The Toy's Toy, ch. 3

Hard disagree. There's definitely character development happening, but the rules of the genre forces it to happen within tight constraints (the limits of the programming), and that necessitates a slow burn. There's definitely room for the pace to increase, but one of the reason I, personally, prefer IB's work over almost all of the other offerings is precisely his comfort at the slow build, and willingness to take the time to explore the angles and the nuances.

Balseraph

Is there anything going to happen? Because so far it seems like its a very long repitition of the one-sentence-joke told in the description ("what if a horny slave was given to a good/boring guy? Hihi"). Its one sentence stretched out over three chapters, while nothing whatsoever actually happens. Chapter 3 could replace Chapter 1 and readers would not even notice, because nothing is happening (the story would really work just as well if it started with this chapter, which to me is a signal that something is not working out. Compare that to your other stories, where it would not work at all). There are no stakes, no character development, no actual plot, even the dialog is a bit repetitiv ("iam horny. He is just so dumb. I wanna murder his ass for being so dumb. I cant because iam a horny slave." Rinse and repeat.) So far this joke seems to be good for a short story, but you seem intent to make it into one of your novellas. Please, give me anything that is exiting, because its really quite boring to read in effect the same chapter with the same storybeats (e.g. a reflection on how weak and horny she is) three times. Gimme some stakes! Some emotional investment! Anything!

This chapter... hmm. It's hard to get a handle on this story, so far. We know every contour of Devon's personality (and body), but Brian continues to be an almost satirical take on a Nice Guy protagonist. He's as cartoonishly square as Devon is cartoonishly slutty, which invites plenty of fun speculation -- Is Brian programmed to be such a drip? Can Devon's version of events be trusted? -- without exactly steering the reader towards precise anticipation. *Something's* going on, but I couldn't say what. It's still plenty fun, though. Devon's sexual excitement -slash- existential dread at being casually abandoned to a life of abject misery is an INCREDIBLY hot concept, the sort of erotic exploration of the weirder corners of mind control erotica that's an Ice Bear hallmark. That, and hilarious turns of phrase -- "sweet as gargled ball sacks" is some Hall of Fame-level prose. So, yeah, fun chapter, but Brian's too weird to believe in, and I don't know *why* yet. Looking forward to some greater clarity in the future!

WDB

"More to come" INDEED.

WDB