NokiMo
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ACTION CONTEST DRAFT

Added 2022-05-08 20:57:56 +0000 UTC

hello hello hello!!!! 

our draft of our action contest submission is finally here! if you'd like to read it and help us with the editing process, it would really help us if you would also answer a small questionnaire (attached in this post) about the chapter. we'll give you a shout-out at the end of the chapter when we upload it if you do :)

very excited, not sure what's gonna become of this story, but we've learned a lot in the process of making it. our poor people panels have gotten a lot stronger as a result of applying ourselves here :) 

ACTION CONTEST DRAFT ACTION CONTEST DRAFT ACTION CONTEST DRAFT

Comments

I love getting lost in the world building of stories!! I’m glad I could help! And Kindra is totally fine!

2022-06-22 21:25:34 +0000 UTC

Hiiii thank you for you very nice comment :)) trust me you are definitely thoughtful enough! sorry it took longer to reply to you - we reworked some of the dialogue to make it less expository. i tried to make it clearer that she’s narrating/recounting versus her thoughts in the moment cause what she’s saying isn’t super realistic sounding haha. also you may or may not be the only person who guessed #2 correct ;). last thing I wanna ask is how you’d like to be named/credited when we upload next sunday! again tysm 🤍

2022-06-22 02:38:57 +0000 UTC

Im not thoughtful enough to give good advice but can try to answer some of these. 1. Girl breaks into main characters city or town which shouldn't be possible. The main character tries to catch her but fails miserably. Then new girl shows up at the school (other comment said college but I don't remember). 2. Enemies to lovers ( I don't know your stand point on lgbt so I hope that's fine to say) 3.Akward not really. One of my favorite hobbies is novel writing so the half explaining was awkward. We got little snippets of information about the world through her mind but sometimes it didn't feel like something the character was thinking and more of something you put in so we could no more about the world. But I could be over analyzing that. 4. I have no idea what her motivation is. A character motivation is something that keeps many stories going. With what we have I don't think we need to be introduced to it yet but it should be a motivation interesting enough to keep readers hooked. 5. Friend. She'll probably reveal some sort of secret eventually and get the main character on her side. 6. An isolated country must be pretty modern to have a working school system. 7. Most things are a question after reading this and I don't think that's bad for a first chapter. But I do wish there was some more use of magic in the first chapter. (Sorry for grammar errors im bad at typing on my phone)

2022-05-23 02:03:48 +0000 UTC

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