Charlie Brown Christmas

Joz took over doing the writeup for this one:

I wanted to tell some gentle stories, because, believe it or not, I’m not a maniacal maverick in real life, and we need some gentle stories right now.

This year has brought me a lot of challenge and change—on a less life-threatening scale than for so many others—but still there. And I’ve been thinking a lot about fear and the gender binary. Neither end has a great relationship to it: our current and historical stories teach boys to suppress it and girls to be ruled by it.

“Get up, you’re not hurt.”

“Don’t travel alone, it isn’t safe.”

It’s one or the other: strong and weak, “boy” and “girl”—life at the extremes. And I’ve been considering fear, and failure, and success.

I made a very conscious decision to learn GMing in real-time. I knew some listeners hated my style as a player, and probably would hate my GMing, very vocally, too. Doubly so as I opened myself up to all of the mistakes learning a new skill entails. And I know what I look like, even if it’s not what I am.

Girl. Fear. Weak.

It’s ok that others don’t like my bag of tricks; no one is for everyone. But the fear that stops us in our tracks, that never encourages us to grow—that encoding needs to end, and the only way to make it ok to fall on our face is to fall on our face. So I said hello to the wave of fear that arose, nearly yarfed my guts out, and stepped off the cliff to learn the GM side of what I already knew how to do: tell stories.

Because, what if me falling on my face, getting up, and trying again, amidst criticism, helped others try too? What if coming back despite it all showed others it’s just commentary, not curses? What if others then attempted frightening feats at younger and younger ages, learning to make friends with the fear sooner, whether through more vulnerability or courage? What if that led to more balanced adults—less putting others down to feel better, or feeling so much fear you never try at all? Ugh. That thought makes me sick to my core, especially as I see so many on the femme side silencing themselves or being silenced.

Imagine what we lose, if you never try at all.

Our system rewards fighters, which requires suppression of fear. So many on the “girl” side of the binary never fully bloom because they’ve been taught to run from fear. They’re not getting their reps in. But so many on the “boy” side aren’t truly happy. They’re winning the game, but at the expense of vulnerability. Neither side truly succeeds at bringing their honest selves along. So what if we helped everyone just be?

Ok Joz. What does this have to do with Peanuts?

Charlie fails. Regularly. Publicly. Under ridicule. Yet he has a softness and awareness that the fear is there, but also a courage and strength that helps him believe that maybe this time will be different. Charlie keeps trying. Charlie teaches us so many helpful lessons about finding our balance.

This movie wasn’t forecast to do well by all of the top decision-makers—in fact, Bill Melendez said if the window between preview and release had been any longer, it would have been canned. Execs thought it had a “slow pace,” the “music didn’t fit,” and the animation was “too simple.” But a week later, it went out into the world, and well…

It’s a show about a kid who is both strong and weak, who learns to befriend fear, imperfectly and wholly, and in the process, frees us all to try.

Try examining your fear and relationship to it. Try, fail, and cultivate the voice in you that says “you can always try again.” See if softness helps, or if what you need is one more measure of courage. Only you truly define yourself, so finding your balance will make things easier. Befriend the fear.

And if you ever get lost, Charlie and I will be here, falling on our faces, hopefully gifting you giggles to get up and keep going. Back in two weeks with part 1 of Fifth Element.

Happy New Year. Arms and Legs.