ASL2: Chapter 77 "Greenslade"

-- CHAPTER 77: Greenslade --

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-- MONDAY, JUNE 15, 2009 --

“To be honest, I’m kind of over the whole question about which one of the girls I’m going to marry. Like… for as much as I always wanted to have a wife and kids and build the kind of nuclear family life my parents have, I definitely feel like it’s become a goal without meaning. Like, am I supposed to get married just because ‘I’m supposed to get married’? Or do I want to get married because there’s a woman I just can’t imagine NOT being united with in eternal matrimony? Am I marrying someone because she’s the one that I want? Or am I marrying someone because she’s the only one I can get?”

“These are great questions. What do you think?” replied the gorgeous platinum-blonde with brilliant green eyes made slightly larger and more luminous through the lenses of her chunky black-frame glasses. Iris Greenslade had NOT used a ten or twenty-year-old photograph for her webpage headshot. She looked almost exactly like she did in her photo, and even had the same sort of sexy-librarian-bun hairstyle, although she presently wore a crisp green blouse beneath her fitted black jacket instead of white.

Knowing Adrienne had been a previous client of Miss Greenslade, I’d asked her for more details. She told me that the therapist was now thirty-five, had previously modeled until she was twenty-one, and had become a minor mentor to Taylor Brynn back in the early days. After deciding that the grind of modeling wasn’t really for her, she’d gone back to school to become an LPCC. Throughout her career, she’d maintained her modeling connections and the majority of her clients were within the fashion industry: models, photographers, fashion designers, and a wide variety of people involved in the production side of the business. She’d dealt with drug addiction, relationship problems, sexual abuse, etc. And Adrienne had assured us that Miss Greenslade knew the darkest secrets of people a lot more famous than me and was exceptionally discreet.

She was also quite good at redirecting the conversation and getting me to admit a LOT more than I’d originally intended. I mean, how the hell did she get me talking about whether or not I even wanted to get married anymore?

“What do I think? What do I think?” I muttered, rubbing my forehead with a sigh. “I think I’m wondering how we got onto this topic in the first place. Aren’t we supposed to be talking about my feelings in the aftermath of Yvaine’s death?”

“Do you want talk about your feelings in the aftermath of Yvaine’s death?” she asked gently.

“No, not really. But isn’t your job as a therapist to be helping me process feelings I might not want to talk about?”

She shrugged. “I’m here to listen to whatever you DO want to talk about, and at the moment, it would seem you want to talk about your admittedly complicated romantic entanglements.”

I shook my head. “That’s just it. I feel like the absolute LAST thing I want to do is talk about my complicated romantic entanglements anymore. It feels like that’s all I ever talk about, and the conversations never seem to go anywhere. I’m over it. Burnt out. Done. I’m twenty-five and I used to think it was an unquestionable certainty that I’d be married with children by the time I was thirty. That’s five years from now, and quite honestly, I can’t wrap my head around who I’ll be married to or what city I’ll be living in or any of that shit right now. It’s too much to think about. I can’t handle it.”

“And that’s perfectly understandable given the situation you’re currently going through.”

“It’s not the situation. I mean obviously, part of it is the situation. I’ve been suddenly reminded, quite violently, that life is precious and there aren’t any guarantees that I’ll even be alive five years from now. A woman I had been intimate with, both physically and emotionally, isn’t with me anymore and never will be again. I’ll never get to hold her in my arms. I’ll never get to talk to her about my day or ask her about hers. We didn’t break up. She didn’t take an extended globe-trotting holiday. She didn’t go a little bat-shit crazy and escape into the wilderness. There’s a… a permanence to her loss that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get over. I mean, I’ve lost people before. She isn’t the first one I’ve known - or the first woman I’ve been intimate with - to have died. But she was definitely the first person I ever… like… expected… to remain part of my life into the future… to have been suddenly taken away from me. And now I find myself looking ahead five years into the future, and I’m struggling to imagine that future without her in it.”

“Did you truly expect her to remain part of your future five years from now?” Iris glanced down at her notebook before bringing those brilliant green eyes back up to me. “Earlier you said you believed your relationship would be only a temporary thing, a source of physical comfort for her until a time when she felt that Summer was in a stable enough position for her to start thinking of herself again and be ready to seek out a new, ‘more appropriate’, relationship.”

“I still very much expected Yvaine to be in my life. Perhaps not sexually, but as the mother of my girlfriend, certainly. Maybe even my mother-in-law?”

Iris arched an eyebrow. “The way you questioned the term ‘mother-in-law’ at the end there… It sounded like it had less to do with Yvaine and more to do with you questioning Summer’s suitability to be your wife and therefore make Yvaine your mother-in-law.”

“What are you implying?”

“I’m asking if Yvaine’s passing impacted your ability to see yourself married to Summer. Do you believe Yvaine’s absence alters Summer’s suitability to be your wife?”

I shook my head. “Summer’s… suitability… to be my wife has nothing to do with Yvaine. Summer is Summer.”

The therapist looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

I sighed. “But I’ll admit to feeling a certain… obligation… to Summer that I didn’t feel before. Back when Summer and I first got together, Yvaine actually asked me to stop seeing her daughter before we got in too deep. She was afraid that if Summer fell in love with me, she’d never be able to handle it if we broke up. Even as recently as last week, Yvaine worried that if I were ever to leave Summer, that Summer would commit suicide. But I’d always promised to keep Summer safe. I’d promised Yvaine that if I ever came to a point where I realized it just wasn’t gonna work out, that I would go talk to her first so we could figure out an exit plan together that would protect Summer. And even though I had no intention of ever breaking Summer’s heart - and still don’t - in the back of my head I at least knew there was an option to eventually break up, send her back to her mom, and move forward with the rest of my life.”

“But the option of sending Summer back to her mom no longer exists.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Do you now feel an obligation to marry Summer?”

I winced. “Kinda? I mean no, of course not. I’m not obligated to marry Summer just because her mom died.”

Iris’s eyebrows rose. “I think your first answer was the more honest one.”

I buried my face in both hands. “You know it occurs to me how absolutely selfish I’m being right now. This isn’t about me. Summer lost her mother, and she’s still in pain. How was she when she talked to you earlier today?”

“First of all, you know I can’t talk about my session with Summer. You’re welcome to ask her about it, but not me. We do have a couples’ counseling session scheduled for both of you later this week, so perhaps she may choose to share some of those details at that time.” Iris gave me an encouraging smile. “Second of all, you’re allowed to both think of yourself and talk about yourself right now. This isn’t Summer’s counseling session, it’s yours. We’re here to bring forth whatever’s troubling you and see what we can do together to help you process your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.”

“I hate the idea of feeling ‘obligated’ to take care of Summer for the rest of my life.”

“Do you want to no longer feel that obligation?”

“That’s impossible. Her mom is dead. I’m obligated.”

“Her father is still alive, as is her brother.”

“Pssht. Summer has no real relationship with either of them.”

“But her lack of close relationships with her family does not require you to assume responsibility for her. She’s a grown woman, older than you, even.”

“She’s diagnosed with DPD and I’m her boyfriend. I won’t abandon her.”

“Nobody suggested that you would.” Iris took a deep breath, sat back in her seat, and switched legs. She’d been crossing her right knee over her left in her stuffed armchair while I sat erect on the couch, but now parked her left knee over her right. “Let’s examine this in different terms. Let’s talk about your relationship with Adrienne.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Adrienne? Why?”

“A matter of comparison. When Adrienne’s father died, your family took her in. She was your girlfriend at the time, was she not?”

I waggled my head. “Yes, but that was a totally different situation.”

“Why? Because you weren’t having sex with Adrienne’s father?”

I barked a quick chortle and shook my head.

Iris flashed me a rare smile. “My apologies. That wasn’t very professional.”

“You got me to laugh; I’ll give you that.”

“My question is: Did you feel obligated to take care of Adrienne for the rest of her life?”

I shook my head. “No, not at all.”

“And why not?”

“We were still in high school, for one thing. I was barely in any position to take care of myself, let alone her. Marriage and family weren’t on the horizon for either of us.”

“Did you feel obligated to continue your romantic relationship with Adrienne?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“And why not?”

I waggled my head and thought about that. After a few seconds of pondering, I mused aloud, “I suppose it was because there was no question about whether or not I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with Adrienne. I loved her and would’ve continued to be her boyfriend whether or not her father died. His passing had no bearing on my feelings for her, and I see where you’re going with this. You’re suggesting that Yvaine’s passing DOES have bearing on my feelings for Summer.”

“Does it?”

I shook my head. “I love Summer and want to continue being in a romantic relationship with her. I don’t feel any obligation there. If Yvaine had lived, I would want to continue being Summer’s boyfriend, and her death hasn’t changed that.”

The therapist’s eyebrows rose. “You specified being Summer’s boyfriend. That’s a subject change from your original statement about feeling obligated to take care of Summer for the rest of her life.”

I pursed my lips and thought that over. “I want to continue being Summer’s boyfriend, and I don’t feel any obligation over that. I also want to continue taking care of her and fully intend to do so, but I also feel… I feel…”

“‘Trapped’?” Iris suggested.

I made a face. “That’s a word with a horrible connotation, and I don’t want you to think I don’t want to take care of Summer.”

“You really don’t have to worry what I think one way or another. I’m a professional therapist; there’s no need to try and impress me or save face.”

I smirked. “I think men trying to impress beautiful women and save face is ingrained in our DNA, and you’re a very, very beautiful woman.”

Iris canted her head to the side. “If my looks are a distraction, I can refer you to another psychologist. There are no binding contracts here and you’re not required to continue with me.”

“No, no, that won’t be necessary.”

“But do you feel trapped into your relationship with Summer?”

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I love her. She’s my girlfriend. She just lost her mom and is going through one of the worst periods of her entire life. And I’m absolutely terrified of her hurting herself or doing something even more drastic.”

“This is not one of the worst periods of Summer’s life.”

I blinked in surprise. “It’s not?”

“There are certain things I can’t tell you under doctor/patient confidentiality, but this is something of which I can reassure you.” Iris tucked her pen into her notebook and closed it while giving me a warm smile and repeating, “This isn’t one of the worst periods of Summer’s entire life. A terrible tragedy has occurred, yes. She misses her mother greatly and thinks about her all the time. These traumatic events will leave an emotional scar that will stay with her the rest of her life. But despite all that, she takes comfort in her friends. She takes comfort in her boyfriend. She feels your support, and your love.”

“Can you assure me she’s not about to hurt herself?”

Iris smiled. “Unfortunately, that’s a statement I cannot make one way or the other. Liability reasons. For example, if a heart surgeon were to tell a family their loved one had a hundred percent chance of surviving a procedure, and the unthinkable were to happen…”

“Liability, got it.”

“Have you asked her about your concerns over potentially hurting herself?”

“She said she understood that to hurt herself would be to fail me, and I know she doesn’t want to fail me.” I sighed. “The flip side of that statement, of course, would be that if she no longer feared failing me - like if we broke up - then hurting herself would be back on the table.”

“Hence your sense of obligation to not break up with her.”

“Exactly.”

Iris nodded in understanding. “It’s a tricky thing, getting involved with someone diagnosed with DPD.”

“I didn’t know she was diagnosed with DPD when I started dating her. I mean, Yvaine went out of her way to try and explain to me what I was getting myself into, so it wasn’t like I went in blind. But I do admit I may have underestimated how big of a deal it really was.”

“Did you think that if things didn’t work out, things would go pretty much the same way any other failed relationship would go?”

“I don’t want you to get the impression I ever planned on me and Summer breaking up.”

“Most relationships do fail one way or another. The option to break up was there, and now you feel like it’s not there anymore because you’re afraid of Summer hurting herself if you were to break up with her. You’re afraid of her hurting herself if you… if you fail to marry her. And then you’ll blame yourself for her reaction to the breakup.”

“It would be my fault if she hurt herself over a breakup.”

“That’s absolutely incorrect.” Iris shook her head firmly. “The only individual who can ever be considered ‘at fault’ for an action is the individual who committed that action. For example, if Summer were to provoke you into being angry at her, and you decided to hit her in response, would that be her fault, or yours?”

“Mine, obviously.”

“Obviously. I agree. But she provoked you.”

“Doesn’t matter. Provoked or not, nothing excuses me striking her in anger.”

“I agree. Now let’s flip that around. If you were to break up with her, and she were to hurt herself, who would be responsible for Summer’s action?”

“That’s different. I know she’s dependent on me. She’s a submissive, a DPD. I accepted the role as her Master. I’m responsible.”

Iris’s eyes narrowed. “What you’re describing is merely a more extreme form of an interpersonal relationship, one that often formalizes alternative roles and responsibilities. But whatever the pair of you agree upon does not alter the basic concept of ‘fault’. Summer is the only one who can potentially choose to hurt herself. If she makes that choice, the fault is hers, and hers alone.”

“But if I can prevent that from ever happening…”

“Do you really need me to tell you that ‘preventing Summer from committing suicide because I broke up with her’ is a terrible reason to get married?”

I made a face and shook my head. “I never said I would marry Summer just to prevent her from committing suicide.”

“But when I asked whether you felt obligated to marry Summer, your first response was, ‘Kinda?’”

“I promised her mom I would take care of her. Yvaine asked me to promise I’d marry her, to which I told her that wasn’t a promise I could make. But I did promise I’d never abandon Summer. And I can’t. I won’t.”

Iris’s green eyes glittered. “You know there’s a very important distinction between ‘I can’t’ and ‘I won’t.”

I pursed my lips. “‘I can’t’ implies that I don’t have a choice. ‘I won’t’ states that I DO have a choice, but that I choose not to. I won’t abandon Summer, and not just because I promised her mom. I won’t abandon Summer because I care about her, I love her, I believe she needs my support and protection, and I feel good when I provide those things for her. I feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment when I do.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Iris smiled, sat up straight, and opened her notebook. Her green eyes glittered as she retrieved her pen and poised herself to start writing. “Let’s continue.”

****

Both Penny and June were in my office when I returned from my counseling session, side-by-side at the conference table so they could easily look at each other’s screens when necessary.

“How’s it going?” I asked without preamble as I entered.

“Hey, you’re back,” Penny said, looking up at me. “We’re supposed to ask you how it went.”

I waved her off. “I’m not about to start talking about a private session with a therapist while we’re in the office.”

“It’s after five. We could close up shop here, walk over to my apartment, and you could tell us about it there,” she suggested.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think you’re inviting me to your apartment so we can talk.”

Penny’s shoulders slumped. She glanced out the open office door and got up to go shut it, but left the blinds open. Looking a bit peeved, she turned back to face me and asked, “Are we not friends? I’m allowed to ask you how a counseling session went without you insinuating that I have an ulterior motive.”

“You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose as I sat down in my desk chair. “I’m just feeling a bit… wrung out at the moment.”

“‘Wrung out’?” June mused aloud. “Like a wet towel that got squeezed to the breaking point kind of ‘wrung out’?”

“Something like that.”

Penny frowned as she sat back down. “I thought therapists were supposed to help you feel better, not worse.”

I snorted. “Can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.”

June grinned. “I always liked that idiom.”

“That’s because you enjoy breaking people’s eggs,” Penny drawled. “You’re a sadist.”

“I’m not sadistic,” June muttered defensively. “I’m… practical. If breaking a few eggs leads to a greater goal, then break some eggs.”

“Tell that to the egg that’s getting broken,” I sighed before waving them off. “Anyways, we’re getting off-topic. I was asking how it’s going.”

“The same as it was going little more than an hour ago before you left,” June told me.

“Did you two finish the new numbers on Raspberry?” I asked.

“Not yet,” June replied. “Still accounting for the prediction models, and for those I need Penny to finish Blueberry.”

“I’m almost done,” Penny sighed. “But maybe we shouldn’t be burning the midnight oil on this one, huh? It’s your first day back, you’ve been in and out of meetings all day, not to mention visiting lawyers in the morning and a therapist just now. You look haggard right now. You should go home.”

June arched an eyebrow at me. “She’s right.”

“I’ll stick around long enough to finish up Blueberry, and then tomorrow morning we’ll run the models,” Penny continued. “You’ve got enough in your life going on right now. It can wait.”

Tilting my desk chair back and sagging against the headrest, I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes. Covering my face with both hands, I took a deep breath to help calm myself, and then finally sat up straight and nodded. “You’re right. It can wait.”

Nodding slowly, June closed out a few of her windows and then shut the lid on her laptop. She then slid her chair back, stood up, and started preparations to pack up.

Penny, on the other hand, kept her laptop open with the Blueberry spreadsheets still on the screen. But she turned in her chair to give me a warm smile and then stood up to walk over to me. And bending over, the pretty redhead gave me a tender hug and pecked me on the cheek.

“Get some rest. Feel better. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Her eyes were full of genuine affection and concern as she held my shoulders.

I felt a twinge of guilt. After coming to The Nest on Friday to check on me and be supportive, Penny had sent me a few texts over the weekend to ask how I was doing and to express both her condolences and hopes that I was feeling better. I’d only sent one text back - very brief - saying that I was fine and would see her on Monday. Today I’d deflected any discussion of the whole Yvaine/Toby incident and had truly been in and out of meetings all day, too busy to really talk to her. I hadn’t treated her very well at all these past few days, and yet she’d been patient, understanding, and kind.

So after taking a deep breath, I kept Penny in my arms, gave her a warm smile and murmured apologetically, “I’m sorry I haven’t had time for you lately.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I saw just how many people showed up at your house on Friday and I’m sure you were very busy dealing with all of them. I get it.”

“Still, I’ll make it up to you,” I assured her.

Her eyes immediately brightened, and a wide grin spread across her face. There was a decidedly sensual purr in her voice as she replied, “Looking forward to it.”

I nodded wearily but mustered the energy to give her a quick peck on the lips, and only then relaxed my grip. She took the cue to stand up and returned to the conference table. Meanwhile, I got myself packed up as well.

A minute later, June and I were ready to go. Penny smiled up at us (well, she smiled at me), and said with a touch of excitement in her eyes, “See you tomorrow, Bosss.”

****

“Look, Daddy and Auntie are home!” Seated on the couch, Kim pointed toward the front door to direct BJ’s attention as he looked up from his spot on the floor.

My son sat on the floor with his legs bent into a “W” shape, feet out to the sides and knees forward while twisted in a way that made my knees hurt just looking at them. He held big LEGO DUPLO blocks in his hand, apparently fashioning himself some kind of train/airplane hybrid of his own invention. He immediately looked up at us and cheered, “Joo!”

“Hey, kiddo,” June greeted as she stepped out of her shoes, slid them towards the wall, and descended the two stairs from the foyer into the living room. She immediately knelt down on the carpet and opened her arms while BJ raced over at top speed and slammed into her chest for a hug.

“Muh, muh.” BJ made his kissy fish lips.

June proceeded to not only kiss his lips, but rain a series of additional kisses all over his forehead, chubby cheeks, and his chin while he squealed and wriggled happily. June also lifted him up into the air, high enough that his shirt rose up to expose his tubby belly, and she blew a wet raspberry on his skin that made him squeal even louder.

BJ was gasping for breath and giggling when June finally set him back down on his feet. She teased his nose with the tip of her finger for a second before turning him towards me, but kept both arms around his midsection in a hug from behind.

“Daddy!” BJ cheered.

“Hey, little man.” I hugged both him and June at the same time and nuzzled his nose with mine before pecking his forehead. “This is a surprise. What are you guys doing here? Don’t you have work tomorrow?” That last question I directed at Kim.

“Short answer is that I wanted to see you and make sure you’re doing alright, so I picked up BJ from your parents early and we came back,” she explained.

“Mommy forgot LEGO,” BJ informed me, holding up his DUPLO creation.

“Ohhh,” I said in understanding with a wink at Kim. “You guys drove all the way back up here to pick up your LEGOs. Got it.”

BJ grinned. “You like?”

“I love it,” I told him proudly. “Does it fly?”

“Fly fass,” BJ insisted, but then paradoxically put the vehicle on the floor and started rolling it across the carpet. Wriggling himself free of June’s embrace, he crawled off on all fours without a backwards glance, making “chugga-chugga” sounds like a train.

A moment later, though, he picked up the vehicle and said, “Whoosh!” while imitating a takeoff. He then proceeded to run around the living room, making his creation fly as he made “zoooooom” sound effects with his mouth.

I grabbed five two-by-four DUPLO bricks and rapidly fashioned a makeshift cross. Holding it up like an airplane, I then started chasing my son around the room, making my own “zoooooom” sound effects while he laughed and giggled and sped up even faster.

BJ made two laps around the room while Sasha and Summer came out from the kitchen to smile at us. I had my airplane get closer and closer to BJ, catching up to him. When I got in range, I started making “pew-pew” sounds while jerking my airplane to pretend I was shooting at him, and BJ whined, “Noooo, Daddy! Don’ shoo’ my plane!”

I stopped chasing and laughed as he shielded his creation against his chest and defensively turned his back to me. He then promptly ran for the nearest grown-up, which happened to be Adrienne, who sat on the armchair. And my Tigress happily accepted the out-of-breath toddler into her lap and wrapped her arms around him protectively.

“Is Daddy being mean to you?” Adrienne asked with obvious concern.

But BJ giggled and shook his head. “No. Daddy playing.”

Adrienne grinned and kissed the crown of his head. “Daddy loves to play.”

“Daddy loves to play with Auntie Aydreen. Daddy loves to play with all Aunties. And Mommy.”

“That’s very, very true,” Eden agreed from her spot seated next to Kim. “And your Aunties love to play with Daddy.”

The girls all giggled, except for Kim. My baby mama sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Someday he’s gonna figure out what you all mean by that.”

“Someday,” Adrienne agreed. “But not today.”

“You guys are home early,” Kim remarked as June went to sit beside her on the couch while I dropped onto the other couch by myself.

“Penny told us to go home, actually,” June explained before gesturing over at me. “Ben was a little out of it coming back from his counseling session.”

All eyes suddenly went to me, and I held my hands up defensively. “I wouldn’t say I was ‘out of it’. It had already been a long day, that’s all.”

Adrienne shifted BJ in her lap, and he reclined so that the back of his head was nicely pillowed on her big breasts. He looked quite comfortable, really. Meanwhile, she gave me a look of concern and asked, “Did things go badly with Iris? We can find another psychologist if you prefer.”

“No, no, nothing like that. Iris was fine. Actually…” I looked up to find Summer already coming to sit with me, and I smiled while opening my arm to her invitingly. Sasha, meanwhile, remained where she was leaning against the open doorway to the kitchen, occasionally peeking her head in to look towards the gas range. And once Summer was pleasantly snuggled up against my side, I stroked her hair and asked, “I was just going to ask you how your session with Iris went.”

“It went well, I think. She’s pretty sharp, and got past my defenses pretty quickly. She has a way of getting you to reveal a lot more than originally intended.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” I muttered.

“But she did it in a way that made clear she was just trying to help me,” Summer continued. “Like the whole bit about me and Mom being physically intimate. I got no sense of judgement or scorn from her. She accepted it and moved on. We spent a lot of time talking about how much Mom meant to me and how much I miss her right now.”

I grimaced and squeezed her close.

But Summer smiled and pecked my cheek. “But then we got to talking about you and Dawn and everyone else supporting me right now. Thank you, everyone. I don’t think I’ve said that enough yet, but it really does mean the world to me. So thank you.” She directed that last at everyone around the room.

“You welcome!” BJ enthused. And then he looked straight up at Adrienne, his face upside-down, while patting her arm, whispering, “Someone say ‘thank you’, you suppose say ‘you welcome’.”

Adrienne grinned, pecked his forehead, and then deliberately addressed Summer, “You’re very welcome.”

Kim, June, Eden, Sasha, and myself all added our ‘You’re welcomes’ as well, much to BJ’s delight.

“So do you like her?” Adrienne asked. “You’ll continue sessions with her?”

“Yes, I think so, at least for a while,” Summer answered. “I’m used to changing up therapists every so often. Mom always said it was better for me to get fresh ideas and opinions every year or so rather than get stuck in a rut with the same person. It’s obviously too soon to make up my mind about Iris or not, but she made a pretty good impression on me. What about you?” She rubbed my arm for emphasis.

I nodded. “As you said: she’s sharp, and she wasn’t judgmental at all about me juggling multiple relationships, especially about being with both you and your mom at the same time.”

“She’s pretty much seen it all,” Adrienne said knowingly. “People in the fashion world have all kinds of vices and alternative lifestyles. What we all do is really no big deal to her.”

“But acceptance of our lifestyle doesn’t matter if she can’t help you through your current trauma,” I told Summer with an arched eyebrow.

“I’d like to think she can. I’m not sure that she told me anything I haven’t already thought of, but it still felt good to say certain things out loud without fear of how people might take it and get positive support in return. And it felt good to get out of my own head and break down crying about Mom with someone who’s paid to be an attentive listener so I don’t have to feel guilty about burning the emotional capital of the rest of you.”

I squeezed her close. “You know I’m happy to burn my emotional capital on you.”

“I know you are, but I feel guilty about it just the same.”

I sighed, not having an immediate response to that.

“What about you?” Summer asked. “Do you think Iris can help you?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know yet. It’s only been one session so far and my first time ever seeing a therapist. We’ll see.”

“When’s your next session?” Eden asked.

“Wednesday. Ben and I both have solo sessions on Wednesday,” Summer confirmed. “And then on Friday, we’re seeing her together.”

“That’s all we have booked so far,” I explained. “It remains to be seen if we’ll continue next week.”

Eden nodded her understanding. “I suppose that depends on the million-dollar question.”

Confused, I arched an eyebrow. “Million-dollar question?”

Eden grinned. “Is she as hot as she looks in her photos?”

****

It was getting close to eight-thirty when BJ let out a big yawn the size of his head and started smacking his lips. Kim took that as her cue to suggest it was time to head home. I collected BJ in my arms and cradled him against my chest while he laid his head on my shoulder. I paced back and forth a little bit in the foyer while Kim and June said their goodbyes to the others, and then the four of us made the short walk through the fence back to The Aerie.

I carried BJ into his bedroom, got him changed, and then settled him down in his bed. He gave me a sleepy smile while fighting to keep his eyelids open, but was plumb tuckered out after a long evening with plenty of willing playmates. I was pretty sure he was already asleep before Kim and I even made it to the bedroom door.

Outside in the hallway, I drew Kim into my arms for our customary kiss. Even after our lips separated, my hanamuguri held me close and pushed her face into the crook of my neck. I was in no hurry to leave, so I stroked her hair with one hand and grabbed her ass with my other hand, not trying to start something but rather… well… why NOT hold onto her ass? I liked holding her ass.

But eventually Kim stirred in my arms and stood up straight. I released her from my grip and started to turn back toward the stairs. But she took my hand, interlaced her fingers through mine, and tugged gently. When I raised my eyebrows, she gave me a Mona Lisa smile and nodded back towards the master bedroom.

“It IS Monday,” she said rather coyly. “And I didn’t drive all the way back this afternoon to pick up LEGOS.”

I grinned and didn’t hesitate. The instant she gave me the green light, I flowed straight into my hanamuguri’s arms and wrapped her up in mine, searing my lips against hers in a fierce kiss. She squeaked cutely when I scooped my arms beneath her legs and hoisted her light body up into the air. But she quickly recovered fast enough to wrap her legs around my waist as we made out hot and heavy.

I twisted my head to the right to get a better angle of kissing her, moving perhaps just a tad too fast because I lost my balance and stumbled just a bit. My shoulder bumped into the wall and we both stopped kissing long enough to laugh. And that’s when I decided we needed to get into the bedroom ASAP.

It’s not like it had been an eternity since the last time my baby mama and I had sex; she’d been at last Saturday’s Bingo 69 party after all. But we hadn’t enjoyed one of our ‘Kim Mondays’ since May 11th, more than a month ago, and looking back I had certainly missed them.

Upon entering Kim’s bedroom I realized that tonight’s encounter must’ve been planned, because June was already on Kim’s bed undressed down to her underwear with one hand wriggling within her panties. My cute Chinese co-worker crooked her left index finger to me and cracked a crooked grin. I carried Kim over to the bed first and gently laid her on the mattress before June reached out, hooked her fingers into my belt, and used it as leverage to yank me towards her. Seated with her legs over the edge of the mattress, she got me standing right in front of her and started to make quick work of my belt buckle, the button of my slacks, and my zipper. She’d had lots and lots of practice by now from all of our frequent brainstorming sessions. Meanwhile, I started unbuttoning my dress shirt while Kim thrust her pelvis in the air to start yanking down her jeans.

June slid down to the floor and squatted, dragging my slacks and boxer shorts with her. I kicked my legs free of the obstructing attire before June grabbed my legs and tilted her face to capture my cockhead between her lips. I groaned as the hot, wet warmth of her mouth surrounded my shaft, and I briefly cradled her head to my crotch.

But then I noticed Kim lying flat on her back with her knees up and thighs spread apart while she almost lazily diddled her own clit. And seized with a sudden craving to taste my baby mama’s love button, I bent over at the waist, grabbed my baby mama’s legs, and dragged them towards me until she was in the perfect position for me to park my face between her thighs. I did so without withdrawing my dick from June’s sucking mouth, although my cute co-worker had to sit down on the floor. And when I leaned forward, I actually trapped June’s head between the foot of the bed and my invading cock.

My baby mama moaned and groaned as my agile tongue went to work. I knew she got eaten out quite frequently, but recently not so often by me. I felt in a mood to reestablish dominance, to prove to my hanamuguri that her shujin was still The Master of Cunnilingus. So I slid my hands beneath her thighs, grabbed her hips, and really devoured her. Tonight wasn’t a night for tender lovemaking. Tonight, I wanted to make my baby mama scream.

June wasn’t idle while I feasted upon her girlfriend. Holding my leg with one hand and scratching my balls with the other, she lovingly lent her oral love by layering luscious licks all along my lengthy pole. But the more pleasure she gave me, the more my hips started to pump, and at some point I got her head trapped between my pelvis and the foot of the bed again so all she could do was hold onto my legs while I started skullfucking her.

Kim’s cries urged me on. I wrapped my lips around her little love button and suckled powerfully while I began pistoning two fingers in and out of her clenching cunt. My left hand held the top of June’s head, keeping her pinned in place as I pushed forward until I felt my cockhead forcing its way into her throat. Her fingernails dug into my ass, gripping but not pushing, even when I pushed past what was normally her limit. A moment later I felt myself run out of room as the Chinese girl’s lips formed a tight seal around the very base of my cock, signaling her completion of the deep-throat.

And then Kim started screaming.

My baby mama’s legs thrashed and her thighs boxed my ears while I fingerbanged her tight twat and slurped on her budding clit. She planted both hands on her face to muffle her orgasmic cries, lest she wake our son, but she couldn’t control the way the rest of her body shuddered like a spasming snake. Meanwhile, I kept my cock at full-depth down June’s throat, her skull pinned against the mattress while she swallowed reflexively, her neck muscles massaging my penetrating prick. But eventually she ran out of air right as Kim’s climax began to wane and tapped out by tapping my butt. And I swiftly withdrew my dick from her windpipe before flopping over onto my back.

I’d been running out of air too, actually, from Kim’s legs trapping my face in her crotch. All three of us were left gasping for oxygen, at least for a little while. But then Kim rolled onto her side grinning down at me with a goofy grin. June caught her breath and crawled onto the bed on my other side, similarly smirking. And I extended both arms around my Asian babes, drawing them both close so I could first kiss Kim, then kiss June, and then smile as they kissed each other right in front of me.

We were just getting started.

****

“Fuck me… Fuck meeeee… Harder… Harder… Harder! I’m gonna--! NNNNGGGGAAAAHHHH!!!”

Arms and legs all stretched outwards, my baby mama braced the back of her skull against the mattress and arched her back beneath me, thrusting her chest upwards into mine as an incredible orgasm tore through her slight body. Her ultra-tight twat twitched and tremored around my turgid tool as she trembled in tantric triumph. And I powered my way through her pulsing pussy with my powerful prick, prodding my heavenly hanamuguri to higher and higher hierarchies of happiness with heaving hammer-strokes.

Sex with Kim and June had always been different than sex with my Nestmates. Both groups liked to be fucked hard, to have me bend them over or pin them down and have my way with them. But Kim and June were so much smaller and lighter, with less boobage between us, that it was easy to pick them up and manhandle them in the rough moments or press our chests together and get really, really deep in the close moments.

Eventually, Kim’s voice died out and she collapsed back down to the bed. I hadn’t quite climbed to my own climactic peak to cum with her, but I presently picked up the pace of my pistoning pumps in pursuit of my own pinnacle. But once I ramped up the rate of my rod’s repeated raiding, my beautiful baby mama requested, “In my mouth. Fuck my face and cum in my mouth.”

First she’s actively urging you on, telling you to fuck her faster and harder instead of just quietly accepting whatever you want to do to her, and now she’s directing you to pull out and cum in her mouth? Such a different Kim than I remember.

I’m enjoying it, and I’m not about to say “no”.

Pulling out of her pillaged pussy, I crawled up the bed on all fours while Kim slid herself down. She parked herself beneath my pelvis, grabbed my ass, and pulled my prick down into her gaping mouth. I was pretty close to cumming already, so from a pushup position I only pumped my plumped-up penis perhaps a few times before I felt the tell-tale tingle in my testicles. And then with one final victorious roar, I slammed myself all the way down, briefly nudging my cockhead into Kim’s throat before she readjusted so that I was merely pressed up against her tongue, and I began ejecting wave after wave of creamy goodness into my baby mama’s mouth.

My hands gripped the headboard edge of the mattress, my fingers dug into the gap. My hips shivered and shuddered with each subsequent spurt of sperm straight into my sweet ex-submissive’s sucking mouth, and she slurped down every shot like a pro. And when I finally ran out of juice and had nothing left to give, I collapsed head-first onto the bed, my forearms and abdominals burning while Kim rolled me off her face and then chuckled while catching her breath.

Beside us, June stared at me rather bleary-eyed, semi-conscious and curled up in a fetal position on her side, still recovering from her earlier Assfuckxiation with my previous consignment of cum still crusting her red-worn anus. I’d thought that last load would’ve finished me off. But after Kim got me cleaned up, she’d almost shyly asked for one more, and there had been no way I was going to let her down.

But NOW I figured I was done: both of my lovers sated and all of the day’s stress satisfactorily evacuated from my balls. And after catching my breath, I scooted myself backwards and propped up a few pillows beneath my lower back so that I was comfortably reclined against the headboard.

Rolling onto her side, Kim pillowed her head on my left thigh and sighed contentedly. I caressed her hair and smiled down at her, murmuring, “We really should do this more often. I’m sorry we don’t.”

She smiled up at me, shrugged, and replied, “There’s no need to apologize. You’ve always felt like you were getting stretched thin trying to manage so many relationships at the same time. I can take care of myself.”

I smirked and stroked her cheek, quoting, “‘I can take care of myself.’ Back when we first got together, I never would’ve expected you to say that sentence.”

“Times change. Big events shape our lives. Having a baby, for example, certainly shaped mine.”

“And mine,” I agreed and then briefly glanced at the wall adjoining the master bedroom to BJ’s room next door.

“Big events like having your girlfriend’s crazed ex-boyfriend try to murder you and end up murdering your girlfriend’s mother, who was a lover of yours herself, forcing you to kill him instead,” Kim added while rolling onto her belly and propping herself up on her elbows. “That kind of event can really shape your life as well.”

I sighed and shook my head. “Toby, I’ve already forgotten about.”

“Such things are not so easily forgotten.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to choose to think about him. When I do, all I feel is anger and hate, and I don’t need any more of that. Yvaine’s absence, on the other hand…”

“Not so easily forgotten either.”

I shook my head slowly. “I see her every time I look at Summer. I taste her every time I taste Summer. Did I ever tell you how similar they tasted? Like… exactly the same. I’m serious: if you mounted one of them on me in a position where I couldn’t see, I’d have a hard time figuring out which one.”

Kim looked at me blankly. “I’ll have to take your word for it. Can’t say I’m a connoisseur of cunnilingual flavors. I don’t think I’ve ever even tried to identify a girl by the way her pussy tastes.”

“Yeah, well, Adrienne doesn’t get a kick out of blindfolding you the way she does me.”

“I should suggest it to her then; I think I’d enjoy it,” Kim mused on that before glancing up at me. “Does seeing Yvaine every time you see Summer hamper your ability to have a relationship with her?”

My eyes tightened briefly, but I exhaled slowly and shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Your words say ‘no’ but your expression just said ‘yes’.”

“That’s the same look he got when he came back to the office after his counseling session,” June interjected.

I glanced to my right to see my co-worker much more alert now, although still resting comfortably on her side.

“Ah yes, how was your counseling session?” Kim queried with slightly narrowed eyes. “You were rather tight-lipped about it this evening with the other girls.”

“And you think I’m suddenly going to be more forthcoming with you?”

Kim’s eyebrows went up. “You’re normally pretty open with your thoughts and feelings when Adrienne asks. Not quite to the level of Sasha’s Open Communication or anything, but you’re still not a very good liar and have some physical tells when you’re holding yourself back. We all noticed, but none of us wanted to press you at the time out of consideration for what you’re going through right now.”

“And you’re willing to start pressing me now?”

Kim shrugged. “There are two logical reasons for you to withhold the details of your counseling session. One, the subject of Yvaine’s death still causes you emotional anguish and you didn’t want to think about it anymore. Or two, you spent most of your session talking about the girls themselves and didn’t want to reveal what you’d said about them to a psychologist. And based on the way you didn’t seem to have any real emotional anguish just now talking about Toby or Yvaine, I’m going with the latter.”

I sighed and leveled her with a look. “You know, your know-it-all attitude can be really, really annoying.”

Kim shrugged. “Are you claiming I’m wrong?”

“Being right doesn’t excuse the attitude.”

June picked her head up. “Yes it does.”

Looking at Kim, I gestured at June. “I think she’s rubbing off on you.”

Kim shrugged. “We rub off on each other. Shit, did I really just say that?” She promptly face-palmed.

I fought back a grin.

“Oh! I get it!” June chirped, looking quite happy with herself.

Kim sighed and refocused her attention on me. Narrowing her eyes, she asked, “Did you tell your psychologist about Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C?”

I pursed my lips and looked away.

Kim rolled up into a seated position, brought her knees up to her chest, and hugged her legs. Her expression softened into one of genuine concern and love, not so different from the kind of expression she would give to our son if he looked sad or hurt. “Look, if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t press you. At the same time, we’re not your Nestmates. We’re not… in the running… when it comes to your romantic life. I can understand your hesitation to talk about Adrienne, Dawn, and Summer in front of Adrienne, Dawn, and Summer, especially if you aren’t certain about your feelings for them. I’d specifically advise you to NOT tell them if you’re not certain about your feelings for them. But you know you can share that stuff with us, right?”

I arched an eyebrow. “You mean like how I told you about Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C on Valentine’s, and then you promptly went to tell Adrienne after I explicitly said I trusted you not to blab?”

“You said you trusted me to know what to share and what not to share.” Kim shrugged. “I have no regrets about telling Adrienne what I told her.”

“Really? Because telling her kinda messed her up.”

“Telling her knocked her loose from her complacency. She was too hung up wondering whether or not she was over Sasha. It may have hurt at first, but it’s what she needed in the long run.”

“You think that because you’re Team Adrienne.”

“I think that because you and Adrienne belong together: romantically, legally… family. Her only hang-up has been fear of losing you. You traumatized her after ending the last engagement. She loves you and wants to be with you, but she doesn’t fully trust you not to break her heart again. She confessed that she wants to be your wife, and I want her to fight for you instead of meekly accepting whatever role she can get in your life, because when have we ever been able to describe Adrienne as ‘meek’? Adrienne… at her core… is a fighter. I just want her to be who she is: The Tigress who will unlock your greatest level of happiness.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Is that why you were never willing to marry me? Because you always believed I belong with Adrienne?”

“You DO belong with Adrienne. Every chance I get I tell her that she needs to fight for you. And if you take only one thing away from this talk tonight, it’s that YOU should be fighting for HER as well.”

“I have no fight in me right now. I may no longer be feeling a ton of emotional anguish about Yvaine’s death right now, but I’m not recovered yet, either. I’m tired. We’re ALL tired. I told my dad that we’re all just treading water right now, using up all of our energy just staying alive.”

I paused to take a deep breath and collect myself, as if those very words had wiped me out. Kim and June both patiently waited, attentive but silent.

“I told Iris during our counseling session that I was kinda over the whole question about which of the girls I was going to marry. I don’t give a shit anymore. It’s become a jigsaw puzzle of taking a bunch of square pegs and shoving them into a round hole to see which square peg is the least uncomfortable fit.”

June cracked up laughing, but abruptly stopped when she realized neither Kim nor I were laughing with her. “What? Is that not the same innuendo as me and Kim rubbing off on each other?”

I shook my head and sighed. “The point is: I realized I’m going about this all backwards. I reverted back to my younger days when I decided I wanted to have a nuclear family with a picket fence and 2.5 kids and all that stuff… and then started measuring the girls around me for a ring. That’s what Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C were about: trying to figure out which one of the girls I could get, and that’s not how anybody should go about getting married. I realized that marriage should be the result of two people loving each other so much they can’t imagine NOT being married to each other. It should come from passion and desire. It should happen because two people fell in love and want to embark on a life together feeling unified as one. And… I… I just… I don’t…”

When my voice trailed off, June nodded in understanding and stated, “You don’t feel that way about anyone right now.”

“Adrienne wants to embark on a unified life with you,” Kim mumbled.

I shook my head and my shoulders slumped. “Not now. I can’t right now. Treading water. No energy. She gets it. And I love her too. But… But she’s right. She can’t be the bitch that muscles Summer aside. I don’t want her to muscle Summer aside, and not only because we just lost Yvaine. Summer’s my girlfriend. She’s the one who committed to me, made the choice to give me all of her love and hold nothing back. Yes, there’s an uneasy sense of obligation now that tinges the edges of my love for her, the idea that I couldn’t leave her even if I wanted to. But that’s really a moot point right now because I wouldn’t want to leave her even if I could. I genuinely think that if Summer and I continue on this path side-by-side, we can develop the kind of passion and love that’ll lead us to embarking on a unified life together. And even if you believe Adrienne would ultimately make me a better wife, that’s an opinion, not a fact.”

Kim pursed her lips and sighed.

“Regardless, this is not a time for me to be worrying about the various statuses of my romantic relationships,” I continued. “This is a time for unity, not division. This is a time for cooperation, not competition. The whole question about which of the girls I’m gonna marry? It’s irrelevant right now, a goal without a purpose. It would be nothing but a distraction. So let me make this clear: I’m not on a path to marry anybody at the moment, nor should I be. My romantic future is NOT the point. Keeping this family together in the aftermath of a huge tragedy? THAT’S the point. Supporting Summer, who lost her mom, is my primary responsibility. Dawn lost a close friend and confidant. I need to wrap up all the legal matters surrounding the fact that I shot and killed a man. I need to manage all of the little details involved in laying Yvaine to rest. Project Strawberry continues. My son needs to grow up with a father. There are just SO many more important things to deal with right now than worrying about Plans A, B, or C.”

Kim nodded. “Fair enough. I understand.”

“This is a time for family and doing whatever I can do - whatever we can do - to support each other and help out.”

“Well you already know I could handle BJ by myself if necessary.”

I shook my head in the negative. “Daily grind stuff, sure. You’ve always handled that, and I’ve been very appreciative. But at a time like this, I want to be around BJ more, not less. I’m only too aware of how close I came to leaving my little man without a father, and all the aunties in the world could never replace that. I’m only too aware that Summer lost a parent. I hate to sound cliché, but life is precious and fleeting and can be taken away in an instant. And right this very second I want to walk over to his bedroom just to watch him sleeping and feel better knowing he’s safe and sound.”

“Then let’s go over there,” Kim suggested immediately, reaching out and rubbing my leg. “We can whisper in his ears how much Mommy and Daddy love him, and his subconscious may give him pleasant dreams.”

“And I’m thinking you should take the day off tomorrow,” June suggested. “I can’t do much about a lot of the things weighing you down in your life, but I CAN shoulder the load at work. We took care of our meetings and everyone will understand if you need a mental health day. Penny and I can reconcile Blueberry and Raspberry without you. Stay home. Spend the day with your son. What if Kim goes to work tomorrow morning, you take BJ out for a Daddy/Son Day Out somewhere, and then you drop him off at your parents’ house in the afternoon before coming back here?”

“That’s actually a really good idea,” Kim agreed.

“It’s very tempting, I’ll admit.”

“Do it. You’ll feel better, I know it,” Kim insisted.

I chuckled and gave her a wry grin. “Why did you ever think you were submissive again?”

“Because I told you I was,” Kim drawled with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Okay, sold. I’ll take the day off tomorrow and spend it with my son. Meanwhile, where’re my pants? Let’s go do that subconscious whispering thing.”

Kim retrieved my boxers and tossed them at me. “I’m giving these to you for now, but then you’ll have to just take them right back off again.”

I blinked. “Take them off?”

My baby mama grinned. “Our first Kim Monday in more than a month, watashi no shujin? I am NOT done with you yet.”

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