This Quest is Bullshit - Chapter 166

Chapter 166 - Making an Entrance

I got your shadowgram, Emily sent, taking to telepathic communication surprisingly easily. How much danger are we in? Where are you?

A shitload of danger, Eve replied. We’re in a shitload of danger. As for where I am… your buddy Lestrad is giving me a guided tour of his brand new secret prison cell. I’m excited to see it.

Godsdamnit, Emily cursed. I specifically instructed him to let me know if you showed up. He probably thinks he’s going above and beyond delivering you already locked up.

Do you wanna free him from that delusion? I’ve got this whole dramatic moment planned that won’t work if I have to break out of jail first.

I’ve already sent someone to talk to him, Emily replied. In the meantime, don’t break out of jail.

Easy words to say for someone who’s not about to be put in jail, Eve sent.

Emily exhaled. Just try and commit as few crimes as possible between now and when I see you, okay? I want to have a chance to throw you in prison myself.

I’ll try, Eve sent, but no promises. I keep imagining the look on Lestrad’s face when I slip his precious enchantments.

Emily shut the connection herself.

“Damn royals and their defenses against telepathy,” Eve muttered to herself. “I had like three more jokes I wanted to tell.”

I think you’ll get your chance soon enough, Lumy replied.

“It’s not the same,” Eve lamented. “They require context.”

No, look. Someone’s coming.

Sure enough, a young page clad in royal colors that he’d outgrown some months ago raced up to Lestrad and stood on his toes to whisper in the minister’s ear. Lestrad cursed.

Their procession came to a halt. “It would seem,” Lestrad said through clenched teeth, “that her majesty has become aware of your presence.”

“Oh, really?” Eve asked, her voice sickeningly sweet. “I wonder how that might’ve happened.”

Lestrad took a deep and tense breath. “It seems the rest of your life rotting in prison will have to wait while the queen satisfies her curiosity. Follow me.”

Eve didn’t even try to stop herself from smiling at Lestrad’s displeasure, playing up the grin to taunt him further with her glee. He angrily twirled on his heel and stomped off down the hall, signaling Eve and his guards to follow.

Follow, they did.

Lestrad practically threw open a pair of grandiose mahogany doors to reveal a wide open chamber beyond, complete with vaulted ceilings, grand marble pillars, and noblemen and petitioners milling about. That last bit all stopped, of course, when Eve stepped in.

She recognized the throne room when she saw it. Apparently, in all her comedic good luck, Eve had managed to catch Emily in the middle of holding court. Eve grinned.

It was perfect.

The crowd of courtiers parted as Lestrad led her down the center of the cavernous chamber. Nobles and dignitaries alike stared wide-eyed at both the crown on Eve’s head and the shackles around her wrists. A number of blue-flashing eyes confirmed her status as monarch.

Queen Emily Elric sat atop a marble throne, her back straight as an arrow and her feet planted on the dais beneath her as she gazed imperiously at the proceedings below.

Lestrad bowed. His men bowed. The page who’d delivered Emily’s message bowed.

Eve smiled and waved through her manacles.

Lumy sighed.

Eve liked to think she caught the slightest upturn at the corner of Emily’s mouth. She could work with that. Whatever everybody else in this room might’ve thought about her, she only had to convince one person. Luckily enough, it was the one person she used to be close friends with.

After the tense silence had been allowed to sit in the air for a good forty seconds or so, Emily finally addressed her court. “Late last night, I received a rather troubling shadowgram. This morning, I’m unsurprised to find its sender standing before me in chains. I am surprised to find her in a crown as well. It remains to be seen if the latter is as well deserved as the former.”

“Gods, I should hope so,” Eve blurted out. “Do you have any idea how many dungeons I had to clear for this thing?”

A wave of whispers spread throughout the court.

Emily exhaled. “I’ll have to hear that story. Regardless of how it came to be in your possession, it is clear your title is as real as my own.”

That set Eve blinking. She’d entirely expected everyone to think she’d faked her Appraisal as Monarch Ascendent in the same way she’d faked being an Emissary. For a moment, her mind reeled at the idea it had been this easy, before remembering a bit of text she’d overlooked when she’d first found the Burendian crown.

Serves as proof of identity and station.

Eve grinned.

“If I may speak, your majesty,” Lestrad pleaded, head still bowed but eyes looking up. At Emily’s nod, he continued. “Evelia Greene is a known spy and enemy of Leshk. Just fourteen months ago she and her companions undertook a telepathic attack that cost the city of Pyrindel hundreds of thousands of gold in lost commerce and property damage, let alone the emotional toll on the populace. Cryptic shadowgrams and ancient relics aside, this criminal cannot be unchained in…” He trailed off as he noticed a slight smile stretch across Emily’s face. She wasn’t looking at him.

In a furor, Lestrad whirled around to find Eve’s crown had grown a single, particularly long spire, around which his precious Ar-iron manacles currently spun like a propeller.

“What?” At last he lost his decorum. “How?”

Eve flashed a wide smile as she tilted her head back and forth to keep the shackles spinning. “It’s magic.” Honestly, she also sent to Lumy. I have no idea how any of these people thought I was an Emissary for so long. I mean, look at me!

Lumy groaned. You’re not exactly acting very queenlike either.

That’s the trick, Eve replied. Queens act however they damn well please.

The court, not privy to Eve and Lumy’s exchange, didn’t know what to do. Some nobles backed away in a panic now that Lestrad’s dangerous prisoner had escaped, while others leaned in with curiosity. Some stared aghast at the childishness of it all, while others placed their hands over their mouths to politely cover their laughter. Eve decided she liked them the most.

Emily openly chuckled. That’s why she was Eve’s favorite.

“I see you’ve been busy this past year,” the queen finally said. “I take it we lack the enchanting prowess to ever dream of containing you.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it.” Eve winked at Lestrad. “Nobody has, has ever had, or ever will have the enchanting prowess to ever contain me. Your subjects are humans. Mine are enchantments.”

Emily nodded, connecting the made-up nation Eve had once claimed to be Emissary of with her comment about clearing dungeons to find the crown. “Burendia.”

Eve snapped her fingers. “Got it in one.”

Well past the point in the conversation where it was necessary, Emily launched into the formal greeting reserved for visiting Monarchs. “Queen Evelia Greene of the great nation of Burendia, we welcome you to Leshk with open arms. May our kingdoms lift each other up to heights unknown and find harmony in our difference.”

“Yeah, that,” Eve replied, only half paying attention to the flowery greeting. “Can we get onto the important shit now?”

Eve! Lumy sent. You’re in court! You can’t swear in court!

What part of ‘queens act however they damn well please’ did you not get? Eve sent back.

“Ah, yes, your shadowgram,” Emily said. “A disturbing piece of news if it’s to be believed. Perhaps you could fill the court in on your discovery.”

“Sure,” Eve said, making a distinct point to act as casually as she could. She pointed up to her crown. “This should probably aid my credibility when I say I found out what happened to the Burendians. He calls himself The Man of the Mists, he’s higher level than I am, at least a few thousand years old, and he’s got his sights set on humanity.”

She went on to provide a bit of background information to the courtiers, including how she’d first come to know misty boy—a nickname she didn’t use in front of the court—how she’d tracked down the ancient Burendian capital, and the decoded diary she’d found there. She did mention that his army had escaped its prison underground, but tactically left out where it was or that she’d been the one to let it out.

When she finished, the throne room sat quiet.

Courtiers stared. Some paled. Some grit their teeth.

Only Emily could break this silence. “After all the lies you’ve told in this very palace, why should we believe you now? A crown may grant weight to one’s words, but it itself carries no credibility.”

Eve sighed. “Believe me, I wish this weren’t true either. As I hope you’ve seen…” She paused to tilt her head around, causing the manacles that had come to rest to spin around once more. “I’m powerful enough to take pretty much anything I wanted from you. But I can’t take your help. The Man of the Mists… I can’t fight him alone. The organization working against him can’t fight him alone. The Burendians were better than us at a lot of things by a country mile, and they couldn’t fight him alone. This is gonna take all of us.”

“And if you’re wrong?” Lestrad snarled. “Or lying, like you usually do? This city can’t afford another incident like your attack last year.”

“It can’t afford being wiped off the map by a high level asshole, either,” Eve snapped. She waved Lestrad away, directing her focus towards the only person who mattered. “Emily. Look into my eyes.”

Emily squinted.

“Okay,” Eve corrected, “look into the bright lights where my eyes should be. I know I’ve lied to you before, and I’m really, truthfully sorry about that, but I wouldn’t be here if this weren’t important. I don’t know if we can win this, but we don’t stand a chance if you don’t listen to me.”

The words hung in the air for some time, the silence only dented but the shuffling of feet and the odd whisper here and there. Eve’s sharp ears caught it all, but truth be told she didn’t care about the courtiers’ indecisiveness. She stared up at Emily, hope and desperation clashing on her face.

At last, the queen of Leshk spoke.

“General Mollick,” she said to the aging man in resplendent armor to her right, “draft a battle plan for defending the city from this Man of the Mists. Minister Oglian, evacuate the countryside. Get every noncombatant you can inside the city walls as soon as possible.”

Lestrad opened his mouth to protest, but Emily beat him to it.

“Minister Lestrad, I think you’ve done enough. I know that mind of yours didn’t forget my direct order to bring Queen Evelia directly to me upon her arrival this morning. Take the rest of the day to reflect on who rules in Pyrindel.”

Lestrad reddened, but remained silent. He had enough self control to manage that.

A chorus of hushed tones took the throne room by storm as the assembled nobles and petitioners reeled over Emily’s decision. It fell silent when she opened he mouth once more.

“Your majesty,” Emily said to the only other person in the room worthy of the title, “please accept our formal apology for the way Minister Lestrad has treated you. Burendia is and will always be a friend to Leshk.”

Eve winked. “No worries. I get excited to play with new toy too.”

Emily exhaled, but otherwise blew past Eve’s overly casual reply. “If you would be so kind, it would be a great help if you could fill General Mollick in on everything you know about the threat we face. Every detail could make the difference.”

“Of course.” Eve nodded.

“And once you’re finished,” Emily said, a hint of a smile stretching across her otherwise stony face, “I’d like you to fill me in on everything else that’s happened in the past year. It sounds like you’ve quite the story to tell.”

Eve didn’t hint at a smile. She beamed brightly up at the queen on her throne. “I think that can be arranged.”