All the Blessing for this wonderful Rizz!

Theme: Cringe one liners, Paizuri, Domination loss

Konosuba: Kazuma/Darkness- After countless misadventures, copious amounts of luck manipulation, and spending quite the fortune, Kazuma Satou finally unlocks a coveted skill that promises to fulfill his harem fantasies. Although, he really should have listened to the seller's warnings.

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Kazuma Satou was, for once, a very happy man.

In fact, he was probably the happiest guy in the entire town of Axel, if the uncharacteristically wide grin plastered across his usually sarcastic face wasn’t proof enough. His eyes gleamed with mischievous excitement as he looked down at his adventurer card, noting with immense satisfaction that it was different from before. Because a new skill had been added to the list, one that promised to change his life forever.

Arcane Rizzolution.

The name alone made Kazuma snicker. It sounded ridiculous, but that was par for the course in this crazy world. He had to grind a couple of levels to get enough skill points, actually putting in effort for once. But oh, how that effort would be worth it.

“Finally…” he muttered to himself. “My ticket to the easy life I’ve always dreamed of.”

Despite the weird name, according to the smooth-talking merchant who’d sold him the skill, this was the ultimate ability. Forged and passed through generations, it promised to woo girls and ultimately create a large harem of beauties to follow his every whim. It was everything a recovering NEET could want.

Of course, being a savvy Japanese man from modern times (and a natural skeptic), Kazuma knew better than to blindly trust such outlandish claims. Before approaching the merchant, he’d done his due diligence, asking around and gathering second opinions from his fellow adventurers. To his surprise, they’d all thrown their approval behind the mysterious skill-seller.

‘A truly great person.’ They’d all agreed, with suspiciously glazed eyes and dreamy expressions.

With all of that then it had to be legit. A guaranteed success!

The merchant had mentioned something extra just as Kazuma was leaving, but in his excitement, he’d already tuned out. Probably just more thanks or words of encouragement. Who cared? He was about to use his new skill and finally get the dream life in another world he’d always fantasized about.

“Picking the adventurer class was the best decision I ever made,” Kazuma congratulated himself, conveniently forgetting all the near-death experiences and humiliations he’d endured. “Otherwise, I’d never have been able to learn this skill.”

He patted his still-heavy coin purse. The cost had been high, but being filthy rich had its perks. It wouldn’t even put a dent in his current finances. Why not indulge a bit with his hard-earned wealth?

Kazuma stopped walking and lifted his gaze from the card, eager to test out his new ability. To his right, he spotted a group of friends–very attractive women, all talking and laughing together. Perfect targets.

But as soon as they noticed him, their cheerful expressions morphed into familiar scowls and whispers. Their eyes never left him, faces contorting with their usual disgust and loathing.

Kazuma wanted to cry. Even after all this time and all his so-called good deeds, he was forever marked as ‘Trashuma,’ the bane of all women. His second life wasn’t fair! They should take their time to know him instead of blindly believing the rumors... well, they weren’t exactly rumors because there was some truth behind them, but still!

“It’s not fair that nobody can let that stuff go!” he grumbled to himself, shoulders slumping. “They’re always holding it against me!”

This proved to be his biggest obstacle. He wouldn’t be able to try his new skill on any of these women because they’d definitely use it against him and ruin his already tattered reputation even further.

With a frustrated shake of his head, Kazuma resumed walking with no real direction in mind, rubbing his chin in thought. There had to be somebody he could test it out on without getting into trouble, or at least some who wouldn’t mind.

The ever-unlucky lich, Wiz, came to mind. It should be somewhat easy with her, but then there was Vanir. That demon would either zap him or ruin his plans just for amusement, feeding on Kazuma’s misery and negative emotions. And thinking about it a bit more, he’d be taking advantage of Wiz’s gentle nature, which didn’t sit well with him.

The guild receptionist, Luna? He quickly shook his head. She was a very scary lady.

Aqua...

“HA!” Kazuma barked out a laugh. “No.”

He shuddered at the mere idea. No matter how hard he tried or fooled himself, he couldn’t see that failure of a goddess as attractive or sensual at all. Whenever he saw her, he only saw a drunk, vulgar old man reeking of cheap booze, yelling incoherent words and puking. 

Aqua was Aqua, after all.

Then it hit him. Darkness!

“Yes, she could work!” he exclaimed, a devious grin spreading across his face.

Despite her weirdness and that creepy attitude that even scared a Demon General, he could shut off his brain a little, and things should go smoothly. Knowing the girl, it should be easy target. Maybe he’d even have some fun while doing so because he could already picture her reactions.

“Yep. Darkness it is,” Kazuma decided, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

Without another thought, he turned around and ran straight towards the mansion. Although he kind of regretted running midway as he got a little tired, he resigned himself to walking the rest of the way. After all, he didn’t want to arrive without lungs. What kind of first impression would that make for his grand entrance?

Eventually, Kazuma reached his mansion and approached the gate. There, he spotted Darkness in the yard, practicing her sword swings. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. In his honest opinion, it was a rather pointless endeavor, she’d never land a single hit no matter how hard she trained, unless she finally decided to spend some points on anything other than defense. Still, he had to commend her dedication.

Aqua was likely passed out in her room, given the time of day, and he’d taken Megumin on her daily explosion release that morning. She’d be sleeping it off for the entire day. In other words, his troublesome teammates wouldn’t be around to mess things up!

“Well, this is it.” Kazuma said, rubbing his hands together with anticipation.

His hand went to his pocket and retrieved a small slip of paper the seller had given him. It contained the chant to activate the skill—a strange method compared to the conventional way of just naming the skill, but he wasn’t going to complain.

Bringing the paper closer to his face, he started to read it aloud.

“Yo, ancient powers of drip and rizz, come through from the depths of the unknown! Let my swag level up, flipping the game with that unmatchable vibe! By the arcane sauce, I cast Arcane RIZZOLUTION!”

“The hell?” Kazuma blinked in disbelief. “Is this really a chant for the ultimate skill to seduce girls?”

But his doubts were washed away when a bright blue glow engulfed his entire body for a few seconds before fading away.

“Huh, that’s it? Don’t feel any different...” He looked down at his hands, both back and palm, then checked his arms before leaning to inspect his lower body. Nothing seemed different.

Although he felt a little lighter, he couldn’t detect any significant change.

Well then, it was a buff, not some flashy transformation which was fine.

Shrugging, he took the first step and pushed open the gates with both hands, feeling an unexpected surge of confidence.

“Oi, Darkness!”

The crusader stopped swinging and turned her head in his direction; her face transforming into a welcoming smile. “Oh, welcome back, Kazuma. Did you find what you were looking for?”

Kazuma opened his mouth, intending to say something smooth and charming. Instead, what came out was:

“So, uh... you like pain, huh? Well, baby, you’ll be in agony... from how much you’re gonna fall for me.”

Silence descended upon the yard, broken only by the clanging noise of Darkness’ sword dropping from her hands.

‘What the fuck did I just say?!’ Kazuma screamed internally. He absolutely didn’t mean to say that! He could feel his face burning with embarrassment as he desperately tried to come up with anything to fix the mess he’d unexpectedly put himself in.

“Wait, wait, no, I can do better!” he blurted out, panic rising in his chest. “Uh... when you’re with me, you’ll experience a new kind of sublime suffering... the suffering of endless pleasure?!”

He slapped his hand over his mouth, practically screaming into it, as he couldn’t even believe what he was saying. This wasn’t seduction; this was a disaster!

Darkness’ eyes widened, her face flushing a deep crimson. Her breathing quickened as she stammered, “K-Kazuma! What... what are you saying? Have… Have you finally succumbed to your darkest and beastly desires?” Despite her apparent shock, there was an unmistakable glimmer of excitement in her eyes.

Kazuma’s mind raced, desperately trying to regain control of the situation. But his mouth seemed to have a will of its own.

“Oh, Darkness,” he heard himself purr, “you have no idea how dark my desires can be. I’m going to treat you like the depraved and lewd crusader that you are.”

Darkness gasped, her knees visibly wobbling. “K-Kazuma! Such... such vulgar words! To think you’d attack me so boldly out in the open, with such shameless declarations...” She hugged herself, shivering with a mix of embarrassment and obvious excitement. “How scandalous! How utterly depraved!”

Kazuma was internally screaming, but the words that came out were anything but what he actually wanted. “That’s right, Lalatina. It’s finally time to make you regret ever joining my party. Your noble status won’t save you.”

“Eep!” Darkness squeaked, her face now resembling a ripe tomato. “To use my real name so casually... and to threaten me with such... such indecent acts! Kazuma, you fiend!”

Despite those words, she took a wobbly step towards him, her eyes gleaming with anticipation. “But... but as a noble crusader, it’s my duty to... to endure whatever torments you have planned. For the sake of my comrades, of course!”

Kazuma took a step back and suddenly felt something strange rise from his chest.

“Listen, Darkness,” he managed to say, much to his surprise and joy, but then felt it coming back and he tried his best fighting against the skill’s influence. “This isn’t... I’m not...”

But before he could explain, another wave of unwanted “charm” washed over him. “Not going to let you escape,” he finished, his voice dropping to a husky whisper.

Darkness stopped and gasped, covering her mouth, “It can’t be! Kazuma has been possessed by an evil and depraved spirit!”

Technically not correct, but it was close enough, so he frantically nodded.

Darkness¡ face returned to her normal color as a different look flashed in her eyes. “You fiend! To resort to such vile and low tactics! As a crusader devoted to the kind and gentle goddess Eris, I won’t stand up to this injustice!”

She suddenly moved and grabbed his shoulder, keeping him in place.

Kazuma’s eyes widened with a mix of relief and newfound panic. For a moment, it seemed like Darkness had seen through the situation. But her next words dashed any hope of a quick resolution.

“You vile spirit!” Darkness declared, her grip on Kazuma’s shoulder tightening. “To think you’d possess this man and used him as a vessel for your depraved desires! How... how utterly despicable!”

Despite her words of condemnation, the flush had returned to her cheeks, and her breathing was noticeably quicker. “As a noble crusader, it’s my sacred duty to... to exorcize you from Kazuma’s body! No matter what unspeakable acts I must endure in the process!”

Kazuma tried to speak, to explain that he wasn’t actually possessed, but the cursed skill took over once again.

“Exorcize me?” he heard himself chuckle darkly. “Oh, my dear Lalatina, you have no idea what you’re in for. Your pitiful attempts at resistance only make me want to corrupt you more.”

‘This is getting way out of hand!’

Darkness’s grip on his shoulder tightened even further, her face a mixture of determination and barely concealed excitement. “I... I won’t let you win, foul spirit! I’ll endure whatever torments you have planned, no matter how depraved or humiliating they may be!”

As Darkness pulled him closer, her eyes shining with a combination of righteous fury and unmistakable anticipation, Kazuma realized he was trapped. And trapped animals tend to attack.

Which translated with him closing in her lips.

His sudden action caught both of them off guard. As his lips met Darkness’s, time seemed to stand still for a moment. The “Arcane Rizzolution” skill, combined with his panic, had driven him to this desperate measure.

When they finally parted, both were wide-eyed and breathless.

Darkness stumbled back, her face a deeper shade of red than ever before. She touched her lips with trembling fingers, her expression a mix of shock and embarrassment.

“UWEEEEEHHHHHH! K-Kazuma!” she stammered. “What... what was that? How could you... I mean... how dare you steal a lady’s first kiss! You uncouth beast! Lecherous villain!” 

“D-Darkness, I...” he stammered, but quickly silenced himself with both hands as he knew he would say something cringe again.

Darkness continued to back away, her hands clasped over her mouth. “To think you’d go this far! Using such underhanded tactics... taking advantage of a noble lady’s pure heart!” But then a different glint flashed in her eyes. “Then that means I must not fall behind!”

And she charged and trapped him in her grip.

Kazuma’s eyes widened in panic as Darkness dragged him towards the mansion. This situation was spiraling out of control faster than he could handle.

“W-wait, Darkness!” he protested, trying to dig his heels in. 

But Darkness was relentless, her strength easily overpowering his attempts to resist. “There’s no time for talk, Kazuma! If this is truly a battle of wills, then I, as a noble crusader, must rise to the challenge!”

As they reached her room, Kazuma frantically tried to think of a way out of this predicament. The “Arcane Rizzolution” skill had created a scenario far beyond what he’d ever imagined, and now he was facing consequences he wasn’t prepared for.

But before he could think more about those consequences, he was thrown off on the large bed.

He barely had a moment to react before Darkness pounced on top of him, her eyes blazing with a fierce intensity.

“Now then, you foul spirit!” she declared, her voice a low growl. “Let’s see how long you can resist this!”

With that, she grabbed his pants and yanked them down, exposing his flaccid member to the air.

Kazuma’s eyes widened in alarm, a wave of panic washing over him. He’d never been in a situation like this, and he had no idea how to react.

“W-wait...!” he stammered, trying to wriggle free. “This is too much! You’re moving too fast!”

But his protests fell on deaf ears. Darkness seemed determined to follow through with her plan, her fingers curling around his shaft, making him gasp, killing off any voice in him.

“Such a vulgar tool. You must have been thinking of using it to assault innocent women, but you won’t get away with this wicked spirit!” Darkness declared, pumping her fist up and down. “Even if this body is a mere vessel for your dark desires, I won’t let you have your way with anyone but me!”

The sensation of her hand wrapped around his member was unlike anything Kazuma had ever experienced. A shiver ran down his spine as her strong yet surprisingly gentle strokes sent waves of pleasure coursing through his body.

And as the pleasure mounted, the panic in his mind receded.

Darkness leaned over, her eyes fixed on his growing erection. “That’s right, spirit. Fall into the depths of debauchery. Let the sweet embrace of depravity consume you. And know that I, Lalatina Ford Dustiness, will not let you go until I have exorcized you from his body.”

The sensation of her hand and her words were working together, fueling the fire of his lust. With each stroke, he could feel his resistance slipping away, replaced by a burning desire for more.

“This clearly isn’t enough, you beast! I can’t believe I’m being forced to reveal even more of my maiden body. Do you know not shame?!” she yelled as she got up from the bed.

Kazuma watched in disbelief as she took off her armor, letting all the armor parts fall from her body, leaving only her undergarments, before she took off her bra, which she quickly tried to cover with her arms and hand while averting her gaze, as her face was burning.

He had already seen her body before, but it was still so sexy and impossible to not drink the sight.

“S-such lewd eyes... me, a noble crusader is revealing so much to such wicked beings, all for the sake of saving a comrade, and not because I enjoy it myself!”

She then got closer to the bed and laid down on her side next to him.

“You beast, you better appreciate this and not forget about it after the possession is gone. And don’t you dare laugh!”

And with those words, she took him in her breasts, the soft sensation almost sending him over the edge.

Darkness’s breasts were a perfect fit around his shaft, her soft flesh enveloping him in a warm, tight embrace. The feeling was unlike anything he’d ever experienced, and his mind was racing with possibilities.

“You’re quite bold, spirit,” Darkness said, her voice a mix of amusement and challenge. “To think you’d dare to assault my sacred bosom. But rest assured, my noble crusader’s bosom shall be your undoing.”

Kazuma could barely think, the pleasure of her breasts washing over him. As she began to move, her soft flesh sliding up and down his shaft, he could feel the tension building within him.

Darkness’s eyes never left his, her gaze burning with a mixture of determination and arousal. “That’s right, spirit. You’re a fool to think you can defeat me in the battle of pleasure. Your corruption will never be complete, and your poison shall be banished from this realm, even if I have to sacrifice my body!”

Kazuma’s hands gripped the bedsheets, his knuckles white as he fought against the overwhelming sensation. Darkness’s breasts were like a vice, squeezing and caressing his shaft with expert precision. The feeling was unlike anything he’d ever experienced, and his resistance was rapidly crumbling.

“Y-you’re a tough one, spirit,” Darkness said, her breathing becoming heavy. “To think you’d be able to endure such an onslaught. But I’m just getting started. Prepare yourself for the final assault!”

And with that, she increased her pace, her breasts bouncing and swaying as she worked his shaft with renewed vigor.

Kazuma couldn’t hold back any longer. With a cry of pleasure, he felt his release, his seed spilling out onto Darkness’s chest and face.

“W-why is i-it so warm...” she stammered before frantically shaking her head.

“T-there! Satisfied, you villain?” Darkness gasped, her chest rising and falling as she struggled to catch her breath.

Kazuma lay on the bed, spent and exhausted, his mind a jumbled mess. He’d never felt so satisfied, and yet so conflicted.

So did his new skill actually work? He was no longer feeling the urge to spew out more cringe lines. But it was not over. He still needed to find a way out from this mess and somehow calm down Darkness, at least to snap her out of her wild fantasies.

“H-hey, Darkness... maybe we can-“

“I won’t let you rest, demon. I made an oath to save my comrade from your clutches by any means necessary, even if I have to sacrifice my body!”

And she went down on him, making him gasp in surprise at the warm sensation engulfing his member.

“W-wait Darkness.” His hands tried to push her away, but she didn’t move an inch. Even more, she increased her sucking efforts as she grabbed his hands and trapped them against the bed. “I’m me now, I’m fine. I’M FINEEEEEEEEEEE!“

That day, Kazuma Satou’s impure soul was... sucked clean.

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AN: Yeah, this could have a few more parts. And I really find it funny to apply the same concept from my story, ‘My World, My Justice’, not being able to control what you say. And also about Kazuma plans always blowing up on his face.