𝗚𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗘𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻

𝗚𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗘𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻:
Spaghetti

❅𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗘𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻❅

Everything around me felt blurred, keeping my face buried in my knees and refusing to look up once.

I had only glanced up to text Tahir the codes to get in and then also about coming alone—mostly because I hated the idea of anyone knowing about this.

I just felt so fucking embarrassed.

And ashamed of my actions, still processing the extent that I took it to.

Even when it happened in high school, it took me years to talk about it.

And that was with Nelli—who's like a sister to me.

I could really only reiterate it all to her only—I had never worked up the courage to tell anyone else.

So I just... I couldn't imagine Tahir telling anyone else about this.

Especially not Mazin.

I really don't want her to know that I let it happen again.

And that I blew it out of this amount of proportion.

But Tahir hasn't answered my text, clarifying that he didn't tell anyone and I'm nervous.

I don't think I could ever show my face here again if he told anyone.

What would they think of me?

That I'm weak?

Pathetic?

Probably naive too?

I sniffled as more tears burned in my eyes—god I'm a fucking mess.

This is all such a fucking mess.

I suddenly glanced up when I heard a few knocks on my door, letting out a long deep breath with hopes that I could get myself together.

But my hands are still trembling—and I can not stop crying.

I drew in a series of deep breaths, walking over to the door as I began letting out deep long sighs.

But it was hard to find my calm when my hand was trembling around the doorknob, twisting it open as I reached up to twist the lock.

"Vee," Tahir said as soon as I opened the door, his expression full of nothing but concern as he rushed into my apartment.

But only to wrap me into a hug.

"I... I really didn't mean to," I whispered through my tears, burying my face in his chest.

Tahir held me tighter, "I know—you're all good now, everything is going to be good," he assured me, earning a few breathless nods from me as he slowly pulled away to walk over to her body in the living room.

And just like that I was a mess again.

Whatever calmness Tahir helped me find was gone.

Stripped from me as soon as my eyes landed on her.

"What is she doing here? She can't be here," I forced out, shaking my head as I backed away from Mazin.

Who walked into my apartment.

"You can't be here," I whispered weakly, pushing her back before she could walk closer to me.

"Virelai," Mazin said, her voice calm even as I continued to push her back toward the door.

But I swear she wasn't moving an inch.

"You have to leave—please leave, Mazin," I forced out, my words thick and barely audible through my cries.

Which only grew more uncontrollable as soon as Mazin ran her arms around my waist—firmly pulling me into her body before I could attempt to push her anymore.

"Mazin," I forced out, my voice cracking unbearably as I tried to push her away from me, "This is your fault—it's all your fault," I said even if this was far from her fault.

But I just needed her away.

I needed her to leave.

"I know," Mazin said, easily making my actions stall, "It's all my fault, Virelai," she added, quickly making remorse eat at me.

"Why are you agreeing with me?" I asked, feeling more tears burn in my eyes as I processed my previously harsh words.

It's not her fault.

It was never her fault.

"You can blame anything on me," Mazin whispered in my ear, holding me tighter even as I physically shook in her arms, "I can handle anything if it means you're at peace," she said, making everything around me burn.

I should've never blamed her in the first place.

Even years ago.

"But it's my fault—it's always been mine," I forced out, wrapping my arms around her for some kind of stability.

"None of this is your fault," Mazin immediately said, her tone suddenly firm with me.

"But I kissed you and then I let her come up—I didn't say no to her and-and—"

"Virelai, it's not your fault," Mazin gently cut me short, "I kissed you too—this isn't about that."

I nodded wordlessly, unable to find my words with how breathless I was.

It feels so hard to breathe, and my chest doesn't ache anymore—it burns.

"Regardless of what you do, she doesn't have the right to physically or emotionally hurt you," Mazin explained to me, gently tapping her fingers against my lower back.

And almost immediately, I latched to that—onto each time she tapped my lower back.

It was something she always used to do when I got anxious.

But it's never been like this before.

I haven't felt this anxious since that night years ago.

"I like your apartment," Mazin whispered to me, continuing to gently tap my lower back.

I forced a weak hum, still focusing on her taps that slowly began to ground me.

Each one was gentle but prominent.

"This is exactly how I imagined it to be," Mazin said as she switched the frequency of her taps, "Really clean and organized," she added.

"You..." I trailed off, letting out a deep breath, "You imagined my apartment, Mazin?"

She hummed in amusement, "I was curious," she murmured, sliding her hands under my shirt to tap my bare skin.

Which helped me relax further, focusing on something other than my aching chest or shallow breaths.

It was nice being surrounded by warmth—by her familiarity.

And her touch against me was so gentle, continuing to tap her fingers against my lower back.

Until she ran her hands up the bareness of my spine, letting out a deep sigh as she held me even closer.

"Good now?" Mazin whispered to me, pulling back slightly to eye my face.

And I could see her eyes almost immediately pause at my cheek.

Which was probably really red... or bruised even given how hard Dani hit me.

"I think so," I whispered back, letting out a long sigh as I relaxed in her arms,

Mazin hummed in acknowledgment, glancing past me, "T, how's it looking?" she asked, still caressing her hands up and down my bare back.

"Her heart rate is still there... barely," Tahir told us, and I swear I felt my body physically relax at the news—feeling the most insane relief at the fact that I didn't kill her.

"Not anymore," Mazin suddenly said, gently letting go of me to walk over to him.

And as soon as I registered the gun she pulled from her waistband, my heart began racing in my chest again.

"Mazin stop-stop," I said, quickly walking over to her, "That's someone's daughter," I added, hoping to talk her out of her sudden decision.

"You're someone's daughter too, Virelai," Mazin said, clicking the safety off of the gun in her hand, "You're everything to anyone who knows you," she added, whispering almost to herself, "And she's nothing but an abuser."

Tahir suddenly took a step in front of her, "Mazin," he said in warning.

"Don't, Mazin, please," I whispered, clasping my hands together when they began trembling again.

"Vee doesn't want this Maz," Tahir said, standing so firmly in front of her, "You're mad—I get it. I want to kill her too," he added, his voice lowered and serious with her, "But that's selfish. It would only be what we want."

Mazin shook her head, "This is what everyone needs—we handle her before she handles us, you know this," she said, leaning her gun to the side where Dani was lying.

Which naturally made me turn around, unable to watch her kill someone.

"Bro she doesn't want this—look at her, she doesn't want this," I heard Tahir say as I squeezed my eyes shut, anticipating the gunshot.

But it was only silent.

The heaviest silence I've ever had to endure.

Until Mazin suddenly said—

"What hand did she hit you with, Virelai?"

I blinked my eyes back open, furrowing my brows in confusion.

Until I realized what she wanted to do.

"Mazin," I whispered, shaking my head to myself.

"What hand, Virelai?" Mazin asked more firmly, and this time Tahir seemed to not say anything.

Mostly because Mazin had her mind made up.

Even I knew that.

"It was the right... her right hand," I forced out, unconsciously stumbling over my words as I turned back around to them.

Just like that, Mazin pulled the trigger before either of us could say anything else.

And it wasn't the loudness that caught me off guard, given the sound was muffled.

Instead, it was the numerous bullets through her right hand that made me flinch, watching as blood quickly seeped from the numerous wounds.

"Now, I need her out of here before I really kill her," Mazin said, placing the gun in Tahir's hand as she turned back around to me.

"I'll handle it—let me call Ronan," Tahir didn't hesitate to say, sliding the gun Mazin handed him into the back of his waistband.

"Let's keep the details between us," Mazin said, somehow already knowing how private I wanted this to be.

"For sure. He doesn't have to know," Tahir didn't hesitate to say as he pulled his phone out.

Meanwhile, Mazin began gently guiding me away from the living room entirely—walking me toward my nearby bedroom.

And I let her, remaining silent as she softly closed the door behind us and walked me toward the attached bathroom.

"My makeup," I suddenly whispered, now realizing how messed up it probably looks.

"I'll take it off," Mazin said as we entered the large bathroom, opening one of the top drawers.

Which had my makeup remover and round cotton cloths to take it off with.

But Mazin didn't look satisfied with just that—still opening more of my drawers.

A few actually, until finally she found the Aquaphor.

"Did she hit you anywhere else?" Mazin asked me, now opening the micellar water.

"No," I whispered, watching as she poured some of the makeup remover onto the cotton cloths.

"And she didn't do anything else to you?" Mazin clarified as she prepared a few more of the cloths with remover, "She didn't force you to do things you didn't want to do?"

I shook my head, "No," I whispered again, not even wanting to imagine something like that.

Mazin nodded as she set the remover down, grabbing one of the dampened cloths.

"Sorry," I quickly said as soon as I flinched away from her touch.

It was unconscious.

And embarrassing.

I suddenly glanced down when Mazin gently grabbed one of my hands and guided it to hers.

"We'll do it together," Mazin whispered, guiding my hand to wrap around her wrist.

I nodded, letting out a deep sigh as I relaxed against the sink I stood in front of, finally feeling somewhat calm.

Especially as Mazin began gently taking off my makeup while I held her wrist—it made it easier to anticipate her next move and not weirdly flinch.

And her touch was beyond gentle, nearly making me sleepy in the process of it—especially as I openly stared at her face.

She was so focused, leaning into me as she carefully wiped any remnants of my makeup away.

Her breathing was soft and warm as it fanned lightly against my skin, watching her dark eyes trail my face as she wiped the last of my makeup off.

Until she grabbed the Aquaphor with her free hand while I continued to hold her other wrist.

I anticipated how it would feel against my cheek, squeezing my eyes shut when she lifted our hands to gently apply it.

"Breathe out for me," Mazin whispered, causing me to immediately let out the longest breath of my life.

And in an instant, I felt the smoothness of the Aquaphor—which felt better than I previously anticipated.

"How does that feel?" Mazin asked me, her dark eyes now meeting mine.

"Really good," I forced out, which caused Mazin to nod, applying more of the Aquaphor

A deep sigh fell from my lips, hesitantly relaxing as she smoothed another layer of Aquaphor over my skin.

"Have you eaten?" Mazin suddenly asked me, guiding my hand away from hers—but only to pull it past her waist that my arms naturally rested around.

I shook my head, "Not since the movie," I whispered, watching her reach past me to grab my brush.

"Do you want anything specific?" Mazin asked me, reaching behind me to gently brush my straightened hair.

"What would be open right now?" I asked, unsure of what I could eat.

I definitely won't be having those leftovers.

And all of my groceries require a lengthy amount of cooking.

I just want to eat and go to sleep at this point.

"Name anything you want—I'll handle the rest," Mazin said, setting the brush back down on the counter and reaching over to the jar of hair ties.

I pursed my lips together, unsure of what I really wanted.

I also didn't want to make it difficult for her.

"Are you sure? I can eat something else," I said, not wanting to inconvenience her with something as small as food.

Mazin's lips twitched up, glancing away from my hair to meet my eyes.

Which naturally made me feel shy.

"What do you want to eat, Virelai?" Mazin asked me again, her stare holding mine entirely.

I blinked a few times, recalling one thing that she used to always make me, "Uh well, maybe the spaghetti you make—I think that would be nice," I whispered, awkwardly glancing away from her stare.

Mazin hummed in approval at my request, "So this is what we'll do," she said, focusing back on my hair that she gently guided up into a ponytail, "You're going to take a shower—and I'm going to make the biggest dish of spaghetti for you."

I nodded, feeling a warmth burn in my chest at her words, "That sounds perfect," I admitted, glancing down at my arms around her waist.

They looked like they belonged there—wrapped around her.

"Thank you," I suddenly said, glancing up from her waist to her dark eyes.

Mazin immediately glanced away from my hair that she secured in a ponytail, "Thank you for letting me be here," she whispered, lowering her arms to wrap so securely around my waist.

"I know you said to text you and I... I didn't do that," I went to say, feeling embarrassed about this all, "I just... it was really embarrassing and I didn't want you to see that I let it all happen again after—"

"You didn't let anything happen, Virelai," Mazin gently cut me short, running her hands up my back, "I'm just happy you called one of us—that's enough for me."

I shook my head, "I just feel really bad—and then I tried to push you out," I whispered, leaning into her chest when tears burned in my eyes.

"We're still in a weird place and we haven't discussed anything," Mazin said, leaning down to hug me closer to her, "It's okay that you didn't call me—or even want me here," she whispered as I tried to fight away the tears that stung my eyes, "But I needed to be here Virelai."

I nodded a few times, sniffling as I tightened my arms around her—never wanting to let go.

"I think I needed you to be here too," I forced out, letting out another deep sigh as I buried my face deeper in her chest.

Mazin hummed in acknowledgment, nuzzling her face down into the crook of my neck—holding me so much closer to her.

And she didn't let go.

Not for the unmeasurable minutes that we stood there.

She waited for me to let go first, walking over to the shower and turning it on for me.

She also walked over to my closet, somehow finding me a tank top and grey sweatpants to wear to bed.

Then she left me alone—but not before pulling me in for one more hug, holding me as close as she did before.

It easily made a warmth burn around me, sticking with me even as I was alone and getting undressed for my shower.

I really only planned to wash my body and leave my hair alone.

But even as I finished washing my body and exfoliating, I found myself standing halfway under the water—preventing my hair from getting wet.

I kept my eyes closed, finding my breathing and focusing on my calm heartbeat.

It was a peace that I savored after what just happened.

I'm unsure how long I managed to stand there, and the hot water never seemed to run out.

Eventually, I determined it was time to step out and dry off.

I rubbed my usual lotion in and pulled on the clothes Mazin grabbed for me.

Then I walked out of my bathroom, heading past my empty bedroom toward the open living area.

That I felt almost scared to walk into.

Mostly because I was unsure if Dani still laid there.

But she was gone.

The rug and glass—all gone.

It looked like it never even happened, just that I needed a rug and coffee table.

I unconsciously glanced over, noticing Mazin over in the kitchen.

Her blonde hair was now tied back in a low bun, still wearing her black sweatshirt and sweatpants from earlier.

"Mazin?" I said as I walked over to her, noticing the ingredients she had, "How..." I trailed off, eyeing the empty bags of shredded cheese and open noodle boxes.

She got it all so quickly?

"Ronan picked it all up on his way here," Mazin explained, openly staring at me as I processed what all she had done while I was taking my long shower, "It just needs some time to bake now," she said, picking up the dish of spaghetti layered with cheese and sliding it into the preheated oven.

I tilted my head, noticing the packs of Pillsbury cookies that she grabbed from the counter.

"I've already had too many cookies tonight," I told her as she grabbed the pan already lined with parchment paper.

"There's no such thing as too much," Mazin determined, setting the pan and packs of cookie dough down on the kitchen island where I stood, "And I think you're owed as many cookies as you want after what you just went through."

I pursed my lips, watching as she opened the pack, "Okay... but only a couple—I already ate the five you packed me," I pointed out.

"I'll make them all just in case you want them throughout the week," Mazin determined.

Which made me shake my head, "It's like you want me to turn into a giant cookie," I said, knowing I would if she left an entire jar of these behind.

Mazin suddenly glanced over to me, "I don't know, I think you could pull that off," she murmured, her dark eyes trailing my face and naturally making me grow shy.

"Of course, you would say something like that," I said, unconsciously glancing away from her dark eyes.

"Oh of course," Mazin didn't hesitate to agree with me, "You're too cute for your own good."

I shook my head when my face managed to burn up even worse, "Mazin cut it out," I said, turning away from her entirely.

Which easily earned an amused laugh from her, making my heart quite literally freeze up in my chest at the beautiful sound.

It was just as I recalled it.

"Come do your usual honors," Mazin said, gently grabbing one of my hands.

Which naturally made me turn back around, walking closer to her as she guided me by my hand.

Which she never let go of even as I stood by her side, picking up one of the pieces of cookie dough for me to eat.

As I would always do—even years ago.

I glanced down to her fingers that held the cookie dough to my lips, which I unconsciously parted to take a small bite.

"It's so good like this," I whispered, unconsciously glancing down to her lips when she took a bite from the same piece I previously did.

"I don't know, they're really good fresh out of the oven," Mazin said, feeding me the rest of the cookie dough.

I hummed at the idea, "You're so right," I determined, now imagining eating them warm with a glass of milk.

Mazin's lips twitched up slightly, "See, aren't you happy I'm making them?" she asked me, noticing my clear excitement.

I jokingly rolled my eyes, "Sure, Mazin," I said, shaking my head at her as she continued to transfer the balls of cookie dough to the pan.

And once the spaghetti was done baking a few moments later, Mazin switched the two—taking the spaghetti out of the oven and putting the cookies in.

While we waited for the spaghetti to sit for a moment, Mazin began cleaning up the kitchen—which I, of course, helped her with.

Even if she refused me to at first.

But it felt wrong not to help—and it made the time pass quicker, considering all I could think about was that spaghetti.

Which Mazin made me the biggest bowl of, topping it with parmesan and a few more seasonings on top.

I swear each bite melted in my mouth, causing my eyes to flutter close as I contently sighed through my nose. 

"Perfect," I murmured contently as I chewed a few times.

"Scale of one to ten," Mazin said as I continued to keep my eyes closed, basking in the different flavors.

"Your best one yet," I determined, leaning back in my seat as I savored the warmth this food brought me.

"Oh wow, that's a pretty big deal," Mazin said, amusement clear in her tone.

I hummed in agreement, finally opening my eyes to take another bite.

At least until I noticed Mazin's stare locked on me.

Which made me lightly nudge her, "Stop that," I mumbled, feeling my face burn under her unwavering stare.

"Never," Mazin said, her lips twitching up in amusement when I rolled my eyes at her—taking another bite of my spaghetti.

Which caused her to zone back in on her bowl, taking a bite of her own.

It was comfortably silent between us as we continued to eat—and I'm not ashamed to say I finished the entire bowl she made me.

It was just too good and I even have more for the rest of the week.

Along with the cookies she made—which came out perfectly soft.

I lied when I said I would have a couple.

I ended up eating four more—dipping them in milk as I happily ate them.

"I'm so full," I sighed, leaning back against the counter as Mazin loaded the bowls and silverware into the dishwasher.

"Good, you'll sleep better," Mazin said, closing the dishwasher and washing her hands.

I nodded in agreement, suddenly realizing Mazin would be leaving after this.

And... I didn't want her to leave.

But I also don't know if she wants to stay.

She's been here for a while already, and I don't want to make her feel like she has to.

I mean, she already cooked for me and helped me get unready.

"Virelai?" Mazin said, suddenly snapping me away from my thoughts.

I blinked a few times, "Yes?" I whispered, unsure of if she said something I previously missed.

"Nothing, you were just zoned out there for a moment," Mazin said as she walked over to me, "Everything okay?"

I nodded before I could think it through, "Yes," I said, unconsciously fiddling with my fingers.

Which made Mazin glance down, immediately picking up on my actions.

I let out a sigh, realizing I should just ask her before I have to explain my sudden nervousness.

"I just, I was just, you know, thinking about you leaving because I thought maybe it would be nice if you wanted to stay the night, but you've also been here for a while and you've done so much, so I didn't want to ask and then make you feel like needed to or anything because—"

"Virelai," Mazin gently cut me short, tilting her head in amusement at my embarrassing rambling, "I was already planning to stay the night."

I blinked a few times, "Oh?" I whispered almost in confusion.

"I was going to take the couch if that made you feel more comfortable," Mazin explained, causing me to wordlessly shake my head.

But suddenly I couldn't get words out, now imagining Mazin in my bed.

And me in a bed with Mazin.

"I think you're glitching a little bit," Mazin suddenly said, smiling at me when I started awkwardly blinking.

I lightly nudged her away, "You know I get shy, Mazin," I pointed out, my lips weighed down by a frustrated pout.

Which seemed to only amuse her even more, "I know," she didn't hesitate to say, eyeing my lips in a pout, "It's cute on you."

I dramatically groaned when my face burned up even more—but Mazin had already pulled me into her by my waist before I could turn around, causing me to bury my face in her chest.

"I'll sleep in the bed with you—just tell me you're okay with that," Mazin whispered, gently running her hands up my back.

"I'm okay with that," I immediately said, my words muffled as I hugged myself closer to her.

"Okay, so let's go brush our teeth and then I want to apply more Aquaphor to your cheek," Mazin said, her tone still soft and lowered with me.

I nodded a few times, but still didn't manage to pull away from her.

And she didn't bother pulling away from me either.

We just stood there for a few more unmeasured moments until I finally said—

"You can uh take a shower too if you want, I have clothes or you can wear your clothes, it really doesn't matter what clothes you wear—"

"Virelai," Mazin gently cut me short in amusement, "I would love to wear your clothes after I shower," she assured me, holding me even tighter to her body.

"Yeah—yes, okay," I quickly said, agreeing with her.

"I'm ready when you are," Mazin said, still not wanting to pull away before me.

Which naturally made me grow warm, unconsciously remaining still a little longer in her arms.

And I couldn't help but think about what the rest of the night would be like.

I haven't shared a bed with her in so long.

And then she'll also be wearing my clothes.

I suddenly pulled away, blinking a few times as I tried to push my imaginative thoughts away.

"Ready," I whispered as we naturally fell away from the hug.