Notes for Episode 13: V

Hannah here! And definitely NOT Esther doing this part of the post for Hannah. Here are the promised show notes for our episode on V. We actually had fairly few compared to previous months. This show truly broke us. As usual, I’ve included a PDF version for those of you who prefer to read them that way. See you all next month! Buhhhh guhhhh I'm Hannah this is what I sound like guhhhhhhhhh

• Plot / Structure Stuff:

  • VERY FIRST things we see on screen are: “Where were you when JFK was assassinated?” then “Where were you on 9/11?” then “Where were you this morning?”

    • This was, as it turned out, the peak of the show

  • Again I get that this was in 2009 But. You don’t have to have the pilot be about terrorist cells, guys. Please

    • A truly deranged sign of the era. You just know they were pitching this to ABC and some suits asked, “Okay… so how does Terror fit into this?”

  • HUGE fucking whiff to have the A-plot of your pilot be a mega generic FBI tracking terrorists thing

    • INSANE how much of this show is indistinguishable from any bit of slop called like FBI: NYPD: Tennessee 

  • The reptilian stuff being very clearly exposited in episode 1 rather than treated as any kind of reveal, even a late-in-the-pilot reveal… I mean I guess those are the wages of this being a remake, right?

  • The thing about these public debates on the Vs is that they’re not like. Based on anything, yet. All the conspiracy investigation stuff is happening out of public view, so everyone’s public reaction to the Vs has to be based on nothing

    • They cut away on the public debate show right before the anti-V argument was gonna get presented!

  • I’m not gonna lie I don’t think “anyone could be a Visitor” is necessarily the most interesting angle. Like the idea of humanity’s relationship with these aliens has enough potential, the body snatchers thing is played out

  • It feels like every episode ends with a shot of the ship and like. Those are just your establishing shots. You can’t make them scary

    • All the ending shots of every episode are the same. It’s just that the aliens have another shitty room

  • All this shit about “human emotion” is very “they hate us for our freedom” 

    • Yeah I was about to say, like, THAT’S the conflict?

  • Wait what is the point she’s making about the skeletons. She’s saying that it’s a skeleton because the bones are smooth. So it must be a skeleton and not a human. But wouldn’t humans all have skeletons? “Why would they put a skeleton on a ship with humans” WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

    • I just love the mouthfeel of the phrase “why would they put a skeleton”

  • It’s insane that Erica is finding out her son is dating a V in episode 11 of 12

• Character / Performance Stuff:

  • Immediately disappointed at an FBI badge on the main character’s nightstand in the first minute. You can have a lead that’s not FBI

  • You’ll cowards don’t even smoke scripture

    • Father Jack’s sermon is just a less articulate version of 1 Thessalonians 5:21… PAUL ALREADY SAID THIS SHIT YOU PIECE OF SHIT

    • This has been Hannah’s Bible Corner

  • Again. These TV shows all overestimate how many leather jackets people wear. There’s other outfits, and they know that

  • Father Jack looks like store brand Aaron Eckhart

  • They’re laying on the stuff with Ryan and his fiancee on SO THICK. Every other line of hers is WOW I can’t believe I DOUBTED that you LOVED ME and now I know you have NO SECRETS FROM ME I like the ring 🙂

    • At the start of every episode she pulls out a coin from her pocket and goes oh and by the way, I… [flips the coin, looks at the result] trust you

  • Erica realizing that her partner in this investigation is a priest is so funny. “Just uh, look through the files.” She’s like clearly hoping he’s a priest who used to be a mercenary or some shit

    • Man. He IS a priest who used to be a mercenary. C’mon. Our jokes can’t stay ahead of this shit

  • None of the other Vs are as stiff and offputting as Anna. Why’s she the leader

    • Every other V is, and we’ve seen this shit before, A Guy at your Work

  • I think. Realistically. You could make this show 15% less awful by just putting every named male character on a roulette wheel and whoever it lands on has their actor replaced with Ian Anthony Dale

  • Kyle Hobbes… he’s a little Tim Roth, a little Ian McShane. I don’t like seeing him but he’s something I guess

  • Georgie in his last moments saying “let me speak to Jack” and it’s like wait… did those two have a relationship

  • Ohhhhhh they do the “the girl is good at a boy thing because she had BROTHERS!!!”

    • If you have brothers you’re a MAN to me

• Technical / Aesthetic Stuff: 

  • Close up on Erica’s eye in the first scene. Ok Lost thank you

  • Honestly one of the weakest match cuts I’ve ever seen, as they introduce the main characters. You’re not convincing me yet that everything is connected

  • The inside of the mothership looks like a Disney World attraction called like Destination: Future

    • It’s just the Society If meme

  • These shots in the alien ship are insane… obviously the foreground characters look composited against the ship, but… they also look composited against the guys literally right behind them

  • “The Vs are the most sexual beings of all time” really being limited by their dogshit wardrobes. If they’re presenting themselves like this to get humanity in their corner… there are ways they can make corny sci fi uniforms look good

  • Yelling show…… we got another yelling show…

  • Dude there’s like three men’s haircuts in this entire show. I can never tell when I’m seeing a new character

  • Possibly the most incompetently directed Lostalike ever. They occasionally have ideas like canted angles and low frame rate, they just don’t understand why someone would actually do any of that

  • The Vs just don’t. Have furniture

    • Star Wars. Star Trek. These are franchises where aliens have furniture

• Notable Quotes:

  • “You call it tagging, but the Vs? They call it spreading hope.”

  • “The murdered sleeper agent was a valuable asset” I don’t want to hear this shit

  • “I’ve already send for the human pain expert from the Tokyo ship”

  • “You know the humans, they have an expression they use when they found something that really matters to them. They say they found their true north.” I’m human and I don’t fucking say that

  • “Bring them blue energy”

  • “Thank you. Shooting that terrorist saved many lives”

  • All of these above lines of dialogue sound like they’re from a ChatGPT girlfriend 

• Cute Things We Said:

  • Seven minutes into this pilot, Hannah misses Invasion. Hannah goes on an entire rant about how we need to go back to Invasion

    • We made it TWO minutes into episode 3 before Hannah got distracted by trampolines

    • Episode 5 we just started watching rug cleaning videos

  • It would be really funny if in one of these wide shots of the ships, you can faintly see and hear one person firing a pistol up at the ship

  • FBI flak jacket and baseball cap is the most swagless agency fit. The CIA is basically always wearing James Bond suits

    • I (Hannah) am CIA and I dress differently. I wear cute crop tops

  • “You don’t understand, mom… the V’s gave me twelve markers on my map to clear. I haven’t even climbed the tower yet, so get off my case, okay?”

  • You know who I’d love to see tackle this problem? The core trio from Evil. They’d all have their own perspective

  • About the news anchor:

    • Hannah: “His name is like Scott Buck or something right?” 

    • Esther: “Yeah it’s like Chuck Fuck”

  • Episode 4 is called “It’s Only the Beginning” and that’s a fucking threat

  • The reveal of all the extra spaceships in the finale of episode 4… it’d fucking suck to be in the Fort Wayne mothership

  • You were NUTTING in her? You were sending your little lizards up her pussy???

  • THEY NEED ALIEN NAMES. ONE OF THEM’S GOTTA BE GREBULEX