Sufficiently Advanced Percussive Maintenance 2

xanartik commissioned a continuation of the Thor/Mass Effect 'What If?'. 

X

Thor watched as the defenders emerged from the cover of their bunker, weapons raised warily.  He saw two unfamiliar species, one with a metallic crest on its head and similarly hard skin, the other with smoother skin and rounded horns of flesh rising from their skulls.  There were also more of the blue skinned species like the plucky barista.  No humans though.

“Greetings, Thor said.  “You are most courageous to fight with such small weapons!”   The defenders were all armoured in the same blue on black suits, but their weapons were lacking, only pistols and other small arms on display.  This was clearly a police force, not a military.

The officer stared at him, large dark eyes blinking rapidly.  “Doors no longer hacked.  Best get inside; civilians too.  More geth coming.”

“Come along!” Thor called back to the two baristas he had escorted from their cafe.  They hurried onwards, already out from the cover of the corner, picking their way through the scrap metal that had once been bent on the deaths of every sapient hiding within the bunker.

“Thank you,” the human, Liz by her name badge, said as she darted past, receiving a beaming grin for her words.

The blue woman, Elara, still seemed upset by his term of endearment and was scowling - pouting, really - at him as she passed, and so she received no beaming grin of her own.  He strode through the bunker doors behind them, the officers pausing only long enough to drag their dead comrades in, before the heavy metal doors slammed shut.  The artificial sunlight of the Presidium was cut off, leaving the harsh white lights of the bunker to light their way.

They did not linger by the door, the dozen strong police force ushering them deeper into the bunker down a long hallway.  It was spartan and completely lacking in the defence favouring cover he would have expected such a fallback position to have.

“Are you Alliance?” one of the birdlike aliens asked as they stepped quickly along.  His? voice flanged as he spoke, almost echoing, and he had blue markings on his face.

“Alliance?” Thor asked.

“Systems Alliance,” he said, impatient.  “You’re human, do you have military experience?”

“Ah,” Thor said, “no.”

The officer said something that had to be a curse.  “You’re telling me you got lucky out there?”

“No, I mean I’m not human,” Thor said.  “I have military experience.”

He craned his head for a moment, raptor like.  “This isn’t the time for games.  We need every experienced gun hand we can get.”

“Damn,” Thor said.

“Yes, it’s bad, so if you have experience we would really-”

“I left my axe outside,” Thor said.  “Well, no matter.  I will take up arms with you all the same,” he said, assuring the nervous man.

“You…right,” he said, holding his tongue.

Nearby, Liz and Elara were being asked similar questions, and they came to a halt at a t-intersection of halls.

“I’ll settle the human with the rest of the civilians,” a horned alien with grey skin said.

“Then I’ll get the volunteer kitted out,” one of the blue aliens said.  She glanced at Thor.  “Don’t think we have gear the right size for your human.”

“Fear not,” Thor said.  “My armour is better than yours.”  He paused, realising how that sounded.  “That is, I will put myself between you and the enemy, so do not worry about your substandard armour.”  Yes, that was better.

Liz and Elara were sharing what sounded like farewells, and he politely ignored them, as well as the looks being shared between the security officers.  After a tight hug, they were both escorted down the body of the intersection, towards what must be the body of the bunker proper.

“Tell me,” Thor said to the group at large, “what might your races be called?”

“Our races?” a blue skinned alien asked.

“Yes, I don’t wish to be rude,” Thor continued.

“Is this guy serious?” one of the birdlike aliens said to another, both wearing the same red face markings. They spoke in a different dialect to what they had used before.

Not that it mattered.  “Very,” Thor said, and the pair of them startled.

“You speak-”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t know what we are,” he continued, suspicious.

“No.”

“Spirits,” the officer said, shaking his head.  “I’m a Turian.  This is a Salarian, and this is an Asari,” he said, gesturing to the soft skinned alien with horns, and then to the blue skinned with head tendrils.  “You’re a Human,” the turian finished.  Sarcasm could be found in almost every species, it seemed.

“Oh no,” another turian interrupted, the one who had asked him about his military experience.  “He’s not a human.”

“New species then, identical to homo sapiens and first discovered in the heart of the Citadel,” a salarian said.  “Will receive many grants for such a discovery.”

Thor had a feeling he was being mocked, but such was the way of less advanced species.  “I am Thor, of the Asgardians.”

“Will share credit on research paper if someone else connects him to squad comms,” the salarian said.

There was a moment’s pause as the other officers absorbed his words, and then it was a strange race as all rushed to raise one foot from the metal floor.

“Goddess,” an asari swore, clearly the slowest.  “Fine.  Show me your omni-tool.”

“I don’t have one,” Thor said.

“You don’t - you know what, fine,” the asari said.  If she wasn’t holding a submachine gun, she likely would have thrown her hands up in the air.  “When your translator gets knocked out, just keep your head down. Are you sure we should bring this human with us?”

Tense silence was her anwer.

“We’re all that’s between the civilians and another geth kill squad,” the turian with white face markings said.  “We need every gun.”

One officer hadn’t spoken throughout the discussion, only watching Thor.  It was the salarian who had first exited the cover of the bunker, one with burnt orange skin and blood oozing from a cut above his right eye.

“I believe Thor a net benefit to life expectancy,” he said.

“...you sure, Raegent?”

“Very sure,” the salarian, Raegent, said.  “Witnessed ambush on geth.  Very likely it saved my life.  Thor net benefit to life expectancy.”

“Hey, how did you ambush those geth anyway?” It was a turian, one at the back of their little gathering as they waited in the intersection.

“With ease,” Thor said.  He offered nothing more, the conversation starting to grate on him, but so did the silence that followed.  It was the first moment of quiet since his arrival in this place.  He fiddled with his beard, trying not to think of what it meant that he was here and his comrades were not.  Tony and Steve would land on their feet, they always did, and he knew well the feeling of falling through a strange portal, but still -

The police officers left him alone, noting his suddenly grim bearing, and spoke quietly amongst themselves.  There was an energy amongst them, an anxiety that they talked around and tried not to acknowledge.  Even down the long halls that led to the bunker, they could hear the spreading chaos outside, muffled explosions and muted gunfire.

It was not long before the two officers who had left returned, a gaggle of volunteers behind them.  Most were turian or asari, but there was a pair of humans and a large lizard person too.  All save the lizard person were wearing the same blue armour that the officers were.  Elara was with them, shifting uncomfortably in the armour.  Rather than stay with the group, she sidled over to be closer to Thor.

“That’s a Krogan,” one of the turians with red markings said.  “Just in case you didn’t know that either.”

“I did not,” Thor said.  “Thank you.”  His smile was thin despite his words.  There was only so much mockery he was willing to put up with from those not his boon companions, even in his lessened state.

What were likely three senior officers had been talking lowly to the side throughout this all, and now they approached.  A turian with white markings stepped up, ignoring the byplay, and addressed the group.

“The geth are raiding the Citadel.  They are not here to conquer, they’re here to kill.  You’ve been asked to step forward because you have the training or experience to make a difference today.  If the geth come through either door that leads to this bunker, we’re the only thing between them and hundreds of civilians.”

“You should have armed them,” the krogan said, deep voice contemptuous.  The plate atop his skull was a dark purple, and his teeth were serrated.  “The armoury has guns to spare.”

“They’re untrained,” the asari who had led him to the intersection said, sharply.

“Trained or untrained, they’ll die all the same,” the krogan said.

“Only if we fail,” Thor said.

The krogan snorted.  “Even with my krantt, I would be hard pressed to defend this place.  With traffic cops, weekend warriors and retirees?  Those civilians are dead already.”

“If you doubt your ability, you might stay in safety with them,” Thor said.  His patience was thinning, and it was only partially this krogan’s fault.

“I’m more than a century old, whelp,” the krogan snarled.  “I’ve seen battlefields and carnage you wouldn’t believe.”  His words were punctuated by an explosion and a distant scream.  “Stay quiet while your elders are talking.”

Images of fading comrades and broken bodies crossed his mind, and Thor’s patience found its end.  “I’ve slain more foes than you have ever met, boy,” he said.  “I am your elder.  I am your grandfather’s elder.  Have a care with how you speak to me.”  His eyes darkened unnaturally.

The krogan snarled deep in his throat, turning to face Thor fully, but whatever he saw in his face made him pause.

An orange light sprang up on the turian leader’s arm, and a voice issued from it.  “Sir, we’ve got geth at the downspin entrance.”

“How did they get on top of us without warning?!”

“They cloaked until they were right at the door.  They’re hacking it now.”

The white marked turian cursed.  “Alright.  Take up positions here; the halls will funnel them and the corners will give us some cover.”

“Who designed this bunker?” Thor asked.  The hall they stood in stretched from entrance to entrance, with a ninety degree turn in the middle leading to the bunker itself.  “They had the defensive mind of a child.”  He pushed the dark shadows weighing upon him from his mind, keeping himself in the moment.

“No one,” an asari said, deploying a stand alone riot shield to extend the cover of the hall corner.  “It’s part of the station, and the Keepers stop us from improving things.”

“We should hold them at the door,” Thor said.  “This is a poor point to hold.”

“When the geth crack the door, that’s it,” a turian said.  “We don’t have the cyberwarfare suites to contest them or take it back.”

“So let them in,” Thor said.

Of the looks he got, only Elara wasn’t thinking him a fool.

“Let them in, kill them, close the door,” he said, pushing on.  “Maintain control of the systems, and avoid being forced to fight in this lovely smooth hall without any cover to be seen.”

The krogan rumbled an agreement, but didn’t seem eager to voice it, still staring at Thor.  More noises of agreement came from some of the other officers, but still the turian seemed unconvinced.

One of the volunteers coughed slightly, drawing his attention.  It was another turian, and he seemed old for his species, colour faded and skin scratched.  He wore the same white markings, and he gave a nod to the officer.

“No half measures then,” the lead officer said.  “Let’s take the fight to them.”

“Hurry sir.”

“Double time!”

As one, they began to run down the long hall, towards the ‘downspin’ entrance, and they made it before the geth could hack their way through.  They took up positions on either side of the sliding doors.

“Shred whoever comes through, and then I want two Incinerates through the door,” the leader said.  “I’ll lead the way, and we’ll take up positions behind the garden boxes in the park beyond.  Unlock on my mar - human, what are you doing?!?”

Thor glanced at him from where he stood, square in the middle of the hall in full view of the doors.  “Do not worry,” he said.  “I have a plan.”

“Thor, what are you doing?” Elara hissed.  “Can your shields handle that?”

Thor laughed, rolling his shoulders.  Shields?  Perish the thought.  “You saw what I am capable of, little one.”

“Sir, ten seconds.”

“Spirits.  Unlock the doors!”

The doors pinged, red lights above switching to green.  All readied for the geth to burst through - but nothing happened.

“Siera, what are they doing?” the leader asked, voice low.

“They cloaked up, sir.  Cameras aren’t nearly good enough to - oh shit!”

The doors shunted open, revealing the enemy, but it was no normal geth waiting.  Instead there was a four legged creature with white armour and a long neck, single eye shining harshly down at Thor.

“Priority target identified elimination attempt one,” it said, its mechanical language harsh and without nuance.  A charge began to gather at its head.

Thor assumed the intimidation pose, stiffening his spine and holding his arms out to the sides.  He and Korg had discovered it during their time in New Asgard, and used it to great effect.  “Do your worst!”

A crackling, pulsing orb crossed the scant metres between Thor and the geth in a heartbeat, washing over him.  A lesser being would have been left cooked and smoking, but Thor was mighty.  The attack abated, and he was still standing.  He laughed.  “You bring lightning against the god of thunder?”

“Elimination attempt one failed initiating elimination attempt two,” the geth said.  The barrel of some weapon began to protrude from under its ‘chin’.

A storm began to grow in Thor’s eyes.  “My turn,” he rumbled, sparks arcing across his armour.  They swelled and burst out in a torrent of power, linking him to the four legged geth platform.  It was thrown back with a screech, tumbling end over end until it collided with a low wall.  It sparked, unmoving.

“What the fuck…” The words came from one of the humans.

“Come!” Thor said, stepping through the doors.  “I shall mock them, and you will gun them down while they cower in distress.”

Beyond was a park of sorts, although it was more metal than plant.  An open forum was surrounded by walkways and plant boxes, benches scattered around.  If not for the backdrop of klaxons, warning lights, and explosions it may have even appeared pleasant.

Thor advanced into the centre of the open forum without fear, spreading his arms wide once more.  “Your mother is so ample-”  A rocket shot from one of the trees, hitting him square in the chest and leaving him choking on fire and smoke.

The defenders did not waste their chance, rushing from the hall to take cover behind garden boxes and the low walls that surrounded the forum.  Their weapons shredded the geth that had revealed itself to attack, and it fell from the tree with a crash, taking a branch with it.

Thor waved the black cloud away, almost hacking up a lung.  “Oh, that’s awful.”  He picked a piece of shrapnel from his beard.

“Elimination attempt three failed initiating elimination attempt four.”

The words came from the tall red geth that uncloaked not an arm’s length in front of him, even as gunfire and streaks of plasma erupted around the park as both forces began to exchange fire.  Thor caught the heavy blow that aimed to crush his skull, and seized the geth’s weapon arm with his other hand.  He tore both limbs off, leaving it staggering in place.

“Elimination attempt four failed elimination attempt five disarmed initiating elimination attempt six.”

The red geth lashed out with a three toed foot, and Thor let it.  The blow barely budged him as it rang against his gut, and he grabbed the offending limb, pulling the geth from its feet to hurl it into two of its fellows that were trying to flank the officers.  They scattered like tenpins, and a hail of gunfire put them down for good.

“Thor, look out!”

Thor turned to Elara as he heard her shout.  She was looking past him, and she made a gesture, blue light rippling through the air.  It shot over his shoulder and collided with a lithe geth that looked like it was made of metallic muscle strands, catching it midleap as it tried to ambush him from another tree.  Gravity’s hold on it disappeared, leaving it to float slowly through the air towards him.  He smiled, bending down to pick up one of the red arms on the ground.  “Away with you!” he said as he drew back the arm.  The moment the flailing geth was close enough, he swung, knocking it clear out of the park and towards a body of water in the distance.

A scream of pain drew his eye, and he saw one of the human volunteers being dragged back into cover by the krogan.  The scaled alien roared with battlelust as he fired his shotgun rapidly, using it as a club when it refused to fire more and began to vent steam.  On the other flank an asari conjured an orb of dark light over a cluster of geth, and it seemed to drag them up and into it.  Elara gestured towards it, and it exploded violently, sending pieces of geth everywhere, but she was forced back into cover, shields sparking.  The defenders were holding, but barely, and more geth were arriving, drawn by the fight - or perhaps by the ‘priority target’ in it.

Enough was enough.  The storm was kindled once more, and a bolt of lightning erupted from Thor into the sky, before it arced out and down.  Every geth in the park was struck, and thunder drowned out the sounds of battle for long moments.  The defenders covered their heads, helmets unable to completely block out the sheer noise.  Finally, it came to an end.  Silence fell.

“Everyone…everyone back inside,” came the command of the white marked turian leader.  He was staring at Thor, as was everyone else.

He really needed to get their names, Thor thought to himself as he tossed aside the geth arm he held.  He began to make his way back into the bunker, the others starting to follow in his wake.

“Told you,” the orange salarian, Raegent, said.  “Thor net benefit to life expectancy.”

The wounded human laughed, holding a hand to the scorch on his side as he leaned on the irritated looking krogan.  Not that Thor was familiar with krogan facial expressions.  Maybe they all had resting murder face.

“My grandpa is from Norway,” the human said.  “Should I be praising Odin?”

“My father would appreciate your thanks, but he is no longer the protector of the Nine Realms,” Thor told the man.  He thought about their last meeting, and the wisdom he had bestowed before his final fading.  His battlecheer faded, as he thought about his failure to live up to his example.

“Your father..I, right,” the man said, looking back to the park and what remained of the geth that had besieged it.

“Say again!” the turian leader demanded of his comms, drawing everyone’s attention.

“A geth fleet just exited the relay,” the person on the other side said, loud enough for the entire group to hear now.  “It’s not a raid, it’s an all out assault.”

“How many?”

“Too many, and - Citadel Control just went dark.”

“What about the Executor?”

“I haven’t been able to raise his office since you engaged the geth.”

“Decapitation strike,” the krogan said.  “Sow terror to draw out local forces, hit the weakened leadership, and then strike with your main force.”  He didn’t sound upset.

“Thor,” the turian said, turning to him.  “You could take the Executor’s office back.”

“I could,” Thor said, “but I will not.”

“We need to coordinate with other C-Sec forces,” the turian insisted.  “Your tech, whatever let you do that-”

“There is no point,” Thor interrupted.

“He’s right,” the krogan said.  “Whatever took out your leader didn’t stick around.  They’ve already moved on to their next target.”

“...inside, quickly,” the turian said.

His officers were quick to respond, and the volunteers followed swiftly, save the krogan.  He refused to show Thor his back, but he gave him no mind, following after the others.  The door closed quickly behind them.

The moment they were no longer out in the open, the turian rounded on Thor.  “There are over thirteen million sapients on the Citadel.  If the geth are here to kill, they’re here to kill us all.  If we’re going to stop them, we need to hold the line, and that means coordination.  You need to work with us.”

The krogan laughed.  “Turians.  As soon as someone doesn’t fit into your doctrine, you start flailing.”

“Help or stay quiet, Shath,” the turian snapped.

“I will help you,” Thor said, stopping the fight before it could begin, “but I will not waste time putting out fires and restoring communications.”

“Then what will you do?” Elara asked.  Of all the people there, she was the one with the best understanding of what he could do.

“This fleet must have a flagship, yes?” he asked.  “I’ll aim for the head.”

“You’ll just swan aboard the flagship and take off the admiral’s head,” the lead officer said, clearly at the end of his rope.

“Or that,” Thor said, shrugging.  Ship, admiral.  The result was the same.  He tapped the nearby door panel to open it again and raised one arm, out towards the smoking park.

“It’s a long way from here to the Embassy docks,” Sath, the krogan, said.  His wide mouth pulled back in a toothy grin.  “Fun trip though.  I’m game.”

“Another day, I might take you up on your offer,” Thor said.  There was a trick to summoning so his weapon didn’t just careen through whatever might be in its way without care.  It had taken several load bearing walls and two throne room doors before he had learnt it.  “But not this day.  Which way to the docks?”

“Two clicks upspin,” Raegent said.  “What are you doing?”

Thor felt his weapon near, and he grinned.  The air hummed as Stormbreaker approached, colliding with his open hand with a meaty thwack.  “You were worthy comrades, but you cannot follow where I go,” he told them.  He turned his gaze on Elara.  “You showed spirit, and your ability to brew coffee was most excellent.  I shall see you after for another!”

Elara tilted her head at him, the flush of her crests visible through her visor.  “Thank you?”

He wasted no more time with talk.  He left the hall behind and raised his axe.  Those he left behind could only watch in shock as he ascended into the air, cape billowing behind him, and then he was gone.

X

The Embassy docks were easy to find, by virtue of their being on fire.  Ships burned in their berths, and if there were fire suppression systems they weren’t working.  Instead, fire fighters attempted to battle the worst of it while under fire from squads of geth, small groups of C-Sec officers doing their best to protect them.

Thor entered the battle with a mighty crash, slicing another four legged geth in half with a single blow of his axe.  Lightning crashed, and three different groupings of geth were obliterated across the bays.

A human in white and pink armour gaped at him from where they were crouched behind a burnt out cargo vehicle, but he only lingered long enough to let loose the thunder once more, destroying what other geth he could see, and then he was gone, taking a deep breath as he left the safety of atmosphere behind for the coldness of the vacuum.

It was dark, out in the emptiness of the void.  There was not a star to be seen, only the interior of whatever vast space station Thor had found himself on.  The interior was a long hollow cylinder, and the only illumination came from the distant lights on the ‘walls’ of the station itself.  That, and the crackling red energy that arced off the enormous, squid-like ship that was perched ominously on a protruding structure that came from the ring he had just exited.

If he had air to spare, he would have bellowed a challenge.  As it was, he raised one hand in a gesture he had picked up from Clint, and shot towards what was surely his target.

There was no air in space, Thor knew, no way for him to hear, but that did not seem to stop the ship, because it responded to his challenge with a brassy bellow of its own.  Nails seemed to pierce his skull, and the ship wasn’t just cycling its engines - it was speaking.

YOU, EFFORT, FUTILE.  I, EXISTENCE, ETERNAL.

This was no ship, Thor realised.  It was alive.

YOU, ANOMALY, FLEETING.  I, DISSECT, BENEFIT.

It was alive, and it was taunting him.  Thor gave it the finger even harder.  It loomed larger in his vision, kilometres tall.  He began to gather power, feeling it thrumming in through his being.  Runes shone on Stormbreaker’s head, as he channelled power such that he had not reached for since casting down his sister.

Lightning flashed.  A bolt of power connected man and monster.  The Citadel trembled.

The red arcs across the body of the living ship were joined by white, and the ship began to tilt.  For a moment, Thor thought he had done it, but then the white arcs faded, and the ship righted itself.

YOU, RESISTANCE, INSULT.  I, REBUTTAL, OVERWHELMING.

One of the limbs of the ship rose ponderously to point at him, even as he still hurtled through space to close with it.  Red light gathered at its tip, and he veered off course, but his reaction was too late, and the attack too broad.  A beam of red energy crashed into him, bathing him in the fires of Muspelheim.  He roared in anger and pain, soundless.

The agony was immense…but it was no Nidavellir.  He emerged from the side of the beam, Stormbreaker’s haft gripped tight, unable to see in the sudden darkness.  He was still speeding forward, and he sought to stop, but then there was a blurry shape before him and there was no time.  He impacted with a colossal crash, bouncing and leaving craters and torn up metal in his wake.

X

Jane cursed as the light of Sovereign’s weapon faded.  The shock of its sudden appearance had ruined her shot, and instead of blowing the Geth Prime’s head off, she had only torn off one arm.  Luckily, Garrus was there, and the geth quickly found itself cored.

“Sloppy, Shepard,” he said.

“Didn’t want you to complain about kill stealing again,” she said.  “Tali, what was Sovereign firing at?”

“Some kind of small personal vehicle, maybe even unmanned,” the quarian said.  She was crouched behind a support strut, wreaking havoc with the geth comms and IFF systems.  “Whatever was left crashed up ahead.”

“Liara, Singularity on those three on the left.  Wrex, open the way,” Jane ordered, swapping her sniper with her shotgun.

The red krogan didn’t hesitate, blurring into a biotic charge at the lone geth on the right and drawing fire from the rest.  Liara was moving even before he impacted, bending physics over her knee and making it cry as the three geth were torn from the side of the structure they were climbing.

Ashley didn’t need to be told, already leaning out of cover to throw a grenade.  It arrived as the Singularity reached its peak, just in time for Jane to pop it with a Warp.  There was nothing left of the geth but smouldering scrap.  After months of fighting together, their squad was a well oiled machine.

“How we looking Tali?” Jane asked.

“The turrets are keeping the geth from catching up, but they’re moving as fast as we are,” she said, fingers blurring over her omni-tool.  “We need to keep moving or we’ll be pinned.”

“I’ve got point,” Ash said, as she stepped up to lead the way.

Ever since Kaidan’s death, she had been stepping up to take the riskier roles more often, and Jane hadn’t had a spare moment to talk to her about it.  As they closed in on Saren was not the time, however, and Wrex was close on her heels.  They fell into order, leapfrogging from cover to cover.  They had been ambushed by too many geth to fall for their tricks any more.

“How’s the burn, Liara?” Jane asked.

“Bearable,” Liara said.  She kept her submachine gun steady with one hand, as the other retrieved a tube from her belt and slotted it into her mask.  The sound of her slurping down the nutripaste came over the comms for a brief moment before it was filtered.

Sound was muted, on the outside of the structure they climbed, but they could still hear faintly.  The sound of geth plasma as their pursuers fought past the turrets they hacked and left in the wake was ever present, but this time there was something different.

“More plasma, but…” Garrus said.  “It’s coming from up ahead?”

“C-Sec holdout?” Wrex asked, as he moved up to the next cover.  His bass tone was doubtful.

The squad emerged into an open patch of steel.  It would have been perfect for an ambush, either bottling them up in the lane they had come from, or forcing them to run across open ground to reach the next good cover, but the only geth to be seen were already dead, many smashed to pieces or even cut in half.

“Is that a human?” Garrus demanded.  He looked down his scope, painting a target for the squad HUD.

Not that they needed the marking.  The blond man was impossible to miss, given his red cape and archaic armour, not to mention the axe he had just used to cleave a Geth Colossus in twain.  There was also the complete lack of breathing apparatus.  He looked half cooked, what had once been a respectable beard half burnt off.

The bizarre figure must have noticed them, because he turned and began to wave, mouthing exaggeratedly at them with a smile.

“What the fuck,” Ash said.

Jane was glad Ash had spoken, because she didn’t have a fucking clue either.