This Quest is Bullshit - Chapter 167

Chapter 167 - Like Old Times

Eve awoke to the intensely familiar experience of a throbbing hangover and the noise of somebody pounding on her door.

You have a visitor.

“Lumy,” Eve groaned, “I can hear that. Why are you in my room?”

Well, like I said, where exactly I am is more a matter of opinion.

“Well right now it’s my opinion that I never invited you in here.”

Alright, alright, Lumy sent. The pounding at the door continued. I just figured someone should make sure you actually answer that before he wakes up the whole wing.

“Wait,” Eve said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Who did you say it was?”

Some steward, Lumy replied. Whatever he wants, it seems to be urgent.

By the time Lumy had finished the thought, Eve was already halfway across the room. Without a thought for her impressive bedhead or half-undressed state, she swung the door open to reveal a face she knew well.

“Charles!” Eve greeted the Steward. “How’ve you been?”

“Your majesty,” the poor man fell into one of his classically way-too-deep bows at Eve’s arrival. “I have been doing well, however, I have an urgent message for—”

“Ooh, what’s that?” Eve cut him off, pointing down at a gilded pin in his lapel. “Did you make second Steward? Congratulations!”

“My thanks, your majesty,” Charles said, head still bowed. “I fear at the moment, however, there’s a bit of chaos down at—”

Eve waved him off. “There’s always a bit of chaos somewhere. That’s how this works. What’ve you been up too?”

“Apologies, majesty,” the Steward said, finally straightening his neck and looking Eve in the eye. “I would be honored to regale you with the details of my unexciting life, but at the moment the palace gate is under assault.”

“What?” Eve froze. “Already? How did he get to the palace? What happened to the city?”

“It would appear they flew over the city,” Charles said. “The—um… the man says he knows you, but the dragon won’t let anybody escort him away.”

Eve blinked. “The drag—oh!” She let out a laugh. “You almost had me there. It’s not a dragon, it’s a drake. His wings are these weird phantasmal constru—wait. Preston’s here!” She rushed past the flustered Steward into the hallway beyond, taking off across the velvet carpet as Charles scurried after her. Lumy floated along overhead, snickering at something.

“What’s so funny?”

Charles frowned. “Nothing, your majesty.”

“Not you,” Eve said, looking up at Lumy. “Her.”

Charles blinked at the three floating lights. “That’s alive?”

“Strictly speaking, no,” Eve answered. “But then again, neither am I.” She stopped at juncture in the hallway. “Which gate are they at?”

“Northeast,” Charles answered succinctly, wise enough not to ask any further questions.

Eve strode onward, wondering as she caught a glimpse of herself how she’d ended up sleeping in her boots and leg armor while her cuirass was nowhere to be seen. She hastily tucked her wrinkled undershirt back in. Preston and Reginald had, of course, seen her far, far worse—she shuddered at the thought—but the royal guards and anyone else who might’ve awaited out front hadn’t. She did need them to take her seriously.

When Eve finally reached the northeast exit, she stepped through the unlocked door to find the courtyard occupied by three regiments of queensguards, each pointing their spears towards the locked gates. Preston stood on the other side, his hands raised in a deescalating position. Reignald towered over it all, worsening the situation by doing his best to look as intimidating as possible.

They don’t recognize me! the drake complained the moment Eve stepped outside. How do they not recognize me? He jerked his snout in the general direction of one of the guards. I used to play cards with that guy!

Eve snorted. “It’s probably because you’re six times the size and have wings now,” she answered audibly, pulling the attention of the guards.

“Your majesty,” a woman dressed in a marginally fancier uniform addressed her, “you know them?”

“Yeah, of course,” Eve said. “They stayed here with me for like three months.” She cast her eyes from side to side, catching a series of suppressed snickers among the guards, a number of which covered their mouths as if to try and stop themselves from laughing. At the moment, Eve didn’t care enough to try and figure out why.

The guard captain managed to maintain her decorum. “Alright, men!” she barked. “Her majesty’s vouched for ‘em. Open the gates and get back to your posts!”

It took a second for the guards to jump into action, but the intensity of the order snapped them back to seriousness well enough. By the time the gates were open, all but a few had vanished from the courtyard. Eve paid them no mind.

She ran up to the open gate, wrapping Preston in a great hug when she reached him. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s been like a week,” Preston replied, returning her embrace nonetheless. “A busy week, judging by your shadowgram.”

“You have no idea,” Eve said, pulling away. “We broke into a hive mind bank, watched some zombies go bowling, I may or may not have doomed humanity, and Lumy stole my exp.”

I feel like one of those things is a lot worse than the others, Lumy sent.

“Yeah,” Eve snapped. “Exp theft is no joke.”

Preston laughed. “I—um… I see you had a good time last night.”

“In my defense, I didn’t have a chance to get dressed before Charles dragged me out here to diffuse this situation,” Eve said. “Emily and I got into some apple brandy while we caught up. We were up a bit late, and when I finally did make it to bed it was the first time I’d slept since you and Wes left so I slept in and…” She trailed off. “You’re not talking about my outfit, are you?”

Preston snorted. Lumy laughed.

Reginald, of them all, was the one to actually tell her.

You’ve got a penis on your forehead.

Eve’s eyes shot open as she slapped a hand across her forehead to cover the marking up. “Shit.”

That was enough to send Preston and Reginald into the same fit of laughter that had consumed Lumy already, the former doubling over as Eve’s face grew increasingly redder.

With a thought, the Defiant dissociated her entire head and reformed it with the Mana lines back where they should be, just to be certain drunk Eve hadn’t left sober Eve any more surprises. “Okay,” she breathed, “I may have been showing off my minor shapeshifting to Emily a bit last night.” Eve exhaled. “Gods, I walked through the entire palace like that. There were forty guards out here!”

“Forty-six,” Preston corrected. “Don’t worry about it. Honestly after the news you’ve given them, the people probably needed something silly to happen.”

Eve sighed. “That’s one way of looking at it.”

“Here’s another,” Preston offered. “At least now they’ll be talking about this rather than spreading rumors about you and Emily hooking up.”

Eve shrugged. “What kind of good friends don’t make people think they’re a little gay?”

Preston chuckled. “Good point. Everyone thinks my best friend and I are gay. I mean… we’re getting married, but still. Weird of them to assume.”

Eve laughed, placing a hand on Preston’s arm. “It is good to see you,” she said. “I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“The world always needs saving,” Preston replied. “It’s part of the job description.”

“I just wish we had more information. He could come tomorrow; he could come next year. He might not even come for Pyrindel. We could be wasting our time here only to get the news that Lynthia’s fallen.”

Preston nodded. “We’re doing everything we can. The good news is, fog isn’t known for rolling in particularly quickly. That diary passage you mentioned seemed to imply the Burendians knew he was coming for some time. If he sets his sights somewhere else, you’ll have time to run there.”

“I hope so,” Eve said. “I spent yesterday afternoon with General Mollick, going through what we expect from the the man of the mists and what the local forces can do about it. It’s not much. If that mist that escaped from the vault is an army, it’s possible that the army and any adventurers we can recall can fight it, but you can’t stab a cloud of mist.”

“There are other ways to stop it, though,” Preston said.

Eve nodded. “There are enchantments encircling the entire city, but I don’t have much faith in them. If the Burendians couldn’t stop him, any enchantment we make doesn’t have a chance.”

“Is there something you could do?”

“I already am,” Eve said. “This afternoon I’m supposed to meet with the enchanters guild. They have more expertise than I do, but theoretically I can command the city’s enchantments to be better focused on the man of the mists. Mollick doesn’t want me to, though. Says it’d leave the city too undefended from other threats.”

“There aren’t any other threats,” Preston countered. “Not that all the forces gathered here can’t handle.”

“We don’t know that. When I spoke with him at the wedding, misty boy mentioned a partner. I don’t know anything about them, but I’ll bet they don’t use mist magic. Every bit of extra defense against the enemy we know is less defense against the enemy we don’t.”

“Sounds like a headache.”

“It is,” Eve said plainly. “Mollick put the word out to watch for any strangely-behaving fog; with any luck, some of the adventurers still in the field will run into him. He hides well, but the giant cloud of mist he uses to do it isn’t exactly inconspicuous.”

“That’s something,” Preston said. “In the meantime… what can I help with?”

“Honestly, just having you here is a help,” Eve said. “Obviously you’ll be useful when it comes to the fight. Even if it’s just me and a few other high high-levels fighting misty boy, healing is always needed.”

“I can do that.”

“Before then…” Eve exhaled. “You’re not gonna like it.”

“You want me to talk to the church.” Preston knew her request before she voiced it.

“I know you’re not fond of them,” Eve said, “but you’ve got a better chance of getting them to take this threat seriously than I do. Than anyone, really. You’re one of maybe three people alive who’ve actually met Ayla.”

Preston sighed. “Alright, I’ll talk to them. But if they try to rope me into any weird religious ceremonies, I’m letting the man of the mists wipe them out.”

Eve laughed. “No you aren’t.”

“No.” Preston shook his head. “But a man can dream.”

As if to punctuate his point, the cobblestone courtyard quaked beneath their feet. A shout rang out from the other side of the palace, and guards all around took off at a run towards the source of the commotion. Eve glanced up at Lumy.

Alright, alright, I’ll take a look. With that, Lumy shot straight through the walls of the palace so quick that her image seemed to linger in the air for a moment after she disappeared. An image of two women climbing out of a hole in the ground flashed into Eve’s head.

Preston blinked, clearing having received Lumy’s message as well. “Is that…”

“Oh good,” Eve said. “Perfect timing, really.” She held out an open hand to Preston, gesturing him forward. “Shall we?”

“Do we have a choice?”

“Not really,” Eve said, already taking off towards the courtyard in question. “Besides, I came out here to greet you, didn’t I? It’d be rude if I didn’t do the same for Alex.”

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