[Slimy Slime] Chapter 27: A Slime Learns to Speak!!!

You know, there’s something Roy used to say. ‘You’re a lovable idiot’. God I missed him. But more to the point! He used to say ‘A million things at a time.’ because there’s always more to be done and well…

I was really feeling that crunch.

Let’s go over my to do list. I had even made an actual one! I really felt the rustic wooden list added to the avane grande of the cave. Yes, yes, a fine piece of art. But enough about my great design choices! Instead, let’s see what I need to do.

1. Find a secret evolution.
2. Eat more wolves to get more stats
3. Get better at magic
4. Get better at Astra
5. Pick up some milk
6. Improve my eyesight
7. Get better with my hands
8. Get better at combat.

9.   Learn how to speak.

What a list! And best of all… recently I got the chance to mark one of them off it! With great enthusiasm, I went over to my Hob-Goblin friend. They had stayed after that fateful day and mostly just been lounging around. I had caught them practicing with their new ax and training their skill a bit, but they mostly seemed to just freeze up and act awkward around me. Really annoying! They were stiff as a board. They hardly even talked.

Honestly, it was downright unnerving.

I had mostly ignored it though, continuing and settling into my old routine. There was a million and one things to practice and I wanted to be more than ready for the next time I had to fight a horde of bullshit.

But today? Today was going to be different!

My Hob-Goblin friend caught sight of me and immediately went rigid. Come on! Why?! I thought we were cool Hob-Goblin-chan. Why must you hate me so?! But now, now we could finally get to the bottom of it.

I took a deep, slimy breath, and expelled it. Expelled it while carefully manipulating my slime. I was abusing and relying heavily on a very, very good skill.

[Universal Speech]

I could read and write and speak anything and everything. The only limits, was that I had to turn into it first. And I had run into the Goblin Language. The only problem? I hadn’t been able to speak, at all. But that just meant I had to get creative! All you really need for speech… is sound. And I can make sounds. So… why can’t I make the right sounds from my slime?

Case in point… I could!

“Grrkk Garrrkkk Bkkka.” I said. Which in Goblin translated very well too “Hello! How are you?”

My Hob-Goblin friend startled so bad she nearly dropped her ax on her foot. Hey! Be careful! I have no idea if my health potion can regenerate limbs or lost toes…

“You… can speak goblin?”

“Yes! Well, it took a while, but yes! Hello!”

She seemed to gulp for a moment and now I was actually worried. There was some real fear in those eyes.

“Hello… Master.”

If a slime could frown heavily, I’d be doing so.

“What?”

She seemed to freeze in place at my clearly unamused tone.

“We’re not… I’m not… no! Did you think we're a… slave here or something?!”

She blinked at me. I looked up at her. Hob-Goblins may not be tall but I was only around a foot! That made this all the more awkward but at least I wasn’t looming over her. Seriously, what is going through that head of yours?!

“I’m not?”

“NO!”

“Then…” She seemed really nervous now. “Why… am I here?”

“You attacked and tried to eat me! I just wanted some answers and then there was the whole wolf thing and then I couldn’t speak and now we’re here, having this awkward drawn out conversation after a week of me trying to learn! So… you’re here because… you didn’t leave?”

The Hob-Goblin looked at me, staring for a second, before she let out an explosive sigh of relief.

“Oh thank fuck. I thought you were going to get tired of me and eat me.”

I was really regretting not having a face I could frown with. Come on! Who do you take me for?! I mean… you did try and attack me and eat me… and that did… kinda theoretically put you on the menu but… well just be thankful you can talk and I don’t enjoy the idea of eating people! Hell, I hate even eating animals in this life! My days of burgers are over. If I could, I’d swear to commit to a vegan diet and bow three times to every creature I’d ever eaten for forgiveness. It’s no fun being lower on the food chain!

“Anyway… it’s about time I got some answers! Like, what’s your name, where am I, who are you, why are there so many goblins out and about, are they going to attack me, are there more massive hordes of wolves out there, and seriously what on earth is your name?!”

Krrrgg, oh thank god, was more than happy to answer my questions now that I turned out to just be some chill guy and not a goblin eating monster. Well… not without really, really good reasons at least! And honestly, there was a reason I spent a god damn week just learning how to talk.

Not only was it necessary for the future, it was fucking necessary right the hell now.

I wasn’t a huge, massive fan of strategies games back on earth but I realized quickly that I might as well be playing one. Hell, with my dungeon, I even had a small minimap of it’s radius covered in the areas I hadn’t explored. And that was where the danger lied.

The fog of war.

I had no idea an Alpha like that existed in this forest, I had no idea there were dire wolves about, I had no idea a horde could be or would be coming. Hell, till I ran into Krrgg, I didn’t know there were goblins around here. Information is vital. I needed to know where I was, what was around, the areas to absolutely avoid, and the areas and enemies I couldn’t  avoid. I was essentially playing civilization but with the restriction that I could only have one small ‘town’ and that town currently consisted of a cave with barely repaired wooden walls.

An Architect, I was not.

I needed to learn a whole lot or how on earth could I train in peace? And what I learned from Krrgg… well…

I was going to have to prepare even more heavily.

Apparently, for starters, we were in the Wolf Forest. Figures. But the Wolves didn’t hold claim over this area alone. I was smack dab at the edge of the territory between the Wolves and a local Goblin Village.

Which apparently, was bad. The chieftain, Krrrgg informed me, would not be open to ‘talking things out’ if he found out about the dungeon crystal. She informed me via laughing in my face.

“If he finds out about the crystal, he will try and eat you and take it.”

“But why?!”

She had looked at me oddly, before holding up her small but powerful fist.

“Strength of course.”

I understood instantly. I was essentially in control of a bunker. Hell, I could pour in my mana, I didn’t think it’d be impossible for many people or monsters to pour in their mana. With a whole village… yeah, this place would become a fortress in no time. And even if it wasn’t bound to me… well, strategic resources. But then why did the wolves want it?

Again, another odd look from Krrrgg! Only for her answer to startle me.

“It… can you not feel it? It feels like… power.”

Right, right maybe they didn’t so much as want it, as feel like they needed it. Krrrgg could only shrug when I asked if it would actually make someone stronger, with stats and stuff. She didn’t know. I asked a few more things, learning that to my pleasure and horror there was a human kingdom not even that far from here, only apparently a ‘week’s journey’.

That had sent shivers up my spine but Krrrgg had waved it away even as she had explained, saying that “Never go this deep anyway. Too dangerous and only gets more dangerous.” So, phew, that was one crisis averted and whole smorgasbord of opportunity when I finally got out of here! I mean… maybe. Hmm. Actually being that close to a kingdom was… incredibly dangerous even without wandering people. What was I suppose to do, just walk out and try to talk to people. Hell, with the line I wanted to go down, getting found by a kingdom, meant I’d be hunted to the ends of the earth by them and more.

Yeah, staying away from humans and more, would have to be the name of the game.

And then came the really scary information. I had asked how dangerous the forest was.

“Here is not so bad but…” Krrrgg shivered. “There are… dark things deeper in. Higher forms of monsters. Dangerous.”

Welp, that’s… could be worse. Could be a lot worse right?! At least they were over there and I am over here and hopefully we never ever ran into each other. I had enough on my plate as is!

And with that… well… the conversation began to wind down and I marveled at it. I had and did felt all alone out here but… this was so great! I had an actual conversation with an actual intelligent conversationalist. We had talked! Talked about things. Truly, I may be stuck here for a year, but it did not have to one full of misery and loneliness! I mean sure, I might have to eat and kill goblin chieftain, something I most certainly couldn’t beat right now, but those were way unimportant details!

It seemed I wasn’t the only one sensing the lull in the conversation, as Krrrgg began to shuffle nervously.

“What would you have me do now Master?”

“Oi! I told you, none of this master stuff! Just call me Slimy slime!”

Huh. That was going to be strange. I had made that my name… but it’s not like names get translated. I had said those words in english. Ha! Doesn’t this mean no one will know what my name actually means?!

Judging by Krrrgg’s unimpressed and baffled stare, somehow, she understood the meaning. Welp, there went those plans. Magic can be wild I suppose. But hey! I like my name!

“O…kay. But… what do I do?”

“Huh?! I don’t think you’re getting it! My name isn’t the only problem here! I don’t control you! We’re friends.”

She blinked and tilted her head.

“Friends?”

“Yup! So uh, do whatever ya want I guess? I’ll just be here, chilling away. So… pleasure to meet you neighbor? Feel free to come by any time! Just please don’t bring an army I’d have to kill. That Goblin Chieftain sounds like a cunt.”

I wasn’t ever any good at this! What am I suppose to say or do here huh?! I’m grateful for the company but I don’t own you! And you’re great and I’d love to talk to you forever, making friends, going on a grand journey together, fighting side by side! But… I’m stuck here and I’m gonna have more than a few people gunning for me in the future! Hell, forget the future, I’m not safe now. I’d really like to get back to training you know! My to do list is really, really long.

Krrrgg just seemed to stand there in disbelief and I had to squash my impatience. It wasn’t that long ago I was practically begging the heavens for some good conversation and a good friend. My social anxiety, the awkward situation, and my growing fear of death and dismemberment, is not reason enough to blow her off.

The moments began to pass and things were only getting more and more awkward at Krrrgg just stared at me. It getting really unnerving now! If a slime could sweat, I definitely would be. I was practically shaking from this whole ordeal. I felt like I had to say something!

“Uh, you can keep the ax by the way.”

Suddenly, Krrrgg’s eyes seemed to shine and to my utter bafflement, threw herself onto the ground, slamming her forehead towards the ground.

“Please let me serve you Chieftain!”

“Gah!”

What the hell is this?! Is that a fucking Dogezma?! No! I refuse to be part of this silliness.

“Never call me that again! What are you even doing?! Did you go crazy or something?”

“Please let me serve you!”

“Why?! What?! Is it the ax? I can take it back if it was too much! It’s just a friendly gift, I can make a lot more you know! There’s no reason to go crazy over a gift like that.”

“I want to follow someone as strong as you!”

It took summoning two of my spiritual hands but I finally got Krrrgg up on her feet to explain herself.

“This forest… it’s dangerous and… the weak can only follow the strong. You are strong. Please, let me follow you.”

I threw my spiritual hands up to the sky, this weird nonsense world!

“Fine, I don’t mind a roommate! Do whatever you want, just let me get back to training! If you need anything, feel free to ask. And don’t use the bathroom in my courtyard or cave!”

I slimed away, back to said cave, leaving Krrrgg blinking in surprise.

“Wait Chie… Slimy. What would you have me do?”

“Gah! Get it through your thick skull! I do not own you, you are my friend, do whatever you want! Goodbye!”

I slimed underneath the wooden door, fleeing from Krrrgg. Wooh. That was way too much for me! What a strange world. Seriously, Gah.

But… I now had a roommate! What an amazing day! And here I thought this fantasy world would be nothing but loneliness and pain. Wow. Enemies to friends, fighting in an intense battle together, having each others backs. Truly, a beautiful coexistence, a true friendship! I’d have to make her a house or something soon.

But I’d slacked off way too much. I may have… become completely absolutely obsessed over learning to talk and the rest of my training had really suffered for it.

I cracked my spiritual ghost hands.

It was time to grind!