Paint a picture. It'll last longer. Welcome to Night Vale.
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Councilwoman Tamika Flynn announced this week that she got a new dog. It's her 17th birthday in just a couple of weeks, so her ...
2020-06-02 21:30:42 +0000 UTC View Post"At least their heart's in the right place," I say, softly running my hand across a plastic take-out container. Welcome to Night Vale.
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In light of a string of armed robberies across Nigh...
2020-06-02 21:30:16 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with Dessa)
CECIL [in a cheesy DJ voice, over a few bars of smooth Jazz]: Good evening, fiiine citizens. I’m your late-night host this week, here to keep you company after sun...
2020-06-02 21:29:22 +0000 UTC View PostA friendly desert community, where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead, while we lay open eyed, watching it all. Welcome to Night Vale.
The City Council reiter...
2020-06-02 21:28:31 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with Brie Williams)
If you see something crawling across your floor in the dark, don’t worry. It’s probably just a tarantula.
Welcome to Night Vale.
Listeners, i...
2020-06-02 21:27:51 +0000 UTC View PostCECIL: I once was lost, but now am fine with that. Welcome to Night Vale.
STEVE: First I wanted to say that there are glowing arrows in the sky. You can’t see them even though you should. I can se...
2020-06-02 21:26:27 +0000 UTC View PostHUNTOKAR: This is a story about Huntokar, said a voice on the radio. A voice you had never heard before, though she has been speaking to you your whole life.
I am Huntokar, the destroyer. You have a...
2020-06-02 21:26:07 +0000 UTC View PostThere's a billboard along the highway that reads "Everything Must Go." Welcome to Night Vale.
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I don't talk much about my brother on this show. Cal. He visited the other day, from his hom...
2020-06-02 21:25:44 +0000 UTC View PostThe best strategy for a labyrinth is to put one hand on a wall and follow that hand around until you reach the exit. The second best strategy is screaming. Welcome to Night Vale
We start with our le...
2020-06-02 21:25:17 +0000 UTC View PostWhy do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Tell me more about your special bird powers. Welcome to Night Vale.
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It's been a long couple of weeks, as the city-wide emergency sir...
2020-06-02 21:24:53 +0000 UTC View PostIf you could press a button that would give you a great deal of money, but it would cause someone you don’t know in a distant part of the world to die, then you would have a good model for how our c...
2020-06-02 21:20:53 +0000 UTC View PostI know you are, but what am I? What am I? What am I? What. Am. I. Welcome to Night Vale.
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I should start today with something happy. In his speech yesterday honoring the life of Ol...
2020-06-02 21:01:54 +0000 UTC View PostWe make money the old fashioned way: we chemically convert lead into gold. Welcome to Night Vale.
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The Night Vale Tourism Board announced that after 12 years of Superfund Site Cleanup, As...
2020-06-02 21:01:16 +0000 UTC View PostLook at it from the raindrop's point of view. Welcome to Night Vale
Yesterday, of course, was Valentine’s Day, our first in four years. After that last Valentine’s Day, which destroyed much of N...
2020-06-02 21:00:51 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with Brie Williams)
You are swimming distance from a shore you cannot see. If you choose the wrong direction, you will drown. If you do not make a decision, you will drown. Welc...
2020-06-02 21:00:33 +0000 UTC View PostIf you get Patreon notifications of Night Vale posts, I apologize in advance for today's bombardment. We're updating our Patreon to include episode transcripts dating back to Aug 2016. We want to p...
2020-06-02 21:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostCECIL: I know many of you have a few things you’d like to say. So let me start things off. Welcome to Night Vale.
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LEONARD: Hi folks, ...
2020-06-02 20:55:57 +0000 UTC View PostHere comes the sun. Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun. It does not stop. Welcome to Night Vale.
To start today's show, I wanted to talk a bit about our indomitable radio intern, Ka...
2020-06-02 20:55:21 +0000 UTC View PostThose who remember history are also doomed to repeat it. Welcome to Night Vale.
Despite the best efforts of Hadassah McDaniels and her team of five headed dragon lawyers, her brother, Hiram McDaniel...
2020-06-02 20:54:56 +0000 UTC View PostWhy do birds appear every time you are near? It's likely they planted a tracking device on you. Welcome to Night Vale.
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Listeners, I've been thinking about Old Woman Josie a lot lately. S...
2020-06-02 20:54:27 +0000 UTC View PostYou are statistically likely. Welcome to Night Vale
Today negotiations began between the representatives of the five headed dragons, led by Hadassah McDaniels and her team of lawyers, in an attempt ...
2020-06-02 20:53:53 +0000 UTC View PostIt is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a cursed talisman must be in want of a hex reversal. Welcome to Night Vale.
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CECIL: Night Vale, we have a special...
2020-06-02 20:53:15 +0000 UTC View Post[sound moves toward right channel through this opening, ending completely on the right]
It’s all right. All right. Allll right. Aaaaaaalllll right. Welcome to Night Vale
Listeners, your head...
2020-06-02 20:52:42 +0000 UTC View PostFind it in your heart. You’ll need to break past the ribs and then scoop it out. But it’s in there and you need to find it. Quickly. Welcome to Night Vale.
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To start the news today, t...
2020-06-02 20:52:17 +0000 UTC View PostWhich came first? The chicken, the egg, or airplanes? Welcome to Night Vale
Hello Listeners. This week is National Alternate History Week, in which we celebrate our rich history that could have happ...
2020-06-02 20:51:44 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with James Moran)
Do not bite the hand that feeds you. Grab it first, take the keys, set yourself free, THEN bite the hand and run. Welcome to Night Vale.
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... 2020-06-02 20:49:59 +0000 UTC View Post
An old man sits on the steps of the old General Store whistling a lonesome tune.
Weather: “Embroidery Stars” by Carrie Elkin ht...
2020-06-01 04:00:00 +0000 UTC View PostWelcome to "Before They Were Night Vale", our feature in which Night Vale creators Jeffrey and Joseph share writing from before their Welcome to Night Vale collaboration, along with commentary....
2020-05-29 22:57:07 +0000 UTC View Post
It's time for the Final Sacrifice! Jeffrey Cranor and Cecil Baldwin watched Children of the Corn II, and they have THOUGHTS.
Livestream begins at 7pm ET tonight, Tuesday May 26.
2020-05-26 22:13:06 +0000 UTC View PostTuesday, May 26 @ 7pm ET (link: https://www.patreon.com/posts/37562493)
Jeffrey Cranor and Ceci...
2020-05-25 15:41:00 +0000 UTC View Post