Secret Stims, Being too Negative, and Self-Regulating with Food! | Autistic Advice #8
Added 2024-10-28 15:00:12 +0000 UTCAnother exclusive episode of 'Autistic Advice' for all patrons π
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Comments
My BIGGEST covert stim that is pretty much constant is picking at the skin around my fingernails/rubbing the hangnails I've created against another finger or rub my thumbnails against each other. I also will sometimes fingerspell words being said in ASL under a table or at my side. I also always stand in unique ways that are a stim like standing in ballet first position or leaning against something while standing on the outsides of my feet, etc.
Maddy DeVeuve
2025-01-28 00:40:40 +0000 UTCThank you for this video, I also resonate with the pessimistic/realistic/perfectionist experience, and I think one could also answer to the last question with that in mind : we can also be less perfectionist about what we should or should not eat and just let ourselves eat spontaneously without worrying. What is the problem if we gain some weight ? It doesn't mean that we will be less healthy or less beautiful (and we often forget that what we think are preoccupations about our health is actually grossophobia, even coming from medical professionals).
Orion van Helden
2024-12-25 15:06:10 +0000 UTCIβve always been vigilant against toxic positivity and been overly pragmatic.
Michelle McMullen
2024-10-31 20:55:09 +0000 UTCSame and playing with my toes if in a zoom session. π
Michelle McMullen
2024-10-31 20:52:35 +0000 UTCWith CBT you want to check your cognitive distortions but that doesnβt mean all negative thoughts are distorted though.
Michelle McMullen
2024-10-31 20:51:43 +0000 UTCI really really struggle with being let down when I've had my hopes up.
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-31 19:54:47 +0000 UTCNow I can't stop clenching them one at a time π
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-31 19:53:00 +0000 UTCBeing pessimistic helps me with anxiety, because if I expect the worst, that won't happen. If I have thought about all the bad outcomes, things are going to go well. It doesn't stop me from being happy about good things, nor trying in the first place, which would be bad. Recently I was dead-set on thinking that a thing would go as I wanted and only thought the absolute worst case scenario as an option. I was so upset when something else happened and there was nothing I could do about it. The actual outcome wasn't even bad as such, but it was difficult to handle a situation I had not prepared for at all. I had to fill out an assessment of myself at work, where the scale was poor, some things could have gone better, well and very well. It was so hard, because I can't imagine performing for a year without there being anything that could have gone better. Are you even doing anything, if nothing went wrong π
EG
2024-10-31 15:40:18 +0000 UTCI used to clench my bum one cheek at a time when I was a kid. I managed to stop it before I grew up.
Chuck Hargis
2024-10-30 22:23:17 +0000 UTCOoh, the eating not being productive thing. That's how my brain works too! Definitely not helpful for executive function π Aww, it's so nice that you balance each other out! I'm so lucky that Lewis is so optimistic - he drags me out of many thought spirals π
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-30 22:09:27 +0000 UTCYess! That's a great one! I'd love to try ADHD meds sometime...I just sometimes have super weird reactions to meds, so I'm nervous too. Also imagine I'd have to fight with my GP about it and it sounds tiring π My friend started them recently and has really struggled to eat enough!
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-30 22:07:07 +0000 UTCI feel very seen with the in-line twerking, I never realised it could be considered a stim, been doing it my whole life. As I was watching the video, I was waiting for a metro to come and got called out by the question as I was just doing it. Weird thing to bond over with strangers but hey, we're all weirdos here right
Eva FraΕ‘kovΓ‘
2024-10-30 18:35:34 +0000 UTCBenjamin Franklin: βI'd rather be a pessimist because then I can only be pleasantly surprised.β Glass half full/empty are both true statements. It depends what you do with the perspective... 50% chance of rain and a pessimist brings an umbrella because it might rain, yet an optimist doesn't because it might not. A defeatist doesn't go because they don't want to get wet.
John Sandberg
2024-10-29 15:58:47 +0000 UTCToe curling is my stealth stim. π Edit: regarding the eating question, my impulsive eating has gotten way better since starting ADHD meds.
Fern
2024-10-29 10:25:08 +0000 UTCI've also often been told that I'm pessimistic, when I was just being realistic. I think that people who said those things tended to have had it easy in life, and so they expected things to always go well. I haven't had it easy growing up, so I knew that things can go bad, too. Other people who had not had it easy tended to call me pessimistic much less. I also think that some people just don't want to be reminded that life can be scary and dangerous. Being pessimistic to me means always expecting the worst (or at least something bad), which is very different from saying 'This could go several ways' without implying that it has to go a bad way, which is what I do. When my brain is presented with a scenario, it will automatically analyse possible outcomes, or possible reasons behind xyz/intentions of people, and map them out. It's like a computer, there is no emotion behind it. However, me presenting anything but *one good outcome* seems to often be perceived as being pessimistic. For food stimming: I also do that, and switching foods doesn't help me, personally. If I crave chocolate for example, and I eat something healthy instead, I will still crave the chocolate and very likely eat tons of stuff because nothing satisfies me the way chocolate would right now. What helps best is actually, as suggested by Meg, doing something entirely different. Exercise helps a lot (it doesn't have to be a classic workout, it can be something playful like a video game), or engaging with a special interest that I can get lost in. If I have a craving during work, where those aren't options, looking at cute pictures of animals for a moment helps. Anything that's quick and feels rewarding, I guess. But the best ways to stay away from food stimming for me are definitely moving my body and getting lost in something.
Amelie Lu
2024-10-29 09:45:04 +0000 UTCI feel like I'm rarely told I'm a pessimist but I am constantly told I complain too much. Unfortunately, a lot of my "complaining" is to get people off my back when they demand that I behave a certain way or do something that I can't do or am absolutely miserable doing. Then they argue with my "excuse" so I explain myself further, and it becomes this endless pit of trying to explain to critical people and all they hear is me complaining incessantly. I have learned to just stop explaining when I can, though I still fall into the trap sometimes. I also don't answer everyone honestly every time when they ask how I am, even if they are close family or friends when I know they can't handle the full extent of what I am going through at that time.
Jessica Penaligon
2024-10-28 19:25:33 +0000 UTCI'm a bubbly and "optimistic" ADHDer who subconsciously avoids eating because I feel like it isn't productive (unlearning that). Meanwhile, my partner seems to be that ASD* "pessimistic" type who's a lot more indecisive and also a comfort eater. I feel like we each have different brands of anxiety that ultimately end up balancing each other, but watching this really helps put things in perspective, even as a neuroscientist! *Edited for acronym correction
Richanne Matthews
2024-10-28 18:50:54 +0000 UTCsame here - I often ostensibly stare when I get lost in thought and I'm accused of staring *at* someone. No... I didn't even really see you.
MagnaCorpus
2024-10-28 18:40:24 +0000 UTCI think i value things based on how much effort i have to put into them. If I feel like something comes easily to me, that might not for others, I don't think of it as an accomplishment.
Moonpie
2024-10-28 18:37:38 +0000 UTCooh, i think maybe that feeds into the way i criticize things. it's so uncomfortable for people to ask what I think about a certain skill they're working on. I can't lie and say "you were great!", because that's not what I actually think. I've learned to say things like "I can tell how hard you worked!"
Moonpie
2024-10-28 18:35:12 +0000 UTCI always get caught staring "through" people. "Oh sorry, I wasn't looking at you I was just dissociating" Think Buster from Arrested Development iykwim π€£
Moonpie
2024-10-28 18:31:45 +0000 UTCWow, I had literally never considered that but that makes way more sense, I totally do that during shutdowns so I think you're right! π I feel a little silly that I spent all these years confused when it seems obvious in retrospect lol.
Hannah Holeman
2024-10-28 17:43:03 +0000 UTCWas that to do with you zoning out and staring during a shutdown, maybe? People used to tell me I was staring at them at school, but I was in another world π
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-28 17:35:53 +0000 UTCOoh, you might be onto something with the executive dysfunction! I love the anxiety tool you have with your friend. I do something similar when trying to make decisions (which I'm super bad at!) Great tip about the food! π
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-28 17:34:59 +0000 UTCI suppose blinking is another one, thinking about it now! I have to blink away loud sounds π
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-28 17:31:51 +0000 UTCOoh, yes it can definitely go the other way too!
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-28 17:31:21 +0000 UTCYesss
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-28 17:29:49 +0000 UTCIt's soo hard - sorry that you experience it too π We can hold ourselves to impossible standards!
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-10-28 17:29:33 +0000 UTCMy covert stim is wiggling my nose. Probably not as covert as I think it is. π€£ Flaring and scrunching and stretching.
Moonpie
2024-10-28 17:03:06 +0000 UTCRe: being seen as pessimistic, in highschool I had a guy who was mad at me describe me "always staring into the abyss" π I still don't really understand what he meant, beyond it being a criticism of me not being optimistic enough or something lol.
Hannah Holeman
2024-10-28 16:58:41 +0000 UTCFirst pepebble I want to share. π For me, not being able to celebrate the victories is my an ADHD side showing up, though i feel like it could be applies to executive dysfunction. It has something to do with the amount of effort it takes does not give the equal or more dopamine the end results gives. So sometimes that may be what is happening. I completely agree with the pessimistic vs optimistic tool of being neutral. It was something I struggled with more as a kid. I felt like I wanted to make sure ro account for all outcomes and the "bad" ones also needed to be addressed and shared too. It wasnt fair to only focus on the best because I felt like when it didnt happen for whatever reason, the other outcomes blinded me. This actually ties into a tool that my best friend helps me with when my anxiety is high. We look at what I feel like is going to happen. We find the best thing to happen. Then the worst. And finally the most likely. It can be helpful to me. I have one more pebble below about food and a thing that helps me. But I hope and pray that this helps someone. π Thanks again for making these vedios and sharing it is so nice to be validated through shared experiences! Food: I have found that if I have quick and easy safe foods for me to eat, like gluten-free pot pie, chicken nuggets, and apple sauce, it makes feeding myself easier. Especially on bad days.
Bex
2024-10-28 16:27:37 +0000 UTCACT > CBT. Word
Tim Tree Frog
2024-10-28 16:17:51 +0000 UTC100% agree with the comment on realistic vs pessimistic. I either get accused of being pessimisticβor on the other end of the spectrumβhumble bragging. Itβs neither. Iβm just being realistic. But weβre the ones who struggle with binary thinking lol
shapeofsoup
2024-10-28 16:05:04 +0000 UTCFake stimming accusations are kind of hilarious. Like bro, you can do it too. You might even like it.
shapeofsoup
2024-10-28 16:00:43 +0000 UTCI get the pesimesic thing I am that way with my job I do my best but there are so many steps to memorize when processing insurance claims. I have accommodations but I am just average at my job and my coworkers say I am too hard on myself
Cheryl Roberts
2024-10-28 15:43:38 +0000 UTCThe pessimistic versus realistic comment is the story of my life, particularly the part about being harshly self-critical.
Arualblues Zero
2024-10-28 15:34:41 +0000 UTC
