In Your Shadow [Chapter 10]

Katsuki knew he was in trouble the moment he sat down. He hadn’t noticed the expression on Deku’s face as he’d walked in, but...

[Chapter 9]

Katsuki knew he was in trouble the moment he sat down. He hadn’t noticed the expression on Deku’s face as he’d walked in, but it was clear the moment their eyes met, and Katsuki knew he’d fucked up.

The worst part was, he wasn’t exactly sure how.

“Do you want to tell me about your day yesterday?”

Katsuki was smart enough to know that was a rhetorical question.

“I had two patrols, I worked with Mirio on filling out reports, and I went to that ballet class you insisted I try.”

“More details, Katsuki.”

“Is this about the ballet?” he asked, grimacing. “I did try. I know I sucked at it, and I told a sidekick to shut up when they were laughing at me, but at least I did it quietly, and it’s not my fault they were a jerk first.”

Deku sighed, shaking his head slowly as he considered his next words.

“Which sidekick?” he asked finally.

“What?”

Deku just waited, not repeating himself, and Katsuki hated himself for respecting the decision.

“I don’t know their name.”

“Even their hero name?”

“No, I haven’t worked with them.”

“Can you describe them to me?”

“Young. Mirio’s age, or something. Skinny, doesn’t look like they spend much time in the gym, so probably an intellectual quirk or something. Long hair.”

Deku caught on finally, his expression softening a little despite himself.

“Optima,” he said softly. “At least you’re using the right pronouns, even if you know nothing else.”

“I’m an asshole, not a bigot.”

Deku cracked a smile despite himself, gone as quickly as it came, but Katsuki couldn’t help but hope he was being let off easy, this time.

“They’re new here,” Deku explained. “I’ll have a word.”

“What? Really?”

“No one should be making you feel uncomfortable about trying something new.”

“Oh. So that’s not what you were mad about?”

Katsuki kicked himself for the words when Deku’s face hardened again, wishing he’d just kept his damn mouth shut and let it pass – though he supposed he should know, so he could at least avoid doing it again.

“I was told you scowled through the whole class, but you were not disruptive and you joined in with everything,” Deku said slowly. “However, I was also told that you caused trouble on a patrol.”

“Oh. Crap.”

“Language, Katsuki. Would you like to tell me – politely and without bias – what happened?”

“I didn’t think it was that bad,” he mumbled, fidgeting a little in his seat. “There was an attempted assault, and I wanted to pursue the guy, but uh… Spelling Bee, he told me not to rush off on my own, and I knew I shouldn’t, but the guy was right there, I couldn’t just let the bastard get away, right?!”

“Katsuki. Going on these patrols is a privilege, do you understand that? You are not filling a space in the roster, you are not a fully qualified hero who can make his own calls – even our sidekicks don’t make those calls, the word of the patrol leader always comes first. What if that criminal had friends waiting around the corner, ready to jump in when he led you their way? What if he had a powerful quirk that you weren’t aware of? And even more importantly, what if the civilian had been severely injured, or died, because you ran off? We’ve had very similar talks to this already in your time here, and I really don’t appreciate having to do it all over again.”

Katsuki ducked his head, and Deku snapped, his initial lecture apparently forgotten.

“Do not do that,” he growled. “I don’t want some meek act, I don’t want you to act ashamed, I want you to look me dead in the eye, listen to every word that I say to you, and then tell me you understand what I’m telling you, that you will listen to it and learn from it. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Katsuki dragged his eyes back up to Deku’s, forcing himself not to break eye contact, even though he felt more focussed on that than on the actual words.

“Maybe I made a mistake in praising your actions, that time you jumped in to fight. To be clear, what I was praising was your ability to act under pressure, to apprehend a villain who was causing significant damage to a large group of people, and to hand them off sensibly afterward, without going too far. I was not praising the fact that you dove in without permission – in that instance, you wouldhave been given permission, and I thought you knew that. Do you understand the difference?”

“I do,” Katsuki assured him. “That’s why I didn’t go, I know it’s different.”

“What?”

“I… don’t understand what you want clarification on. Sir.”

“You ‘didn’t go’?”

“After the assaulter yesterday,” Katsuki explained. “I know I was an asshole, I should have listened to Spelling Bee and not argued with her, especially in front of civilians and in the middle of the problem – and I guess I probably should have said I’d take care of the civilian and take a report while Spelling Bee went after the guy, instead of trying to do it myself, I just figured it was faster with my quirk than with Spelling Bee having to whip out their book and find a speed spell or something, but I know I’m just an intern, I guess I just got carried away. I’m sorry, Deku, I didn’t mean to let you down.”

For a minute Deku just stared at him, and Katsuki chose to keep his mouth closed, to let Deku mull it all over and take his words in.

“I’m glad you’ve thought about this,” he said finally. “You have no patrols with Bee today, to make sure you’ve both calmed down and moved on before you work together again. Which is a shame, really, because I thought they’d be a good influence on you. They have a fascinating quirk, that I thought you might find interesting, along with a lot of experience in the field that would benefit you to learn from.”

“I’ll apologise,” Katsuki offered, unsurprised when Deku’s eyes widened a little. “Next time I see them, or whenever you want I guess. I didn’t mean to upset her.”

“Thank you, I’m sure they would appreciate that.”

It took everything in Katsuki’s power to keep from ducking his head again, embarrassed and chastised, but he kept his gaze up, waited for Deku to break it, to look over at his paperwork pile.

“If you can assure me that you will follow directions and behave yourself, I have a new patrol for you today.”

Katsuki perked up, and he caught a twitch of Deku’s lips as he tried not to show his amusement at it – Deku was always careful not to make Katsuki feel awkward about his enthusiasm, and Katsuki appreciated that more than Deku would ever know.

“Straight after we finish here, you can go do a Breakfast patrol. Very similar to the lunch ones – a little shorter, covering the high-traffic commute times. Razor is happy to take you out on that one.”

“That sounds great. I’ll do what I’m told, I swear.”

“Tonight, you’ll do a Night patrol. It’s a late one, right before the Graveyard. I don’t think you’ve met Trax yet, so be sure to make a good impression.”

“I will!” Katsuki promised, cringing a little at how obedient he’d become all of a sudden. “I won’t let you down again.”

“You haven’t let me down,” Deku assured him. “You’re here to learn, and as long as you keep doing that, learning things and applying them, that’s what’s important to me. You’ve learned what you did wrong, now it’s time to learn from it.”

“I will.”

“Alright. You’re dismissed, then, and I’ll see you tomorrow at ten – get some sleep after your patrol.”

“I will. Thank you.”

He slid the timetable off the desk, then paused when he reached for his bag, remembering the document tucked inside one of Deku’s folders he’d kept for reuse. He slipped it out, hesitating slightly, then offered it across the desk.

“Do you want this now?” he asked awkwardly. “My weekly report, from yesterday.”

“You finished already?”

“Yes, Deku. Mirio helped me a ton, and I finished it off before bed.”

“I’ll have a good read of it and give you some feedback for the next one.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded slightly, setting the folder in his to-do tray, and Katsuki rose to his feet to leave, pausing one last time.

“You know I’m not a bad person, right?” he asked awkwardly. “I know I’m loud and rude and all that sh- stuff, but I’m not bad.”

“I know,” Deku assured him, smiling this time. “You wouldn’t be here if the was even a hint of evidence that you weren’t a good person.”

Katsuki’s shoulders sank a little in his relief, the tension seeping out of him, and he nodded again, waving toward the door slightly.

“I’ll go to this new patrol, then.”

“Learn something good.”

“I will.”

─────

Katsuki hovered in the doorway, eyes darting back and forth across the lobby as he waited. All he knew about his patrol leader for the night was their hero name, and he was riddled with anxiety over the thought of missing the patrol just because he didn’t recognise who he was meant to be working with.

“You got a jacket or something?”

Katsuki whirled around, finding a hint of amusement in the young woman’s expression when she saw his face – he needed to get better at schooling his expressions when he was tired or surprised.

“Trax,” she said, offering him a hand.

“Katsuki,” he returned, shaking her hand awkwardly. “I thought you’d be…”

“Older?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Indoors,” he corrected her flatly.

She snorted, and he relaxed a little, watching her gesture with the plastic bag in her hand in explanation.

“Gonna be a long one,” she explained. “Cold out there, and a big party nearby, so a lot of drunk people to wade through while we watch for trouble. So, jacket?”

“Insulated suit,” he answered, tugging at his high, thick collar. “Learned from my graveyard.”

“Fuck, yeah, that must have killed you,” Trax said knowingly. “Bare arms after midnight when you rely on sweat? Not the best recipe.”

Katsuki blinked at her, but she didn’t explain herself, just walked by to pick up a small black bag from under one of the lobby sofas. She raised a hand in greeting, and Katsuki looked up to see two sidekicks heading their way – one tall and unfamiliar, the other far more familiar than he would have liked.

“You guys met yet?” Trax asked, continuing without waiting for an answer. “Maelstrom, he/him; Optima, they/them; Dynamight, he/they.”

Katsuki shot her another curious glance, but was quickly distracted by the look Optima gave him at the same time – he wasn’t sure if Deku had talked to them yet, or what their response had been if so, but regardless, they seemed just about ready to stab him for joining the patrol. All the same, they made their last gear checks and headed out the door, Trax gesturing for Katsuki to walk beside her up front.

“We’ve got a good crew here tonight, none of that ‘what’s up fellow kids’ bullshit I had last week.”

“Borealis was fine,” Maelstrom sighed. “You just don’t like Plasmatic’s ‘ords.”

“Ords?” Katsuki asked, before he could think better of it.

“Subordinates,” Trax clarified. “The older folks didn’t appreciate us calling them their Subs.”

Katsuki cracked a smile, glancing back to see Maelstrom grinning, shaking his head.

“Trax and Umbra used to make a bunch of jokes about it,” he explained. “When Trax got promoted, she said it in front of the other Leaders and they were all horrified.”

“They told me ‘absolutely not’ even though Deku was clearly trying not to laugh. I swear he’s the only one of them with a sense of humour.”

Katsuki thought back on his experiences with the other patrol leaders he’d met, but he had to admit, Trax seemed pretty on-point with the assessment.

“I still haven’t seen Deku laugh,” Optima argued. “He’s the most uptight of them all.”

Trax and Maelstrom didn’t answer right away, and Katsuki was surprised to see their eyes go to him, waiting for him to weigh in.

“I made him laugh yesterday,” he offered finally. “It was stupid, but it was a laugh.”

“Yeah?” Maelstrom asked, eyes widening. “Over what?”

“Maelstrom is keeping a logbook so he can figure out how to get on Deku’s good side,” Trax teased. “He wants to learn from you.”

“It was stupid,” Katsuki repeated, feeling his face warm a little. “He was talking about our sparring session on Sunday, he was amused about how excited I was by it.”

“You got time sparring with the Big Man?” Maelstrom blinked at him, stunned. “You’ve only been here a week.”

“I was in the right place at the right time,” Katsuki shrugged. “He needed to blow off some steam.”

“Man. Jealous as hell.”

“You’ll get there,” Trax assured him. “You’re on his radar, I’m sure it’ll come soon.”

“Fingers crossed.”

“He’s definitely uptight, too, though,” Katsuki said, throwing Optima a bone. “Constantly on me to sit up straight and say please and shit.”

“Yeah, he does that,” Trax laughed. “It’s a good lesson, he just doesn’t teach it well.”

“What’s the lesson? Don’t be an asshole?”

“How to not piss off your seniors,” Maelstrom offered, laughing. “That’s as far as I’ve gotten.”

“How to suck up to heroes you need a job from,” Optima suggested. “Because we’re all trash at it when he hires us.”

“Probably something to do with helping people who are ungrateful assholes in return.”

“By sitting like there’s a stick up my ass and thanking them for letting me save them? Pass.”

Maybe Optima wasn’t so bad after all.

Trax just smiled softly, letting them crack their jokes – she was clearly a lot more laid-back than the other Leaders, and with her age too, Katsuki couldn’t help but be curious how she’d gotten her position. He’d have to find a chance to bring it up casually in conversation over the course of the night, so it wouldn’t look like he was prying. Or too impressed.

Around halfway through their patrol he got his chance, as Trax waved them towarda flatrooftop to take a short break, handing out cans of hot soup from the plastic bag she’d been carrying at the start of the night. They each took one side of the square building, sitting on or against the edge to watch their assigned direction, clutching their warm cans in their hands and cracking them open to take satisfying sips. It was oddly cosy, in a weird way – quiet and calm, despite the insane number of people still walking the streets below.

“So how did you get this internship?” Trax prompted, once Katsuki had settled in. “Your file told me pretty much everything except that.”

“You read my file?”

“You think I’m gonna take a high school student out on a patrol without reading their file first?”

“The other Leaders did.”

“Typical,” she snorted. “They’re old and complacent.”

“They’re like, thirty.”

“Exactly.”

Katsuki snorted, shaking his head slightly, but acquiesced all the same.

“All Might is one of my teachers,” he said, though he was sure they all knew that part. “He thought Deku would be good for me, so he asked for it as a favour, since the two of them are so close.”

“All Might has never had another student he thought was worth recommending?”

“He has before, I think,” Katsuki shrugged. “Deku always says no. I guess he was in a good mood this time.”

He couldn’t bring himself to tell them the rest of it that Deku had shared with him, that felt weirdly stuck-up to say out loud.

“Aizawa too, right?” Maelstrom asked. “He must be your homeroom teacher, so Deku would have talked to him?”

Katsuki glanced back, but Maelstrom was looking out over the streets still.

“He is,” Katsuki agreed. “I don’t know if they talked.”

“They would have. I assume you know he was Deku’s homeroom teacher, too.”

“I didn’t, actually.”

“Oh. Yeah, they’re still in touch regularly, they get coffee every month if they’re not too busy.”

“Huh. He never mentioned it. He just said he thought I should take the offer.”

“Probably forgot. Is he still insanely sleep-deprived all the time from doing hero work all night?”

“He’s tired, I wouldn’t say insanely though.”

“He’s been better since Deku got Number One,” Trax weighed in. “I heard that the day Deku was announced, instead of saying ‘congratulations’, Eraser Head called him and said ‘I’m retiring’.”

“Sounds like him,” Katsuki smiled slightly. “He’s definitely not retired, but I don’t think he does as much as he used to.”

“Good, I’m glad he’s got some faith in others.”

“Only Deku,” Maelstrom chuckled. “The rest of his students he just berates for putting themselves in risky situations.”

“He’s probably right.”

Katsuki snorted, trying to ignore the way three pairs of eyes burned into his back for it.

“I get that too,” he explained. “The lectures.”

“He’s definitely right,” Trax laughed. “How many idiots are out there who would get chained up by the League of Villains and just tell them ‘fuck off I wanna be a hero’ when they offer him a job?”

“I don’t want to be a fucking villain.”

“Well obviously, asshole, but if it’s play along or die? You know as well as I do what the smart option would have been.”

“And spend the rest of my life hearing bastards whisper about how I agreed to join the villains as a teenager and I can’t be trusted? Like hell.”

“Do you not value your life at all?”

“Of course I do, but I value the quality of my life more.”

The group fell silent at that, until, after a long moment, Optima spoke up.

“I didn’t know that was you.”

Katsuki didn’t answer.

“That’s… admirable. If stupid.”

“Very stupid,” Trax agreed.

“And very admirable,” Maelstrom chuckled. “I don’t think I could’ve done it.”

“Me neither,” Optima said quietly.

“I’d have gone down fighting,” Trax finished. “I wouldn’t have gotten out of there either way.”

“Deku had to save my ass, in the end,” Katsuki grumbled. “I’ll never live it down.”

“Pay him back, one day.” Trax shrugged. “He won’t always be able to save your ass, one day you might have to save his.”

“And make things even?”

“Yeah,” she grinned, catching his eye. “And then do it again.”

Katsuki paused for a second, then grinned, his lips stretching almost painfully wide with how damn gleeful the thought made him.

“Yeah. Damn right I will.”

[Chapter 11]