I think for the majority of my life, I didn’t have anyone to reflect my reality back to me, instead I relied upon music and the other art forms to comfort my lonesome feelings, predators to validate and cajole me, while authoritarian figures molded me into perfect compliance and rigidity, my existence and sense of self for forfeit in the hands of others. It is not until recently that I started therapy (ACT & CBT), and now journaling, to reflect my reality back to myself. Discover myself through my own thoughts and reflections. Take ownership of what has happened and rewrite it to where I am, from now on, responsible, aware, and to some extent within awareness, in control.
To my surprise——I am a safer place than I imagined, and I hold so much space for people in my life because of the hole that was made in me for authority to fill, that I now replace with love, my love for others, and what I am learning, for myself——my only regret is that I did not trust myself with myself sooner, because I am kind, I suppose. And that’s lovely.
Josh M
2024-08-30 20:35:04 +0000 UTCGio
2024-08-30 17:36:45 +0000 UTC