Patreon, R&P Q&A #249

"What I want is for her to learn some tools that she can use so she can justify in her own head her existence in the relationship. Tools that do not involve sex or money. " Reframe this, so that it's you who's doing the work! Get really clear on things you would like them to do. not her specifically.

will zill

I wouldn’t say that I want to save her, but I can see she is lacking tools (or girl game, if you want) to provide value for the relationship asido from sex and money. She does a lot of that, so it’s not accurate to say that she is not doing anything about it. She is doing it, but to her own detriment, and I do care about her. I cannot think of a better place to ask for advice, than from the married bunch.

Aaron Sheffield

A covert contract is an agreement that you believe exists, even if you have not actually communicated it. “While trying to avoid the potential for covert contracts as much as I can.” “I want is for her to learn some tools that she can use so she can justify in her own head her existence in the relationship.” Is this accurate? You entered a relationship she asked for. Now she is “anxious” about her lack of value. But not anxious enough to do anything about? So now YOU are online asking a bunch of dudes that are married with families and shit. How can I save this woman from her own problems, and make it so she isn’t anxious anymore?

will zill

“Noticing that she has been getting increasingly anxious”. What have you noticed? “She never complained,” Put a pin in that! “She got into feminist ideology two years before she met me.” You put this in because you think its relevant. Why is it relevant? You state in the same paragraph that “I really don't mind. Also, I have not point that out, but it is evident.”

will zill

More specific. What's regularly? for example if your busy VS don't have shit to do, regular is very different. How much sex is enough? There is a trap where you can trick yourself out of doing ALL the work required, avoid it so you can deploy and get straight back on the horse no worries. Rain calls it self-respect, like an internal sense of value/confidence. (work>selfrespect>) Also, an interesting point 23 body count. what's that consist of? example. 23 lays but most stuck around for 2-6 months makes a huge difference compared to 23 one-night stands.

will zill

Get laid regularly. Doesn't matter to me whether it's plates or LTR.

Lance Narcissus

Implicit things I have done: - Show wrote me a poem (lot of effort there). At some point I commented that that was my favorite gift from her Explicit things I have done: - At some point, she brought the money thing and that she was afraid that she will not be able to keep up with my plans. I'll told her that if it is my plan, then I'll pay for it. I also told her that, given her context, I don't mind paying for her, but I do mind if show she ends up limiting my freedom because she doesn't have that much money. Since then, although a process, her resistance for me taking the tab on dates has decreased.

Aaron Sheffield

I am lifting/swimming (not super buff, but in shape). I am living in Sweden, but I am from LATAM. After ~four months she brough the topic indirectly at first, and after going around it for ~5 minutes (and several tones of red), she asked directly to be exclusive. I literally said the canned "sure, but let's make it a day to day decision". "Functional" in the sense that I am getting what I want from the relationship: sex, a good vibe and companion, and full respect of my boundaries and time. Yep, at some point before she asked for exclusivity I stated that I don't date girls that solo travel or go to clubs alone with friends, etc. She complained, and tried to enforce the same on me in the name of justice or something. I rephrased it as "so you dislike the fact that we dislike different things?". Two weeks later she apologized out of the blue and told me that she did not mind me doing all those things. Take this last part as an interesting anecdote. Now, I have been noticing that she has been getting increasingly anxious about the value she brings to the relationship. She just graduated, and got a part time job as a research assistant, so she does not earn much. It is also the first time she dates a someone that has already build a life. Having said that, the only tools she knows how to use to give me value are sex and money (she paying for dates, buying gifts, and things). She never complained, but after we became exclusive, I learned that she was doing a real sacrifice each time she pay for my drinks. I have been putting there things that I like and that can add value to me much more than her paying for things that I can easily pay by myself, while trying to avoid the potential for covert contracts as much as I can. Another thing to consider is that she got into feminist ideology two years before she met me. Although she has, apparently, refactored out the feminism out of her brain, I can see that she tries to avoid behavior's that fall under "gender roles" categories. For example, cooking. She likes doing that for herself or her sister, but avoids to do it for me, which I really don't mind. Also, I have not point that out, but it is evident. What I want is for her to learn some tools that she can use so she can justify in her own head her existence in the relationship. Tools that do not involve sex or money. And I am, basically, doing trial and error to navigate this situation. Maybe someone out there has also experience something similar.

Aaron Sheffield

Solid! if you're not dressing like a slob or have horrible posture you should be killing it. So why 5 years? Do you know why?

will zill

Are you lifting? are you in shape? How long were you seeing each other till she convinced you to be exclusive? "Functional one according to my standards" what are you saying? Be watchful of your covert contracts. encouraging behaviors to mold her to be what exactly? You ask for advice on how to navigate. Can you describe the situation? What you are trying to do? What you have done? What has happened?

will zill

I weight 198

jtayag17

How much do you weigh? What do you do for work? don't shit where you eat! Don't fuck Co-workers! this is just being lazy and scared. Look for a community in your town or go practice day game on your own. There is too much Coping in your field report. Way too Fixated on "The One". wasted field report about nothing! You put in the work in the gym now do it outside the gym. Practice game. Do up field reports about your blocks in that area. go re-read NMMNG, WISNIFG.

will zill

Your narcissism comes from insecurity. Go sort out the relationship with your mother. If it hurts and makes you emotional to think about you heading in the right direction. It's all there in NMMNG, you may have "conveniently" skipped that part. Not getting your needs met in a timely fashion. Look over Maslow hierarchy and remember your growing up specifically before 7yo. How many of your needs went unmet? How did you develop coping mechanisms for that? your scripts are the key! don't ignore them! Reframe it. eg. "Why would she go outside with her friends, she should be obsessed with me?" What do I feel when she doesn't give me all her time and attention? (not rage or other broad stroke emotions, go to the core of it) I feel like there is something wrong with me or I have done something wrong. or if she doesn't give me everything that means I'm not "enough" and she might end up abandoning me. You can work with these finding other situations in life where they have played out the same. track them back to your foundational beliefs about yourself. You can pay a professional for "help" or you can learn to do it yourself. The internet has all the answers, you just need to ask it the right question!

will zill

First field report (a bit late, a bit short) In a exclusive relationship right now (mostly thanks to your material) for a year now. A very functional one according to my standards. While a plate, she was a feminist, but not anymore. She noticed my irreverence towards ideologies in general. I’m 36. She is 26. She is earning it. She try’s to do things for me, but when she does, she spends money she needs for other things. Because she is a former feminist, there is some unconscious mind block, I guess. I’ve been trying to encourage cooking for example (which she likes). It hasn’t need to be cooking, but anything not monetary (because I’m already there, to be honest). It’s an interesting dynamic, and I’ll keep trying and see where I get to. Any ideas about how to navigate the situation are welcome. I’ll keep the updates coming if anyone finds this interest.

Aaron Sheffield

I dont think people here care too much about your body count

Cocky_funny

Many people here practice it. Including myself. What do you want to know.

Cocky_funny

First field report. Age:25 Height:6’2” Lifts: Bench(225), Squat:(425), Deadlift (505) Currently in a 5 year dry spell and I am learning game. So far I have read Glover, WISNIFG, Rational male, Praxeology Vol 1. My current attempt to break the dry spell is with a coworker. It started in August when I noticed she showed some IOIs and after a month I decided to go ask her out for some Boba. She showed up to the date late, but texted me before she was going to be late. I teased her a little bit about being late on the first date, but I was met with the response “we’ll see if this is a date”. I didn't know what to say but got saved because the drinks came out. Afterwards I walked her around the town where we ran into a friend of hers, where I was introduced as her coworker who's name she didn't know. I was taken in shock and responded wait really, but at least laughingly. She also mentioned to her friends that she wasn't sure it was date in which I responded with gimmie 20 minutes. Afterwards, I told her to at least guess name, where she threw out a guess and I responded with wrong, it depends on the day. I walked her around some more, chatted and laughed and I felt like we both had fun. One thing that was mentioned was that she isn't looking to date(me). We texted a little but then I didn't speak to her for about a week before I tried texting her again, here is where STFU would have been good. I texted cringe shit but then apologizing for it which ended in me getting ghosted. Still at work she have a few IOIs so I figured well I may as well send it and so I asked her out again and which she yes but it wasn't a date. I simply responded with K, sounds good. Throughout the week I noticed she seemed increasingly noticed, so the night before I ask her if she was still down to come. I did not receive a text until the text day saying she would if she could bring her roommate. I agreed because I literally had nothing else to do that night. We ended up going through the haunted house, but I noticed they were acting somewhat bitchy and not really wanting to talk. What I did was try to play it cool and not show any butt hurt. As we walked through both girls did up grabbing onto and afterwards I just went home. I did try to text her a little bit afterwards, but I was left on read so I figured okay I'm just gonna drop it. What did I did at work was only give her attention when it was appropriate like opening the door and shit, but otherwise I pretty much just ignored her and only speaking to her a couple of times. After a month not say anything, last week she regained showing interest in which at first I was cautious, but we were talking and flirting. She brought up random sexual topics a couple times so I figured okay probably interested. On Friday I decided ya know what fuck it, so I set up a Netflix and chill at her place. We let the movie play the mostly chatted. Well after I went for the kiss she said nope and turned away. I jokingly said welp, he shot his shot and we both laughed. I chatted with her for a bit, after not knowing what to do from there I called it night. When I got to my car I couldn't help but chuckle to myself about it. Again, I think this is where STFU would have been better. Next morning as a joke to show that I didn't really take what happened seriously, I sent a funny gif of a little kid getting rejected by a girl. She did respond laughingly. I did send a few texts, but mid conversation I left her on read because I didn't really wanna talk to her anymore. Now this I noticed all IOIs were all gone, but I've been mostly keeping to myself as if nothing happened. At the beginning of the week I noticed that she was straight up ignoring me, but as the week has gone on I noticed that she's slowly started to warm up. For instance a couple times I noticed she hung around by the lockers and seemed like she wanted to talk. Along with a few potential IOIs I've noticed out of the corner of my Eye. At this point, I honestly am probably gonna drop it.

jtayag17

Field report 17 Hey Boys / Hey Couch , What I have done - Read NMMNG, WISNIFG What I have done this week Gym – x3 times a week. MMA - on schedule Work – Is going well. LTR- 6 years (Age 30 both of us, no kids) ------------------------------ What I am doing Reading – Married life Sex Primer since I am now engaged. ------------------------------ A mistake that I did For the first time I wrote my field report and passed it into ChatGPT to help me improve my spellings and grammar for, I guess this made me sound more robotic and scripted. So, I won’t be doing that again. Addressing @Owning My Shit comment from last week ------------------------------ Things to clarify from last week. I have read, NMMNG but I was another book “No More Mr. Nice Guy: The Hero’s Journey” as a follow up. But from feedback comments from last week, some said it was not worth reading. ------------------------------ This week. Historically speaking when my now new fiancé use to reject me for sex 1-3 days in a row I use to ignore it and let it go under the radar, but it has never been 4 times in a row in 6 years. This week I got rejected Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and I did not like it at all. I felt butt hurt for the first time. Sex has never been an issue in my relationship. But given the fact that we are now engaged I thought the number of small rejections would go down. (fuck I just identified a massive covert contract here just writing this). Since the start of the year every time I got rejected x2 times in a row, I would just “angrily/butt hurt” get out of bed and make my way to the gym and workout for 1hr at 3/4am in the morning. Some part of me felt stupid doing this. I used to think “I hope she thinks I’m cheating on her”, “I hope she has some antianxiety over me going out late at night” and the truth of the matter is that it did. This was me building “Dread”. Loool. I was always asked where I went to so late at night and my answer was “I just went out for fresh air”. Me doing the “gym bag routine” use to work back in the day. But then I realised I was this all of her when I was in the gym two nights ago. When I was in the gym two nights ago, I didn’t have the thoughts of “I hope she has some antianxiety over me going out late at night”. When I was leavening, I said to myself “there is no point me sitting her and being butt hurt like a child, let me make use of my time” but I butt hurt, but not at her, but at myself. I said to myself “I still have stuff that I need to work on or there is a skillset that I am missing here, may Rian was right I need to read married life sex primer”. On Wednesday I didn’t give the morning kiss and hug that I usually do, nor did I communicate with my fiancé all day intentionally (removing my attention), and this was noticed and highlighted by her when I called during the evening. Over the phone Fiancé (at mum’s house): Are you okay, how comes you didn’t message or call me like you usually do. Me: I am not feeling too good Fiancé: what do you mean, what’s wrong Me: I haven’t been laid in a while and I am not used to getting rejected x3 times in row. Fiancé: You should have communicated that to me. I was wondering what was wrong with you, I thought there was something wrong with you. Is that why you have not been communicated within me. Me: I guess that has a part to play with it. Fiancé: Okay Me: Anyway, I am about to go to bed now. I’ll see you later. I stole some lines from Rian, from one of the field reports from last week. But I must admit, didn’t really feel confident saying it in the way that I did. This morning, I hugged and kissed her goodbye when I left for work and when I was on my way to work, I received a voice note with a similar message, highlighting that “I should have communicated how I was feeling, me holding grudges, changing my behaviour and resentment towards her in not healthy for the relationship and it sets the wrong tone for marriage” and Her main point for me was to understand that there are days were it not sensible for us to be having sex at 1:30am/2:00am during school/work nights. I see the point been made but I have heard of the same statement too many times, but I ignore it, because I want to be satisfied sexually and worry about not having enough sleep and having a productive day later. This is what I have done for many years, and it was worked. But now that I want to make more money, I am considering having sex earlier than 1:00am. Sex has always been spontaneous for use and that’s the way I want to keep it. Overall am I am bit scared of going through the slippery betaization process or scheduled since been engaged. ------------------------------ Non red pill related I have started reading Naval Ravikant book. So far so book. The book was not written by him, it was written by Eric Jorgenson. He listened, watched, and read all his content. The guy is very wealthy, smart, and not a grifter.

Cocky_funny

Makes sense to stop giving positive attention. Just wondering if it'll be weird if I start ignoring her after getting a No few times in a row. Also I'm very careful with strange girls I bring home that I don't know well enough

Ban Mido

sounds like you have pussy on a pedestal? what are you trying to do and why? something sounds off about the way you're talking about getting an LTR.

will zill

Next time, do a proper freeze out. Drop everything but stop flirting with her. Go play a video game or some shit like that. Don't act moody, just like someone who got distracted with a better way to spend his time.

Owning My Shit

@mr_cocky_funny, Others will probably correct me if I'm wrong, but you shouldn't have explained yourself or your absence to her. Do you think you owe her or anyone an explanation for your actions?

Ban Mido

Lance, don't make your identity being a "narcissist". It might be true, but it's not helpful.

Owning My Shit

Cocky_funny

Fellow narcissist here. Do you lift? Do you look good naked? Do you have a high quality social circle? Do you have options? A lot of people will stick around in a shitty relationship and get mistreated as long as their partner is high value enough. Get to 12% body fat, get more involved in social circles, then reasses. Earn your narcissism with hard work. Also, lifting should help with the anxiety. Godspeed

Lance Narcissus

I add that I am 28 years old. This awareness came after tens of failed relationships/potential relationships (romantic and non romantic alike)

Kaiba Corporation

I understand. Thanks for the perspective. I will try to adapt my posts to a field report format

Kaiba Corporation

There could be many reasons why a girl isn't letting you seduce her on the first date. Could be you, could be her, could be the environment. I recommend you standardize your dating logistics (same bar/spot 1 -> same bar/spot 2 -> home) and your game style (cocky-funny, DHV, whatever mix that gets you laid). Eventually you'll know for a fact, it's not you, it's her.

Ban Mido

FR: * Went on a date with a 35y/HB5. Tried changing things up with logistics instead of my standard logistics of drinks -> ice cream -> my place. Took her for some hot chocolate -> walked around town checking Christmas lights -> my place to show my house plant (no fish to feed). Standard game: cocky-funny, cheesy flirting, strong eye contact, light push-pull. We made out on my bed and I suckled her tits but she resisted going further. Pulled back and tried again, still LMR, so dropped it but still kept running game. She said she had plans to visit her friend for dinner later so I let it go (I used to be pushy/needy). Walked her to her car. We scheduled another date next weekend. She's been texting me everyday at this point but I know it doesn't mean shit unless she's driving over to my place * Also tried something interesting; didn't shower before the date, wore an already worn shirt and wore my usual cologne. She kept trying to sniff me throughout the date, saying I smelled too good. Ran some push-pull calling her a creepy weirdo Questions: * How to balance work and play time? I've been successful so far in life through short bursts of focused work and denying myself whenever I fall off my healthy routines. I can't seem to stick to a balanced schedule

Ban Mido

got a comfort test from my wife Her: straight hair or curly hair? I told her straight hair and then she got mad because that’s not her actual hair texture. I played it off with agree and amplify and amused mastery. I’m reading practical female psychology now and I found it profound that I have to be constantly aware of a female’s machinations. It’s what I need really until I become a natural at it. A lot of times, I default to getting angry instead of being aloof or amused. My wife pokes fun at me for failing her little tests at times. I’m getting used to doing my own thing apologetically without explaining or asking for permission. My wife gets extremely desperate for comfort at times especially when I leave suddenly to do something. She thinks that because I have things I do on my own that I don’t tell her about, that it’s my husbandly duty to let her know what I’m up to. As far as she’s concerned, a husband always comforts his wife no matter what even if she hasn’t earned it. The only mistake I make is saying anything beyond “I’m going for a walk”, because the moment I do, I allow her to get involved in whatever I’m leaving the house for. I have a right to do things privately and I made that obvious to her multiple times, but then again, communication solves nothing. I just handled it poorly by making a big deal out of it instead of using techniques like negative inquiry or agree and amplify. Nowadays though, I don’t feel responsible for her feelings. I’m going to the gym, etc. all without seeking approval. If I wanna do something that doesn’t involve her then going to the gym often works perfectly fine. I AM going to the gym but it lets me still do whatever I want to do without having to answer any questions based on insecurity on her part. Now going to the gym for the hell of it is more of a priority for me for this reason. I’m still learning to fog more and more and catch myself when I’m using male logic with her. There are even times when I disregard her emotions for the hell of it but that blows up in my face fast especially when it’s unwarranted on my part. Totally an unforced error, I catch myself there too and try to listen again. Still I need to be careful about having revenge fantasies when I do things like that. I’m done manufacturing situations where I can do something selfish just to teach her a lesson. Right now fogging and stuff is better for me than to completely shut any talking down with her I feel like I’m still in the anger phase. I can’t stop thinking about how I’m going to be manipulated by her somehow. I hate having to deal with this reality knowing that it’s not necessarily malicious on her part but still bad for her to do to me. I guess I just need more time to accept these things about women. My anger shows too. My wife notices often when I’m lost in thought with these fake scenarios. To stave off this anger, I try to tell myself “All Women Are Like That” so I don’t fixate on her specifically. I remember to never take her too seriously and focus on doing things that make me more fuckable. I’d be no better than an incel if I just stayed angry and did nothing about it. I was listening to Rian’s book about praxeology and frame particularly from Machiavellian section where people manipulate all the time, and the part where he mentions about religion. I know that in my case religion is indeed used to manipulate me. I went to an anime convention to get some merchandise and because I usually go every year. but my wife, being a bit more religious than me, despises the thought of me being around other women who might be less dressed than usual even though I probably won’t have anything to do with them. She mouthed off all sorts of religious teachings about why I shouldn’t be going even though I’m not there for the girls it just goes to show that even when you’re religious you still have to decide what’s moral for yourself because even if my wife tells me some thing that I technically should be doing, it only matters when it benefits her. If she only wants me to be more religious in as much as it benefits her by quelling her anxiety and insecurity, then I may as well act the same way and be more or less religious for my own sake. I’m gonna have to let her deal with her own emotions if she has a problem with whatever I’m doing. And by that I mean not talking about it with her. Much like at the beginning of this year when I got the job I really wanted and she wanted to talk about it. I’m rather impressed with how used assertive techniques with my wife as she attempted to manipulate me into not going to the convention next year. It’s funny how if I let her talk enough she pretty much admits to certain things. “Don’t I have any authority?! Yes I should if you’re not supposed to do this!” “This is why I get your family involved!” “Why would you want to go there when there’s a bunch of half-naked women there?!” “What if I went to a strip-club huh?” By her logic, I couldn’t even go to the gym! But I wasn’t going to argue with her. Instead fogging and broken record was my best friend here. I allowed her to be “right” about everything and still told her I’ll probably go next year. She also brought up how I don’t like other people seeing her underdressed in public so why would I want to go to a place like that? Makes think about how I gotta remember the Madonna/whore complex more often. A little while later she spilled her guts about how she actually felt. It’s an insecurity thing. It’s as if she’s saying “you can’t be around pretty women because I’m not like those pretty women.” I saw a cosplay of a female character I really liked and that “shattered” (her literal words) her self-esteem last year when I brought her with me. That made me read practical female psychology a bit to see how low self esteem girls tend to have high anxiety and tend to be controlling if I remember correctly. After having her final tirade about it. I felt a bit of anxiety in my chest. Still need to get rid of my codependency to her I suppose. I also feel kinda guilty about being my own judge which is something I need to unlearn too. Apparently if I keep going to anime conventions it won’t be tolerated. We’ll see what her actions say instead in due time. I’m controlling my emotions as negative thoughts roll around in my head about her, but it’s just regular female behavior. Not gonna hold her in contempt for it. I know better than that.

Enock

Hey, you got all that pun once, you'll get it again. Stop seeing approaching as something you do to get girls. Look at it as a social skill. You do it to get better at it. Having six plates has nothing to do with it. Plates fall, plates break. The problem was that you stopped sourcing. Another good question to ask yourself is why couldn't you keep spinning any of those plates? Have you got rid of your unnatractive behaviors?

Owning My Shit

As with everything experience of others before me is usually invaluable. I actually have been attending mhuai Thai classes with at least one personal training a week and really enjoy it for the last 6 months. As with the gym I got into it thanks to redpill material. I searched the MRP archive but didn't find much.

Bluntscissors

Keep in mind. If you were a hard narcissist you would not be questioning his own narcissism. How old are you? Do you lift ‘bro.’ ? Meaning are you doing the work. This is your first post. We do get a fair share of chads (lean towards narcissistic side) that are trying build beta qualities. It is the same work. Next time write a field report. =ooda. Observe, orient, decide, act. And reflect on the specific issues mcident. Keep repeating the writing. :do the work. … Similar to co dependent people. Who obses about nice guy stuff but have No friends, hobbies, content of their own. I would ask you the same: do you have friends. That is a better gauge for narcissism than dating relationships. A group of guys , if they are friends, will put a mirror in front of you snd make fun of you… Very important.

Cousin Eddie

For pua: tod v has good actionable YouTube videos. It goes well with London day game. Mystery: Watch videos on mystery method if you can’t follow the book. You need to know those 3(9) escalation categories. Glovers dating essentials gets into more robust social game. Social animal, social circles, male friend groups (that attract women). Day game: learn old man game.

Cousin Eddie

Hug: yes. I was compensating or saying sorry, though I should not be.

Cousin Eddie

"How strange that I was experiencing unease at the exact same time I was experiencing the increase of favourable options in my life. I was in danger of starting fires to just to put them out." Perfectly put Wookie. A guy that's been dealing with bullshit for all his life feels weird when he doesn't have to put up with it anymore. At the risk of creating bullshit just to have something to solve.

Owning My Shit

Funny how I had that exact same shit with the naps. I do the same and used to feel guilty when napping, not wanting others to see me napping. That's some walking on eggshels and being afraid of the judgement of others (Nice guy): one thing that helped me was starting to take naps with the doors of my room plain open or on an exposed sofa in the living room. Do that enough times and have people bother you and you'll stop caring. It's one of those "let the hindbrain catch up the the front brain" situations. Why did you go and hug her? Were you trying to compensate anything?

Owning My Shit

Thanks for the comment, appreciate it

Kaiba Corporation

If you actually do have Narcisistic Personality Disorder, then dealing with it is out of the scope of his place. However, there's a chance you're just on the higher end of the spectrum, without haing actual NPD. To that one thing that might help is that you ain't shit, and that's fine. All of those fantasies you have are covert contracts: "I'm x, so others have to treat me like Y". Nobody gives a shit about you nor what you do. It's tough to give anything helpful other than keep recognizing your fantasies and shedding them by acting in a way that disregards them. Cycle that throughout years and you'll be ok.

Owning My Shit

Why do you need “red pill” flavored views on martial arts?

CovertContractAttorney

Best bet is to find specific groups or subs. A couple good guidelines for choosing a school or gym: 1. Logistics: - close enough to home to be convenient, even when you might not want to go - affordable, which most places are. They also usually have free intro sessons to vibe it out. - schedule, do classes conflict with your hob or other responsibilities? 2. People: - you'll be spending a lot of time with these folks. Besides not being assholes, do they seem competent? For myself, I also chose a place my kids could train too. 3. Training itself: - if its not fun enough even during the struggle of learning and conditioning, you won't stick with it. - you don't need an Olympic trainer to get in shape and develop skills. But you also don't want to end up at some place featured on McDojo Life. Unless you are in a remote area, i guarantee there's a close enough place with an intro deal to get you going. Worst case you learn what you don't want and find another gym.

Heartfelt Superchat

Hello Rian, 28 yo. I subscribed to deal with one specific issue, narcissistic fantasies. Symptoms that lead me here : relationships that starts good but ends quickly with condescending and distance, it happened three times in a row and now it is happening now with a girl I am seeing from time to time ( some distance between us). Two girls repeated to me the words as they were describing me : « distance » « bubble » « you do not talk »… from my side, a lot anxiety ( some unhealthy thoughts that I keep ocding about), rage when the girl doesn’t follow my script (« why would she go outside with her friends, she should be obsessed with me »… just one example). Whats the plan for me here ? I realized that I am pushing/hurting people around me (including even some family members), I am thoroughly reading the last psyc blog and mapping it to my behavior to people around me. I don’t have much problem with nice guy behaviors (i have no problem not deering in general for exemple), but i am under the impression that it is creating friction with people around me. Anyone been in the same situation ?

Kaiba Corporation

38. -Spotting when I am not my point of origin. -getting rejected -social animal work I was taking a nap as I often have to do. Wife stumbled upon me and through a fit. I had feelings of guilt, shame and anger. If I were my true point of origin I would of found this interesting and went back to sleep. I got up, found her, and hugged her. We got into the same groundhogs day fight about my health I have reported here before. I am getting good at spotting, labeling, orienting…. She tried to shame me and tell me I am a failure. … that I don’t listen and need to see a shrink. I started to deer: “ I did see a shrink, and 19 other drs”. Her: “you did not see a good shrink…” I labeled: this is all about emotion. This is not a conversation. I ignored her manipulation and said what I wanted: “ you can shame me all you want. I will do what I need to do to get better. I don’t give a shit about … and … (all her crazy points).” I stfu as she emoted and went back to doing my thing. Later she apologize. This is not a true apology as she kept giving me a hard time later. She was relieving her bad emotions. Rp: my guilty emotions came from myself not being my origin point. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Later I hit on her, as I do regularly. She said I did not deserve it because I took two naps (was really 1). I told her she has “no respect for the cock. “ She Weaponizing sex. That angered me. I did not hit on her fir many days. I know she can hold out longer but I am just not feeling it. This has the risk of coming off butt hurt. I have since returned to fish memory, slap her on the ass and hit on her. Rp: do not chase. Mm: I will give you first crack… I had fun at the movie premier. Starting to be a familiar face at this film festival group. Usually people hang with their group at the red carpet. I bounce from group to group, then follow up on social. It is easy in a blue ocean.. “your acting was awsome…” My wife always treats me better after I do a lot of social animal work, even though she is not present during it. Must be my swagger or red carpet photos? Rp: Doing cool stuff that other people want to be apart of creates a radiance of attraction.

Cousin Eddie

You were probably raised to put others before you. So you feel guilty when you prioritize yourself. (Everyone that found this group. Nmmng basics). Dating profile was handled very blue pill. You confirmed her suspicion and emotions. If you were using the app or not (you left out that info:) “yes, that is one of my dating profiles.” Then you enter a conversation about being exclusive. “I am not going to take it down until I am in an exclusive relation…”

Cousin Eddie

First post but no origin story aside from: 40, lifter for 25 years, 2 years into MRP, divorced about 15 months ago. Read all of the sidebar multiple times and vol 1, working through vol 2 now. 6’, 205 Squat 315x12 Bench 225x10 I somehow almost ended up like the typical divorced dude who finds an LTR right away. Realized this was trouble and kept a decent distance from a 25 year old. Found myself not having as much sex as before once that plate went to school but kept her around anyway. Recently things got interesting and need to own my shit and see what kind of issues I still need to work through. Long story short, her friend found a dating profile that I set up long ago but kept active. I get the call and simply tell the truth about it and the call ends. Next day I get another call and it’s immediate tears about how she loved me, great she thought I was, etc but won’t be treated this way and calling it off. I told her this was the last thing I wanted for her, that I cared for her a lot, and how great she was but I wasn’t sure our goals were aligned and didn’t want to tell her until in between semesters because I didn’t want to hurt her/interrupt her focus at school. I would prefer she stays around without any sort of long term expectation that seems to be there. Truthfully, I was pretty emotional about it - I felt guilty. The thoughts of screwing up my ex wife, step-son from that marriage, and now her made me feel guilty as shit. Looking back on it, I probably didn’t do any of that… So the question is why the hell did I feel guilty? What is causing me to go back to a blue pilled mindset of taking responsibility for others’ emotions/lives when I need to be more concerned with what I’m getting? Those are the questions I need to own/figure out. Still not my own ultimate judge and reverting back to the comfortable nice guy I tried to evolve from beginning about 2 years ago.

Hillbillyheaven

Q&A #249 from a single guy Age: 25 5'7 Bodycount: 23 Fitness: - 165 at 21% BF, down from 178 - Gym 4/wk + Run/walk 3 miles a day - additional misc. workouts due to military Bench: 215 Squat: 245 Deadlift: 365 Goal: sex five times a week Made a couple field reports a few months back and damn did they work. Hard to say what exactly made it all happen, but in the two and a half months I kept churning them out I: Did 50 cold approaches, upped my body count by 6, was going on 2-4 dates a week, was getting hit on in public, and got into a 6 month fling that inevitably went up in flames just before a short deployment. Funny how that works. The sex was pretty fun thought. Now we're back to square one. Single. Thirsty. Low Optionality. I'm not in control of when I'm getting laid. Writing field reports regularly should help to avoid going on auto-pilot and fucking things up again. Hopefully there's something of value in here for you as well. Current social circles are pretty low value so I'm working on finding an MMA gym with a focus on striking. Will start up after the holidays. Grabbed Day Bang today, M3 didn't click for me. Gonna focus on Day Game this time as Night Game in my city is pretty fucking brutal. Will approach another 50 and see how that turns out. The cut continues till I get the obligatory six pack. I did alright for myself without one but I didn't have enough optionality to be as well fed as I'd like. Feedback: - "Hard Work > Self Respect > Options" seems intuitively accurate from the perspective a married guy who accrued enough value to secure a marriage and who's major malfunction is too much comfort without enough attraction/value. From a single guy's perspective, the workflow feels closer to "Hard Work > Self Respect > 3 More Years of Hard Work because options still suck > Maybe desirable optionality?(We're not at this point yet)" My peers (specifically the one's who aren't bums) don't work nearly as hard but get better results effortlessly. What references can you recommend to ensure I'm not spinning my wheels is this regard?

Lance Narcissus

depends on your age. in your 20’s, maybe striking, but most smart men avoid concussion. bjj you can train forever.

So Woke da Wookie

Two weeks ago you said “Wookie your post reads like a complaint, now that everything is going your way” Well I got to work on that, but first. Rian, your work is the antithesis of “Be like me, it worked for me” You’re the only RP guy saying “Hey Retard, Be like you, It is Working for You”. You are by far the most accurate and contrarian Red Pill anthropologist we have. How strange that I was experiencing unease at the exact same time I was experiencing the increase of favourable options in my life. I was in danger of starting fires to just to put them out. Or getting stuck in my own head. To move forward, for myself, I doubled down on routines that had previously recalibrated me. So over the last 2 weeks I have: 1. Adopted Healthier Habits: 2 weeks of intermittent fasting and low-carb diet. 2. Physical Fitness: increased attendance and application in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. 3. Improved my Living Space: completed numerous home improvement projects. 4. Meal Preparation: loads of planning and preparing meals. 5. Better Sleep Habits: earlier bedtimes, hit and miss on this one. 6. Career Development: Updated my CV and applied for jobs to explore more opportunities. 7. Creative Ventures: Started a collaboration on a large art project with local craftsmen. 8. Setting Boundaries more assertive in my interactions at work, with my ex, friends, and children. These actions steered me away from problem-seeking to action-taking. It’s odd how moving forward from a position of potential and options, rather than from pain and constraint, had resulted in me dragging my heels. Icing on the Cake: This Christmas will be my first Christmas separated and in 2 separate houses. I am really looking forward to it. Find I can enjoy my children more, particularly youngest and as I do little things to play up the Santa and Elves stuff she loves. I’m enjoying the prep and looking forward to having them with me. And at the same time looking forward to my time alone and my time alone with my friends. Thanks for the comments from Gearo, Barbarian, and Covert on career-related matters, I found all your input valuable.

So Woke da Wookie

FR-02 Game, Holding Frame or is Keeping Mental Point of Origin, Dates: Age: 37 HT: 6’1” Weigh Loss: WT @ 11/26 223lbs Wt @ 12/4 216lbs -7lbs mostly water weight Found out on Friday from a girl I had a date with on Thursday that someone put my Hinge page on a FB page for men who cheat on their wives and put it up as “anonymous”. Basically saying I had relationships with several women during our year and half exclusive relationship and obviously my photos. The girl I recently went on a date with told me about it ended up saying the woman looks like the crazy one because she is using an exclusive relationship instead of a marriage and that is not what the page is for, she actually laughed at the situation. I Found this interesting as I thought for sure this was going to hurt me. Even started thinking of ways I could report the page to get it removed. It doesn’t seem like women actually give a shit if they are into the man what he did, if that is the case why do they even have a page for this? Is it because hate friends hate or just plain angry whamen can be bitches? Had a date with a woman last Thursday and took her to a quiet bar. I remember Rian saying don’t go to a restaurant for a date, no one has sex on a full stomach. Ended up getting a hotel that night and smashing. She had a blast and hasn’t stopped messaging me since. Makes me feel better but she is just a plate so looking to add a few other women to the roster. Lined up another date for this past Tuesday. Started messaging her on the app and got her off of there quickly. Noticed she was interested and set up a date. The date went well but I can tell she was more stand off than the date that happened on Thursday. I would say she was higher on the attractive scale than the date on Thursday and this one didn’t have kids and married once. Maybe women without kids are less likely to smash on the first date? Saw some IOI’s with her touching her hair and moving forward when I would talk but not much more than that. Regardless, I kept asking questions and cutting jokes and she had fun. She wants to do it again, but she is busy for the next couple of weeks. I am free Thursday night so trying to get one of the other women I am talking to, to commit to that night. The other women also have no kids and one has never been married. Very interesting to notice how different women are either more or less flirtatious maybe this is due to being or not being married or kids and no kids? Regardless I am having fun trying to figure this out! The mystery method book is a bit hard to digest. I am big audio book person, Rian when is your new book coming out on audio, I cant wait. The person reading the mystery method book makes it a bit cringe but I am trying to understand how to put real life tactics to his methods. I am about halfway through the book now. Is there another book that someone in the community can suggest that may not be so unpleasant? You can tell the book is a bit outdated as it doesn’t discuss how to move something from apps, to text, to date and then to bed but instead, how to get a number and go from there. I do intend to go out and try to get numbers at bars, grocery stores and such but I stay pretty busy so apps seem to be the most time efficient.

Snakehead

Any married redpill or red pill posts on mhuai thai or other martial arts ?

Bluntscissors