powers were gone. Had been replaced by the destructive powers of sunlight. But those were only two possible powers. She was a Dread Blaze. She should have four.

Naomi bit her lower lip, considered. The powers were so instinctive. In a way, they didn’t feel beholden to the Great Soul ranks. They felt… natural. So what else could she do?

Again she raised her face to the light. Allowed the warmth to sink into her skin, and found that she was smiling. How long had it been since she’d smiled for no particular reason? She knew that she had but to cast her mind back to find ample reason to weep, but in this moment, finding herself, she was able to resist the urge.

She was free. She was reborn. She was… herself. And with that came…

Naomi slowed her breath, stilled, sought greater self-knowledge. Sunlight. She wanted to drink it in, to swim in it, to become one with the warmth, that golden radiance. Only now did she understand what Scorio had meant about craving heat, heat craving fire. If she should come across a river of light now, she wouldn’t hesitate.

Was there anything more glorious?

The pressure within her was rising again, filling her spirit. She could release it into a halo of golden light once more, but… no. Was there more? She focused on that rising might. A sense of majesty filled her. Something from her very depths, her very essence, her core was rising to greet the day, rising to radiate, to burn, to light the world.

Naomi laughed, tears in her eyes again. Her? Naomi? Light the world? It was ridiculous, it was… it was farcical, but…

Her spirit kept rising. It felt as if she was losing control of it. Her urge was to constrain it, to tamp it down. But again instinct bade her allow it to soar.

No, hissed the memory of a voice. You invite only pain and ridicule by lowering your walls. You’re no good. You never will be. You’re not worthy of this. You’re soiled goods. You’re not worthy of joy. You—

Naomi screamed, banishing the voice, unleashing her spirit, breaking free of the shackles of that ghost, her own self-pity, her own self-loathing. She let out a cry that shook the heavens, and her body… caught fire.

She arose with her spirit, her fury and fear and pain and desire to be something more, to be worthy, to step into the light. She arose and felt herself transform, felt herself become eternal, impossible, beautiful, imperial, ultimate.

Nox was croaking in alarm once more, but she couldn’t stop, not even to reassure him. Her Heart was blazing like a bonfire, a funeral pyre for her pain, and the land was dropping away. Arms outstretched, face lifted to the Lustrous Maria’s sky, Naomi lifted higher and higher.

What was this feeling? What had she become? Laughing, weeping, she gazed down at herself, and saw that she was become radiance incarnate. Her flesh, her skin, her everything was now blazing golden light, shimmering with heat and fire, and she was robed in wondrous armor, layered plates of white that encased her in wondrous, form-fitting beauty. A tabard of white flowed down from her waist, and twin cloaks of slender fire fell from each shoulder to spiral around her like a double helix.

Her mind couldn’t take it, her thoughts couldn’t form. But she was transfixed by the rightness of this. This was who she was. Whom she’d always meant to have been. This was her past, her essence, her future. The beauty that had been marred and transfigured by the tenebrite, misshapen and hidden by the Nightmare Lady.

She was free.

She was finally, finally free to be herself.

Laughing, she bolted up into the sky, her twin cloaks spiraling behind her, arms by her side, her mane of black hair transformed into a river of golden locks, and she curved up and punched through the closest cloud, soaring up and over onto her back to arc beneath the heavens and then down, spinning now as she dove, and oh, by the ten hells, she was fast, she was so impossibly fast.

With a whoop she swept down to pass right over Nox where he gaped, broad mouth open, and then as she pulled up once more into a step climb she heard him croak with joy.

She was flying. The land fell away, tilted, only to come rushing back toward her as she dove. She dropped down to only a few feet above the corals and speared through the air, fast, faster, fastest. So fast that everything blurred, only to reach another gem-encrusted hill where she pulled up, her mobility so natural, so intuitive, to skim its surface and shoot up like a blaze of light flung back at the heavens.

Finally she slowed, descended, and discovered that she could hover. Moving to hang vertically, she dropped to where Nox awaited her, her light wreathing her, her twin cloaks moving to encircle her blazing form with a mind of their own. Gold staff in one hand, she felt incredible, felt amazing, felt…

She dropped the last dozen feet, released her light form, and as Naomi she staggered forward to drop to her knees by Nox’s side and bury her face in his side. And there she wept.

Deep, terrible sobs. Her frame wracked, she clasped her hands over her face and allowed grief and pain to pour forth.

Nox stood staunchly, not speaking, not moving.

Her sobs died down, and when at last she was done, she backed away just enough to sit numbly on a rock and wiped at her tear-streaked face.

“Naomi good person,” said Nox, breaking the silence at last.

This elicited one final hiccup of grief, but she was too tired, too spent, to do more than offer him a broken smile. “Am I, though?”

Nox’s voice was certain. “Sometimes very annoying. Often not recognize supreme Nox wisdom. But yes. Naomi good person.”

She gazed down at her hands. The dirt was gone, her cracked nails repaired. “I… I know you think that, but…”

She could sense his abrupt impatience. “Naomi want to be bad person?”

“I— no! Of course not.”

“Naomi want Nightmare Lady back?”

“No! Never. I—never, ever again.”

“Then simple. Naomi complicate matter. Naomi good person. If Naomi not agree, then Naomi decide to be good person now.”

“Yeah.” Her voice was a whisper. That glory. The sheer joy of flight. It already felt unreal. A dream. An undeserved blessing. But that… that was a vestige, wasn’t it? That was how she’d been trained to think. She… she could be a good person now, couldn’t she?

She saw her tail flash through the air.

Saw Alain’s shock as she cut through his neck. The splash of blood, his head—

She flinched and clenched her eyes.

Nox rumbled. “Naomi not ask for Nightmare Lady. Naomi and Nightmare Lady do bad things. Naomi alone now. Naomi make own decisions. Naomi learn. Naomi grow. Naomi become better.”

“Yes,” she whispered, cracking open her eyes and closing her hand into a fist. “I will. I’ll… I’ll take these gifts, and I’ll… I’ll do what I can.”

“All Naomi can do,” said Nox approvingly. “Naomi done? Nox must return to Golden Pools of Radiance. Nox deprive females for too long. Must return to begin glorious conquest.”

“Yes!” Naomi laughed raggedly. “Yes. I’m done. Thank you Nox. Thank you.”

“Hmph. Thank Nox by moving quickly toward Pools.” He paused. “If Naomi come?”

“I—of course. I mean…” She realized she’d never considered what came next. “What else what I do? Where else would I go?”

“Nox supreme. But Scorio not bad.”

Scorio.

A flutter of hope, of longing. “I… sure, yes. But I don’t know where he is.”

“Naomi lie. Scorio clutchmate. Naomi focus.”

Of course.

The technique Scorio had used to find Nox back in the Iron Weald. She’d never needed to use it while traveling with him, and after fleeing, had never dared. To reach out. To find him.

But now?

Scorio. She thought of his handsome face, his roguish smile, his thick shock of black hair. Her heart rose and her breath caught in her throat.

There was nowhere else she’d rather be. Nobody else she’d rather see.

Naomi closed her eyes and tried to find that sense. Not her Heart senses, but something different, subtle, something…

There. The pull to Nox was buried deep but very strong. A tether. But beyond that. She squeezed her eyes tight. Could she sense something beyond that pull?

For an aching eternity she sought something else, some other tug, and was just beginning to despair, when—

There.

It was a star compared to the blazing sun that was Nox, but—there. To the north. Back in the Silver Unfathom. A presence, a glimmer, a promise.

Scorio.

She gasped and opened her eyes. “Oh.”

Nox rumbled approvingly. “Good. Naomi go to Scorio.”

“I…” Tears filled her eyes again as she looked upon Nox. Her companion these long weeks, these past months. Massive, resolute, firm, and utterly himself. “You—Nox, you saved me. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

The corner’s of Nox’s mouth turned down into his version of a scowl. “Naomi clutchmate. Naomi do same for Nox. Simple.”

She laughed and stepped forward to embrace him. “Yes. Yes I would. Thank you, Nox. Thank you.”

Nox stiffened as she wrapped her arms around him, then pressed gently back against her. “Naomi welcome.”

They stood thus for a moment longer, then she stepped back and brushed her hair out of her face. When had it become so full, so clean, so untangled? She was smiling and somehow crying at the same time. Would she ever understand herself?

“Go,” rumbled Nox. “Go to Scorio. He need you.”

“Yes. Good bye Nox. Till we meet again.”

Nox harrumphed and waddled about only to begin clambering away, splashing and working toward the Golden Pools.

Naomi wiped the tears away and Ignited her Heart. She raised her face to the sky and embraced her newfound power. Allowed the sheer joy of her new self to infuse her, allowed her heart to soar, and became pure light. With a cry she surged up toward the heavens, a blazing star, and angling herself toward that distant speck, that distant light that only her soul could sense, she flung herself with impossible speed toward the horizon.