[Slimy Slime] Chapter 60: A Goblin 'Party'

There had been many words thrown my way. Great words. Important words. ‘Celebration’ had been one. ‘Throne’ another. These were things people would think of as, like, parades and stuff. A great King sitting on, looking out among his subjects. With dignity and respect.

Almost none of that mapped to the fucking Goblin Orgy my slimy eyes were being forced to witness.

Jesus christ, have some modesty! That thing can’t possibly- oof. Yeah, that’s going to sting in the- oh wow. She’s really getting into it actually. Holy shit. And whoa. Alright, like, wow. I knew we were pretty LGBT friendly out here but that’s four guys my dude.

My poor fucking eyes. I had never been more thankful I hadn’t moved Sandra and Michael to stay out with the goblins. They would have destroyed poor Tilia’s innocence. Hell, it looked like Michael was going to vomit blood and die from how pale he was. It could have something to do with the views, it could have something to do with how many male and female goblins had approached him. And goblins had to be told ‘No’ with your fists, it quickly turned out. Even my orders apparently only lasted so long. Chaotic and evil little devils that they were.

“K-K-King Slime. Can I please go home to my wife and child? Please!”

“Abs-fucking-lutely not Michael. I can not move. I can’t even summon my [Spirit Hands]. Do you want me to be at their mercy?! You are my guard till further notice Michael.”

“C-Can’t the [Hob-Goblins] or Krrrgg guard you?”

“Michael, they deserve rest and relaxation too. Besides, you can see them just as well as I can and no, I don’t trust them to not try something with me. I mean, look at them. They are really going to town huh…”

“This is…” Michael trailed off, shaking his head, and turning his eyes back to me in a fruitless bid to ignore reality. I understood though. My poor ears weren’t doing any better at this rate than my poor eyes. “I had no idea this is what they were making.” Michael said.

I sighed.

I was on top of a stump. Not just one stump, oh no, that wouldn’t have been Kingly enough or Throne like enough. It was dozens of stumps, piled together, with a few somehow becoming taller than the others. I’ll give the Goblins this… it at least somewhat looked like a seat. That was all I could say really. Well, that, and kudos to them for going through the effort. No way this had been easy to… create? Pile together.

My dreams of holding a proper award ceremony would have to wait. I would still do it… soon. Tomorrow? Nope. Nope, not after what I just saw, nope. It was still premature… we were still at War. Hell, even now… the grinder was doing its grisly work. I’d even gone out on the walls before coming to the village, to make sure everything was okay. Besides a single, very strange goblin standing outside, everything was fine. Well, not every goblin was a party person and I’m sure he could find some way back inside on his own.

I didn’t know whether to be happy or mortified that the sounds of a few hundreds horny happy goblins were overpowering the sounds of thousands yelling war cries. This was by far the most fucked up situation I’d landed in so far. My emotions were kaput.

But I had a Duty! I would see this through and- Hey!

“No touching Michael. Bad Goblins, bad!”

The three nude women who’d been trying to grab at him sprinted away, giggling. Ughh. You chose this path Slimy slime. No wait, no I didn’t! I never planned to be Slimy slime, king of goblins. Mass public orgies had never once crossed my mind. I ruled over perverts. Chaotic, mostly evil, perverts who acted on whims and had almost no filter in their heads. Their sense of public decency was shot and their morality was decidedly negative.

These were my citizens. God… with how much they’re doing… they are going to be my citizens for a long, long time to come. Their population might double overnight…

I frowned. “Put down that spear dang it! No!”

The very adventurous goblin frowned but dropped it.

King who? [Acid Slime] who? I’d become [Nanny Slime] for horny devils. The price of victory had never been so clear in my life. At least it took my mind off things but… god damn.

“Michael.”

“Yes?”

“We have to make sure we come up with excuses from now on. Start thinking. Any time we win a battle and there’s a ‘celebration’ we’ll just say I uh… I was stuck in the bathroom! That’s it!”

“You don’t even go to the bathroom!”

“Then we can say I had a stomachache!”

“You don’t have a stomach!”

“Damn you and your logic! What about… uh… ah I got it! Kingly duties. We can just say I’m currently busy with Kingly duties.”

“...I don’t know if they’ll buy tha-”

“Keep in mind that if I have to go to another ‘celebration’, either you or Sandra would have to guard me.”

A look of pure, sheer, horror spread up and down Michael’s entire body, briefly making him go pale as snow.

“Of course! Of course, kingly duties. The most important of tasks. We’ll simply have to tell everyone you’re busy with those and that I, and my innocent wife, are busy taking care of Tilia.”

“Now you’re getting it Michael.”

Suddenly, laughter could be heard close by. I turned, only to see Krrrgg. See Krrrgg in all her glory. She didn’t usually wear much but that small amount was gone now. Being a Tier 2 [Goblin Captain], she looked more like a small green woman than the typical goblin. Oh, still definitely a goblin, those features were never going away. She looked even more exotic even, with her markings spreading across her body. I never took the time to fully appreciate them till now…

I shook my slimy self, she was laughing at us currently.

“Come on. Michael isn’t that funny looking.”

Michael shot me a look.

“You are funny Slimy. Do you not like the celebration?” Krrrgg asked, all smiles.

“Uh… let’s just say I lean more towards [Human] sensibility. Namely… a public orgy is a bit… much. Well for me. Go wild I say exce- I see you down there! Yes, you! I told you, put down the spear! So help me- Anyway, uh yeah. Too much for me! But you should feel free to go have fun Krrrgg. You should relax.”

“So should you.”

I blinked. Oh great, not another person asking me to relax.

“Well… there’s not much I can really do you know? Gonna be at least a few days before I can move sadly. Oh, but don’t worry! I’ll make a full recovery soon. I can already kinda move. Barely.” I tried and… kinda? Wiggled my slime away from my body. “Anyway… so yeah. I am ‘relaxing’.”

Krrrgg shot me an amused look and I didn’t miss the deadpan look on Michael’s face either.

“What?”

“Is it really relaxing…” Michael started.

“...if you have to be forced to do it?” Krrrgg finished.

Double teamed?! By my closest friends?! How is that fair?! Oi, Krrrgg, you’re way too smart! Stop learning so fast! You’ll put me in my grave at this rate.

“Well, there’s always stuff I could be doing! You know, getting stronger, training, sparring, it’s fun to do all that! It’s not like I’m a workaholic or anything.”

Now both Krrrgg and Michael were staring at me in disbelief. Come on! I lowered my voice so no other goblin would hear.

“We are at War guys. We nearly lost already. If not for Sandra pulling a miracle… we’d be toast. If I had been stronger, things never would have gotten that far.”

Michael looked uncomfortable but unsure how to reply. But Krrrgg…

“Now is not then. That time has passed. Now is now. You need to know when to relax Slimy Slime. Now is that time.”

“It’s… hard.” I admitted. Everything was on my shoulders and I didn’t even have shoulders! I nearly failed. Right now, people were dying outside my walls because I’d been too weak to save them. I had failed. I know that was ridiculous, my citizens had suffered no casualties, but every dead enemy was another casualty to me. Another person I could have saved if I’d just tried harder. Been faster, smarter, more. Organized and prepared the goblins better, send out raiding parties, had mass migration movements, or something. I had eaten so many hearts… and every single one was a sign of my failure. I grew stronger from failing my people. And they were. Every one of those goblins out there would have gladly become one of my people most likely, with food and shelter and outside a leader that would literally eat them. And they would never get that.

“Michael.” Krrrgg said, and nodded towards his house. Michael got the hint and once more, I was struck by awe. When I’d first met Krrrgg, she’d been smart, but not like this. This wasn’t just an evolution, not just a language upgrade, she had been stunted but now she was growing fast. I think… she was always meant to be more. If she hadn’t been pressed into the ground by the [Goblin Chief], she might have become one herself in time. I knew she talked to Sandra a lot, they were close friends, but sometimes it was hard to look at a goblin, look at Krrrgg, and think of her exactly the same as a human. It was leftover bias more than anything.

With Michael gone, Krrrg kneeled in front of me, coming close. Face to face.

“It’s hard being a leader.” Krrrgg said. “You worry you’ll fail them. They’ll die. You’re making a mistake. You’ll all be eaten. That serving this new chief that let you live and taking them to them is a horrible mistake. That they’ll turn out just like the old chief. Or worse.” She smiled at that last bit and I finally got that if anyone could relate to being a King… it was Krrrgg. She literally evolved into being one.

“But you have to relax. They look at you, they see you, they follow you. When you’re weak, they’re weak. This party isn’t because we won my King… it’s because you’re awake.”

I gaped at Krrrgg. That… suddenly, all the laughter and eyes that had been turned my way took new meaning. Sure, many were horny, but a lot had just been happy. I thought I’d gotten it. We’d done. We were all still alive. But… I…

“They don’t even know me…” I squeaked out.

“They know enough. Now… Slimy Slime… my friend.” Krrrgg smirked. “You have ‘[Human] sensibilities’ so, how do [Humans] ask to fuck?”

I froze. What. WHAT?

“Uhhh, I, Krrrgg, you, I, what, you, huh?”

Krrrgg moved forward, picking me up and turning me around, and I was suddenly very aware of her arms around me. Of the peaks above me. Of her heat against me.

She began to walk while my mind exploded.

“K-K-Krrrgg this! You can’t just-! I… I’m not ready to be a one woman man you know!”

“Of course not. Goblins do not ‘do’ Monogamy, as Sandra has called it. Bleh.”

She continued to walk, heading back towards my cave.

“B-B-But, uh… I… this is highly unprofessional you know! I, I’m a king and you are my major military person! This is a uh, something of something!”

“You are King. You decide what is and is not professional.”

Damn it, how did Krrrgg even know that word and what it meant?!

“Krrrgg… I…I’m nervous and anxious and I can’t move and I wasn’t always a slime, I used to be human!” I said in a rush.

Krrrgg paused at that, unmoving for a moment. I couldn’t see her expression but it must be absolutely shocked. Eventually though-

“Well, no one is perfect.” She said.

“Wait, what?! You don’t care?!”

“Huh? Why would I? Human, slime, you’re still Slimy Slime.”

I was struck right in the dissociation but in the most positive way yet to date. My body and most of my mind had fully adjusted to being a slime but there was still that part of me that screamed I was ‘A human in a slime body’. Krrrgg had just said ‘You’re slimy slime, no matter the body’ and my brain felt like it had an entirely new reason to turn to mush.

By the time I recovered from that blow, we were right at my cave door.

“Krrrgg…” I said, some real worry seeping in.

Krrrgg paused.

“You can say no.” Krrrgg said. “I’ll put you in the cave and leave. I just think it’d be fun to fuck.”

Krrrgg waited…. And I… I…

I didn’t say a god damn thing.

With a smirk Krrrgg headed inside.