4.17: If A Girl Likes You

“Of course you can take it,” Dr Peterson, my new therapist, said. “But why should you? If you can avoid something painful and completely pointless, it doesn’t seem practical to go through it just for the sake of it.”

Dr Peterson was a short, very round man with a lot of bushy hair under his nose, considerably less on his head, and coke-bottle glasses that were, for some reason, tinted pink. He was proving himself very easy to talk to, which was a pain. I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t actually here to get therapy.

“I’m not going to start bothering all my friends with my personal problems just because I can’t keep up,” I protested. “Everyone’s Initiation sucked. A lot of them worse than mine.”

“What you do and don’t want to talk to your friends about is up to you. But it might be worth taking notice of the sorts of things that upset you, so that you can make an informed choice about what you do and don’t want to put yourself through, rather than get completely taken by surprise.”

“How can I tell?”

“Recognising your emotions and negative thought patterns takes practice. Let’s start with something you can easily measure – pay attention to things that increase your heart rate. Often, there’ll be a good reason for it – maybe you’re running, or you’ve gotten into an argument, perhaps – but if you’re not sure why your heart rate has spiked, that might be something worth looking into. I’d suggest taking notes whenever this happens, so that you can identify any common factors.”

That… seemed sensible. Max may have overreacted about my health, convincing himself I had PTSD which was obvious nonsense, but there were things that upset me without me really being sure why, and it made sense to identify them. That was just self-knowledge, right? That didn’t mean I was struggling, or that I had to cause a scene. Self-knowledge was a good thing.

“I can do that,” I said.

Dr Peterson gave me a warm smile. “Excellent. That’s all we have time for, but I hope to see you next week, Kayden.”

“Of course.”

I’d been out of his office for about a minute when I ran into Max, who didn’t even try to hide the fact that he’d been waiting for me. “How did it go?” he asked. “Are you all… you know, entrenched in therapy? How many sessions do you think it’ll take before you can bring up memory erasing potions naturally?”

“It went fine, I don’t know what you mean by ‘entrenched in therapy’, and I don’t know how long. It’s fine. There’s no need to freak out.”

“I’m not freaking out, I’m being prepared. I had a look into Dr Peterson’s schooling, and I think that over the next few sessions you can expect him to try – ”

“Don’t tell me. It’s better if I’m not prepared.”

“What do you mean, it’s better if you’re not prepared? This is an information heist! The more knowledge, the better!”

“The more knowledge, the more suspicious I look. He’s a trained psychologist who’s been dealing with teenagers for decades. Do you think he won’t see through a researched scheme? If we make a plan, we lose.”

“I’m just… I still think I should have done this. I have experience and training.”

“Which is exactly why you’re not doing it. Again, he has more experience and training, and I’m sure he’s been dealing with legacy mage nonsense from his clients forever. You’re suspicious just by existing, let alone if you actually tried to pull anything, and he would see through it immediately. It had to be Kylie or me, and Kylie’s already getting actual therapy. Don’t worry, Max. I got this.”

“I know, I trust you. It’s just… you’re not all that great at lying.”

“How do you know? Maybe I’m so great at lying that you can’t even tell I’m lying, so you assume that I’m bad at it.”

Max didn’t dignify this with a response. “When you steer things around to ask for memory erasure, you’re going to have to be really convincing. You’re going to have to make it somehow look like you’re not just gunning for that potion.”

“No, I don’t. We’re not trying to get my memory erased, remember? We just want information. If he thinks I’m gunning for potions I don’t need, that’s perfectly fine. Convincing him to consider a potion for me and give me information on it will work, but so will goading him into telling me why taking such a potion would be a terrible idea. The second one is better, actually, since I don’t want the potion, and if he thinks it was all a ploy to try to get a potion and the ploy failed, then it won’t be suspicious when I suddenly stop going to therapy. Did you come out here to discuss our information heist?”

“No. I want your advice, actually. On, uh… a social matter.”

“And you came to me?!”

“Kayden, you have a more diverse social group than almost anybody else I know.”

I opened my mouth. Closed it again. Thought for a minute. “That cannot possibly be right. What about Magista?”

“I can’t go to Magista.” Max flushed. “It’s, uh, a romantic matter. And you have experience in that area, so…”

“I’ve had two partners! Ever!”

“And I’ve had one, so you’re twice as experienced as me.”

“… Fair enough. What’s your question?”

Max mumbled something.

“What?”

“How can you tell if a girl likes you?” he repeated in one hurried breath.

“Oh. Um. I’m… not sure, actually.”

“Well, you got with your partners somehow!”

“Has she kissed you passionately on a cliffside while telling you how difficult it is to protect you?”

“No.”

“Has she flirted with you for weeks, then disappeared suddenly, then showed up once more right when you were worried you’d never see her again, resulting in a heart-to-heart and an intense makeout session?”

“… No.”

“Whelp, that’s all my life experience on the topic. Have you tried asking her? Or, I dunno, flirting tentatively and seeing if she flirts back?”

“I can’t do that! I’m dating Magista! We can break up just fine if it comes to it, but I’m absolutely not going to go around testing the water with other girls while I’m still with her! Do you know how embarrassing that would be for her if it ever got out? No; I absolutely can’t do anything like that without breaking things off with Magista in advance and giving enough time that there can be absolutely no doubt in anyone’s mind that I wasn’t cheating on her. And my arrangement with Magista is mutually very beneficial, so I’d rather not break it off unless I know I at least have a shot with this other girl. Besides, even if I do all that, I don’t want to be a creep.”

“What do you mean, be a creep?”

“You know. We’re friends. I like her. If she’s not interested, and I ask her, what if I make things awkward? What if she thinks the only reason we were friends was because I’m romantically interested in her? What if I upset her, or even ruin out friendship? I absolutely don’t want to make her uncomfortable, so if she’s not interested, I’d rather just not bring it up and stay friends. But if she is interested, I’m interested, and I don’t think she would make the first move, so how can I know if she’s interested?”

“I had a similar situation with Saina, and I absolutely did not manage to solve it, so I’m not sure I can help here. Surely you can get some idea of her feelings though? Maybe have lunch with her or something and ask, I dunno, innocuously, about if she’s seeing someone? I mean, presumably she knows you’re seeing someone, so even if she does like you, she probably wouldn’t bring it up while you’re still with Magista, right? So you’re going to have to be obscure about it.”

“I don’t know how obscure I can be, really. She’s not seeing anyone right now but I don’t know if that means anything. We can’t really have lunch together; she doesn’t attend Skolala Refujeyo. We only communicate via letters and texts.”

“Oh, not at school? A family friend, or something? Maybe a family member might be able to help?”

“Ah. No. My family doesn’t know her either, actually. She’s not from a legacy family.” He was, I noticed, still blushing.

“You’re interested in a mage from one of us lowly commonfolk families, huh?”

His blush deepened. “She… isn’t a mage, either.”

I stared. Max avoided my gaze.

“Max Acanthos, magical prodigy and pride of the Acanthos family, is interested in a commonfolk girl? That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Cute? What?”

“It’s straightup a Romeo and Juliet story! Your family’s going to hate this, but – ”

“Yeah, well, fuck them,” Max said with sudden venom. “It’s not their decision.”

“Damned straight it’s not! But honestly, I didn’t know you even knew any commonfolk.”

“Of course I know commonfolk! I went to primary school! I was captain of the local chess club.”

“Of course you were. So this is an old school friend, then? If you’ve known each other for that long then I’m sure – ”

“Uh, no. I, um. I only met this girl last term. But we really clicked, you know? At least, I’m pretty sure we did. I just want to make sure it’s mutual.” He was still avoiding my gaze.

I did some quick math. Last term, but not a Refujeyo student. That meant he must have met her during that school evacuation. He’d spent that time with Kylie, and with me, so it was probably someone we knew.

And he was coming to me for advice, not Kylie.

“Max,” I said, “are you in love with Melissa?”

“Maybe! I don’t know! It’s a little early to tell! And it’s kind of moot, anyway, if she doesn’t like me back!”

By the Points, this was adorable. My childhood nerd friend and my Refujeyo nerd friend. (I should probably not call them that to their faces.)

“I’ll feel things out for you,” I said. “Really subtlely, I mean. I can’t promise accuracy, but I might be able to get an idea of whether she feels that way about you or not.”

“Oh. Ah. Thank you, Kayden.”

“It’s absolutely no problem.”