tredlocity

Regret

Young Space Dread had a whole cyber-angel thing for a while, where she would bust out her laser wings, but they don't really work and they keep tearing her robes.

(Dex owned by C)

Layers

Isaac used magic to make Val's body more noodly and stretchy so that she could fit into the giant armor suits. It's a horrid and horrible and terrible and terrifying experience and Val never wants ...

Brinner

Clarinet

The wife cursed the clarinet to sound really, really bad even though she could have just cursed it to sound better so that she wouldn't hate it as much. Good communication is the secret of a succes...

Call

Val used to be afraid of the night stars. She would stay up all night, worried that they'll fall on her house. Then her mom bought her glow-in-the-dark star stickers to show her that stars can be c...

The Helmet

Val's dad keeps changing the recipe of the spacaroni dish, due to moving to different planets with different ingredient availability but he always adds too much pepper. That's the one constant in a...

Better

There was a weird few seconds when Val realized that her ship's bedroom smelled more like home than its Kazgarified version, which was closer to what she spent most of her teen years in. Was it rel...

Undo

At that moment, the people of Isaac's potted planet were in the middle of forming a subculture around appreciating Kazgar propaganda ironically, before it all got turned back into non-kazgar stuff....

Break It

Surprisingly, a lot of magic spells can be broken just by smashing a thing. Though after several incidents in which Val smashed something to stop a spell and ended up making everything worse, Isaac...

The Source

Aside from (most of) the outer plating, all of Val's armor has been completely removed and/or replaced with other tech. The only one she was most resistant to part with is the back massager, which ...

Out of the Frying Pan

One of Kthaioth's demands as a patron is for the ship to only be operable with him around. This is due to his fear of abandonment and rejection, which is understandable but it doesn't excuse this t...

Kthaioth!

While they're very demanding, warlock demons tend to be very powerful. Warlocks would have to pick carefully on which demon they would form a pact. It is said that, when in full power, Kthaioth can...

Non-Existence...

Many planets used to farm orkroids for their meat. However, any planet that lets orkroids grow in numbers end up disappearing from history. This is why orkroids are very rare. They also taste reall...

The Plan

Kazgar Warlocks Weekly is no longer published since the fall of the empire, but some people collect old issues for the cake recipes and word jumbles. Also, the spells, but mostly it's the cake reci...

Happy Valentine's Day!

The best thing about VR picnics, Doris was about to say, is that robots and organics share the same simulated sensations. Minnow somewhat agrees, except having a rose stuck through your head would ...

Great Val the Redpink

Kazgarian comics are all about how you should eat your vegetables and listen to your parents and be loyal to the great empire. You'd think they'd only make a handful, but no they keep making them f...

Potted

Val did a really poor job taking care of Isaac's potted planet back when he was training for the wizard bake-off. She left potato chip crumbs all over it. It did solve a hunger crisis, and...

The Song of The Prince

At this very moment, Evil Warlock Isaac is choosing which educational films to show Val. His choices are:

- Your Changing Loyalty And You.

- Real Punk Rock: How Conformity is True Count...

Warlock's Room

Some of the lava men remained lava men instead of turning into chill times beach men, and the chill times beach men respected that. They would have lava/beach festivals where they would surf on the...

Captured

Oh, Doris was there too.

Run

Epilogue:
A year later, Val and Isaac received a postcard from Lava Planet 12. Apparently, it has now transformed into Chill Times Beach Planet 12, and the lava men are now Chill Times Beach Men...

All A Dream

The first few weeks into the flesh mountain god's new, healthier sacrifices at Lava Planet 12 were difficult for everyone. Flesh mountain god was surly and irritable for a while. But then it starte...

Operational

The lava men said that Val would make the perfect sacrifice for their flesh mountain god. Then Isaac told them that flesh mountain gods need more than just meat. They need vegetables and fruit too,...

Bed Gun

Val has kept a gun under her pillow ever since she got attacked in her room by the Lava Men of Lava Planet 12. They wanted Val to be sacrificed to their god, a mountain of living flesh with an open...

Rise and Shine

This is the eighth worst thing Val has ever woken up to. The seventh is very similar, but she didn't have a gun back then, and it was a lava creature so it ruined Val's sheets. Val then bought lava...

Bed Time

Valor used to be afraid of the night stars. She would stay up all night, worried that they'll fall on her house. Then her mom bought her glow-in-the-dark star stickers to show her that stars can be...

Dental

Val and Isaac had tooth fairies, which can only be removed through mundane means. Magic would only turn them into bigger, more powerful bone fairies, which are even harder to remove without bone-hu...

idk, what should we call ourselves?

They ended up calling their band "The Nonesmiths" with Isaac on gleetar, Twitch on acudo pipes, Four-Eyes on hyubells, and Marty on drums. They played quantum ska pretty badly at a local open mike....

Temp Body

Doris' temp body was previously owned by Starla Suplex, three-time champion of the robot wrestling league. She donated her wrestling body when she retired to pursue a career in medicine. She now ru...

Ancient History

"Oh! Fun fact about these glyphs: They detail all the shortcuts around the city that the messengers need to memorize in order to do their job well! If they find new routes, or if existing ones are ...