On the up and up...

Winter's almost over, thank goodness! We're on the last stretch and I'm so excited.

Hmmm... what is there to talk about? Lots! Life is finally starting to look pretty good on my end, I'm getting my health in order and doing everything I can to keep it that way. I realized something pretty big regarding my overall recently that would have been nice to know a few years ago, but it's always better late than never. I realized that like... you don't heal overnight from the bodily abuse I put myself through. There's tons of articles saying that you can heal in 90 days and other crappy promises like that. When you don't heal in 90 days, let alone in 5 years, you tend to feel like you weren't equipped to heal properly. But that's the thing! Times heals all wounds, even those nasty ones that are deep to the bone. And... coming to realize that and not beating myself up for slipping like I have been for the better part of a decade, that's the biggest thing. It's really hard when you need yourself to cooperate but all you are is a weight on your own soul. How can you pull yourself up if you're making it so difficult for yourself and defiantly laying there limp?

There's a second brain in our stomachs and it governs a lot more than we give credit for. That thing in our stomachs is ancient, more ancient than our brains. Which came first, the hunger or the brain? Haha! Yeah, fuck it, I'll be weird. Anyways, yeah, hungry stomach brains. Ruling us. That core inside of us that gives us guts or cowardice depending on who's holding the reigns... it's metaphorical but also reality, it's just something that is that can't be explained. If you know what I mean, you know, and if you don't, you don't! Nothing wrong with that, no one knows everything. Anyways, anxiety comes from the gut, not the brain. The brain can poke the bear and irritate your stomach-brain, but that's pretty much it. If you can control your guts you can control your life. The science is changing, and it's saying you need good mental fortitude and a healthy tummy! At least, that's my science. We'll see how it goes.

Ho hum... what else, what else? I really like writing these little journal snippets. They're super refreshing and it's nice to speak my mind somewhere again. I'm glad I have you guys here for these little outbursts.

In reality, I'm working on https://falvie.art a lot, just trying to make it nice... again... I keep picking away at these websites and forgetting for a couple months before fixating on them again. It's really fun and I really enjoy the organizational effort.

Oh! And my job has been really great for my health. I've gotten all manners of socialization from it, had to confront some things and overall my anxiety with people is vastly diminishing. I'm still not very much an online person anymore but I feel like... a denizen of the net and of the real world. And I'm happy for it. I'm happy to know other people like me and people who aren't like me and all that fun stuff. If you didn't oppose me I wouldn't know what I stand for, right? The same goes for you. Opposition doesn't need to be degrading and dehumanizing. It can actually be really friggin' uplifting. And the people who listen and refuse to demonize you because your opinion is different? Saints.

This was all I wanted, for so long, and it's finally here and I want to draw again and be myself to the fullest before time ticks away and it becomes too late, you know?

I'll write a little more, though trying to add a drawing to every post might deter me from writing, so idk maybe I'll try just writing without an image and see if that's ok. But I still wanna draw, it's just sometimes I wanna write too. So much to say. Such a wonderful world, so many things to see and experience. I'm happy for all of it and cannot wait for spring to get here!

The drawing in this post is a pixel art I did for my website, it was really fun and I didn't know I had it in me so I've been pretty excited to get back to it. I have to work at my other job today but I'm off early so I'd like to get that finished today or tomorrow.

I really hope you all have been well and words absolutely cannot begin to describe to immense gratitude I have for those of you who have stuck around and helped me month to month, I really wouldn't be here without your support and belief in me and you guys are the daily heroes in my life... I can't wait until I can set something up and someday we can meet, it's going to be so amazing.

Life is good. Sometimes it's bad, but with a little attitude shift, life can be good even when it's bad. I believe in us. We can do this! Let's be happy!