real life update

so this post is long overdue sorry, anyways here we go.

as many of you might know I've been struggling a lot lately between getting used to my new job, trying to survive the long hours and still feeling like normal human being. it hasn't been easy especially with the whole situation of being home alone all the time and not haven seen my family in over a year. I had to cancel a lot the past weeks as I either was just so tired the only thing I did was sleep, work, eat, repeat. or I just had panic attacks because of me just not being able to deal with everything anymore. 

so the new job is fun and the team is great, they are just working way to long hours resulting in me being dead half of the time when I finally come home. since it's retail and you have to be there during the opening hours there isn't much I can change about it, especially not in this beginning period when it's still uncertain if I actually get to keep the job. there's almost always 2 or 3 months here in the beginning that you are working on a tryout basis, so you can still quit without the contract waiting period or the employer can just cancel your contract... so things are still a bit unsure and making me anxious.
         I know they probably really value me for this department I'm working on as they want to expand it and use my knowledge in photography and fine arts to do so. but you know in the end you are just driving yourself insane when you get no validation or are uncertain about stuff. I also don't think I can keep this job up for a long time in this way they do it, I almost got a burnout from the last one I'm not waiting for that to happen again.

anyways, so because of all this I haven't had a lot of time and energy to do anything else and it makes me sad. I miss creating things and using my creativity and I'm scared it will turn out to be the same as back at my last job when I never had the ability to do things anymore because of this. it's the worst because sometimes I'm literally bored to death at the job if there are no customers or things to do anymore, but you know you have to stay till the shop closes. my mind just starts thinking of all the things I could do... and I can't even use my phone or anything. I now sometimes use post-it notes to write down ideas and to do lists so I don't forget. 

I hope that when I get the rhythm of the job down a bit more I can get back to planning and scheduling things again. I really appreciate all of you lovelies for your support and staying with me during this hard and insane time, the past 17 months have been a real roller-coaster and every single day I just wish it will stop and things will get better again, and honestly without you all and the lovely people I've met online I wouldn't been able to get through it all.

REMEMBER TO BE MYTHICAL, STAY CURIOUS & LEARN SOMETHING NEW