My New Normal Chapter 5

The Doctor will see you now! The receptionist said.

We got up to go in.

Just Lana, Ms Sinclair.

But shouldn't I....

Dr. Reid was very specific, ma'am. The receptionist said.

I caught a glance from the receptionist, it felt protective. I was grateful.

Second door on the right. You can relax on the couch if you wish. She said.

Thank you, I smiled at her.

My mom caught the scene. She looked confused. I thought, Good! I felt that warm feeling as the dress brushed against my legs. I walked in and laid on Freud couch and closed my eyes trying concentrate on how to handle what was coming next.

My last therapist, never listened. He just asked questions he wanted the answers to. He didn't give a damn about my constant bullying or the loses I'd suffered.

When Dr. Reid walked in my jaw hit the floor. She looked like Elizabeth Taylor. She wore a tight black skirt and beautiful high heels. She wore pink silk blouse. She was every bit as beautiful as Charlene.

I was guessing she was about 40 years old. But looked younger. She had long French nails like mine. Her pink lips were pout and beautiful. I stood up in front of her, she was tall with a curvey body.

Hello, Lana! I'm Dr Ried. It's nice to meet you!

Her voice was soft and deep. I could feel myself being drawn into her presence. I was both scared and somehow comfortable. I could feel my plans about today slipping away. I had to focus.

Hello Doctor. I said.

I understand from talking with your mother and Charlene you have been having some problems at school with the other children.

Ohh, Great! Another idiot! I rolled my eyes. This is a waste of time.

That's putting it mildly! I said flatly.

Can you tell me why? She asked.

Not really! I said. My tone was flat with the attitude of annoyance.

What's troubling you right now? She asked.

Besides you asking the same stupid questions? I said. How about being punished for something that isn't my fault! Or the fact that my mother destroyed my room and had me dressing up as a girl?

Where's the bus stop? I asked.

Why?

Forget it Doc, I'm leaving! It's not like anyone cares anyway! I said.

I got up and she blocked the door.

Why do you say that? She asked.

Get out of my way! I said getting angrier by the second.

Sit down! Answer my question and then you can leave. I won't stop you!

That smooth deep voice was calm and almost sounded like she cared. I wasn't convinced, but if it meant leaving, I figured great I can get out of here!

It's simple really! After my father died, my friends abandoned me, the kids in school treated me like a target for their personal amusement. I've been kicked, beaten, had my face shoved in piss filled toilets until I almost drowned.

I never did or said anything to provoke it! Every time I tried to explain it, no one believed me, even my own mother! When I tried to explain it to her, she never listened.

I trusted Charlene and she betrayed me. All I wanted was to be left alone. Now here I am wearing a dress, going to ballet and Tap dancing lessons. I'm a boy!

Why should I trust you to listen?

Let me go! I said.

I see! She said. Donna, I can help you, if you'll let me! She said.

How? Are you going get my mother to listen? Fat chance! She doesn't care about me. She says she does, but I don't believe a word she says. I hate her!

Do you know she gave me a choice, military school or dressing as a girl? I didn't do anything to deserve this. The only thing I did was stay in my room and minded my own business. Now look at me! I'm better off dead!

Don't say that! No one is better of dead! Death is an end not a solution. She said.

I might as well be! When I go back to school, I'll be killed dressed like this!

Do you have some magic wand that can fix this?

Without realizing it, I laid down on the Freud couch and crossed my legs.

No Donna, I don't have a magic wand. I do have a very unique skill set that can help you with your anger and anxiety. If you talk to me, I'm sure we can find a way to communicate with each other.

You don't want to help me! You just want money!

That's not true! Yes I get a fee for my services. But I also want to help you.

I don't think anyone can help me.

I understand why you feel betrayed by Charlene, but there is something you should know. Charlene is my protég, é! She told me all about your weekend and Tommy Pippen. Charlene told me because she cares about you. She told your mother because she's afraid of you hurting or killing yourself.

No one wants you to do that!

I don't believe you! I said.

I'll make you a deal! You tell me everything from the time your father died up to right now. If we don't finish today I will see you tomorrow and we can finish up tomorrow. Let me know how you feel at the end of tomorrow and we'll go from there. If don't want to continue, you don't have to come back. I'll talk to your mot,her for you too!

Deal? She asked.

Deal! I insideothing to lose at this point. The fact that she put up with my rant was a surprise to me.

Have you ever heard of hypnosis, Donna?

No.

It's a tool people like myself use to help open your mind so we can examine your thoughts and feelings. This way we can treat the root of your issues.

Okay... I said hesitantly.

Let's try it! Just once and see how you feel after.

Okay.... I said kinda scared. I wasn't sure what this was about, but again, I had nothing to lose. If I did do it and it didn't work I'd be able to say tried. She swung a watch in front of my eyes. The tone of her voice was soothing and relaxing. My mind felt like it was slowing down, then nothing!

Two hours later.

I walked out of Dr Reid's office. I didn't feel the rage I felt inside myself when I entered. Mom was smiling at me and told me she loved me and how proud she was of me. I still pulled back when she kissed me. I wasn't as angry as before but somewhere in the back of my mind was telling me to be careful.

Come on darling! Let's get a mani-pedi! Her voice was cheerful despite my efforts to keep my distance. When we walked out to the car a light breeze brushed my dress across my legs. The warm feeling returned and brought a smile to my face.

We went to a nail salon on the other side of town. Mom and I were sitting side by side in the spa chairs when Mrs Pippen walked in. Whatever progress I made today went straight out of the door when she walked in.

Ohh shit! I said under my breath.

What! Mom said.

I looked towards the door.

Ignore her! Mom said.

Easy for you to say! If she sees me, I'm dead for sure. I kept my head down hoping she wouldn't recognize me. Mom and her weren't friends but they were friendly. If only someone believed me.

No one believed me. Everyone thought the Pippens were the perfect family. Her son Tommy is pure evil. His nickname in School is "Tommy the Terror!" No one in school had the courage to stand up to Tommy.

Tommy never gave the teachers any trouble. He did give me plenty of it!

Julie! How nice to see you! How are you doing?

I'm fine, still working on settling things. How are you? I'm great the whole family is great. Tommy hit three home runs last night including a grandslam.

That's wonderful you must be proud! My mom said who's this young lady?

This is Donnie's cousin, Donna! Say hello Donna.

Hello, I said as softly as I could.

You're a very pretty young lady!

It was nice seeing you Julie! I have to run! We have another game tonight!

I told you, no one will recognize you now. Relax Donna everything is going to be fine.

That's easy for you say! I said. Your head didn't get shoved in a toilet full of piss! I said.

My mom didn't say anything for the next 20 minutes.

My and I both got French manicures for our hands and toes. The ladies filled in our nails too.

Mom took me to the Olive Garden for an early dinner. We both got the seafood Alfredo. I was starving. I had 3 bread sticks and practically cleaned the bowl of my Alfredo.

Mom tried talking to me, I most gave her yes ma'am and no ma'am. Finally as we were finishing dinner my mom set her fork down. She looked at me with a serious face.

Donna, you can talk to me! I'm not going to hurt you!

Why bother? You won't listen, you don't believe me, yo don't trust me. You everyon,es side besides mine!

That's not true! I love you!

Then why am I dressed this way? Why am I in dance class? Why did you believe everyone besides me when I told you about my problems. Why didn't you hug me?

Most of all why did you side with the principal when he said I brought all this on myself?

You don't love me! I'm just a leftover after Dad died! You left me right after Dad died.

You wouldn't talk to me!

Because you didn't listen to me. You listen for thirty seconds and shut me down!

Just please stop! You got what you wanted! You get to humiliate and bully me just like the kids at school.

I stopped talking when the waitress came with the check.

I was dead silent on the way home.

When we walked into the house. I went to my room and cried. Mom left me alone for about an hour. I was angry and hurt. I truly believed she hated me. I hated her! I swore I would never do something like this to my child.

Mom knocked on my door.

Sweetheart! Can I come in?

Why? So you can punish me some more! I hate you! Leave me alone or kill me! I don't care! Go away! I hate you! I yelled at her.

Please sweetie! I'm sorry! She said.

Just go away! You got what you wanted! You destroyed my whole life! I hate you! Just bury me next to Dad!

She opened my bedroom door. I threw a shoe at her. She closed the door and left.

Mom made popcorn and set it outside my room. I could hear crying softly waiting for me to open the door. I didn't open the door for over an hour.

When I did open the door, mom was in the living room on the phone, talking quietly. I went to the bathroom as quietly as I could. I cleaned up, I set the popcorn in front of her room and went to sleep.

Saturday morning, I was up early. I saw a text from Charlene offering to take me to self-defense class again. I accepted. As angry with Charlene as I was, I was even more angry with my mother. Going with Charlene would get me away her for a couple hours. I started getting ready.

Mom knocked on my door.

Donna, can I come in?

If you have to? I said.

Where are you going? She asked.

Charlene is picking me up for self-defense class with a friend of hers.

Don't forget you have a Doctor's appointment with Doctor Reid at 1 pm.

I'll ask Charlene drop me off at the Doctor.

That's fine, if she can't make sure she brings you home.

Okay! I said. I kept my voice calm. I was still mad at her. But I wanted to keep her as confused as I was. I figured it's only fair.

Charlene picked me up. I loved her car, it was so cool. We drove to her friends studio. We had three hours before I had to be at Doctor Reid's office.

Charlene, could tell I was upset with her too, but she didn't push it. We exchanged small talk on the way there. I told her about my new friend Amy.

Liz greeted me with a smile and asked, Are you ready for round two?

Yes ma'am! I answered with enthusiasm. I liked Liz! She's powerful, confident, and very nice to me.

We stretched out and practiced for almost two hours. I was exhausted at the end. I felt much calmer afterwards. Liz said I did a lot better today.

You very well today, Donna. Come back next Saturday and I'll show you some things!

Really? I said sounding pleasantly surprised.

You did! Try to practice at home if you can and forget to stretch! Liz said.

I won't! Thank you! I said.

Come on, girlfriend! Charlene said cheerfully.

We headed to Doctor Reid's office.

My mom was waiting in the parking lot. Charlene parked right next to her.

How'd she do? Mom asked.

Pretty well! Liz wants her to come back next Saturday!

That's great! Mom said. Nice work Donna! Mom was trying to sound happy for me.

Thanks... I said flatly. Charlene noticed it too.

Thank you for taking me to see Liz. I said try to sound more grateful.

You're welcome! She hugged me, I hugged her back.

Thank you again Charlene! My mom said.

It was my pleasure! Charlene said.

She waved goodbye as we walked towards the entrance.

Mom tried to hold my hand, I pulled away. She looked disappointed. I thought good! I was disappointed too! Along with anger, confusion and a very low self esteem.

I was wearing my red leggings and a pink leotard when I walked into the office.

Doctor Reid was the only one in the office.

Donna, would you mind waiting? I'd like to talk with your mother for a few minutes.

Okay! I said.

I figured it couldn't hurt! Maybe she could talk some sense into my mother.

I waited for over half an hour. Mom came out and smiled at me, it was a loving smile for me that I haven't seen since my Dad died. She leaned over and kissed my forehead in same loving manner. It felt weird!

I love with my whole heart Donna. I'm sorry about everything! I just want you to be happy!

I slid sideways away from her I was a bit frightened by the sudden change in Mom's attitude and tone. It was creepy!

Donna! Doctor Reid said.

I walked into room. I laid on the Freud couch and crossed my legs and crossed my hands in my lap.

How are you doing today, Donna.

What's wrong with my mother? I asked.

She's recovering from our session, she'll be fine. She feels awful about everything. She's processing a lot a the moment. Doctor Reid said.

How are you? She asked again.

Angry, frustrated, confused and unloved! I said.

I wasn't exaggerating, but I did hit her with everything.

Can you talk about with me? Doctor Reid asked.

What do you want to know? I asked.

Start from after you left my office yesterday.

Okay! I preceded to tell her everything. I included throwing the shoe at her and tell my mom that I hated her and I know she hates me. I called my mom a bully. I told her about the mani-pedi and Mrs Pippen. I told her about what I said that my Mom should kill me and she'd be better off without me.

That's a lot to unload at once, Donna. Did it make you feel better?

No, but I didn't feel worse either. I was still mad at her.

What other feelings are you experiencing?

I told her how I was still hurt by Charlene talking to my mother. But I liked Charlene and didn't want to make Charlene mad at me. I told her how good I felt practicing with Liz at my self-defense lesson.

I explained about the warm feeling I felt in my leggings and leotard and how comfortable the nighties are. I explained that I really didn't mind the clothes or the lipgloss. Dance classes were actually kinda fun with my new friend Amy.

You made a friend, that's a positive thing! Doctor Ried said.

Can I try to hypnosis again? See if I can get a little bit deeper into your subconscious. Maybe get to the root of your anger. Maybe we can open up communication with your inner self.

Okay! I didn't work last time, but I figured if she thought she could help, why not. She's far better than my last idiot therapist.

Two hours later.

I left feeling happier than I was in over a week. I felt like I understood why Charlene told my mother everything. I wasn't angry with Charlene anymore. I realized Charlene cared about me. I was looking forward to next Saturday with Charlene and Liz.

Mom greeted me with a hug, I didn't pull away this time. I accepted it. I was still angry but it felt watered down. We got in the car and started driving home.

How about we get McDonald's for dinner tonight! We can start our diet tomorrow.

That sounds great Mom! I said with a little excitement in my voice. I noticed my own tone but I didn't think anything about it. I didn't feel as angry.

We got our food and headed home.

Mom laid out the food on the kitchen table. We sat together and ate. I wasn't repulsed by her sitting next to me. I ate my double cheeseburger quietly and enjoyed my French fries and Sprite.

My mom smiled at me with her loving smile. It felt weird but it wasn't as scary as before. I smiled back a little. I'm not sure why I did it. Maybe I was just happy not eating rabbit food for once.

After dinner I went into the bathroom and showered. I washed and conditioned my hair. After I padded myself dry I started moisturizing my skin and face. I tied the towel under my armpits like I saw my Mom do a hundred times.

Mom caught me in the hall.

Would you like to watch a movie together? She asked.

I really didn't want to, but she asked so nicely, I found myself saying yes.

Sure mom! Let me get a nightgown first.

You can wear some tights if you want too! Mom said.

The thought of of wearing tights brought that warm feeling back. I wore my yellow nightie and white tights. I loved the way the tights felt against my legs.

Mom put on Disney+ and we watched Frozen together. Mom padded the cushion next to her. She had a mixing bowl of popcorn.

Before I knew what was happening, I was laying against her, watching TV and nibbling on popcorn. She put her arm around me. I didn't object. I was calm and relaxed. We finished the movie and she walked me to my room.

Mom tucked me in.

I love you, Donna. You're my heart. Just know everything I do is for you. I'm not trying to bully you or punish you. I'm trying to give you a fresh start. I love you darling! You are the light of my life. You're all I have left. Please understand your the most important person in my life.

Yesterday, I wanted to die. Today I wasn't so sure how I felt.

Thanks Mom!

She gave me a soft smile. Good night sweetheart. She said.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of the nightie, tights and the warm feeling I was embracing.