Chapter 2

Our first week of crimefighting as a team was pretty uneventful. There just didn’t seem to be a lot of crime happening at the time. Most of the ones that were reported were pretty…small. Petty crimes that could have been solved by just one member.

So, imagine their face when all six of us showed up. Yeah, that robber probably pissed himself.

After that, we pretty much agreed to just start patrolling individually around different districts. Responding to nearby calls and if the situation called for it or if someone went dark, we’d immediately swoop in.

The only time that was really necessary was this one guy whose guitar shot off sound waves, which was cool as hell. Unfortunately, he was pretty damn weak. If I had been fighting him one on one that would have been one hell of a fight, but unfortunately, he was up against everyone. Which meant it took about five minutes to put him down for the count.

Honestly the biggest trouble I had was making a chore schedule. As obviously someone needed to do the dishes and there wasn’t a robot, besides Cyborg, around to do them for us. So, someone needed to step up with a solution.

And that someone was me.

I created a chore list detailing what all everyone was suppose to do on a given day. Usually of which they’d be allowed to not patrol around the city. Though I was pretty certain most everyone would have rather patrolled instead. At best it was just a small silver lining to a terrible proposition.

However, there wasn’t really another solution to this problem. The laundry needed to be done. The kitchen area needed to be clean, the bathroom needed to be kept clean, toilets needed scrubbing, laundry needed doing, the power room needed to be constantly dusted, groceries needed to picked up, windows of the Titan tower needed to be washed, the carpet vacuumed, etc.

And of course, as the person to come up with the solution, that meant I had to be the first sacrifice. The first example to go forward. So, like the martyr I was, I took my destiny in hand, and seized it.

I never did anything for free. I didn’t believe in handouts. In helping someone when they’re down out of the goodness of my heart. There was a transaction in everything. Something to be gained, and something to be lost.

Someone incompetent will lose more than they gain. A normal person would seek to equalize their gains and losses. Because sometimes that’s all one can really do when the world is against you.

Me?

I will seek to gain more in every transaction than I lose.

As evidenced by the fact that everyone accepted my sacrifice as the first to put himself to do all the chores in one day. Why did I do this? It’s easy. Because if the rest of the Titans accept the chore schedule, then that means they will submit to the commands issued from it.

And who writes the chores list?

That’s right. I did.

And just like that, my authority in the tower would go from the average member, to just below Robin, and above the rest. Because with this power, I would gain the ability to negotiate with the other Titan’s. Offering back alley deals for more lax schedules in exchange for favors. Giving someone an easy week in order to have them feel indebted to me.

And all that power was in my grasp. Yes, that’s quite right. My mind could be frightening at times.

But of course, there was one thing I had to do to get the list completely solidified in the minds of my team members. And that was to perform such a satisfactory job that not a one could disagree with the results.

So, it was good thing that I was pretty knowledgeable about most cleaning supplies. As well as the fact that a large majority were acidic or toxic. Which just meant that my body could withstand the negative effects much more than a normal human could.

It also meant that my hair needed to actually be put up for once. Which was annoying, as I prefer it to be wild and carefree. Lysol easily poured out from my body in order to clean the bathrooms. Afterwards I’d go in and do a more detailed job. Something that I hadn’t expected to be very difficult seeing as only a week has passed since all of us started to live at the Tower.

Unfortunately, I was rather wrong. A lot of work needed to be put in to do all the cleaning. Something similar was done with the dishes. With particularly hard stains and food getting drowned in slow corrosive acids.

The most unpleasant chore was the laundry. As I quickly started to run out of laundry detergent, which forced my hand in a rather unpleasant way.

There were numerous ways for me to understand what made up the chemical compounds of an object. Most being arduous and long, involving slowly studying something before finally attempting to replicate it.

But there was a…much quicker option.

It was with great disgust that I drank a small bit of the remaining laundry detergent. Feeling it hit the back of my throat with no little amount of bile to greet it. The knowledge was almost immediately in front of me. Likely due to the amount drunk, and the fact that none of the materials were things I was unfamiliar with.

So, it only took a few seconds to start dousing some of the clothes in my own self-made laundry detergent. At the very least, Starfire and Raven’s bra’s were there for me to play around with. So, for about five seconds I did so, before realizing that this wasn’t half as exciting as I thought it would be and promptly dumped it with the next load in the washer.

After several long hours of work, I finally began to put the finishing touches on everything. Making sure most things were spotless. The work had been a bit tiresome, thankfully my sweat could be replaced with something a bit more naturally cool in order to offer quick relief.

Which meant most of the liquid on my body wasn’t sweat at all, but various cleaning fluids and a type of coolant. After putting the finishing touches on the bathroom shared by Raven, Starfire, and myself, I was greeted by one of the girls. One with red hair and a charming personality.

Starfire watched with a large smile as I worked. It wasn’t something that particularly bothered me, so I just continued to do so. If she wanted to talk, she’d talk. Besides, the longer the silence, the more she could focus on how well I cleaned the place. Which meant her vote for the chore list to be implemented.

“Ah, you are very good at the cleaning! Even better than you are at fighting!”

At that I stopped. Right, alien. Broken English. She likely meant that as a compliment. Though if she didn’t…

There’d be hell to pay.

“…thanks.”

Starfire nodded and continued to watch me with a pleased expression. After several minutes of continued silence, she spoke again.

“Why do you tie your hair? On Tamaran, our hair is to be free. Is this a human custom?”

Hmm, well, it was probably better to give her more of a logical explanation.

“I like it wild too, but it’d get in my face if I worked with it not in a ponytail.”

Starfire hummed at that.

“Oh, I see. Well, I think it looks better in this ‘ponytail.”

I murmured my thanks as she started to fly away down the hall. Likely going back to her room. After finishing up the bathroom, I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror.

Hmm, maybe I should start wearing my hair in a ponytail more often…

After all the Titans had arrived back at the main base, I treated them all to pizza. Partially due to attempting to put them in a good mood before the vote, and partially because cooking was not my forte, but it was one of the chores on the list. So, I had to make due.

My efforts paid off, with a unanimous vote across all members for my chores list to be permanently implemented. With the inclusion of me being the only author of the list going completely unnoticed and under the radar.

Though I suspected that Beast Boy only agreed due to me remembering to get him his own vegetarian friendly pizza, the rest seemed to accept due to the work I had put it. Along with the obvious necessity of a solution to the problem.

And just like that, I had achieved an overwhelming victory with no one the wiser.

Which I would say is the best kind of victory to have.




*~o~*





The next day, an actual mission was discovered. A villain named Cinderblock was breaking into the Jump City Penitentiary. Which was quite the bold move on his part, I have to say.

Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire all chose to fly. Me, Cyborg, and Robin all had to choose vehicles for our choice of transportation. Well, Starfire offered to pick up all of us, but no one seemed particularly interested in that idea. Cyborg had a nice-looking Nissan Altima, whereas me and Robin had bikes.

Both Cyborg and Robin started to talk about how they’d be upgrading their rides into something custom. It was a conversation I couldn’t follow due to a lack of knowledge, as well as a lack of any real interest in working on cars.

My forte wasn’t really machines after all.

After a while, we finally rode through the tunnel underneath Titan’s tower and got into Jump City proper. Which allowed us to drive shortly over to Cinderblock’s location. Every vehicle came with a built in GPS signal to lead us in the right direction.

Not that it was really needed, considering that I’d have to be blind to not notice the massive walking mini statue of liberty walking around. The guy was taller than most houses, hell he was as wide as some of them too.

“Looking to check in?”

Robin quipped before assaulting the walking pile of stone with a few explosive batarangs. Cinderblock didn’t so much as move, but he seemed to have felt it as he turned around to face everyone. Catching a charging Beast Boy to the face.

Which did serve to move him a bit, though he just as easily picked up Beast Boy, and flung him to the other end of the room. Raven then started to pelt him with nearby objects with her black telekinesis like magic, while Starfire peppered him with starbolts from up close.

He eventually grabbed Starfire, but she broke free of his grasp quickly before forcing him back. Right into Cyborg’s charge. Once again Cinderblock was pushed back, but not very far.

And what was I doing in this free for all one might ask? I was splashing various liquids on Cinderblock’s exposed back to see if I could get a reaction. While there were various chemicals that were very useful against stone and the like, I didn’t know them. That was unfortunately not one of the substances that the government got me to study and replicate for obvious reasons.

Which meant I was mostly floundering uselessly against a man made entirely of stone. Or I guess it could be a thing made animate of stone? Who knows. Villains always had the strangest backstories.

No progress seemed to be made by us, and it seemed Cinderblock had the upper hand until Cyborg and Robin decided to do a little maneuver they had come up with on their own. Unfortunately, in the middle of doing it, they tripped over each other.

Cyborg’s sonic blast hitting Starfire and Beast Boy, while Robin’s explosive device slid in close to Raven and me.

…Fuck.

Thankfully Raven had started to put up a shield, which saved the both of us from the worst of the damage. Though it still shattered the shield and knocked both of us into the nearest wall. Causing my arms and legs to feel painfully sore.

After picking myself up, I turned and offered a hand to Raven. As I now owed her slightly for the shield. It took her a few seconds to collect herself against the wall while being sprawled out against it. Somehow her hood was still up the entire time.

Though for once her cloak had been blown back. Exposing her legs and leotard like costume.

…Huh. She was kind of hot. Maybe I had been too hasty in dismissing her so suddenly. That, or my standards were dropping by the hour in order to get my rocks off.

“…Thanks.”

Raven offered after I pulled her back up. I simply nodded in response.

“Don’t mention it.”

While everyone had been picking themselves back up, Cinderblock decided to start running through the prison walls. Which included a number of cells. Cells that had prisoners staring out of the gapping holes before deciding to step over the walls.

Ah, fuck.

At the very least I was now up against opponents that I could actually fight. It seemed most of these prisoners thought this was their ticket to freedom, so they started to haul it to the exit. Leaving the only thing between them and freedom to be us.

Robin of course pulled out his pole and got to work. Cyborg was much the same, as neither of them had gotten too injured. Beast Boy was the quickest to recover from the accident, and started to shapeshift into some massive bird. Starfire started to rain down starbolts again, before swooping down and getting her hands dirty personally. Raven simply grabbed the metal railing around the place and warped it over the escaping prisoners.

And I started to tag them with sedatives and breath nitrous oxide in their faces. Despite being arguably the worst physical fighter on the team, I was at least the best at quickly taking down human opponents. Flooding their bodies with a strong but ultimately safe sedative. Enough to stop them, but not their hearts.

By the end of the scuffle, I think I had about eighty criminals piled around me. Which made me feel pretty good compared to the master martial artist or the alien with super strength. Considering I had none of those skills.

Yet before I could even consider bringing up my accomplishment, Cyborg and Robin were already talking. Blaming each other for the slip up. In the middle of their argument, Raven stepped forward to say something. Which left me to put a hand on her shoulder, shaking my head at her.

Butting in wouldn’t help. Not here and not now. She seemed to realize and acknowledge that, and took a step back. But not before shuffling away in order to get my hand off of her.

Once again, I could respect her boundaries and wishes to not let anyone touch her physically, even over clothes. But again, it wasn’t exactly going to endear her to anyone.

We continued to watch as they kept escalating until Robin finally asked why Cyborg was even here.

“That’s a good question. I quit.”

Cyborg immediately turned his back on Robin and started to walk away. This time it was Starfire who attempted to intervene. Once more I had to physically stop them. Not that I actually could if they attempted to keep trying, but thankfully Starfire stopped at my touch.

“Don’t. Give him some room to breathe and think. He’ll come back when he’s ready.”

Starfire set her mouth in a firm grimace before floating back to the ground. Raven said nothing but nodded, Beast Boy seemed to be a bit anxious. Robin on the other hand was much more dismissive when he got to the group.

“…Who needs him.”

Almost immediately Beast Boy and Starfire bumped in, only to argue with Robin for a few minutes before giving up. Only serving to raise the anger in the group across the board. Raven and me were wise enough to continue to be silent observers.

The moment we all got back to the tower everyone wanted to collapse into their beds. The only reason they didn’t was because I needed to conduct a cursory overview of any potential wounds. Starfire and Raven were fine, Beast Boy was slightly injured but only needed a bit of strong ointment and a good night’s rest. Robin was a bit more banged up than the rest of us, but he was rather curt with how he was fine. Leading me to skip his overview and allowing everyone to head to bed.

I wasn’t doing this out of the kindness out my heart. I wanted them to feel indebted to me. So, if he didn’t want me to help him, then I wasn’t going to help him. It was that simple.

As the next day came, Robin immediately called us into a meeting after breakfast to discuss the events of last night. Notably who exactly Cinderblock had grabbed. Some guy who needs to be constantly drugged and forced to sleep, otherwise he becomes a walking monster who wants to devour toxic waste in order to get bigger and stronger.

Nice.

I also couldn’t help but notice the lack of Cyborg in the meeting as well as the Tower. He was also notably absent from Robin’s info dump. After finally discussing that their options was mostly to just have more patrols over the city to wait for the next attack, we were left to do our own things.

Almost immediately Beast Boy began to attempt to call Cyborg, before leaving him a message. Informing him that he knew Cyborg could hear him since his communicator was ingrained into his arm.

But Cyborg did not pick up.

The rest of the team was taking it…uh…not well, but not…too terrible? They were definitely affected by it, but not too negatively. Me? Well, I didn’t know the guy that well personally, so I wasn’t very effected by it at all. I didn’t owe him a debt, nor did he owe me one. But if you asked me if I would rather him be here or not, then I’d answer that one positively.

He was an undeniable asset to the team.

The others seemed to have gotten rather attached to him emotionally though, despite only having met him a few weeks ago. Starfire I could understand, apparently, she’s been pretty lonely for a while due to being locked up. Raven and Beast Boy on the other hand? Even if Raven didn’t show it, the fact that her power was a bit…uncontrolled lately showed her emotions clearly.

There must be an underlying cause. A sort of dependency on emotional connections. Which meant either problems with someone close to them like a family member, or a lack of any meaningful emotional connections.

Well…not that I’m one to talk. I’d likely be the exact same if it wasn’t for my two best friends in super juvie.

Robin seemed the most emotionally distant from the situation…no, that wasn’t right at all. It was more like…he was the best at masking it. Honestly it was pretty impressive. If I hadn’t been looking out for it explicitly, then I wouldn’t have found it.

Robin took over Cyborg’s chores. Rinsing the dishes as well as cleaning up the bathrooms. He also took over Cyborg’s constantly checking for police reports task.

It took a second day for something to finally happen. A break in was reported at a factory near the harbor that disposes of radioactive waste into tight containers. Unfortunately, as this happened in the middle of my own patrol, and that the Titans tower was between me and the factory, that meant I would be late to the party.

Fortunately, it seemed that I was in for a pretty good surprise. As right outside the factory I was greeted with the appearance of a banged-up Cyborg hauling in a tied-up Cinderblock. Some sort of metal was warped around his body several times, constricting him from even the smallest of movements.

Cyborg seemed somewhat nervous and neutral as I approached, before I extended a hand out for him to clap. Solidifying that we were cool.

“Nice job. Did they do the same with Plasmus?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t know. Haven’t went in ye-“

He was cut off by a loud boom from inside. The sound of something metal clattering about and a inhuman screech met both of our ears. We nodded at each other before diving into the factory. After a few rooms, we discovered several pink slime monstrosities in the shapes of…animals? Animals that seemed to be in the process of holding and sort of consuming the other Titans.

It was pretty disgusting looking. Cyborg pointed his sonic canon at them before I told him he needed to go look for Robin.

I’ll be the one to take on Plasmus.

He nodded and ran away, much to my relief. The purpose of said command was two fold. To help mend fences between him and Robin, as well as to get these trapped Titans indebted to me.

Besides, against a chemical based enemy like Plasmus…well, this fight was pretty much the opposite of Cinderblock’s. A strange centipede like pink slime appendage noticed me and roared somehow, despite lacking a mouth.

…I’d rather not think on that actually. As it started to approach me, I simply started to sweat and put my hand out as if to stop it. Beast Boy cried out to watch out, but as the centipede barreled down on me, it immediately swallowed me whole.

It chittered as it started to move around, before quickly stopping. Likely starting to realize the effect my chemicals were having on its body. Soon enough it could no longer move without cracking, and then finally I started to move. Shattering out of its body and causing it to crumble to the ground.

Seems like my theory on desiccants and how they’d affect Plasmus was correct.

It would seem the wet slime like body of his needed some sort of liquid to move. And that depriving his body of any and all liquids would make him a dried up husk. Which was good, otherwise I’d have looked like a complete idiot.

The remaining slime monsters didn’t seem to have learned their lesson. As the immediately began to dog pile on top of me. Attempting to slap me around with their appendages, hit me, consume me, etc.

Of course, all of this just served to further destroy them quicker. Showcasing that its intelligence wasn’t all there. The most devastating attack it gave involved some of its material flooding up my nose and mouth.

There was a lot of information about Plasmus that I did not want to know, but was now forced to.

Ugh. It tasted as pleasant as it looked.

As several piles of pink sludge dried up and cracked, a body started to fall through the sludge above me. Leaving me to outstretch my arms in order to catch them. I had been expecting the person which Plasmus was a part of, but instead I noted that a slimy Raven was now in my arms. Looking up at me with a frown, as well as her hood back, showcasing her face off for once.

She had shoulder length purple hair, and her eyes matched them. A red crystal seemed to be in the middle of her forehead. I had thought her body was just pale, but not that I looked at her most closely, she seemed almost…grey.

…Mhm. Yeah, Raven was actually kind of hot in her own way.

“…You can let me down now.”

If only she wasn’t so hard to get. I shrugged my shoulders and started to put her down, when another body started to drop down through the dried-up sludge. As I already had my arms full, I didn’t reach out to grab them. This time it was a guy in his underwear, and a mostly shaved head. As he hit the ground, he immediately started to snore.

That must be the host of Plasmus. Nice.

After putting Raven down, she immediately began to get pieces of Plasmus off of her body, before finally building up black energy around her body, and simply forcing it off of her.

And onto me.

I blinked slowly before wiping the slime from my face. Raven grimaced and for once seemed to blush, albeit just barely. Before finally slipping her hood above her head and face. Her cloak obscuring her body again.

“Sorry.”

I waved my hand.

“It’s fine. I can probably sweat something out to get rid of it.”

After making sure Beast Boy and Starfire had gotten out safely and were just picking slime out of their hair, Robin and Cyborg finally came back. Having safely dealt with apparently another creature of Plasmus. After making sure there wasn’t anymore, we proceeded to watch over the police locking both Plasmus and Cinderblock up.

Due to how often Cyborg and Robin were talking, it seemed like they had definitely buried the axe between them. Letting me let out a sigh of relief.

Back at the tower, I once again checked over everyone’s wounds. This time when I got to Robin, he actually let me examine him. Allowing me to put medicine on his scrapes and bruises, before wrapping them up with bandages.
Cyborg did as well. Showcasing how his leg was slightly damaged. Though it seemed to mostly to be to enjoy my unamused face as he showcased his damaged cybernetic side to me.

Raven was also willing to showcase her wounds this time. A small but long surface level cut on her arm. Nothing that I couldn’t easily deal with and wrap up. I couldn’t help but notice how Raven was looking at me as I worked. Leaving me to make a comment as I finished up and she stood up to leave.

“You know, I think you’re cuter with your hood down.”

She didn’t respond. Instead, simply fixing her hood before walking away to leave. Though I did notice that she seemed to do so rather quickly, which meant that she had indeed heard me.

Eh, it wasn’t as if I’d be able to catch every fish in the ocean. Guess it was time to finally take a nap…

Right after I adjusted the chore list. Cyborg wasn’t going to get off completely scot free for missing a few of his chores. That just wouldn’t be fair.