"Fucking in both cunts at once" – and other news

Hello beautiful people <3 

Hope you're having a sexy Summer and thank you for sticking around here while I've been quiet. I have some things to share in the upcoming weeks, and they're hot and deep as always. In the meantime, here's some stuff I've been working on lately. 

The new issue of Paraphilia is out now – it's a very immaculately curated publication aiming to reflect and expand the contemporary discourse of BDSM and kink. I have contributed an essay about BDSM and gender: gender as a social power structure, gender in our erotic imagination and our play, the leatherdyke history of fucking with gender, and the ways BDSM allows us to reimagine sex beyond the binary. Read a little extract below. 

I spent most of my childhood being quietly afraid of men. The ambient fear was embedded in lifts and stairwells of my apartment building, deserted parks, and poorly-lit underpasses. In the late 1990s, Russia was in the midst of economic and social chaos. My childhood itself was pretty tame, but violence still hung in the air like a cloud. That violence was also clearly gendered. The threat almost always came from men: men in cars with tinted windows, men in tracksuits on the estates, men who worked for the police. The world was full of potential masculine aggression towards my feminine body, vulnerable in an urban space which was not designed for me. Femininity made me a target for external forces, yet also gave me no chance to find a refuge within myself: the beauty standards were completely unattainable, the roles I was meant to play too restricting, the makeup and stiletto heels an uncomfortable drag.

Even though my experience is specific, it’s also not uncommon. Most women and femmes (and a great deal of gender-nonconforming people) either have a history of gendered violence, or have experienced living in persistent fear of it. We process this trauma differently, and some of us process it through BDSM and kink. I have certainly done this myself. I have eroticised the threat through cnc scenes and abduction fantasies; I have unlearned the fear by putting my body through pain as a masochist; I have grown to enjoy the stiletto heels through embodying a femme daddy with a big dick. Whether having someone’s hand squeezing my throat or someone sucking on my shiny 6-inch heel, gender has always been a hot part of these scenes – and a source of arousal and pleasure.

BDSM is a source of overwhelming sensations and intense experiences – and often they are a reflection of the power structures which determine our lives. BDSM echoes the feeling of being soft and vulnerable in the face of something greater, or embodies the first taste of power we’ve ever had. In our daily lives, we constantly fit our bodies and minds into the structures of authority and control, restraint and reward, pain and pleasure. Work, school, family, history: we can’t deny that gender is an integral part of our experience of all of the above.

To read the full thing, where I go great lengths citing from a lot of leatherdyke books, get your issue of Paraphilia here. If you do, you'll get that priceless reference of "Fucking in both cunts at once" which made it to title. 

I also chaired a panel discussion on online censorship of all things sexual and erotic with Klub Verboten. It was that exciting that we all completely forgot to make an audio recording. I'm putting some more together for the upcoming months, so stay tuned. I censored my nipples for this one with £2 iso tape – the classic fetish look never gets old. 

Thanks for your support once again xxx