Behind-the-Song: Vampires pt.2

You asked for it! 😅

Also, I realized like...several days after saying on stream that I haven't shared the lyrics/chord sheet for this and don't know if I plan to...that I uploaded the lyrics for all the Villain EP songs to streaming services 😂 So I straight up LIED TO YOU. My bad 😬

I know I use imagery and metaphor a lot in my song writing, but I really do think this is my best work on that front.

There's a coven on every corner / I got nowhere to hide / Eyes all over me / Do they ever blink

Yes. I absolutely did Google what a grouping of vampires would be called. Because while the obvious answer in my brain was "coven" from the beginning, I also definitely thought I was somehow mixing them up with witches 😅 Turns out it's the same term for both groups 👈😎👈 Thank you to Google for making me feel less crazy (an impressive feat to be sure 🤭)

This was very much meant to symbolize how I felt trapped a little bit. I felt like I had nowhere to go and nothing else I could do, but also I couldn't escape the attention and expectations of people. I was inundated with messages that I didn't have the energy or physical capacity to answer. I was spending the only energy I did have, trying to hide how I was really doing for an audience of 100 people.

It genuinely felt like the feeling of needing to be "on" and performing in some capacity was following me. And there wasn't anything I could do, or anywhere I could go to escape that feeling.

It was the feeling of being watched and being expected to behave in certain ways personified.

And no one ever warned me / They don't come just at night / I can't see to sleep / Are they in my dreams / Chasing, erasing me

I separated this, but it really is just more of the same and I didn't feel like reorganizing the post 😅🙈

BUT in this section, there is the additional context of the dreamscape. Because I did in fact have nightmares about streaming during this time. I was crying a lot and feeling completely spent and hopeless, and incredibly frustrated and stressed out by streaming, so...I suppose it's only natural 😅😬

In this case, "chasing, erasing me" also refers to that same feeling of needing to be on all the time. "Chasing" in the sense of urgency and being followed by that feeling, and "erasing" in the sense of hiding my true self at the time (as someone who was much more disabled than usual at the time) to be who everyone expected me to be, and to keep showing up as that on and off of streams. Erasing myself and my struggles 🤷‍♀️

*Which ultimately, I often do to myself, so...did I feel that way because of how streams were going and the immediate circumstances and stress, or because of trauma? Probably both* 😅