I killed you

A panicked Niall is looking for Hati

I shouldn’t have said that.

I don’t know what I said but if it made you leave, I shouldn’t have said that.

Sure, I don’t know for certain that you left back for the North. It’s just this nagging feeling in my stomach, something that refuses to leave. Besides, if you didn’t leave, that’s even worse. Either you left willingly because you don’t care about getting caught anymore. Or something took you.

Tightness grips my throat. Either way, the situation is bad. You’re in danger.

I should’ve just been a man and…

And what?

And… Make you realize you’re making a mistake and you should leave back home. Or the burning remnants of your home. But now I’m afraid that you’ve left.

I’m not making any sense right now. When am I?

stupid oaf

“Lord Tribune, are you headed for–”

The soldier falls silent when he sees something on my face. It makes me realize the strain on my jaw and my muscles. I'm looking at the soldier with a deep scowl on my face.

“Sorry, I…” I rub my face to get rid of the grimace. But no. There’s no time for that. Without another word, I leave him to wonder if he insulted me in some way.

No time for that. 

I need to find you. 

“Lord Tribune!” Someone shouts at me and I will myself not to lash out at the source. There’s urgency in the tone, something that makes me halt without protest. 

It’s your soldier friend. 

“You’re close with Hati, right?” he asks with a ragged breath. And I answer with my gut.

“I am… Not. No. Not at all.”

“He ran that way just a while ago.” He shows me the way and I try not to sprint after you. 

“Thank you, soldier,” I say curtly and start to leave.

“You won’t hurt him?” he asks. The question makes me smile in relief. You have friends who care about you.

“I will make sure no one will,” I say to him in a sudden spout of honesty. I don’t stay to gauge his reaction, I need to find you.

Something spooked you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have run away without a destination.

Or did you see me and run? No. That doesn’t make sense.

Soon enough, I’m running. No thoughts clutter my mind as I follow your steps like a sheepdog.

Finally, I sigh in relief when I see you. But the relief is short-lived. You’re sitting like a statue in the snow. Like you’re dead.

“$name?” I say, filling the empty air with my quivering voice. 

“$name,” I say. “$name!” I shout. I grab your freezing shoulders. 

It’s me. I killed you.

I should have left you alone.

I should’ve told Marcus he’s a monster for keeping you here like a pet.

I should’ve made you leave.

I killed you. 

I–

“Why are you shaking me?” you ask in a daze and I just realize that I am. Shaking you. 

“Oh gods, I’m sorry, I–” I stifle the urge to grab you into my arms, instead opting to bite my cheek. “I was afraid,” I confess, wanting to tell you everything that plagued my mind. But now is not the time.

What happened to you?