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TonkatsuCHAN
TonkatsuCHAN

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Work schedule of July ... battling a deep depression.

Hey everyone.

This isn't your typical work schedule, as I have to be honest with my current situation. I'm still going to work as much as I can, as it helps me keep my mind off things, even if it's a little bit.

But in short, I'm currently facing one of the most difficult times of my life. I explained two months ago, how my dad had complications and how I had financial difficulties.

The truth is, the two issues were intertwined.

My father, in the past three years, has had a lot of problems. Some were health-related, but most of them were financial problems. For most of my life, my dad has been good to me. And supported me as any father should. But his behavior has slowly started to change.

For the past 3 years, I tried to help him as he was crawling in debt, and unpaid bills.
When this started, I first assumed that he had just made a few bad decisions and needed help. But this never really stopped. New unpaid bills came in, and more very big expenses kept pilling up.

In good faith, I kept helping him for three years, even though this was starting to really financially hurt me.

Recently, however... A childhood friend of mine saw my dad in what I'll call "destructive behavior" as I don't want to go into the details. But in short, I now know that my dad wasn't struggling financially because of unfortunate circumstances; it was because of destructive, selfish behaviors.

When I confronted him about it, and tried to explain to him how much his behavior has hurt not only him but me in the process... His reaction boiled down to "Why should I care? Not my problem!"

His response has completely shattered my heart into pieces.
He tried to play it off as "choosing the wrong words to explain himself" a few days later, but I think that was how he truly felt. he doesn't care anymore. I don't know if it's old age doing this, but my father is now very much a toxic, destructive person.

I have tried to keep my shit together, but I can't lie. I'm really hurt... and I'm crying almost every day at the moment. I don't think I've felt this betrayed in my life. And my mind is still struggling to come to grips with what's happening.

I'm going to recover from this. I promise. It will eventually be fine, but right now....
I am not ok.

I'm planning to fly to him toward the second half of the month and make my final attempt to get him to get his shit together. Because he is still, inspite of everything... my dad. So I have to try.

But I have no expectation. I will stay with him for one week. Doing what I can, but if all fails (and I expect it will, sadly). I will come back with the feeling that I just lost my dad.

I'm only explaining all this, because I want to be perfectly transparent with what's going on with me right now. And it's going to be difficult to hide it with how this will force me to adapt with schedules ect... this month and the next.

Aside from this one-week trip, I will keep working.
Staying in bed doing nothing and crying about my misery is not going to make things better, so I'm not going to pause work when I'm here. But obviously, I need to adapt as my productivity will be affected a bit in the short term.

If you've read this far. Thank you.
I will now outline my plan for work this month and how to get things back on track as soon as I can (in August). .

That's about it, thank you all again for your support and for always being there for me.

In a situation like this, my desire to keep producing art and stories for you to enjoy is what's going to help keep going despite my deep depressive state.

I'm going to be allright. This kinky Demon femboy artist isn't going anywhere!
But now, more than ever, I need your patience and support as I travel through these very difficult times.

That's all I had to say.
Thank you all.

Tonk.

Work schedule of July ... battling a deep depression.

Comments

I have had this happen with some members of my family in the past. It's a difficult experience all around. I hope your dad is able to get his life together and you both are able to move forward together.

John Malcom

Tonk, I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. Please focus on your own well being over projects. People love and appreciate you. I hope that you have someone/s close to you that you can talk through things with. I am sending you what positive energy I can.

PatreonPat

I can't imagine how hard that must be weighing on you It's one thing to balance work and looking after family, and another to be hit with that horrific realization. It's been a rough week myself since my mom's overall well being keeps deteriorating and your predicament with the bills also gave me similarly unpleasant memories. Take solace that there's people who cherish you if he won't, and that what you do in turn, makes others lives a little more bearable.

aRetrae Measirin

That is not nice to hear, what your father has done and I think, that it is important, that you protect yourself. I can only hope, that you will find the right solution for yourself. For me there is no problem at all with any delay and take you all the time, you need to get well with everything, what you restricts and depressed.

japani


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