Chapter 3

“Ugh! What did Starfire even make last night!?”

Beast Boy complained, making a disgusted face before scraping the pan of it’s contents. Truth be told, I had no idea what that vile looking stuff was either, but that obviously wasn’t going to help Beast Boy. Chores had to be done, after all.

“Well, it doesn’t look like meat at least.”

I stated, which made him reexamine the pan before grimacing again. Almost gagging before looking at me with pleading eyes. Of course, said gaze had absolutely no effect on me whatsoever. Honestly, I’m not even sure what he was expecting.

“Could you-“

“No.”

I immediately cut him off. Leading him to throw up his arms in surprise and slight annoyance.

“But you don’t even know what I was going to say!”

“Were you going to ask me to do your chores for you, free of charge?”

“…No?”

Beast Boy answered, immediately looking away and bumping his index fingers against each other. He couldn’t have been more obvious if he tried…jeez, it was like he’s never lied in his life.

I crossed my arms in response. My eyes narrowing at his figure.

“Then what were you going to ask?”

“Uh…could you do the dishes for me?”

As he laughed and gave an awkward grin, I answered with an unamused look. Though it couldn’t rival Raven’s, it definitely got the point across.

“W-well, I wasn’t going to ask you to do it for nothing!”

Oh?

“I’m listening.”

As I was interested in what Beast Boy had to offer, I let him proceed with his negotiations. Only to regret it minutes later as his bartering tactics needed some work. For one, he needed to offer something I was interested in.
And last I checked, I wasn’t interested in a scratched up version of Insane Monstertrucks Racing 2 on the Playstation. Hell, I didn’t even have a Playstation.

After telling him multiple times that I wasn’t interested, he continued to barrel on. Throwing in random things before finally throwing me a curveball.

“Well, what about a costume?”

Hmm?

“A costume?”

“Yeah. The reason you don’t have a costume is because you can’t find someone to make it, right? Well I know a girl I could introduce to you. She made my suit, and after a few years it’s only rarely been scratched up. Heck, I can wear it for weeks and no one will even notice!”

Hmm, he was right. I didn’t have a costume. I was just wearing jeans, the occasional jacket, and a tee. Personally, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but at the same time, I hadn’t really expected this whole thing to last as long as it has.

Kind of expected Batman or the government to come a knocking and bring me back in chains. Or even worse, that he comes to visit.

Eh, it’s been more than a few years. It’s likely that fucker has forgotten all about me. Besides, I heard from the grapevine that he’s found someone else to torment, thank Christ.

And Ethan and the others were still locked up. Which meant I would probably be here for a while. Maybe I should start setting up shop? Get a nice-looking costume to pick up chicks with, give it a cool flowing cape…wait, Robin had a cape.

Scratch that.

Maybe something longer and flowy, like a cloak…wait, Raven has cloaks.

Damn it.

This was kindof hard.

“…Alright Beast Boy, you got a deal.”

He cheered before immediately running to the living room TV and picking up a remote next to Cyborg. Immediately challenging him to some sort of fighting game.

…Wait, did Beast Boy imply that he never washes his costume? Actually, I don’t remember any of his costumes being in the laundry basket. Did…did that mean he only had the one?

That was probably more gross than Starfire’s pan. Something that was immediately doused in several cleaning agents before setting it off to the side. At the corner of my eye, I could have sworn it moved several times before finally all the filth was wiped off.

A few hours later, Beast Boy did as he agreed, and introduced me to the woman in question. Apparently just calling her up and talking was out of the question. She was the type of woman to only do commissions face to face, so I had to greet her as such.

She apparently was currently living deep in Jump City. Almost immediately I noticed the high-tech security around the place. Hell, just walking up the road forced me through an invisible scanner. The only reason I knew it existed was the brief moment it glowed green before dissipating.

The fact that large metal turret like structures were mounted on the nearby walls also didn’t help much to calm me down. It felt like I was walking into Fort Knox.

Leaving me to pop a mint into my mouth to settle my nerves.

“Those are mints, right? I see you usually eating some before a fight. Why is that?”

Beast Boy asked, out of genuine curiosity. To which I responded.

“They’re the source of my strength. Without them I can’t do anything. Heck, I’d even stop breathing.”

I joked to Beast Boy, to which his eyebrows were raised high in response.

“Woah…”

…He didn’t actually believe me, did he? I really hope he’s just playing along. Before the conversation could go on any longer, we were finally at what Beast Boy called the first checkpoint. Which included several guards who after a few questions ushered us in.

Inside was the second checkpoint, with more guards and defenses. And then there was the third checkpoint, then the fourth, fifth, etc. It was pretty draining having to explain the same thing for fifteen minutes each time just to get through.

But finally, we were through, and meeting with the costume maker directly. Who was a small dwarf like woman, with a bowl like head of hair. Instead of an actual greeting, all she asked were questions.

One would think she’d be asking about my powers, and how open the suit could and couldn’t be, but no. That’s not what her questions were about at all. Instead, they ranged to extremely invasive, to rather obscure.

“How many pairs of shoes have you worn in your life?”

I quirked my eyebrow at Beast Boy, and he merely shrugged.

“I don’t know dude. Just know that you got to answer truthfully.”

“…and what happens if I don’t?”

I asked, but instead of him responding, it was the short older woman.

“Then your suit becomes much more expensive, as well as lowering in quality. Now, answer the question.”

“Uh…I’m not sure.”

She hummed at that. Nodding along before writing something down in a pad. Hmm, if she apparently knew when I was lying, did that mean she had some sort of power to find the truth? Or was it just a bluff in order to get more info on me?

Hmm, it was hard to tell.

“Has anyone loved you?”

I immediately looked at Beast Boy again. A confused questioning look on my face. Once again, he just shrugged, causing me to roll my eyes and look back at the short woman.

“…alright, what kind of love are we talking here?”

“The affectionate kind, not romantic.”

Hmm…

“…Two.”

She hummed at that before writing down something. This time she took about five minutes writing before asking the next question.

“Do you know the name of your parents?”

“No.”

Beast Boy perked up at that. Looking over at me with something resembling pity in his eyes for some reason. Personally, I didn’t really care. I knew enough about them to know it wasn’t worth learning more.

“I see…so an older looking design? Hmm…”

Wow. She was really reacting like my answers were somehow helping her build the costume in her mind. Like this was some sort of online personality test. She was actually crazy. Still, a costume was a costume. And if it looked good who knows, maybe It’d help me get a girl.

“What’s your favorite snack?”

“Mints.”

“A chemical based power? Interesting, don’t see that very often…”

W-what? No, she must be fucking with me. Beast Boy had to have given her information when he called ahead or something. Looking over at him, he seemed to not be paying attention. Simply looking around the room with disinterest.

“How was your childhood?”

“…”

This time I didn’t respond. Instead narrowing my eyes at her before crossing my arms. Her eyes widen slightly before nodding and writing down in her notepad.

“Ah…I see. A rough upbringing…and a Gothamite....”

Oh please, now that one was so obvious. Heroes and Villains were both equally fucked up in the head. And that normally happens during childhood. That was just a vague ass blanket statement.

A Gothamite…she must have had some information on me then. Though it also wasn’t really a stretch to say most Gothamite’s had rough childhoods. Gotham wasn’t a nice place to raise kids.

Still, she definitely had my attention now.

“Favorite color?”

Huh? Oh, back to random questions instead of invasive ones. Let’s see…

“Red.”

“A monochromatic outfit perhaps…? There’s an enemy that you are told needs to be taken down. What do you do?”

“…I’d take him down?”

“I see…hmm, should I go for the knight or noble…?”

Listening to her scratch her pen against the paper was starting to become maddening. I was pretty sure this isn’t how 20 questions was supposed to be played.

“And how many…nightly emissions have you had in the past month?”

Oh god…

For whatever reason I felt compelled to answer. Perhaps it was due to just wanting the suit, or perhaps it was due to having already having answered so many embarrassing questions, what were a few more?

And each time I thought the questions were about to end, there were just a few more. Leading me on and on, until finally all the questions were finished. The only silver lining was that Beast Boy was mostly oblivious to the questions. Drooling slightly as he gazed into the distance.

Once the questions were finished, we were dismissed. Despite reminding her that my measurements hadn’t been taken yet, she simply waved off my concerns.

“Don’t worry about that. You’ve already given me all the information I needed.”

And then some, but I wasn’t going to say that out loud. But due to the amused smirk on the midget woman’s face, she probably knew. She also informed me that due to answering every question in a satisfactory manner and not trying to deceive her, that my suit would be free. Which was…surprising.

How the hell did she afford this much security if she was just giving away suits? Or perhaps she could afford to due to already having obtained a fortune. Damn, what must it be like to have that much money…

After me and Beast Boy left the premises, he commented that his outfit was also free. But someone called ‘Mento’ was charged through the nose. A price that apparently had more than a few zeroes. Well, hopefully it was actually worth it.

“Hey so…since we’re already out in the city, what do you say to getting some ice cream? My treat.”

Huh. That didn’t sound so bad actually. Even with the added clause that it was apparently vegan friendly. I don’t know what that actually meant, but ice cream was ice-cream. So, I agreed.

The shop took a while to visit. Well, for me at least. Beast Boy simply flew over there, and apparently waited near the entrance for me. It was a small shop, but it was definitely rather homey. Cluttered, but not in a messy way. The menu was a white board with the prices and flavors on it. A bit on the expensive side, but it wasn’t out of my budget.

I ordered mint while Beast Boy ordered Butter Pecan. When it came time to pay, Beast Boy gave me a sheepish look, which immediately put me on the defensive.

“I uh…didn’t bring my wallet with me…”

That was fine. He’d simply pay me back when we got to the tower.

“And uh…what if I didn’t have the money to pay you back just yet?”

…God damn it. Then I’d simply take it from him another way. After having been tricked into paying for Beast Boy’s ice cream, the both of us started to walk back to the Titan’s tower.

Or at least we had been, until an unmanned bus started to plummet down a street towards an abandoned baby carriage.

Beast Boy assured me he had the bus, and that I should take of the baby. Personally, I thought anyone who was dumb enough to leave a fucking baby carriage in the middle of the street is kind of just asking for something to happen. Though perhaps that was just the Gothamite in me. Then again, I was supposed to be a hero. Which meant at least acting the part.

I’d consider this partial payment to repaying the favor of the Justice League getting the government off my back. Beast Boy turned into a massive squid of all things in order to latch on and catch the bus with his body. I on the other hand simply ran over and snatched the baby from it’s carriage like some sort of criminal.

…A baby that was made of plastic and fake crying.

You know, if this was Gotham, I’d 100% suspect this to be some sort of set up in order for a hero to get jumped and killed. Thankfully not only was this Jump City, but I wasn’t nearly as well known to have hits out for me. So, I was probably just being a bit paranoid.

As I threw the doll behind me, it exploded in a million pieces causing me to blink slowly before the realization dawned on me.

…I fucking knew it!

As I pressed the emergency alert on my communicator, it was almost immediately shot out of my hand. Looking over to my right, three figures popped out of the shadows of a nearby alley.

The first was an ugly massive brute. Eclipsing Cyborg, but still being shorter than Cinderblock. That fact allowed me some degree of courage, as I had fought against Cinderblock before. And this guy was smaller, and didn’t have the same resistances to my power Cinderblock did.

Still, super strength wasn’t something I had in spades.

The second was a short boy who I also mistook for a toddler. He was bald with goggles and a heavy metallic looking backpack on his back. A self-confident smirk on his face.

Jesus, was I supposed to fight children now?

The third was…a rather hot looking chick with pale almost grey looking skin. Her eyes and hair were pink. Her pupils seemed almost cat like. She had a choker like necklace and wore very…goth looking clothes. They reminded me of Halloween.

Damn, she made up for how fugly thing one and thing two behind her were. Leading me to finally talk. My communicator that was now on the ground was making strange static sounds, with Cyborg’s voice coming in bites. Beast Boy was also rushing towards my location with his own communicator at the ready.

But that meant currently I was on my own.

And I immediately knew my next move.

“So…I don’t suppose I can just join your side?”

That made the giant guy laugh a bit as the midget sniffed. The girl was silent, and just smiled.

“Fat chance, barfbrain.”

…Yep, Tommy Pickles just insulted me. This is my life now.

On one hand, I instinctively knew that beating the absolute shit out of child, even one who was a villain, was frowned upon. Both within the hero game, and in the court of public opinion. And yet on the other hand…I kindof wanted to punt this kid back into his crib.

My decision was made for me, as the girl simply called out their next move as ‘attack pattern alpha’ and all three of them immediately went for me. As I had been sweating a large number of sedatives to the point of it starting to get even me a little drowsy, I was ready.

Or at least I had thought as much, before what seemed a lot like bullets obliterated the area I had been staying at. The kid flew in the air on a jetpack. Firing some turret at me.

Which was rather concerning, especially when I obviously wasn’t fast enough to outrun a bullet, which saw one piercing through my side. Almost having just grazed me.

Despite not feeling pain, I wasn’t dumb enough to risk ever feeling the pain, so I started to increase the amount of adrenaline pumping through my body. Making sure that it doesn’t drop. Beast Boy finally showed up nearby to help out. Warning me that the Teen Titans were on their way, before turning into a Gorilla and taking on the large guy.

Who simply proceeded to suplex him, before turning back to me. For fucks sake, I couldn’t catch a break.

The pink haired girl shot out some sort of pink wave from her hands and onto the road between me and her, before the large guy jumped up and slammed his arms into the street. Causing it to start caving in at an alarming rate.

Despite attempting to run away, I was swallowed up by the massive hole, and sucked into what seemed like a sort of sewer system underneath the street. Almost immediately it started to become difficult to breath. It was like being pulled along into a current, with no way to get out.

As my body continued to get sucked in through pipe after pipe, like some sort of demented water park, my vision started to blur. I tried thinking of gases to breath out to save me, but few things were coming to mind. Leading me to become more and more panicked.

Until finally...I passed out.




*~o~*



After waking from what was a pretty shit dream, I got up in what was a pretty shit place. It took me a few seconds to remember what had happened, though the fact that my whole outfit was completely drenched, I smelled like shit, and I had washed up on the fucking beach helped.

The good news was that I was alive and close to the Titan’s tower. The bad news was that I didn’t know any of the secret tunnel entrances besides the main one to get into Titan’s Tower. Along with the fact that I had just gotten my ass beat, and my body was a bit sore.

Before I could plan my next step, a massive wave of water shot out from the base of Titan’s tower like a tsunami, and crashed on the east side. Well, hopefully that was a good sign? At least it was definitely my next path as it was much closer than the main entrance.

It took me a good fifteen minutes before I finally stumbled upon someone else. And I was rather happy to see that it was the Titan’s. Well, I was mostly happy. Considering all of them happened to be soaking wet and rather defeated…and Raven was wringing out her cloak nearby, showing off her legs.

I had come at the perfect time it seems.

Raven’s head immediately jerked up and looked at me with a wide-eyed expression. Not saying anything just staring. Robin was staring intently at the ground while Cyborg was muttering to himself. Working on repairs. Starfire had her arms crossed and was staring mournfully back at Titan’s Tower. And Beast Boy seemed the saddest of all.


“Is this…the end?”

He said in a rather dispassionate tone.

“It better not be. You still owe me twelve bucks.”

I stated before sliding down the rock at the top to get closer to them. They immediately perked up at that…for some reason.

“…”
“Law!”
“Friend Law, you’re okay!”
“Laaaaaaw!”

Starfire opened her arms wide and flew close to give me a hug. Something that I would enjoy, especially with how wet we both were. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be.

As Beast Boy spears me right into the chest. Knocking the air out of my as he tackled me to the ground before crying. Muttering words that didn’t even make a lick of sense as his tears overshadowed them.

Well…this was awkward.

“…There, there.”

I awkwardly pat him on the back as I caught my breath and started to funnel some pain relief into my system before looking back at the other titans. Ignoring the green boy who was doing his best to imprint on me.

“So, what’s the situation?”

As it turns out, shortly after I got absolutely destroyed by the three stooges, the titan’s had eventually traveled there. Only to find a tied-up Beast Boy who was used as bait to lure the Titan’s out. One after another, they jumped and beat up the Titans, until ultimately Robin called a retreat. Much to Beast Boy’s disappointment.

They held on for as long as they could to try to find me, but ultimately called it off when they couldn’t find any trace. Which was the better call. I couldn’t fault them for that.

Though I will appreciate Beast Boy’s perseverance on trying to find me at all costs a bit more. Even if it was out of guilt.

After the Titan’s retreated back to the Tower to lick their wounds, the three attacked them again. Turning the Titan’s Tower security defenses against the Titan’s themselves. Making them weak and easy pickings to the villains.

After stretching a bit, and checking the other Titan’s for wounds, I went back towards Robin, and asked what the plan was. He may be young and not really that good at the whole leader thing, but if there was one thing he could do, it was plan an attack.

Which is exactly what he did.



*~o~*




It was a pretty obvious plan in hindsight. Still didn’t make it any less satisfying to execute. Cyborg regained control of the Tower’s security system and turned it back on against the three villains. Raven, Starfire, and Beast Boy would lead the fleeing villains up to the top of the tower where we’d all separate them from each other, and have two Titans each jumping them.

Starfire and Raven against the big guy, Cyborg and Robin against the midget, and finally Beast Boy and me against hot pink hair chick.

She was doing pretty well against Beast Boy. Her main mistake was of course attacking everything around her in order to do so. Which revealed that she wasn’t immune to her own power.

And with that opening, it allowed me to get in close and personal. Gripping the fallen pink hair villain’s face in my hand as I tilted her head up to look at me.

“Have to say, you really messed up by not trying to get me to join your little club.”

She grimaced at me in pain as well as confusion and doubt.

“…And you’d have actually betrayed your friends?”

I hummed at that. Would I have actually done that? Probably not, though if she really made an effort to try to seduce me…eh, I couldn’t really see it. Maybe if her group had obvious funding and backing like the Justice League. But even then, that was just to get their foot in the door in terms of negotiations.

“Maybe…don’t care much for the gremlin or the giant, but I definitely like you.”

She frowned at that.

“Sorry…you’re not my type.”

Shame.

As Beast Boy quickly traveled over to where I was, I quickly released the drug I had been holding back in my other hand onto her. She gasped as her eyes dilated, and her cheeks got red. She attempted to say something, but it came out in babbles. Thankfully since she was already on the floor, her dead weighting didn’t mean much.

“Uh…what happened?”

“I flooded her body with a psychedelic. Honestly, she’s probably having more fun than we are at this point.”

Beast Boy didn’t really understand what I meant, but helped carry her anyway. All the way down the tower to the temporary holding cells where they’d be place for a bit until the authorities could come and pick them up.

Which was good, as I don’t think I was quite finished with that pink haired girl. Oh right, her super villain name was Jinx. The other two were apparently Mammoth and Gizmo. We learned as much from rummaging in their pockets and finding some sort of ID that looked almost like a school one.

Though I’ve never heard of HIVE academy before. And neither had any of the other titans. Robin was curious about something Gizmo mentioned. A name. Apparently from what he gathered some guy called Deathstroke had ordered them to attack us.

Robin didn’t recognize the name, but he was going to search for it through his contacts. While he was doing that, most of the other titans were putting the Tower back together. The last attack forced some repairs and even reorganizing some rooms. Apparently, Jinx had been in Raven’s room and had messed with her clothes.

I wasn’t sure what exactly she did, but anytime anyone tried to ask her, she’d shut the conversation down right then and there. The only clue we got was the fact that she seemed to have burned some of her clothes. But what that could have meant was anyone’s guess.

And what did I do, you may be asking?

Well to be quite honest, Jinx’s comment earlier stung a bit. I mean sure I was still wearing my casual clothes that had been drenched earlier. I stunk a bit due to being flushed into the sewer system, and my hair had also been everywhere due to be damp, but it still hurt.

But still, I was pretty attractive. I think.

…Even so, perhaps I should put more effort into my appearance? And by that I had two different meanings for. For one, my brand-new costume had come in. Or should I say, sets of costumes. Most were the same red coat like uniform, but others came in different colors and a slightly different design. Though they all had a similar theme.

It was pretty fancy looking. Probably the fanciest thing I’ve ever worn in my life. Equipped with a red jacket that was made out of some sort of really durable material. Thankfully it was still somewhat flexible. So were the darker jackets, though there were less of those.

In the letter the costume lady sent back to me, she mentioned the effort she put into these as well as my own thoughts and feelings. Eventually talking about how she wishes the best for me in the future, as well as promising to end my career if I ever ask someone else to make a costume for me.

Heh, well, I could respect that.

The costume also came with a belt. One that was very reminiscent of Robin’s and Batman’s, though it only had seven slots. In each of these was little balls, apparently in order to put various liquids in there for later fights. That was…pretty ingenious.

But of course, a new costume and styling my hair up in a ponytail wasn’t the only changes I would be making. No, no, I needed to be attractive to all the ladies.

And what better way to do that, then with pheromones?

Internally I had to thank that crazy bitch Poison Ivy for the idea. What better way to attract people than that? After a week of studying and modifying my own pheromones, it was finally time to test out my new look.

I swaggered up to the living room of the Titan’s tower and looked around. Everyone seemed to be present, which was great. Robin was the first to see me, and called out how nice my new design and costume looked. Though he seemed somewhat worried that I wasn’t wearing a mask.

Which of course got me slightly confused.

Why the heck would I wear a mask? It wasn’t like I had another life to get back to.

Apparently, that answer got him to pause for a bit, before going quiet. Which was fine with me, as he wasn’t exactly the main person I was testing.

Raven was the next person I greeted. Who was simply reading a book in a nearby chair across from the kitchen. She observed my form before nodding and commenting on my outfit with a neutral sounding opinion. Her face didn’t betray any emotion.

Damn. That was a strike, but perhaps that was due to Raven being Raven? I would only know after I tested it out on Starfire, who was near the kitchen with Beast Boy who was cooking some sort of Tofu dinner. Starfire beamed at me before telling me I looked wonderful.

Which was definitely progress. Though upon asking her if I smelled or seemed different besides the costume, she didn’t really think so. Damn, so it seemed like the pheromones weren’t working.

Upon asking Beast Boy what dinner was, he immediately turned towards me and took a big sniff. Before excitedly telling me I smelled great before going back to cooking. Causing me to facepalm.

…I don’t know which was worse. The idea that my pheromones worked on animals, or that it worked on young teenage boys.

Eh, the idea was pretty fucking stupid anyway. Honestly, I don’t even know what I was thinking. So instead of editing with my pheromones anymore, I decided to just end the project.

…Though if BB starts to hump my leg, then I was definitely going to have to revisit this idea.