Pausing July Billing/Update

Hey guys. I'm really sorry about the lack of art productivity lately. I thought that I'd definitely have stuff for y'all during June, but things never go according to plan. lol

Both May and June turned into fiascos, but are thankfully over now. I should have a ton of art ready for y'all soon, but during the wait I wanted to clear the air about what's going on and where I've been. At the beginning of May I drove across the country to help a new roommate move into my little shabby farmhouse. That was a little stressful, sure, but no big deal other than stretching my budget thin. We then found a pregnant house cat whose owners had dropped her off in our yard. She was starving for both food and affection and really young. Getting her set up with food and litter and parasite medication took what was left of my funds for the month, which meant that I had to cancel my plans for FWA. Which sucked, but wouldn't have been too bad as long as nothing else was added to the load. But that was when things fell apart in a major way.

My brother is a non-functioning meth addict and alcoholic. He is unstable and violent and has violently assaulted every member of my immediate family at some point. At the beginning of May he started camping out in the wooded section of my property. This wouldn't be an issue if he would respect that I don't want any contact with him, but he doesn't. He comes over constantly to beg for rides, money, or to use a phone so he can call someone else to beg for rides or money. If things are left anywhere unattended, such as in an unlocked car, there's a good chance he will steal it. Even if it's something of no apparent value. I've seen him make off with things like grocery receipts. He will come up to my house night and day and peer in windows and knock constantly to get me or my roommate to come outside, and when we refuse his request he'll leave for 30 minutes and then come back to try again.

My house is old and borderline decrepit and the agreement I made with my mom is that if I restore the family homestead, the house and the 20 acres it sits on will be deeded to me. My mom, bless her heart, believes in my brother to the point of delusion. This left me unable to do anything about him over the past few months. Potentially if I were to have him arrested, she could evict me and my roommate. I wish I could say she's not that vindictive, but it would be a lie depending on her mood. I already feel a little uncomfortable having my roommate move in to what is essentially a shack in the woods, of course they already knew what they were getting into, but it's definitely not yet a place I'm proud of. That plus all the bizarre behavior from my brother and me being left with no real way of solving the problem left me with unmanageable levels of stress.

That all gets me to the other big reason I've been working so slow, I have an autoimmune disease that is made worse with stress, the worse the stress is the worse the symptoms get. The symptoms range from aches and fatigue to my body eating itself from the inside. Normally I keep it under control and am mostly asymptomatic, but this round of insane stress and anxiety has left me seriously unwell. It all turns into a feedback loop. I start stressing about being sick on top of my brother and being broke, and my art output slows down considerably on top of it slowing due to the problems causing the stress. Which in turn stresses me out more. lol

Thankfully things are improving. My neighbors, who my brother also regularly irritates, have had him locked up multiple times in the past few weeks for trespassing and harassment. After a long talk with my mom and her seeing the state that I was in, she's given me the go ahead to do whatever is necessary to make my brother fuck off. I've since called the law on him and had a trespass warning issued. I'm going to file a restraining order against him soon also. My health has been on the mend and I've been taking breaks to just unwind. Taking time off to watch shows or do yard work. I'm way better mentally and physically if maybe not financially, but that too will come with time. Until then I'm going to work through all the art that I owe to lighten the load.

Until I actually provide y'all with art like I'm supposed to I'm leaving payments turned off. The money from patreon helps, don't get me wrong, but I make most of my money through commissions anyway. I'm broke regardless since I cant take on any commissions with a clear conscience and I refuse to do what I've criticized others for doing. Which, to be fair, this is happening after the fact. I hope you guys can forgive me for letting it get this way. Not all of it was within my control, but I still let things get away from me. I am well aware that not managing stress has disastrous consequences for me, and I should have been keeping up with when I last posted on here so that I could have paused billing when I was supposed to.

There's a lot I'd do different over the past two months, hell, over this past year, but I can only make changes for the future, so that's what I'll do. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me on here. It means more than you know. I promise to do better for myself and you guys, the people who support me.